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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
A not so short Story
    #3455848 - 12/06/04 06:57 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

I have been dealing with worry and my own mortality the past few days. It has shown though with my shortness and my quickness to say my mind. I would like to share the history of my Spirituality with you and let you understand why I feel and believe the things I do. I have heard a few of you call me a friend. Even the few that I thought for sure would have no intentions of being a friend. Sometimes humanity has many surprises to show me. Not only in others but in myself. Thank you


OK here I go

I was not raised in a home that taught the things of God. In fact I came from a very twisted home with abusive parents. I suffered poverty to the highest degree. I was forced into sexual acts with adults. I was forced into drugs at a very young age. I was put in a foster home twice. I also was slammed into a psych ward for 3 months at the age of 13 and again at 15. My child hood was whacked to say the least. I was white trash to the highest marks.  :frown:

When I was 16 I realized that I was a product of my environment and I knew that I was not anything that I was supposed to be. I knew that and wanted change. I did not have any desire to know God. In fact I was very much a person who could care less. But during my final year of high school I asked to be put into a Catholic High school because I wanted to get away from all the drug freaks in the public school. At that point I was very drugged out and knew I needed to dry out. So I payed my own way into the school. I was a good business man then too. 2 dollar joints makes a guy a ton of cash :smirk:


Anyway that only lasted 2 months as I got into trouble and the Pastor tried to punish me with physical exercises. I told him to suck my COCK. And was thrown out. So I never fin shed High school. Oh yes I just sat thru GOD classes with no intention of learning anything about God. Catechism was a Joke


So here I was 17 no diploma, no life and hated my parents. I got a job as a dishwasher and worked partime for my dad as a fabricator and welder.

During this time I meet this guy who offered me a job cutting trees. I took him up on it because it payed very well. This guy was a Christian but a very poor one if you asked me.

Anyway after working for him awhile I was invited to a retreat, a Christian retreat. I had the hots for his daughter and since she was going to be there. I was going to be there. Besides I had never been in the mountains. :smile:

Now while at this retreat I was exposed to the things of God. I heard things I never understood and for some reason I started to understand God. On the second night I was sitting way back from the fire watching and I felt the hand of God on my shoulder. It was very real and freaked me out. I got up and looked around thinking I might be very crazy........... Sitting back down and get back to calmness. Again I feel this hand on my shoulder and then I hear a voice say. "Child do you not know what plans I have for you ? Get up and love me." Ok know I am truly freaked. Remember I am not looking for anything. I am not trying to find God. I am trying to get laid :crazy: But I know that I am hearing this shit I am not tripping. So I walk off kinda scared and continue into the darkness away from the fire. Then I ask out loud " God what do you want from me?" God answers quite plainly " I want you to follow me and love me. Pick up my Son Jesus's cross and do as I ask. I will take care of you."

You understand I was smart enough then to realize that my life was crazy enough to consider that fact I may be going nuts.

But I listen and ask "what must I do?"

God said confess that "Jesus is your Lord and leave all your past at my feet"

So I did I these things. But as soon as I said them it felt just like Warm milk was poured over my head. It flowed right thru me. Amazing


Then right there I was given the wisdom of God. I understood so many things at once. I ran to the fire and confess what just had happened. Many of the people around the fire were somewhat confused. Like they should of had something to do with it. Why weren't they included in God and his work. It was very funny in hind site. Anyway I am spewing and laughing and stuff. Then the Pastor starts crying and asks me if I was in need of the Holy Spirit. Listen this is where it gets very weird. I had no clue as to what he was talking about. But I very much remember God saying to me. "Take my spirit child". So yes.YES I WANT GOD'S HOLY SPIRIT. Give it to me.


I start speaking a language I did not know. I am not talking about some gibberish. That I have heard in many churches. Not some repeated sounds that I heard others speaking. It was a very complex language. Full of much texture/ In fact many of those around me backed up. They were freaked. I was not, not at all. I was standing in the real presence of God and knew it. I was in that place far into the dawn. Long after people went to bed. The only one that stayed up with me was the pastor. He had much to say. He told me that i was to become a very powerful Man of God. That I was a special person. God was to use me for very great things. He has but I have stooped him. I get in the way.................


