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HI I'm new to these forums although I have been at this site for a few years (for growing info etc). just to introduce myself my name's David, if anyone cares :P anyways!
i am looking for some advice regarding shroom use, and mental health (mine). I have taken shrooms a number of times, my first time was unbelievable and totally enjoyable, something i'll never ever forget . The 2nd time i did it however, was great at first, tho the later half of the trip ended up with me being paranoid over the phone ringing coz i was having trouble with this girl at the time.. overall the trip was alright tho. I have since done it a few times... mostly with light dose/effects, however, at around the time when doing it (a few years ago), i noticed that after every time i shroomed, my personality changed. The last time i properly dosed, about a year and a half ago, i only did it because my mate really wanted to try it but didnt want to do it alone.. That time was really strange for me, instead of that feeling of 'coming home' or feeling close or connected with nature and the world, i had this distinct feeling that 'something was not right', and it ruined everything... but that feeling never went away. i would get this strange feeling whilst shrooming which made me feel very anxious, and it would never go away, and its kind of made me scared to do it again.
I go to see a psychotherapist every week now, not coz of the shrooms, but as far as i know and understand i have an Anxiety disorder of some sort, and i realise i've had it all my life even when i was little.. obsessive thinking as well, generally have little self confidence and self esteem, have social troubles as well (relationships with people are all over the place). I do also (some periods of time) exhibit many of the symptoms of bipolar disorder (just my research, not doctor certified), and/or mood disorders.. The last 6 months of my life have been hell for me, feeling like i'm going crazy and unable to cope with anything, everything i once never thought anything of, was a big issue to me and it would worry me to the point where it felt like i'd be better of dead.. over the last few months after being plunged into the deepest personal hell i could ever imagine, facing every little problem in my life no matter how small, i've started to slowly overcome them, and it feels like my mind, and physical health are starting to recover.. if only so slowly. My deepest and darkest demons have been exposed and i'm starting to win the fight is one way i like to look at it. I am still very moody as i have been for as long as i can remember, my moods just change so suddenly, but the change isnt always as bad as it used to be some times... i am FINALLY starting to feel like i am having more control over my anxiety, day after day it gets better and better (though i still have a long way to go), and hopefully in the not so distant future i will be in good mental health and in full control of my life!
OK.. that was a bit long and i am sorry for boring you's, but i had to give a bit of history about me b4 i get to the point of this post. The first few times i did shrooms, they were simply amazing.. so magical and... i dunno.. i just really enjoyed it. I just worry now though that if i do shrooms again, that all i will feel is that uncomfortable anxious feeling, if that is what it is.. and i am scared that i'll never be able to properly enjoy and experience the wonder that these shrooms give us ever again, and the thought of not being able to do it ever again really disturbs me, because i have a strong interest in these things (and with psychedelics in general) and i do not want to give them up completely. Every time i read a trip report it brings back memories of the good times i had and the deep thoughts and states of mind that are unique to the mushrooms, i am very very fond of this fungi (NOT obsessed), and understand I have to respect it as well, times between trips usually are at least a few months to years even..
So yeah.. i'm just after some advice about taking shrooms when a person has anxiety problems, or has HAD anxiety problems in the past.. i know i wont be taking it until i feel mentally fit and secure within myself, but problem with anxiety disorder is u feel like ur never gonna be normal again. I dont think i could live with myself knowing that i'd never be mentally well enough to take shrooms again, because that just makes me feel like i've constantly got psychological problems and i dont want to live the rest of my life like that!! but yeah... thanks for listening if you've read this far..
ANY comments and advice is welcome thanx!
PS i should add that around mid last year was the time when i started to have anxiety attacks, and i believe this was caused by constant sleep deprivation, bad stress, and of course relationship problems. before that time i was relatively fine for a few years. Pattern seems to be i have psychological problems for a year or so at a time, and then i get over it for a year or so.. then it comes back.. only back then i didnt know what my problems were, now I do.
I have pretty bad anxiety, and was on medication for it a few years ago.
When I shroom, the first hour or so of the experience is usually pretty anxious for me. But when I actually start tripping, I settle down and just enjoy the experience! (usually)
Some tips that may help you (because they help me):
When you trip, silence all phones! Turn them off.
Have a soothing envirnment! Make sure that you are comfortable in your surroundings for a trip. I trip inside often and always set out lots of pillows, blankets and sleeping bags, and there are lots of fun, psychedelic paintings on the walls.
Prepare some "tripping activities" to do on the comeup, or if you start to feel anxious. Things like painting (awesome!), sampling and exploring various fruits (previously prepared), having a pen and paper ready, glowsticks or silly putty, fabric with different textures to explore, etc. You haven't lived until you have "experienced" a strawberry!
Do not go into the trip with any expectations at all. Spend the days before the trip "packing your brain" with positive, or interesting material. Discovery channel, History channel, lots of reading, relaxing, writing, settling your mind. Do not indulge in a single negative thought. Spread that positivity around to others.
Practice deep breathing techniques to use while tripping. Enjoy the feel of the air going into your lungs. You are alive and having the experience of a lifetime!
While tripping or in your daily life, find contentment in "where you are." R e l a x. Float downstream.
Get the book, "The Psychedelic Experience" and read throughly.
I've been trying to "work on" my anxiety level also, not just while shrooming but in my daily life. I found reading the "The Psychedelic Experience" by Timothy Leary to be a very comforting and informative book of guidance for the tripper.
Quote: When I shroom, the first hour or so of the experience is usually pretty anxious for me. But when I actually start tripping, I settle down and just enjoy the experience! (usually)
Yeah i've noticed the same thing actually, which i think is not so uncommon anyway, once the full blown effects are in place it does get a lot better. I think my problem with the feeling i get is because I tend to unwillingly focus on unpleasant body sensations and that makes it worse. Sometimes when all i feel is nausea, and it drives me nuts, i just think to myself "i'm just gonna pretend its not there and go with the flow", and for a short while the uneasiness disappears!! but comes back I think i need to work on my mental discipline and learn to control my negative thoughts. this focusing on unpleasant body sensations i tend to do in every day life also, with back/chest pain and heart palpitations driving me next to insane..
hmmm i might look into getting that book by Timothy Leary actually. Sounds like I could learn a lot from it!
Since I began meditating daily, stress and anxiety just flow right off my back like water. If you don't already meditate, I would highly recommend you try. I rarely have problems with anxiety on shrooms, unlike pot, however, it does make me restless at some points. Sometimes I find myself pacing during the come up, but as soon as the buzzing shroom vibe climbs up my spine and into my brain, it's very relaxed from that point on. Last trip, I had some serious nausea and it was terrifically unpleasant to have to deal with that and a gag reflex while tripping, but it was solved by taking an antacid.
-------------------- "I'm afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery."
- Aldous Huxley