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Offlineholyhodgepodge
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Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 7
Last seen: 15 years, 10 months
Will this settle with time?
    #7505693 - 10/10/07 02:47 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Ive been visiting this websit recentely and today I finally decided to join. Here is my story and I would appreciated any advice.

Im currently 18 years old.
This summer was my first time experimenting with mushrooms. I did some research before i started doing them. I found out the basics on the effects and what they do. I read that there is no permanent damage from mushrooms but now im starting to thing different. Here is where i think I fucked up. This summer I probably ate mushrooms over 30 times in a 2 month period. I know this was very retarded but I didnt really care at the time. Me and my friends would go on binges where we would eat them every day, sometimes even twice a day. It got to the point where we would barely trip.

Now before the mushrooms I was a pretty happy person. I really didnt worry that much. You could say i was somewhat shy around new people, but i still would talk. I was pretty clever and came up with funny jokes and sayings.

Jumping to present day I feel really strange in the head. I feel my vocabulary has dramatically decreased. I can barely hold a conversation with my friends. It mostly ends up with me replying "really" or "wow" or just asking a question to get more out of the conversation. This especially increases when I smoke marijauana. I also view my life as really depressing now. I live in a apartment with my mom and her boyfriend. They work nightjobs that pay low. I dont ever see them and there is no real food in the house, mostly just junk food. I live off fast food pretty much. I also get the feeling that i am going no where in life. I work at pizza hut and go to a community college. I do good in school because its not that challenging. The funny thing is that i have been living the same way for 3 years (eating fast food, having parents that work at night, ect) and it never really bothered me. I didnt think about it. I lived my life and was happy with it. But for some reason every thing seems so depressing in life. Another thing is im really absent minded now. Sometime i basically stare off into nothing and think about nothing. I describe it as my mind shutting off. Another thing that happens to me is that i feel like i sometimes have basic function like moving and such and that i am just on autopilot moving throughout this world.

My thoughts are usally negative, thinking that everything is going to work out for the worst in my life. There are sometimes when I get really happy and feel really good. When im in this state of mind i get no negative thoughts. My mind wont allow it. I even tried to think of one of the negative thoughts i get and my mind wouldnt process it. THe same goes when i get in a down mood. Nothing postive will go through my head.

So are they any suggestions for me. I would like to go back to before this summer how things used to be. Do you guys think that this is contributed to my excessive mushroom use? If it is will this depession/dullness/absent mindedness go away on its own or should i get prescribed to some antidepressents.


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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 19 hours
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: holyhodgepodge]
    #7505842 - 10/10/07 03:19 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

You might try staying away from psychedelics (including cannabis) for awhile.

Quote:

When im in this state of mind i get no negative thoughts. My mind wont allow it. I even tried to think of one of the negative thoughts i get and my mind wouldnt process it. THe same goes when i get in a down mood. Nothing postive will go through my head.


What this might means is that you're looking for happiness outside yourself.  When you find happiness that comes from the conditions of your life, you block out the bad stuff - but it's still there, as evidenced by the cyclical return to negativity.  These states are two sides of the same unsatisfying coin.  To be truly happy, you have to work on inner calmness regardless of outside circumstances - being in the Now.

What you're describing is pretty normal in my experience.  I felt for a while as though I totally lost my sense of humor and a lot of my intellect as well because of the experiences I had on psychedelics.  They were just so powerful and strange, I felt it was impossible to converse about the mundane things in life.  Eventually I learned to appreciate the little things, to recognize that being unable to give your attention to another human being is caused by an unhealthy desire to be elsewhere, to be in the future. 

What's important now, in my opinion, is taking care of your body (eating a balanced diet, exercising, walking in nature) and stimulating your mind (reading challenging books, staying away from TV and other mind-numbing activities, perhaps meditating).  Maybe part of the reason you are having trouble keeping up conversations is that part of you has been awakened through mushroom use to how un-stimulating many conversations are: just minds bouncing off each other, without any real exchange or communion.  Strive to speak from the heart, and if you find nothing meaningful to say, so be it.  Silence is wisdom.  Just pay close attention, feel the other person's presence, reject any negative emotions that arise ('I wish I were being more funny or insightful', 'I wish I didn't have to listen to this guy run his mouth right now', etc.), and try to appreciate the being behind the words and your shared experience of the present moment.

Relax and enjoy the fact that you exist. :laugh:


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
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Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: holyhodgepodge]
    #7505844 - 10/10/07 03:19 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Hmmm well what you're describing is perfectly fine considering your experiences with mushrooms this summer. If you're wondering about going insane the answer is no. It is so because you're an aware observer of who you are and how you feel. If you feel bad or confused it doesn't mean that there's something "wrong" with you, you just probably need A LOT of time to integrate all your psychedelic experiences in your day to day life.