I spent the next few weeks in the presence of God and felt as if I was not ever going to be knocked off. I continued to amaze the people around me with the wisdom and knowledge I now was in possession off.

I started bible study and prayer with much fever and focus.

Then I meet the Devil's weapons head on. I discovered that the Devil was not going to have any of this. I was one of his best creeps. He had spent years training me. He was not going to let his investment go so easily.


I after only 8 months started getting high and got into the most deviant sex with women you can think off. I started into Crack. I somehow managed to buy a restaurant and get more money. It was all a very interesting period in my life. I had many skills but was very lost again.

Then it happened I crashed and got locked up. I was hit with a felony charge and was looking at 30 years in prison. God found me again after a week in lock up. I asked him to help me understand why I did what I did. Why did I fall so far from him when I knew that he was real. Anyway long story short. God forgave me and told me that I was not going to spend another day in Jail. Yeah right my bail was set at 75,0000 bucks. Not only did I not spend another day in jail. I never went back. The charges were lowered.etc....... This is a very strong story I will save for another thread.


The point is God saved me. I went on to do some great things in the name of God. I became a ordained Prophet of God, Started a homeless shelter, healed a few people and some other things I can not share. Life with God Is great and very joyfull


Then at the age of 32 I again fell. But this time It was a slow fall. But not to long ago I was told by a prophet of God that unless I get it straight. God was going to test me. To allow me to know that tin fact he will not tolerate my shit any longer. That was two years ago.


Then I started to go back to the things of God but in moderation. I found the shroomery and wanted to trip again. I got some spores and started a grow. When I first picked some shrooms God came to me that night and said some stuff. I promised to get rid or it all and get myself straight with him. He and I have some work to do. So great work. So I threw it all out,,,,,,,,,,except for one spore print



This year for some reason I have been a post whore in here. Then the past few weeks I have been in S and P. getting back to the wisdom that God gave me. But I still hold on to ME I still refused to do what God had asked me....................I still have the shrooms. I promised God and keep breaking my promise




So today I find out that I am very very sick from Contaimend Jars.............. God is telling me something YES :crazy:

There is a small chance I could DIE.


The fact that I have been coming in here and the fact that this problem has happened to me/ Makes me think I had better get my life finally right in the ways of God and do WHAT GOD KEEPS ASKING ME TO DO


God has a plan for me that is very large. LARGE FOR THE WORLD TO BENEFIT from it. I know this is true but I keep trying to be under my own power. I am fearful of the resposibilty adn don't really want it. That has always been the problem for me. I belive that God has given me more than I can handle. That is the lie that keeps me from the greater task God requires from me.

All god wants from me to do is release me and grab onto him.

I think it may be time to finally except the fact and get on with it.

There are many more links in this historic picture. but I felt is was the right thing to say.

The things I have done with God far out weigh the things I have done without him. It may be that this is my last chance to get the works of God finished in my life.  God will use me and I will let him.

Pray for me :heart: The devil is pissed again and will do anything to stop this from happening. He hates me and what threat I represent living for GOD.

I am in the hopes that I may be better understood here. I feel that there are great things that God will do though this Board. ALL of you are very much a part of God and his plan. The times we live in require a closeness with God that many of you do not have. Many of you are destined to be warriors of God :thumbup:

I know this to be very true


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What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


Edited by Fucknuckle (12/06/04 08:00 PM)


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: A short Story [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3455882 - 12/06/04 07:04 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

DAMN! Man, you said "short"  :confused:  :grin:

I do not have the energy to read something this long right now... I will give it a shot later on.

I know you have a good heart within you, FN... but I think you need to listen to your heart more and your mind less. The mind is very fallible.. and it's really easy to forget that.

Anyway, like I said, I haven't read your post, but I want to take this opportunity to say that I hope you find the peace of mind that I know is awaiting you.

Peace and love be with you.  :heart:


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OfflineGomp
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Re: A short Story [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #3455899 - 12/06/04 07:08 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

"A SHORT story, long"
-unknown :P


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Disclaimer!?


