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OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
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Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions?
    #3186831 - 09/27/04 04:42 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

What do you guys think? Good or bad........and I KNOW it totally depends. I guess I am really wanting to hear of others' personal experiences.


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Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,029
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3186874 - 09/27/04 04:54 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I am friends with a few swinngers never new it was such a big thing till this past weekend. As far as I care as long as its done being safe and with respect towards the others and there partners feelings its all good.


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OfflineKidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3187000 - 09/27/04 05:32 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Hi Phishgrrl,

I have not been in a polyamorous relationship, but have talked about it with my GF and thought alot about it. I think success would depend on having the participants be very secure, stable and loving. Any jealousy is going to blow up instantly. I guess that's pretty obvious.

As much as I like the fantasy of having two or more GFs at the same time, I think the reality is that the emotional work that would be required to make sure everyone feels loved and happy would be huge.

There are some decent websites about it.

I think the most difficult part would be getting over not being the one "special" person for your partner. If your partner has two partners (or more) you probably lose that feeling. I suppose it is an ego thing that you could get over if you really want to.

KS


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Anonymous #1

Post deleted by Anno [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3187034 - 09/27/04 05:40 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)



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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,029
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: ]
    #3187195 - 09/27/04 06:16 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

It be nice to be able to not be binded down by a relationship. In my opion its to hard for me to stay grounded in one place to long. So I let my partners know that I travel I get around and that I take each day as it is. If I am immersed in someone elses aura and sparks are flying between us I will cherish the moment instead of condem my self to one love when I have much love for all. Im sure maybe one day when I am stable enough to provide the right enviroment for a single relationship Iwill do it. But untill then this bird is free. My relationships never go far though do to many not being able to cope with my free spirit and lack of " commitment" yet they fail to see that I still love em. Not saying I am a manwhore or a lusting fool. Nor do we go out and I ditch her. Yet I feel unable to be comfortable not being able to talk to ladies and meet people put extra burden on my shoulders when all I want to do is be happy and not feel restrained.


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Offlineagr8fulchick
Feed Your Head!

Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 707
Loc: Stranded in Iowa
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: ]
    #3191026 - 09/28/04 12:18 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I'd have to agree with bf6. Humans are great at comparisons, and I'd hate to introduce an outsider in to my relationship just to have him think that she's better than me. That would suck, and there's nothing you can do about it! The opinion will be formed, and you'll all be stuck with the bad feelings.

It's hard enough for a couple to keep eachother happy. I can't imagine a guy trying to keep 8 wives happy! That has to be impossible! Personally, I think that brining other people into your relationship will only complicate things and introduce more pain.

I luv you Phishy! I hope that you find the answers that you need, and that all is going well :smile: :heart: :smile: :heart: :smile: :heart: :smile:


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Life's a journey. Take the scenic route.

        :sun: :heart: :heart: :sun:


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
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Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,389
Loc: USA
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3191600 - 09/28/04 03:24 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

more than one partner is human nature i think...i doubt we were meant to be satisfied with one person for life....however our culure has conditioned us to believe 1 partner is the way to go. i read something once that when asked, swingers usually have better relationships than normal married people :shrug:


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OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
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Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #3191885 - 09/28/04 04:37 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah I think it is a totally natural thing for most people too. Most of us are at least serial monogamists. Anyway, it's a really interesting and revolutionary idea to me. I think it would be best for people that aren't too insecure and are pretty mature emotionally and mentally. Hmmm.


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,382
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3192005 - 09/28/04 05:06 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Back when I was a selfish person and before doing mushrooms, I would have (and was) aghast at the idea, completely opposed to it. 

Now that I am older, more mature and have some boundary-dissolving/amazing psychedelic experiences under my belt, I would say that my mind has completely changed about open relationships.  I think that they could totally work if both parties are selfless and have their egos in check.  This is easier said then done thougth...

Nonetheless, it *can* be done!!  I suggest a prescription of several mushroom sessions with everyone involved to loosen boundaries.  If I ever become a swinger with my husband, I'll probably do that. 

:heart:


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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 6,481
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 19 days, 23 hours
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3194792 - 09/29/04 10:13 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)



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old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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Anonymous #1

Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3195337 - 09/29/04 01:40 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

it's ok as long as you don't love the person you plan on sharing.


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OfflineRed
spun

Registered: 05/12/04
Posts: 473
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: ]
    #3198896 - 09/30/04 05:28 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I think its more a matter of being secure with yourself, and your mate. The jealousy that could present itself comes from fear of losing your lover.. but if you know your husband or wife is the love of your life, then theres no reason you should get jealous over other people you bring into play.. since you know deep down, the connection you have with them comes before any sex anyone could bring. I don't think very many people actually have this sense of security, or strength in a relationship.. and so, successful open relationships and swingers will remain a select few that get to have more fun than most people. :grin:

Best of luck in whatever you're looking for, Phish.. You'll find it.  :sun:


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Pussy Thunderclap, snap my back. Chop me into peices, and serve me as a snack.


