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 MuShi_KiNg
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Registered: 09/25/01
Posts: 491
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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 Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE 
#631315 - 05/15/02 06:31 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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http://www.ulc.org/
Become an ordained minister in less than 3 minutes and start
your own ministry or church of any faith or religion, TODAY.
After your instant ordination, proceed to print your instant full color
ordination credential with your name and ordination date,
all within 3 minutes and absolutely 100% legal.
Whats does everybody think about this 
Just thought i would share 
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 Jellric
altered statesman
Registered: 11/07/98
Posts: 2,261
Loc: non-local
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MuShi_KiNg]
#631418 - 05/15/02 08:29 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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I became a ULC minister over a year ago and recommend it for those who go into it with the right spirit. They are totally serious about their work, but have an environment free from religous dogma and repression. They encourage debate amongst their members and have a bulletin board for that purpose. The posts are substantive, informed, and respectful. I think we could all learn from them here.
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I am what Willis was talkin' bout.
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MuShi_KiNg]
#632198 - 05/15/02 06:12 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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i was at that site a while back and was going to do it, but i wasn't sure if i was getting sucked into something that i didn't realize, so i didn't do it...
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#632199 - 05/15/02 06:13 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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No Requirements Or Commitments EVER!
maybe i failed to see that part last time... 
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#632224 - 05/15/02 06:34 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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sweeeet... for an easy $10 i can be a "Missionary of Music"
or i can just skip all the little accessories and get the "Ministry In A Box" for a mear $89.00.. they even throw in some Holy Land Incense !!!
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Middleman
Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,407
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#632342 - 05/15/02 09:36 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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ULC:
"We offer special titles such as Shaman, High Priestess, Yogi, and any other variety of title that you can imagine! Contact us for more information on our current titles, or one that is appropriate for you"
ROFLOL
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Middleman]
#632356 - 05/15/02 10:12 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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for like $30 you can get your DD and legally use the name "doctor"
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Xray_Salami
Registered: 03/08/02
Posts: 62
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#632366 - 05/15/02 10:24 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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I wanna be a doctor. 
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Middleman]
#632402 - 05/16/02 12:28 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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"We offer special titles such as Shaman, High Priestess, Yogi, and any other variety of title that you can imagine! "
Sorry, but you cannot take the name of Swami. If you send me an essay on why you want to study under me, I will bequeath on you the title of "Disciple" for free (after you sign over all your worldly goods and renounce materialism.)
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Swami]
#633188 - 05/16/02 12:22 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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well folks... you may now address me as "The good Reverend Smack!"
yes indeed, the lord works in mysterious ways...
one odd thing though. when you sign up, they send you two emails. the first one explains what you can do, a little of their history, and then they try to get you to buy a bunch of stuff. the second email... that was the odd one. it contains some of your "benefits" of joining, and on one of them... well, just read this for yourself!
BONUS #2
=========
The other GREAT BONUS we mentioned was information on how to
obtain a FREE prescription discount plan. We have no idea how
long this service will remain FREE but do phone and make your
own inquiries. Works with most manufacturers. We regularly get
discounts of up to 60% on many prescriptions ourselves so this
is valuable information.
All you need to do is call this number: 1-800-511-1314
They will answer as MEMBER SERVICES. (8:30am - 9pm EST)
The program is called "MATURE RX" (Prescription Drug Program).
There are no age limits or other requirements we know of. This
is a great service so jump on this one folks. They will ask how
you heard about the program. If you say from a friend, they will
charge you a one time $9.95 fee. If you say you heard about it
from a pharmacist (like at Wal-Mart) your lifetime membership is
free. This is because they run thousands of promotions and they
have to know where your information came from. If you like, call
your local Wal-Mart pharmacist and ask about the Mature RX
program. That way you have indeed heard about it from a
pharmacist. We would not advise you saying that you heard about
it from a church however. :-)
Now what the fuck was that all about?
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Sclorch
Clyster
Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#633230 - 05/16/02 01:08 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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*frantically writes number down*
Now... uh... they don't require scripts or... hehe... diazepam... adderall... oxycodone... GOD I sound like a fiend.
*rips up number and throws it in the trash can*
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
*Digs ripped up pieces of paper out of trash can....* 
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Note: In desperate need of a cure...
