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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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Kids
    #4878775 -

What is it about kids that makes people want to spend the biggest parts of their life raising them?

I honestly don't get it. Maybe because of my unhappy childhood, or the way this culture sets up parenting, I just can't seem to find that overpowering need to have children in my life.

Now my partner has kids. If I want to spend time with her that means interacting with her kids. Don't get me wrong they are great kids for the most part. But...

Their dad is a no show. Her mom is a no show. She needs to work full time+ to make ends meet. So there really is almost no time for just her and me. After the kids are in bed (and we're tired out) and that's about it. A couple of hours on Saturday when we confine them to their room.:satan: But we can't leave the house.
( baby sitters in this town get almost as much as a regular job wage. $8 per hr. or more)

It seems like we give up so much of our life or the one we might have. This is a real problem in our relationship. To the point where I don't come over as much anymore.

My question is. Why bother with kids? Really give me some great reasons to spend your time doing the kid thing. Maybe I'm missing something.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4878780 -

Looks like you and I are 100% sympatico on this as well.

I've said it countless times before, and I'll say it once more: I'll take a whole zoo of animals in the house over a having a kid/child/baby any day.




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Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

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Re: Kids [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #4878787 -

Yeah, I love dogs. I used to train them for awhile. So once they're obediance trained they don't pose a problem. They are just fun for the most part. Not the BIG committment like children are. You can just put them outside if you don't want to look at them. :grin:


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4878810 -

I more or less have the same view on kids.

I see the advantages of children; it's beautiful to see a human baby develop and to have a living creature on earth that is a combination of the one you love and yourself. I can have lots of fun with kids and I think I would be a good father for my child if I put my time in it.

The disadvantages overwhelm the advantages though. You don't have time for anything else but your children if you want to give your children a good childhood. Most of the time you put into your children is hard work for the first few years of his/her life. Diapers.. diapers.. diapers.. shit.. shit.. cry.. cry.. diapers.. shit.. etc. You can't leave the children alone until they grow up. No fun vacations, no time alone with your gf/wife, no trips, no going out, nothing possible without your kids. They are always there.

And then the money they cost.... horrible. You can travel as much as you want if you don't have 2 children to feed and educate.



There are people who think/know it's worth it for them. I have no problem with that and I have serious respect for those people.

People around me always tell me that I'm young and I'll change my mind in the future. That sure is possible, but I really doubt that.

Looking at the over-population of the planet earth, it is a good thing to not have children.

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Re: Kids [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #4878859 -

SkorpivoMusterion said:
I've said it countless times before, and I'll say it once more: I'll take a whole zoo of animals in the house over a having a kid/child/baby any day.


I'll testify to your saying it countless times. :smirk:

Same here, naturally. :grin: We're considering getting a ferret. :wink:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


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:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4878896 -

This is not an answer to your question, but an interesting tidbit even though it doesn't necessarily apply to single parents. (Sorry folks, no source, but my memory.)

There was a survey done between child-bearing and childless couples that had been married for over 25 years. It was purely subjective in that each couple was to rate themselves on a happiness scale during different phases of life.

Summation, there were natural fluctuations depending on the age of the kids or years of marriage, but basically both groups of couples rated themselves about a 7 on their own personal happiness scale.

There was no appreciable overall difference.


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4878968 -

To teach them. A blank slate you can mold into a good being. Lord knows we don't have enough of them here now.


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No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4879008 -

the deal with kids, at least for my wife and i (we have an 8 y/o son and a 4 y/o daughter), is the feeling that this was the best we had to offer. kind of like saying to the universe: " here is one each of our species, a male and a female, this was the very best we had to offer the universe. something that will hopefully outlive us in ways beyond just years, but also hopefully outlive us intellectually and spiritually. i admit to trying to live vicariously through my children at times, but i always encourage them to choose freely those things that interest them. and then i enjoy those things that they love. having children around the house opens your eyes to ideas and angles that adults cannot possibly recall from their own childhood. the purity of a child's love is beyond compare and comprehension. my own dad was a piece of shit, and everday when i'm faced with a choice or path for my children, i think, "i'm going to do this better. i'm going to do this right. my children will enjoy their childhood." and what could be a more noble goal for living a life than making the world a little better for your children?