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InvisibleSam1912
journeyman

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 2,142
Loc: Cali
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Red]
    #3199325 - 09/30/04 11:19 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Just so you guys know... don't talk bad about something you don't know, or make assumptions. It's like a drug experience. It's very often not like what you thought it'd be like. My wife and I used to swing and are still open to it. It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's like the mystery before your first time.

I've seen some break ups, but most couples find out early whether it's going to work for them or not. The level of involvement is also an issue with a lot of couples. Swing clubs are much more enjoyable than regular ones. Sex is... well, it's not that big of a mystery to swinging couples, but rather how you have sex(toys, group in tubs, games, contests, etc...) seems to drive the relationships. We become good friends with each other and hang out a lot more than having sex.

I think the reason why it worked for us despite all the insecurities(there's no way we could've set aside all the jealousies and insecurities) was that we promised each other no regrets and be honest about all the feelings when we talk about it afterwards. After the first time, it was a big revelation that I was proud of my wife and I really didn't feel much jealousy but rather a joy for her enjoying what life has to offer. You can tell yourself that it's only physical and not emotional all day long. That'd be a lie. But being able to talk about it is what makes you feel secure.

Oh, btw, it's just a personal thing... It's EASY to share a bed with another couple, sharing a bathroom(i.e. living together) is something else.

There's a good site you can goto to meet some swingers in your area. They are REAL people, not some freaks. So, be respectful. Most of them will invite you out or to their houses for chat and answer your questions. Some will be more selective. All of them are very selective about who to engage in a relationship with. We had a couple invite us to come watch at a party they were throwing. Anyways, if any personal questions, PM me.
http://www.swinglifestyle.com


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Protect your civil rights!  End drug prohibition.  And if you don't care about your civil rights, protect mine!

If you want a rating from me, please PM me.  For those really newbies, don't expect an answer back, but you can try me anyways.


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,029
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Sam1912]
    #3199444 - 09/30/04 12:08 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Sam1912 said:
Just so you guys know... don't talk bad about something you don't know, or make assumptions.




I dont think any one was speaking ill on the subject.


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Invisiblesilversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3199472 - 09/30/04 12:19 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I don't have any experience with it, but I've thought about it, and I think I could cope with something like that. I think if I had a girlfriend who loved me but didn't want to be tied down, and I loved her enough to care more about her feelings than my own, then I could see having an open relationship.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3200703 - 09/30/04 06:17 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Go for it
But only if you are willing to take risks


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What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
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Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3203358 - 10/01/04 10:57 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I appreciate all of your responses.  My life is really crazy right now, but I think good things are bubbling up all around me and are going to continue to do so in the future.  I am going to just ride the tide and enjoy it.  I am going to keep my priorities straight, ans as long as love is the number one priority in my life, I don't think I can go wrong. Thank you all. You have given me lots of things to think about! :heart:


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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Offlineagr8fulchick
Feed Your Head!

Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 707
Loc: Stranded in Iowa
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3203505 - 10/01/04 12:17 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You rule Phishy, and we all love you! You know that we'll all support you in making the right decisions and catching those happy bubbles all around you  :laugh: :heart: :laugh: :heart: :laugh:


--------------------
Life's a journey. Take the scenic route.

        :sun: :heart: :heart: :sun:


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Registered: 05/29/04
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Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3203533 - 10/01/04 12:31 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Create that posetive space for yourself and keep that energy flowing.


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OfflineMagicHombre
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Registered: 01/05/10
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Re: Polyamory/ open Relationships? Any experience? Opinions? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #11968101 - 02/05/10 12:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

In my experience it's not a good idea. Jealousy isn't something that you can just not do. I mean, try it. Try not to be jealous, eventually it'll catch up to you.

I've got a group of friends who are very into the polyamory lifestyle and for a while so was I. The reason I quit that nonsense is because there was always drama involved. ALWAYS. You think soap opera's are drama? Well imagine if each of the characters were polyamorous... Who slept with who, who wants to sleep with who, who fell in love after sleeping with who, who fell out of love after sleeping with who. And round and round it goes.
You can't escape the feelings of jealousy, cause eventually someone that you consider hotter and younger is going to capture the attention of your mate (open relationship or not, still your mate).

Then what? You or your mate will start sneaking around on the side. I'm not saying that this will definitely happen but from what I've seen, it usually does.

I don't recommend it.


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The only thing I'm sure of is that you can't be sure of anything!


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