You said you read some info in what psychedelic do to you, so you should remember that through them you break old patterns and habits, you beliefs shake and what you used to take as valid doesn't seem so credible anymore. If you ask me, thins is goos step. Questioning is a sure recipe for turning us into more conscious beings. Until you had these experiences, like you said, you were used to the life style you were living, to your food diet and so on. Now you're beginning to question if this is good for you. Needless to say that eating fast food is extremely damaging for your health, so you're just becoming aware it. The next step would be for you to start considering in having a more healthy diet.

At the risk of repeating myself, you seem like a lucid person and aware of who you are, but I am saying all that for a reason. The reason is that, contrary to what might one initially think, your mind is not failing you. You said that you find it difficult to have a conversation. This does not mean that your mind is not active, because if it were to be true, then you would not have been able to write all that. So maybe you should pay more attention to your thoughts. Perhaps the discussions you're engaging yourself into are not in accordance to your interests, they are not on your top concerns. Or maybe you feel that you can't really connect to those people. The problem could be on your side because you could have developed a certain degree of social anxiety, but it is known that psychedelics make you be a little more introvert. Which doesn't mean that you're not looking for communication. In fact, you can take this as an opportunity and turn everything in your favor by looking for deeper and more meaningful means of interacting with those around you. I suggest that you give yourself some time and take a break from any social activity, in the measures that you can. Take that time and spend it with yourself. Rediscover what is going on your mind and what you want and also what you don't want from life. Some times it is easier for us to establish what we don't want, so you can start from there and then make those changes happen to you.

You feel that you're on auto-pilot because usually you are. Most of us are. The difference is that until now you weren't aware of being on auto pilot. Now that you are, as soon as you realize what you're doing, all you have to do is switch back to "manually". :smile:

Quote:

My thoughts are usally negative, thinking that everything is going to work out for the worst in my life. There are sometimes when I get really happy and feel really good. When im in this state of mind i get no negative thoughts. My mind wont allow it. I even tried to think of one of the negative thoughts i get and my mind wouldnt process it. THe same goes when i get in a down mood. Nothing postive will go through my head.




Here's a thing that you can do: when you have negative thoughts, write them down, as detailed as you can. The same thing goes for when you have positive thoughts. Then compare. Then do it again and compare again. Read your negative thoughts when you feel good and read your positive thoughts when you feel bad. This is for creating a balance and also finding out what remains the same and what changes.

Quote:

So are they any suggestions for me. I would like to go back to before this summer how things used to be. Do you guys think that this is contributed to my excessive mushroom use? If it is will this depession/dullness/absent mindedness go away on its own or should i get prescribed to some antidepressents.




You don't need anti depressants. All you need is for you to open up to yourself and make the most of your experience. And you seem very able to do so. :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: holyhodgepodge]
    #7505911 - 10/10/07 03:34 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Welcome to the Shroomery.

I think it will go away over time, but how much time depends on how quickly you can drop the pessimistic attitude. The only cure I've found is accomplishment. Create little goals and achieve them. You will quickly see how you are in control of the outcome of your life.

I recommend taking a break from cannabis for a while too.

Good luck man; this is a great forum with helpful people.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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OfflineSampaJasli
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Registered: 04/09/07
Posts: 1,396
Loc: Canada Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7511761 - 10/13/07 12:04 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

hey man
sounds to me like you're just changing and growing, that's life man.
maybe a few years ago you were fine with your life, but now that your perspective has changed you no longer want to live that way.
Also, don't be so quick to attribute this change to mushrooms only, it may be a natural part of your maturation, also your diet has a lot to do with how you feel and function. If you're not happy with the food you're eating and the lifestyle you lead, you should definitely take steps to change them.
I suggest talking to your mom about the food situation, or since you're working maybe you can start buying and cooking healthier foods. It's never too late to change or to learn. so start learning about cooking and health and start shaping your life the way you want it.
It doesn't have to be all in one go either.
Finally, remember what the greeks and buddhists say, "All things in moderation" don't be eating shrooms and smoking every day, it sounds pretty escapist to me, try and confine it to weekends or some shit like that.
hope i helped a bit


--------------------


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OfflineVisionary Tools
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Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: SampaJasli]
    #7511831 - 10/13/07 12:23 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

It hit you really strong. It's natural to worry when the result you feel is deleterious, but you are young. It is going to take a while for your mind to come to terms with it.

You're not the only one. I often see slight trails on things after this summer's experimentation with all kinds of fun ingredients. I decided not to worry about it, as it's not severe.


--------------------


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OfflineAndy21
Armchairanarchist

Registered: 01/01/06
Posts: 288
Last seen: 13 years, 3 days
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7512519 - 10/13/07 04:12 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
Hmmm well what you're describing is perfectly fine considering your experiences with mushrooms this summer. If you're wondering about going insane the answer is no. It is so because you're an aware observer of who you are and how you feel. If you feel bad or confused it doesn't mean that there's something "wrong" with you, you just probably need A LOT of time to integrate all your psychedelic experiences in your day to day life.