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GRTUD
INFP
Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 270
Loc: United States
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MuShi_KiNg]
#633282 - 05/16/02 02:07 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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"Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head!" -Dr. V.
"It would have worked, if you hadn't stopped me!" - Egon
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"New shit has come to light..."
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Jammer
Computers areMORE Addictive!
Registered: 11/04/00
Posts: 3,998
Loc: (God's Country) - USA
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MuShi_KiNg]
#633302 - 05/16/02 02:28 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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I would like to be a Minister in The Church of The Banjo!
(' might be able to get tax free banjo strings!!)
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>>Jammer>>
Edited by Jammer (05/16/02 02:29 PM)
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MuShi_KiNg]
#633410 - 05/16/02 04:09 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yes, well, I'm all for religious freedom, both Constitutionally and ontologically - as a consequence of our participation in Being, but...I do not like bogus degrees. It's kind of a hoot if you want to give yourself a title like Arthur Klepps did when he called himself Chief Boo Hoo in his psychedelic church in the 60's, but if someone wants to be taken even a little seriously, there's a problem ahappenin'.
Reminds me of the incredibly hot looking platinum blond I went out with who told me she was a "shrink." No...she NEEDED a shrink. She was delusional in a textbook sense. I met her on the phone, so I didn't know how she looked, but she misrepresented herself by saying she was a shrink (which I interpreted as a psychiatrist - an M.D.). Of course, if I had seen her first, I STILL would've gone out with her probably - but that psychosis thing is a real turn-off for me (especially since I had just left a sick, sadistic, alcoholic wife, and I really am a psychotherapist!)
On the other hand, no one with any credibility is gonna recognize these Doctor of Metaphysics degrees, so only the mentally challenged would be taken in by such claims. That would be unfortunate for them, if the 'doctor' turned into a Jim Jones or David Koresh. If one is ethical, one can sometimes use a doctor title to get airline tickets refunded for a client, or ask a judge to take a kid off probation so he can redeem himself by joining the Marines. I have been able to do these things, but I don't use the title to help get restaurant reservations, for example. There's a world of difference between altruism and egotism, and the rewards of the first infinitely outweigh those of the second. Peace.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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mr crisper
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Registered: 07/24/00
Posts: 928
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#633446 - 05/16/02 04:31 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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gday markos the g...hisashiburi! (longtime no see)
in japan, the locals have a fetish for things foreign, including me. but they love having lavish christian style weddings, with of course a foreign celebrant dressed appropriately conducting the ceremony in english. nobody understands a word of it, so you can prattle on about any old shit, it doesnt matter.
anyway if you are foreign and game you can earn $300 for an hours work pretending to be a minister.
if i join this church and have the papers to show my status, i'll be cashed up in no time. one of their authentic (looking) marriage certificates to complete the deal too!
is this ethical? after all the bride and groom are not even christains.
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Baby_Hitler
Magat Stalker
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 28,088
Loc: I'm right behind you, aren't I...
Last seen: 3 hours, 48 minutes
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#633785 - 05/16/02 11:26 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm kind of suspicious of this "rug doctor" as well.
I'm also beginning to suspect the "furniture king" is not really royalty. 
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Morality is just aesthetics, meatbags.
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Baby_Hitler
Magat Stalker
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 28,088
Loc: I'm right behind you, aren't I...
Last seen: 3 hours, 48 minutes
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#633789 - 05/16/02 11:30 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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I wonder if they have any doctrine regarding Social Security.
I know You can opt out on that if you are a conciecious objector and belong to certain religious organizations.
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Morality is just aesthetics, meatbags.
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#633946 - 05/17/02 04:58 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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...but...I do not like bogus degrees...
And you differentiate a bogus degree from a real one by...? Aren't all degrees a document bestowed on an individual by a "group of experts"? And we know they are experts because some other group gave them a degree and so on.
It reminds me of the US Treasury bitching about counterfeit money, while they crank out "billions of dollars" worth of worthless paper, which only works as long as we agree that the government's counterfeits are "real".
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The proof is in the pudding.
Edited by Swami (05/17/02 05:14 AM)
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Swami]
#633955 - 05/17/02 05:10 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Damn, Swami. Sometimes you're pretty insightful.