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: A short Story [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3455906 - 12/06/04 07:09 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

im glad you changed your mind about leaving the forum!

hope your taking care of yourself!

your story is an amazing one , really all of ours are if we could only see it. In this guys like you see challenges, temptations, tragedies and salvations to rival the greatest myth or legend.

Im sorry to hear about your shit childhood. In regards to that, its a tragedy. A child is innocent and his situation at birth seems to be a throw of the dice, sort of thing. Ive never understood why my childhood/family was so great when others are so terrible. All i know is its certainly not because i deserve it and they didnt.

Realizing that you are a product of yoru environment is a great thing, because as soon as you conciously recognize it it becomes less true. the way you let your enviroment affect you comes under your own control.

Deviant sex is fun and there aint nothing wrong with it.

God, however you concieve him, is at the very least a powerfull mental tool and a source of strength, and if your god helped you overcome your huge challenges, more power to him and you.

But i hope someday you will realize that god is not a seperate entity up in the sky deciding to fuck around with some and save others. He is not your boss or your judge or your master.

He is within you, his love is UNCONDITIONAL, and ultimately, you are him and he is you.

Drawing power from your god is drawing power from yourself. But the mental image of god allows you to do that. it lets you take strength when you feel powerless, by tricking yourself into thinking the strength is coming from without...

good luck on your path, and if im wrong, may god show me so.


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Everything I post is fiction. This poster is no longer active.


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Offlineld50negative1
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Re: A short Story [Re: Moonshoe]
    #3456011 - 12/06/04 07:24 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:


But i hope someday you will realize that god is not a seperate entity up in the sky deciding to fuck around with some and save others. He is not your boss or your judge or your master.

He is within you, his love is UNCONDITIONAL, and ultimately, you are him and he is you.





moonshoe I don't know what you are talking about, but FuckNuckle's God is the same EXACT God that I know and I am FAR FAR FAR FAR INFINETLY FAR from being God. geez...

FuckNuckle that is an incredible story and I believe every bit of it; I can relate to all of that. I too have been blessed with gifts of the Holy Spirit.

It is ALL TOO REAL and it pisses me off that people cannot understand it!

And again I'll be praying for you in your recovery!


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Offlineld50negative1
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Re: A short Story [Re: ld50negative1]
    #3456148 - 12/06/04 07:50 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Bump. I think everyone needs to read this.


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: A short Story [Re: ld50negative1]
    #3456251 - 12/06/04 08:09 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Thanks for your support and faith. It is the faith of others that helps me get past my own weakness. You are in the path of God's rewards for such boldness.

Being pissed is not wrong. Jesus himself was very angry a few times. So mad in fact one might say he was close to being a Sinner.

Remember that the road to God is not as wide as we would like it to be.

We as Christin's have a very hard road to walk and we make many mistakes. Keep your eyes of Jesus and when you make a mistake look to him for guidance and to allow you to learn from it.


Even though Jesus did many things that were amazing and many people seen what he had done. There were still people who said he was a crazy man. That he was the devil. That he was nothing more than a good magician. They killed him because of the things he had done in the name of God.


So it will be no different for me or you. Getting to God is no easy task. But luckily we have Jesus to help us. Jesus is the path and the support to stay the true path.

God will help those that lean on him.

The funny thing is this........ The min a Christian makes a mistake almost everything they say is dismissed. For some reason people think we are suppose to be perfect little Christians and never screw up because the second we do........... We ain't shit and are to be made a joke.

Get used to it :grin:


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What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: A short Story [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3456266 - 12/06/04 08:15 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

"moonshoe I don't know what you are talking about, but FuckNuckle's God is the same EXACT God that I know and I am FAR FAR FAR FAR INFINETLY FAR from being God. geez..."

right. that is because the 'you' that you are refering to is actually just the self defintion you have made for yourself based on your memories, experiences, preferances, prejudices, likes and dislikes.

Obviously that simple ego contstruct is not god. far far far from it. BUT that simple ego construct is also not you. far far far from it.

GOd is unlimited, he is eternal, infinite, all encompassing.

So are you.

Finding god is a process of stripping away your self imposed limitations and definitions. when all that EGO is gone, what you have left is god.

