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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: g00ru]
    #8571497 -

I just said it was funny to see how many people I could get to read the long ass ramblings over and over and over... :nonono:

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: The_Bringer]
    #8571621 -

The_Bringer said:
soulworksinc said:
What do you do when you're being chased by an angry dancing bear?




Play Dead....
:peace:


I was going to say "take a video and put it on youtube.".

Shows how much I know.


No, no, that only works when the bear is outside your head...


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***Attention!***


All posts made by this writer must be considered works of fiction and speculative science. There is no connection between the author's reality and the posts made by him.


All state and federal agencies reading this post should disregard it as being of no more relevant data than the average spam email.


***Attention!***

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Tomass]
    #8571797 -

Two guys are sittin at a bar.
One guy looks around and says "Y'know what, I could fuck any woman in here tonight if I wanted."
The other guy says "Oh yeah, what is your secret?"
The first guy replies "Well, I'm a rapist."


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You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #8572113 -

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man.

Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.

Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"

"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."


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:awesome:

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Irishdrunk]
    #8572122 -

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office..... but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you!" The girl said, " NO."

Johnny said, " I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story.

The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the boyfriend was still waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened......

She said, "The bastard used quarters!"

Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal completely, before agreeing to get screwed!


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:awesome:

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: g00ru]
    #8572141 -

guruu said:
Okay Prisoner I'm retarded I don't get your joke.  Xplain plz?


french tickler



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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #8572235 -

how do you know summer is finally over?



when you see black guys carrying the window A/C unit to the pawn shop.

:rofl:


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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: g00ru]
    #8572469 -

Remember the black guy from The Jetsons?

Future's looking pretty goo isn't it.







Wanna hear a joke?

Women's rights.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Tomass]
    #8572694 -

what's the difference between a hippie and an onion?




no one cries when you cut a hippie.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Hendostan]
    #8572825 -

-whats a mexicans favorite martial arts?

Judo....

As in JUDO KNOW WHO U MESSING WIT HOMES!

a good one to use on a friend concerning a party.

-Go, Hey man did you hear about that party? and say he says no, go really? Man i hope you know where its at...because its in your mouth and everyones comin!! lol

say these to a girl she will laugh...

"what can life savers do for a women that a man can't?"
Come in 5 different flavors!

"why aren't pubic hairs strait?'
Because if they were they'd poke your eyes out!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby and the bus driver says to her "Good god woman thats gotta be the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my life!". the woman walks to the back of the bus disgraced and pissed. A guy next to her says "whats wrong?" she says "I can't believe it, that bus driver just insulted me!" the guy goes "What!? Well you go right up there and you tell him off! Go ahead, I'll even hold your monkey for you! hahahah

I'v got so many more but don't feel like writing them, maybe more later.... :grin:


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"Life lived in the absence of the psychedelic experience that primordial shamanism is based on is life trivialized, life denied, life enslaved to the ego."

"You teach the world how to treat you, by showing the world how you treat yourself."

A well developed sense of humor is far superior to any religion"

"Everything you could want and could be, you already have and are."

:peace: & :heart:

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: hoopershroomer]
    #8572896 -

Sweeet. Are we going for racist jokes now?

Ok...so a black guy and a mexican guy are riding in the car. Who's driving? ..................The police!

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? ...................Because all the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are already in America!

Whats the difference between 3 mexicans, 1 asian, and 4 blacks sitting on a fence, and a lawn sprinkler? ..................Nothing! They both go: spicspicspic *CHINK* niggerniggerniggernigger! LOL I'm not racist but I live in the south so I could go on for days with these...


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"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.

deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Ima Trooper]
    #8572939 -

I live in the south too...

what's 12 inches long on a white man?



not a damn thing!


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #8572960 -

"Yo momma is so ugly, I wouldn't let her suck my dick in the dark with my eyes shut."


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"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.

deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Ima Trooper]
    #8572983 -

What's brown and sticky?

Also,

Top George Carlin bits

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: toastandjam]
    #8572986 -

toastandjam said:
What's brown and sticky?




Don't you need a punchline? :shrug:


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"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.

deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: toastandjam]
    #8573027 -

toastandjam said:
What's brown and sticky?



A STICK!



Aaahahahahaha that's my favorite joke.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Tomass]
    #8573074 -

Eh, here's a bit from some stand up that I liked:


You ever seen a homeless person skip? They don't, they're not allowed. I once saw a homeless person start to skip... bottle hit him right in the head. Yeah, I threw it, I don't care. He forgot the rules, he'll remember next time.

It's not a joke, but it's funny, so that works.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Gumby]
    #8573105 -

LOLLOLOLOLOLOL! yeah im high


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"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.

deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: Gumby]
    #8573112 -

Gumby, your avatar scares me.

Whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
acne doesn't come on kids faces until they're at least 15.


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dubiousness
Dubious compound

it is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
A penalty for possession of a drug/plant should not be more damaging than the drug/plant itself.

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Re: Tell some Jokes [Re: JonnyDeformed]
    #8573299 -

Houston, this is Challenged 1, we are experiencing a major opiate "high". Do you copy? Over.

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