I'm not sure why I'm here tonight - why I'm allowing my thoughts to flow through my fingertips in such a way so that you all can hear what I have to say. I have a blog that would probably be better suited for these sorts of things...but I feel more at home here. *humph* More at home with a gathering of people I've never even met then in place I've designed and created to be all my own. Seems kinda odd huh? But I guess that just goes to show that human interaction (or at least the illusion of human interaction anyways) is always far more attractive then even the most luxurious forms of solitude.
Anywho -
I was just sittin here thinking about the multi-verse and trying my damndest to wrap my mind around the complexity of it all. I keep trying to put myself in *god's* shoes...trying to see things the way *he* would see em (and by all of this I am, of course, reffering to the common view of the sort of 'god' you'd find in any basic monotheistic religion, and not neccessarily that of my own idea of what 'god' is) I keep placing him in different situations and seeing things through these different perspectives. At times I picture him as a truely omnipotent being and imagine him looking down on us from heaven...evaluating our actions, guiding those of us who will listen, playing out some massive game of chess from both sides of the board - as if this was all just some way for him to test himself or something.
Other times however (more often then not, actually) I see him more as a young child who is mearly attempting to learn things on his own through trial and error and what have you. He plays around with our lives for a bit and begins 'going against the rules' to see what'll happen - and it always ends in disaster. He then fixes his mistakes and continues on trying to see what else he can discover before he has to finally accept the fact that he's screwed up too much and has to start all over. And all the while, his father sits quietly behind him answering questions and giving advice when called upon.
Sometimes I see him as a scientist of some sorts with a whole lab full of other people just like him - all of whom are gathered around a sphere that is our existance...viewing it with the aid of complex holographic computer equipment, taking the occasional moment or two to scribble down a couple of notes, but most of all - simply staring into the abyss with a sort of awe-like amasement. It's as if they're all hypnotized by 'our' beauty, and captivated by the simple fact that even though they are superior to us in every way (quite possibly because we are their creation) they still can't even comprehend what we're all about.
And from time to time, I've even seen *him* as some sort of great warrior that doesn't think about much of anything (including who 'we' are, who 'he' is, how anything in existence works, or anything else really) but he has the heart of a champion and is capable of doing practically anything he sets out to do - all on physical capabilities and instinct alone.
I keep imagining 'existence' (meaning the totality of the all) as being a sort of complex arrangement of basically an infinate number of 'existences' (or universes, or whatever) in which every 'layer' is connected to those around it by a single point...or a single entity if you will. These 'gods' are the only 'people' that are able to see more then one reality at a time...to one side is the 'universe' they came from (and mastered) and to the other side is a whole new 'universe' in which they are the absolute bottom rung of the ladder - the slime on the ocean floor - the - fuckit...you get my point.
But the thing is, these 'gods' are more like positions then actual physical beings. Meaning that once someone reaches that point they can't continue their journey into the next reality until they first find a replacement to fill the position they're in. I think that's why 'service towards others' is generally seen as *good* while 'service towards self' is seen as *bad* (just imagine if someone refused to leave their position as 'god' and everyone else just kept flowin along as they were intended to do...that one individual would act as a sort of cosmic 'clog' and fuck up all the system)
I guess you can compare that whole situation to a contaminated mycelium cake...in the sense that 'existence' would become poisioned, and eventually die off. The sole purpose of life is to perpetuate and thrive, right? I mean - any species out there knows that they have to procreate in order to survive...just as plants and shit have to flower in order to carry on their own life cycles (generally speaking of course) So by someone doing something like cloggin the cosmic drain, they are basically just letting that puss build up until the damn leg turns gang-green and needs to be amputated. It seems then that 'service to self' is inheriently self-destructive...it will inevitably lead to a complete system failure - a total core meltdown - a - eh.....
*stopped to get coffee...lost my train of thought*
I'm now thinking about critical mass, and wondering if maybe we as a species are reaching that point - if 'novelty' (if you will) is increasing at such a rate that it's about to squash us all into super condensed versions of ourselfs...or if it'll just build up enough pressure to burst this damn balloon we're in and send little tiny pieces of us flying out into some other larger encasement that's designed specifically to give us room to grow when we at last become to big for the world we're in now.
But I really don't think I'll get into that right now. I think I might actually just pop these damn woodrose seeds I got staring me in the face right now and ride this wacky train of thought well into tomorow and see where it takes me. Or maybe I'll just say 'fuck it' and go lie down before I hurt myself.
Eh...I'll probably take the seeds.
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"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go..." T.S. Eliot
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