As you can see, nothing is added to you, you simply remove the covers that prevented you from seeing what was already there, namely

GOD


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Everything I post is fiction. This poster is no longer active.


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Offlineld50negative1
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Re: A short Story [Re: Moonshoe]
    #3456278 - 12/06/04 08:17 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Moonshoe said:

GOd is unlimited, he is eternal, infinite, all encompassing.

So are you.

Finding god is a process of stripping away your self imposed limitations and definitions. when all that EGO is gone, what you have left is god.

As you can see, nothing is added to you, you simply remove the covers that prevented you from seeing what was already there, namely

GOD




Dude. We were created in the image of God and this is pretty much why you can point out these similarities. We aren't God ourselves. Through Christ we can become LIKE God in that we can give death to ego and become sinless, righteous, but never what makes God God. God has ALWAYS existed.. the great I AM... God's THE line and we are rays that he set in motion.


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: A short Story [Re: Moonshoe]
    #3456286 - 12/06/04 08:20 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Maybe for you but, I can tell you that when God puts his hand on your shoulder and talks to you. That entire concept goes flying out the door.

God is separate from us that is why we must find the path to him. While God can live within you thru the Holy Spirit. A person must invit God to live within thru the Holy spriit. That is why Christ taught the things he did. It is the entire thing with being a Christian. We are followers of Christ so that we find the road to God.


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What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


Edited by Fucknuckle (12/06/04 08:29 PM)


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: A short Story [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3456338 - 12/06/04 08:32 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

"Maybe for you but, I can tell you that when God puts his hand on your shoulder and talks to you. That entire concept goes flying out the door."

it depends on how you look at it. Again your caught up in the fact that it is god talking to YOU. the YOU is still simply your ego, and the thing talking to you therefore seems to be far beyond yourself, but really it is a drastically higher part of your self breaking through those ego prisons to instill your lower self with some of the truth that is waiting within you to be discoverd. I too have had the experience of being TALKED TO, as in hearing a voice outside of myself speak into my mind and tell me things that i did not know and that staggerd me with there wisdom.

And of course that voice was beyond me, far beyond me, but that ME is just my ego. When you lose the ego, you see that you were talking to yourself.

" God has ALWAYS existed"

so have you. only your EGO is temporary and it is only your EGO that makes you think that you have not always existed.

".. the great I AM... "

Exactly! what is god? the bible tells you! I AM

what is god?

I AM!

say it with me ! what is god! I AM! I AM! I AM! as in YOU ARE silly buns!



it goes like this

me/we/i/us = EGO. self defintions, illusions, temporary borders!

so when you say I am not god, we are not god, me not god you are right, because your ego is not god, becuase god is infinite and ego IS limitation.

But your mistake is that YOU are not ego either. What you refer to when you say i we me is not really yourself, only your ego.

therefore your statement that you are not god, while true, does not conflict with my statement that YOU ARE GOD>

you just need to see that YOU are not ego, any more than YOU are the clothes that you are currently wearing.


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Everything I post is fiction. This poster is no longer active.


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Offlineld50negative1
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Re: A short Story [Re: Moonshoe]
    #3456348 - 12/06/04 08:35 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

:nonono:


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: A short Story [Re: ld50negative1]
    #3456354 - 12/06/04 08:37 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

hehe ... ok NOW i get it.

:rolleyes:


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Everything I post is fiction. This poster is no longer active.


Edited by Moonshoe (12/06/04 08:37 PM)


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
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Re: A short Story [Re: Moonshoe]
    #3456427 - 12/06/04 08:53 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Ok let me try............. God created man as a companion. Which that in itself says that God is separate from us.

Unless you first accept that then anything else a Christian says can not get anything else across.

First there was God and God created the universe and it was good..........

Then God create Man...............


That makes God a separate being. We have the Holy spirit as our ambassador between us and God. The holy spirit is the link between Men and God.

Jesus is the way to get to God.

This is the very basics of Christianity


So as a Christian I can not except your idea. Besides God is in fact very real. But as I have already said many times. A person must open the door. God is on the other side. It is faith that the key will be found. Once the key is found then the door is opened. Once the door is opened then God is reveled. Once God is reveled then you are given the Holy Spirit. And it is the Holy Spirit that revels the great wisdom of God.


