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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shrooms [Re: lucid]
    #1455726 - 04/13/03 10:02 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Hey dude,
If it helps, the percentage of people who stay chronically depressed is minute, let alone the number who stay chronically depressed from a shroom trip. You should be right, especially with the help of the antidepressants if they work (sometimes you have to try a few to get the right ones) and with the help of a psychologist. BTW further to my post from before, try to distract your mind with other things if you are trying to stop thinking about the negative stuff ie turn it to an activity or really anything else.  I hope you mean you are trying to deflate the fears rather than exagerate them :S. Anyway, its great to hear you are doing a little better  :smile:.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
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Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shrooms [Re: lucid]
    #1456453 - 04/14/03 05:58 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

You are correct about the life-changing effect of The Psychedelic Experience - it does forever 'psychedelicize your soul,' but it did not, as you rightly pointed out, create a problem. It sounds to me that after significantly stressful events such as you mention, that you have been in a state of almost complete denial; "I remained happy during seemingly terrible times." Those WERE terrible times, not seemingly terrible. Your defense mechanism is primarily denial, and the shrooms weakened its structure, revealing the underlying anxiety. You are not psychotic, but your anxiety is at a high point.

I used Ativan briefly, the day after my marriage failed and I somaticized the anxiety by creating cardiac arrhythmias (irregular heartbeat). It is a tranquilizer, and you can use it judiciously to take the edge off the anxiety so you can practice getting centered again on your own.

Additionally, as entertaining as Casteneda and Matrix and Fight Club are - they are merely fictions, not Scriptures. You would derive major benefit from a real spiritual Source at this time. As a matter of fact, this is perhaps a low point made especially for you as the opportunity to pray.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Offlinejorneyer
Stranger

Registered: 04/12/03
Posts: 12
Last seen: 20 years, 7 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shrooms [Re: lucid]
    #1456910 - 04/14/03 11:34 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Good to see you! I was worried. Don't worry about the extra pounds- plenty of time to drop back to regular when you feel normal again. Plenty of demand for software engineers also. Maybe you can get medical UIC to get you through. Ask for help with the paperwork if you need it.
I am not a psychologist, so I hope you are talking to a professional about your feelings of suicide. I have had a depressive episode like the one you are experiencing. I don't recall the stats but a LOT of people may be diagnosed with depression sooner or later. Don't 'feel bad because you feel bad'.
And of course you will go back to normal... when I came through I could not imagine what it _was_ like. It's like popping out of a tunnel. You are in the tunnel right now... just remember that if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will come out the other side. I am not sure if this is really a 'bad trip' so don't fixate on bad trip reports. I want to repeat that your ego is what is doing the negative talking inside your head. You are not your ego.
Hang in there.

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
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Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: Xibalba]
    #1457789 - 04/14/03 05:13 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Good post, but I don't think that you should be so critical of Scriptures, be they the Bible or the Bhagavad Gita; the Torah or the Heart Sutra. Even the Qu'ran has to be recognized for the sheer number of Muslims on Earth, and with the understanding that it was a reaction in part to medieval Catholicism.

Dogmas are like the husk of a living kernal. The living kernal has left its impression, its form on the inside of the husk - a mere shell of its former, living Reality. Dogmas have a purpose - the preservation of a living faith. Unfortunately, like the Zennist's finger that points at the moon, there will always be more people who look only at the pointing finger. Good post nevertheless!


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 4 months, 24 days
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1459894 - 04/15/03 10:17 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

so have you picked up that bottle of niacinamide from the vitamin store yet ?????????


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old enough to know better
not old enough to care

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Offlinelucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: gnrm23]
    #1460429 - 04/15/03 01:16 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

I've cleaned out the vitamin store (B1,B3,B6,B12,Cod Liver Oil, Lecithin, Vit E, Vit C, Folic Acid, etc).... Feeling pretty awful today :-( I guess some days are just worse than others. I wish I would stop thinking that I'm going to lose my mind or about horrible existential questions - I never doubted my sanity before... sigh... I'm living with a tormentor in my own head (I feel like I'm whacking myself on the head with a bottle while saying "oh I'm whacking myself on the head with a bottle, wish I'd stop doing that" - but it's different with thoughts)... sigh... feel really strange/surreal today and very confused...getting very tired. Wonder if they'll ever invent a pill for thoughts... "happy thought pill". Even when I start to feel good for a minute my mind immediately interjects and starts questioning "am I *really* feeling good", "what is feeling good"... it really zaps the fun out of anything. It's not like I'm schizophrenic, but, like everyone, there's many facets to me and I feel like I'm caught in an endless internal dialogue argument. Trying to "quiet the mind" "be the observing presence" and all that wonderful stuff, but it be hard... I can't thank everyone enough for their support, if it wasn't for the support from this list I probably wouldn't be alive right now. u people are the best !


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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: lucid]
    #1460648 - 04/15/03 02:19 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

I really doubt what you got is permanant...I've had some similar times in my life...they seem horrible at the time and like they'll never pass but they do....my advice is too see a shrink...I'm not even gonna pretend like I got the answer but I really doubt viatmins will do anything...in the mean time just try and not worry about it...say too yourself....if I'm insane so be it.....just let whats gonna happen happen..cause I think your just paranoid about losing your mind and being depressed forever and can't let go of those thoughts..vicious loop...but again I ain't no pro so see someone :smile:

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InvisibleOctopusDr
Octi Doci

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 1,598
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: ]
    #1460845 - 04/15/03 03:21 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Why dont you start meditating agian. Like what you did to deal with your wife.