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: ]
#633957 - 05/17/02 05:15 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Actually that is pure Robert Anton Wilson style of thinking.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Sclorch
Clyster
Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
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 Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Swami]
#634292 - 05/17/02 10:11 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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What!!!!
You mean there isn't ANY gold backin' my wad???
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Note: In desperate need of a cure...
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Baby_Hitler
Magat Stalker
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 28,088
Loc: I'm right behind you, aren't I...
Last seen: 3 hours, 48 minutes
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Sclorch]
#634356 - 05/17/02 11:07 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Right...like gold's worth that much more than paper. It still only has the value we place on it. The dollar IS backed by gold...and aluminum, and paper, and silicon, and fried chicken, and heroin,and porno, and information, services and ideals.
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Morality is just aesthetics, meatbags.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Swami]
#634437 - 05/17/02 12:40 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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I worked for ten years in three universities, during which time I not only played their game, but educated myself in the process. I also had sex for the first time and later met my first wife within the school experience. The intellectual and spiritual growth that occurred as my plans for a career in medicine gave way to degrees in philosophy, theology and psychology, could (and will) fill a book. Ten years of life experience that centered on the academic process, and the means to support that process speaks for itself. The internships, bad jobs, state licensure and national certificate exams that followed the post-doc, student-poverty state, all determined by those academic degrees, determined my occupational life for an additional 19 years. My occupation, in turn, has allowed me to learn from 2 decades of clinical experience.
Now, unless you're just being ridiculous, it is obvious that one gets out of life what one puts into it. A $30.00 false document symbolizes nothing at all accept an attempt to get something for nothing. False credentials for deceivers is an unethical and immoral enterprise, yet in our society it is a matter of caveat emptor - let the buyer beware. In the past 2 weeks in Miami, we've had a charlatan practicing dentistry without a license (or an education), and someone injecting botex into women's lips illegally. I have acquired certain clinical skills by education and practice, but I know my limitations. Would YOU go to a quack if you needed some kind of treatment?
I left seminary with a non-ordinational degree 'cause I didn't want to be a Methodist minister. If people want to 'marry' in neon chapels in Las Vegas, or by phoney clergy, it's their choice. It'll no doubt be a phoney marriage - if that's what they want. As for me - I'm in the process of realization - of becoming real - kinda like the Velveteen Rabbit.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Anonymous
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#634448 - 05/17/02 12:49 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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so then what defines a marriage for you? even if one of these phoney ministers does marry you, it is still legal... and that's all that matters for a lot of people. i for one don't need to have a church marry me in "the eyes of god" or whatever... in my book, the eyes of god would recognize your marriage by the love and sacrifice that is shared, not by what the law or the church has to say.
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Jellric
altered statesman
Registered: 11/07/98
Posts: 2,261
Loc: non-local
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 Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#634708 - 05/17/02 05:33 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Markos:
"Now, unless you're just being ridiculous, it is obvious that one gets out of life what one puts into it. A $30.00 false document symbolizes nothing at all accept an attempt to get something for nothing."
How it is a "false document"?? I see what you're saying, but to compare the credentials needed to be a doctor, putting someone's life at risk by cutting them open hardly relates to being a minister. I've put the better part of my life into studying religions and spirituality. I certainly wasn't out to "get something for nothing." I see my role as putting people in touch with the spirit of God inside of them. After that, I've done my work and they are guided from within.
Anyone can minister to another- that person may be a businessman, a janitor.. a carpenter?
Did John the Baptist have a degree in theology? I don't think so.
You know all those catholic priest pedophiles in the news today?
Well guess what? .. They all had the official sanction to practice religion.
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I am what Willis was talkin' bout.
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Baby_Hitler
Magat Stalker
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The ULC's doctrine is simple: be open minded about all religions. How many years of school does it take to figure that one out?
Ministership in the ULC is free the $30 is just for some unessential supplies and a nice piece of paper. You don't need a piece of paper to practice religion. You don't even need any to be ordained to baptize people, or smear butter on their nostrils in the name of God. The only power you gain is the right to perform weddings.