You said you read some info in what psychedelic do to you, so you should remember that through them you break old patterns and habits, you beliefs shake and what you used to take as valid doesn't seem so credible anymore. If you ask me, thins is goos step. Questioning is a sure recipe for turning us into more conscious beings. Until you had these experiences, like you said, you were used to the life style you were living, to your food diet and so on. Now you're beginning to question if this is good for you. Needless to say that eating fast food is extremely damaging for your health, so you're just becoming aware it. The next step would be for you to start considering in having a more healthy diet.

At the risk of repeating myself, you seem like a lucid person and aware of who you are, but I am saying all that for a reason. The reason is that, contrary to what might one initially think, your mind is not failing you. You said that you find it difficult to have a conversation. This does not mean that your mind is not active, because if it were to be true, then you would not have been able to write all that. So maybe you should pay more attention to your thoughts. Perhaps the discussions you're engaging yourself into are not in accordance to your interests, they are not on your top concerns. Or maybe you feel that you can't really connect to those people. The problem could be on your side because you could have developed a certain degree of social anxiety, but it is known that psychedelics make you be a little more introvert. Which doesn't mean that you're not looking for communication. In fact, you can take this as an opportunity and turn everything in your favor by looking for deeper and more meaningful means of interacting with those around you. I suggest that you give yourself some time and take a break from any social activity, in the measures that you can. Take that time and spend it with yourself. Rediscover what is going on your mind and what you want and also what you don't want from life. Some times it is easier for us to establish what we don't want, so you can start from there and then make those changes happen to you.

You feel that you're on auto-pilot because usually you are. Most of us are. The difference is that until now you weren't aware of being on auto pilot. Now that you are, as soon as you realize what you're doing, all you have to do is switch back to "manually". :smile:

Quote:

My thoughts are usally negative, thinking that everything is going to work out for the worst in my life. There are sometimes when I get really happy and feel really good. When im in this state of mind i get no negative thoughts. My mind wont allow it. I even tried to think of one of the negative thoughts i get and my mind wouldnt process it. THe same goes when i get in a down mood. Nothing postive will go through my head.




Here's a thing that you can do: when you have negative thoughts, write them down, as detailed as you can. The same thing goes for when you have positive thoughts. Then compare. Then do it again and compare again. Read your negative thoughts when you feel good and read your positive thoughts when you feel bad. This is for creating a balance and also finding out what remains the same and what changes.

Quote:

So are they any suggestions for me. I would like to go back to before this summer how things used to be. Do you guys think that this is contributed to my excessive mushroom use? If it is will this depession/dullness/absent mindedness go away on its own or should i get prescribed to some antidepressents.




You don't need anti depressants. All you need is for you to open up to yourself and make the most of your experience. And you seem very able to do so. :smile:


Excellent post :thumbup: You are not imbalanced and whatever pill they could (and would) dole out would not in any way aid your balance. I went through a similar thing at around your age, I convinced myself I had damaged my brain and was going to end up in some padded cell screaming. I started getting panic attacks and all that shit which were quite unpleasant, anyway my point is that I didnt go nuts and nor will you. I wish you the best, I know it's not easy.


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Offlineiloveboomers
Stranger


Registered: 08/10/07
Posts: 44
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: holyhodgepodge]
    #7828890 - 01/03/08 06:57 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

I understand what you're going through at this time, because it happened to me man, but with LSD. But anti depresents isn't what you want man trust me, BELIEVE ME, that shit will fuck up your brain man i've seen it in plenty of people I know including my mother. What you need to do is get through this man, I know it sounds impossible, it did to me too! But you have to realize that the mushrooms changed who you are. You are a different person believe it or not. You must figure out what you believe and what you don't. It took me about 1 year to figure out who I am, and now I'm doing better. I was at the point where I couldn't talk to people man, man I couldn't hold a basic conversation. after I didnt know what to do anymore I decided to stay positive, I made a joke out of it. I laughed at the fact I was insane. This may be what you have to do. Just stay positive and figure out what you love and believe in. Hang in there


--------------------
C:\Documents and Settings\Peter\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content.IE5\X3PHI6TN\wilfistick 102.jpg


“Believe me, if I started murdering people… there'd be none of you left!”


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OfflineGinseng1
Elegant Universe
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Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 3,310
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
Re: Will this settle with time? [Re: iloveboomers]
    #7830412 - 01/04/08 12:22 AM (16 years, 29 days ago)

Most people go through a phase like this.

I had my world completely shattered once. It fucked me up. But I got over it, even though half the world knew what happened to me.

Everythign settles with time. Everything. If it doesn't, then you might try shrooming again, and see what else they have to teach you.


--------------------
Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...


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