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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
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Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: OctopusDr]
    #1462854 - 04/16/03 02:02 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

He said he was seeing a shrink and meditating.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: lucid]
    #1463664 - 04/16/03 11:55 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
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Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: gnrm23]
    #1464237 - 04/16/03 03:13 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Nope, can't tolerate the stuff. Looks and feels like a case of poison sumac. Gonna maybe try polycosanol (expensive!) Red Yeast Rice was the best, but taxes the liver. Total Cholesterol went down to 166 on it. M.D. said the drop was better than what Mevacor produces. Now at 206. Triglycerides went down though from 60's to 47. HDL went up to 51 (>50 is good) but LDL should be <130 and is 146. I hope the homocystein just stays in solution and doesn't oxidize out into plaques. Not into angioplasty and stents - kills people on the table. Taking lots of antioxidents and flax seed oil on daily basis. Controlling carbs and watching glycemic indices for foods. Eating salmon and sardine.

How about you ? Taking care of yourself? I read in Stamets yesterday that Shittake consumption can drop serum cholesterol levels in a week, but he didn't say how much to eat.

Um...you were referring to cholesterol weren't you?...or are we talking psychiatic orthomolecular stuff, in which case, in the immortal words of Roseanne Roseanadana - "Never mind."


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Offlinelucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1465312 - 04/16/03 09:02 PM (20 years, 10 months ago)

I think that sez it all Mark... I confer ;-)


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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 4 months, 24 days
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1466383 - 04/17/03 06:12 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

ummmmm....
in the immortal words of scarlett o'hara, "i'll think about it tomorrow."
~
ya, i wonder about the scientologists' deal with massive doses of straight-up niacin & taking sauna for cholesterol reduction... i mean, ouch...
~
that which i would do, i do not, and that which i would not do, i do... or sumthin like dat...
~
oh ya, hoffer & al. for orthomolecular psychiatry, not for physiology-tweaking.. or not much, anyway...
~
oy, i'm a year past due on my 50-year physical... must be time for at least a lube & oil change on this ol' beater chassis... heh...
~
~


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old enough to know better
not old enough to care

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Offlinetwisted
member

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 177
Loc: croatia
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: gnrm23]
    #1488282 - 04/24/03 02:01 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

depression is no joke ,shrooms can trigger it and zou should seek professional help and maybe medication(cemical balance in the brain can sometimes only be restored by medications),talking on the net may help you but if the situstion is really bad you should really seek for a god doc
wish you well


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Jesus! Did I say that?Or just think it? Was i talking ? Did they hear me?

http://www.fsre.org/

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Invisibleslppe
the eye

Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 401
Loc: tripped out
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: twisted]
    #1488299 - 04/24/03 02:10 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

I think this guy was just being a tad over-dramatic...wonder how he's doing now :confused: 

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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: lucid]
    #1488346 - 04/24/03 03:00 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

My biggest piece of advice would be to breathe and relax.


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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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Offlinelucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: Strumpling]
    #1488520 - 04/24/03 06:11 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Hi Everyone,
I certainly was *not* being overdramatic. But I understand how someone who's never experienced such horror would think that I might be exagerating :-( I would have felt the same way before I took the shroom. But please trust me that I'm not exagerating even the slightest bit. I saw a psychologist twice (can't afford it anymore) and while she gave me some useful advice, no advice seems to comfort me for long anymore :-( sometimes people will say things that seem to really connect with me and I think "that's it, here's a thought I can use when I'm feeling horrible and suicidal" but the power of the advice seems to fade very quickly and I end up sinking into the depths of my horrible feelings. I've been on anti-depressants for a little over 2 weeks now. They seemed to help in the beginning but over the last couple of days I've been gradually feeling worse, my doc told me to double the dose, so that's what I started today. I hate being dependant on pills, and I doubt that chemicals can "fix" me so to speak, but they did seem to help a little bit when I first started on them. At this point I'm completely desperate. Someone told me that I should drop this New-Age mindful meditation (allowing my fearful depressive thoughts to "just be", and simply observing them), and constantly tell myself positive things and keep telling myself that I'm happy - as much as I think this strategy won't work, I've decided to give this a try too...
For a very short while I actually thought I might be recovering, and now I'm just slipping deeper into depression again :-( I wish I could just be happy, or even barely functional like everyone else. I can't concentrate on work at all anymore and they've hired someone to replace me, but I still have to go for a while and try to "train" this person on my project, but I can't even seem to do that.


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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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Offlinelucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: lucid]
    #1488526 - 04/24/03 06:19 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

Sigh, just 3 months ago I was biking, dancing, skiing and appreciating all the little things in life... now I feel like even if God himself were to put me in heaven I'd still be miserable :-( I can't even imagine a situation or circumstances that would make me feel better.


--------------------
"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: lucid]
    #1488873 - 04/24/03 09:39 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

stay strong.. it may suck, but life isn't about happy feelings all the time.. live through this pain.. not matter how bad it may be, and when you do come out if... i promise you, YOU WILL come out of it... life will never look so beautiful.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Desperately need help :-( Freaked out a month after shro [Re: lucid]
    #1488895 - 04/24/03 09:49 AM (20 years, 10 months ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -

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