You don't need to know anything to perform a wedding except where the county clerk's office is. They'll tell you everything you need to know in 5 minutes. If you can fill out a form, you are as capable as any other human being.
The validity of the mariage isn't in the minister's hands. That lies solely in the hands of the married couple.
Utah, and New york have tried to pass legislation that would prevent ULC members from performing weddings, but neither have had any luck, nor should they.
No one, no matter how "qualified" they are has the right to declare what is and is not a valid religion, and religion can not validate, or invalidate a marriage.
Most ULC ministers only wed freinds, and are not in any kind of business.
In reply to:
A $30.00 false document symbolizes nothing at all accept an attempt to get something for nothing.
It's getting something that is already yours for nothing.
I'm still working on that "real" thing myself. So far, so good.
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Morality is just aesthetics, meatbags.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Jellric]
#635112 - 05/18/02 05:30 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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True, anyone 'so empowered,' can minister. But a diploma mill simply is an attempt to defraud people. Years ago 60 Minutes did a great expose on such. I remember a high school drop-out with a Harvard diploma on the wall of her office - a bogus document. Do you not know reality from illusion (relatively speaking)? A 'real' diploma indicates a 'real' achievement in academia.
If you gathered the intention behind certain religious rituals, you would see the importance of ministerial actions to those receiving them. It has nothing to do with the physical life and is like comparing apples to oranges.
People don't receive credentials to become pedophiles. Academic achievements can be obtained without ethics or morals. They are then merely intellectual exercises devoid of compassion or wisdom. Look at lawyers for example. Even Jesus said "Woe unto you lawyers and hypocrites."
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: All clergy are phoney. [Re: Baby_Hitler]
#635135 - 05/18/02 05:49 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Of course you are entitled to define marriage any way you want to. That is completely your choice. If some couple wants to get married by a friend with their beliefs - whatever they are - it's their choice. No problem. There is no problem at all here, in fact, but I sense an argumentative attitude. Marriage for me is a symbolic reality for a divine union - a conjunctio of opposites, and its outer form is intended to convey this spiritual reality to others.
But let me not seem hypocritical. After my current lady and I divorced our ex spouses, we have not 'married' in any legal way; neither have we 'married' according to ritual. Our marriage exists moment-to-moment in a faithful relationship. I do not know exactly why most marriages fail, but the subtle psychological changes that creep in, by which we begin to take each other for granted, has something to do with it. Though we refer to each other as 'wife' and 'husband,' the interaction is still, after 6 years, like we are on a date. My further objection to frivolous marrying is an objection to just another source of everyday suffering: divorce.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Anonymous]
#635148 - 05/18/02 06:02 AM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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Right. I do not require a faith community to recognize or validate the union I have with my lady. It is internal: psychic and spiritual. I am not interested in what Uncle Sam thinks either, as that is just about taxes and money for the government. However, since it's not All About Me, I do not like to see gullible people deceived, although shallow, frivolous people can be expected to celebrate in shallow frivilous ways. I do not have expectations for other people. They are free to do what they like, for reasons that they are equipped to understand.
Hey...my wedding in '83 was by a Messianic Jewish pastor on my parent's lawn, with his wife playing guitar. The only problem there was that my ex wife was only saying "I do" with her lips, while her heart, mind and actions said 'I won't.' I don't believe the minister had a seminary degree, but I believed he was a good-intentioned Christian. The license was of the State of New Jersey. Everything was good, except the person I chose to marry. My bad.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
Edited by MarkostheGnostic (05/19/02 09:56 AM)
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rain_angel
EnLigHTenD MiNDRancHeR
Registered: 03/14/02
Posts: 493
Loc: Next door to you
Last seen: 18 years, 6 months
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Re: Become An ORDAINED MINISTER.100% Legal & FREE [Re: Swami]
#637960 - 05/20/02 01:51 PM (22 years, 10 months ago) |
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lol, i think thats great, i am now a reverend too. thats awesome i might order a certficate, if i ever have money to throw away! i really think this is hilarious, and speaks how legit, but loopy this world is that we created. thats funny how i can be a reverend of my own ministry, and sign up for it, just like a psycik would claim to be a mind reader- now i can claim to be a reverend. its funny, but you have to find a sick/twisted/ironic humor in it.
peace
rain
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