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: A short Story [Re: Moonshoe]
    #3456429 - 12/06/04 08:53 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Moonshoe, I agree with you. You put it very well, too.

See, this is where my spirituality stems from.. because this theory was not only:

A) the only way I could find spirituality WITHOUT violating the boundary of what my logical brain deemed LOGICAL. Or, in other words, there is no "belief" required because I didn't adhere it the label of illogical in the first place.

but also

B) Allowed me a very real and literal map of what I needed in order to defeat the mechanism that causes me to be at anything other than peace at any given time-- Which, by the way people, is what I think HEAVEN is.

Just my opinions... take it for what it's worth, but don't write it off without considering it.


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: A not so short Story [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3456521 - 12/06/04 09:23 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

that was a very heartfelt story fucknuckle.  it is rare that people share themselves this much to all of us.  much love to you :heart:

can i ask you something?

what is the most important thing to you (not your ego) as of right now? with all that you have been through it would be intriguing to know what your awareness values.  :heart:


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Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: A not so short Story [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3456592 - 12/06/04 09:36 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

If you already feel somewhat connected to God, what do the mushrooms do for you?

Why do you feel the illness from contamination to be a "message"? ANYONE sufficiently exposed to pathogenic microbes may become ill. This is basic biology, not mysticism. I remember when BAC leaders erroneously said AIDS was a "message" to homosexuals about their sins.


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The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleFucknuckle
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Re: A not so short Story [Re: kaiowas]
    #3456630 - 12/06/04 09:42 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

kaiowas said:
that was a very heartfelt story fucknuckle.  it is rare that people share themselves this much to all of us.  much love to you :heart:

can i ask you something?

what is the most important thing to you (not your ego) as of right now? with all that you have been through it would be intriguing to know what your awareness values.  :heart:




Putting myself aside and getting back to God so that he may finish his work through me. When I have lived a very close relationship to God there have been great works done through me by God. I am but a tool while on earth. It is how much God can use this tool that gets me to God. And that is the entire point of Being a Christian. To be used for Gods work and his will so that the rewards of Obedience is sharing Gods realm with him forever. :heart:


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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Offlineld50negative1
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Re: A not so short Story [Re: Swami]
    #3456664 - 12/06/04 09:48 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
If you already feel somewhat connected to God, what do the mushrooms do for you?

Why do you feel the illness from contamination to be a "message"? ANYONE sufficiently exposed to pathogenic microbes may become ill. This is basic biology, not mysticism. I remember when BAC leaders erroneously said AIDS was a "message" to homosexuals about their sins.




I remember FN stating in the past that his use of mushrooms was merely recreational and not for the purpose of becoming "enlightened" or "satisified". God can use any normal or abnormal thing he wants to get someone's attention. Since God is God and all.. he can do as he pleases... even if it has a simple "logical explanation" :grin:

I have a feeling that FN is done using shrooms for a while with being sick and all of this now...


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InvisibleFucknuckle
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Re: A not so short Story [Re: Swami]
    #3456674 - 12/06/04 09:50 PM (12 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
If you already feel somewhat connected to God, what do the mushrooms do for you?

Why do you feel the illness from contamination to be a "message"? ANYONE sufficiently exposed to pathogenic microbes may become ill. This is basic biology, not mysticism. I remember when BAC leaders erroneously said AIDS was a "message" to homosexuals about their sins.




Shrooms are in fact a roadblock and not in God's plan for me. God does not make bad things happen to anyone. God make you aware of the consequences of not holding his truths to heart. God has never harmed anyone. Man harms himself. Had I follow my promise to God I would not be suffering from this Biology of mold. In fact had I followed God's lead there would be far more people in a close relationship with God. I have been falling very short of the mark God set for me. Strangely enough it is this Board God has used to get me aware of my true path. He has used many of you in fact to allow me to see my foolishness. I have been traveling a very difficult path. It is time to except the fact that my life is for God and his needs. The rewards are eternity with God.


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What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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