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Re: Kids [Re: jsb]
    #4879021 -

"Kids, .. do not make them, before you can tell them, what they are.."
-Unknown :P


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Disclaimer!?

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Re: Kids [Re: jsb]
    #4879032 -

what could be a more noble goal for living a life than making the world a little better for your children?

Making the world a little better for everyone. You don't do this by putting all your time into your children.

This is no personal offense, just my answer to that question.

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Re: Kids [Re: jsb]
    #4879040 -

and what could be a more noble goal for living a life than making the world a little better for your children?

(Not directed towards you.)

A more noble goal would be making the world a little better for ALL children.

Now that may sound like pie-in-the-sky idealism, but too many parents/tribes/countries everywhere operate under the principle that "I got mine!" "Hey, my children are provided for even though it may be at other's expense." Both rich people and poor people do this. It is a narrow view that needs to be expanded.


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4879053 -

Here's a short list:

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/4514495/page/0/fpart/1/vc/1

Beyond that, (for me) there has always been a natural "pull" towards children.  They still look at the world wide-eyed, and don't need to remind themselves to stop and smell the roses.  So few adults manage to survive with their sense of wonder intact, and it is only with children that I am able to share wonderment.

I won't deny the work can be grueling, and involves sacrificing some personal desires for many years.  I would love it if I lived in a community which supported parents more & where I could share duties with other families.  That seems to be a fantasy, though.  :sad:

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4879225 -

Ladies: One word - episiotomy.

:puke:

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Re: Kids [Re: Irradiated_Feces]
    #4879274 -

Totally unnecessary and barbaric.  Invented by male doctors who do not trust or understand the female body. :thumbdown:

My female OB/GYN does not believe in cutting women open to speed birth along.

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Re: Kids [Re: Veritas]
    #4879467 -

Veritas said:
Totally unnecessary and barbaric.  Invented by male doctors who do not trust or understand the female body. :thumbdown:

My female OB/GYN does not believe in cutting women open to speed birth along.


haha

my shoulders, hit my mothers pelvis, and I got stuck..

sure the female body can fix it? ahahahaha

...

:crazy2:


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Disclaimer!?

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Re: Kids [Re: Gomp]
    #4879481 -

Performing a caesarean section in order to correct an actual complication of birth is very different from performing an episiotomy in order to get the doctor home earlier.

Glad you made it, sweetie!  :heart:

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Re: Kids [Re: Veritas]
    #4879659 -

Have some empathy for the doctor. Do you know how hard it is to get a reservation on the links and what the green fees are these days?


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: Kids [Re: Icelander]
    #4879726 -

Kids are a high risk, low return endeavor. Bad investment.


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"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."

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Re: Kids [Re: daimyo]
    #4879794 -

I love kids. I understand how terribly difficult it must be to raise a child, and until I feel I have the means to raise one myself I dont intend on doing it.

Kids are absolutely amazing. Ive said it before and I'll say it a million more times...to be a part of a childs life at such and integral, and developmental time in their life is an AMAZING feeling. Although I cannot attest for raising a child, I am currently a nanny for a family of 3 children, and they have inspired me beyond reason. Its such a beautiful thing to watch them learn and play, and when they laugh, my goodness it lights up the entire house. Perhaps its more a female, maternal instinct.

Kids can be really cool too, I've learned a lot about myself through working with them, and even if I never have a child of my own I hope I can always be involved with helping and teaching children.

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Re: Kids [Re: peepeepottypants]
    #4879902 -

Kids allow someone to pass along his/her genetic material.

Essentially, we are biologically programmed to want to do this. It ensures survival of the species.


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

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