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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 5 years, 17 days
Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive)
    #4553163 - 08/18/05 09:50 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Hey guys, got any good jokes? I find jokes are different from location to location. Here's some of my latest(warning: most of my Q, A jokes are racist. Don't judge please..I WISH I had good white people jokes)

Q. Have you ever seen a native on Star Trek?
A. No? That's because they don't work in the future either!

Q. Why do they call indians braves?
A. Have you seen the women they fuck?

Q. What does a black guy say when he has the runs?
A. I'M MELTINNNGGGGG!!!

Q. How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
A. 4 in the seats and ohhh...about 6 million in the ashtray!

Q. What's the difference between a black man and a picnic table?
A. At least a picnic table can support a family of 4!

Q. What's long, black and brown?
A. The unemployment line!

Q. What's pink, bubbly and scratches on glass?
A. A baby in a microwave!

Q. What's worse then 10 babys stapled to a wall?
A. 1 baby stapled to 10 walls!

Q. What are the vowels of the native alphebet?
A.(exageratted native voice needed)...ehhh? I owe you? why?

Q. Why don't indonesians shower?
A. Because they wash up on the shore!

Q. What do you get when you mix a black guy with an octopus?
A. hehe hell I dunno, but you should see the thing pick cotton!

Q. Why do they put cotton in the drug bottles?
A. To remind the black people that before they were drug addicts,
they were picking cotton!

Q. When do you smile and wink at an indian?
A. When your aiming a gun(act out aiming a gun and smile)

lol, I didn't feel like telling my story jokes. None of them are racist.

But yeah, there is lots of racisim in this place...and it's unfortunetly geared toward native people. But I've heard them all so many times, it's all I remember with my bad memory. lol they are good jokes though.


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OfflineScrewjack
The InvisibleMan

Registered: 09/18/04
Posts: 68
Loc: Underground
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge] * 1
    #4553223 - 08/18/05 09:59 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Q. Why are blondes so easy?
A. Who cares?


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,354
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553225 - 08/18/05 09:59 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

A black nun and a White nun are walking through Central Park at night when 2 black dudes jump out and start raping them. "Oh, forgive them, Lord, for the they know not what they do." The black nun exclaims, "Mine sure do!"


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 5 years, 17 days
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
    #4553230 - 08/18/05 10:00 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

haha nice guys, good jokes.

Q. Why do a lot of women secertely fart after they pee?
A. They can't drip it dry, so they blow it dry


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InvisibleTYL3R
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,473
Loc: Chico Flag
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553240 - 08/18/05 10:02 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

eww ! :poke:


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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 5 years, 17 days
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: TYL3R]
    #4553248 - 08/18/05 10:03 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

TYL3R said:
eww ! :poke:




haha nice anime!

Q. Definition of a sasqautch?
A. Proof that indians fucked bears!


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Posts: 42,354
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553253 - 08/18/05 10:04 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

:rotfl:

Nice. :thumbup:

A first grade teacher wanted to help her students learn black history so one Thursday, she told them that she would read them some famous quotes and whoever could guess who said it could stay home from school the next day. The first one she read was, "By any means necessary." Hands shot up. "Yes, Leroy, can you tell me who said that?" "Malcom X." "That's right," said the teacher, "You may go home now, and you don't have to come to class tomorrow." The next one was, "I have a dream." Again, dozens of little black hands went up. "Yes, Shaquita, do you know who said that?" "Martin Luther King, Jr." "Why yes, that's right, you can go home early and skip school tomorrow also." From the back of the classroom came a disgusted voice, "You goddamn ni**ers make me fucking sick." The teacher ran to the back of the room and screamed, "Who said that!?" The little White boy jumped out of his chair and headed for the door, saying on his way out, "David Duke. See ya Monday, bitch!"


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 5 years, 17 days
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
    #4553279 - 08/18/05 10:11 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mattzdope said:
:rotfl:

Nice. :thumbup:

A first grade teacher wanted to help her students learn black history so one Thursday, she told them that she would read them some famous quotes and whoever could guess who said it could stay home from school the next day. The first one she read was, "By any means necessary." Hands shot up. "Yes, Leroy, can you tell me who said that?" "Malcom X." "That's right," said the teacher, "You may go home now, and you don't have to come to class tomorrow." The next one was, "I have a dream." Again, dozens of little black hands went up. "Yes, Shaquita, do you know who said that?" "Martin Luther King, Jr." "Why yes, that's right, you can go home early and skip school tomorrow also." From the back of the classroom came a disgusted voice, "You goddamn ni**ers make me fucking sick." The teacher ran to the back of the room and screamed, "Who said that!?" The little White boy jumped out of his chair and headed for the door, saying on his way out, "David Duke. See ya Monday, bitch!"




haha nice!!  :grin:

So this native goes up to a veteran hooker.  He says, "I'll give you 50 to do it indian style".  Right away the hookers says no thanks, not being up for anything perverted.  He then trys again, "I'll give you 150 to do it indian style!".  She thinks for a minute, ughh I dunno I don't think so and tells him no.  He trys again, "I'll give you 500...BUT you HAVE to do it indian style!".  She thinks about it again and says to herself, "you know, I know it's gotta be some perverted or sick shit.  I've done my time though.  I've seen a lot of stuff and done a lot of funky shit!  In my 20 years, you could pretty much say I've done it all.  500 bucks, sure I guess I could handle indian style...whatever that is!"

...so they go back to a room, they have a couple hours of sex.  Not good sex by any means...but nothing out of the ordianry for this veteran.  Afterwards she's thinking to herself, "you know, I really don't know where this indian style comes into play".  So she turns to him and says, "You know, to be honest, I was expecting something really twisted or perveted or something...where does indian style come in to play?".  Indian says, "OH...I get my welfare check next wednesday...I'll pay you then!"  :wink:


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InvisibleTYL3R
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,473
Loc: Chico Flag
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553319 - 08/18/05 10:18 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

:lol:


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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 5 years, 17 days
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: TYL3R]
    #4553332 - 08/18/05 10:23 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

q. Why do blondes like lightning?
A. They think someone's taking their picture!

Q.  How do you get the window seat on a train/plane/bus from a
      blonde?
A. Tell her only the isle seats are going to her destination!

Q. What's the difference between Jesus and a painting?
A.  It only take the effort of 1 nail to hang a painting!

Q.  If you were a caveman..would you drag your woman by the
    head or by the feet?
A.  Drag her by the head!  Dragging her by the feet causes to
    much rock buildup!

lol these all are honestly from memory...I'm amazed  :grin:


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Invisibleblink
eye of horus
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Folding@home Statistics
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Posts: 11,343
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Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553344 - 08/18/05 10:26 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I didn't really find any of those funny.

Well, maybe the dead baby joke.

Q.What's worse than swinging a dead baby on a clothesline?
















A. Stopping it with a shovel.


--------------------


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OfflineGillette
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Registered: 01/11/99
Posts: 4,053
Last seen: 4 months, 23 days
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553347 - 08/18/05 10:27 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he has dead.

Q: Whats red and purple and clings to a womans leg?
A: Homesick abortion.

Q: Whats the best thing about fucking 27 year olds?
A: Theres 20 of them.

I think you have to be Canadian to appriciate this one....

3 guys are sitting in a bar drinking beers, an Asian , a Pakistani and a Canadian. The Asian drinks his beer tosses his glass in the air and wips out a gun and shoots it and says "in my country we have so many brewery's that make beer we never have to drink the same beer twice" the Pakastani looking impressed chugs his beer tosses his glass in the air pulls out an AK47 and shoots the glass and says "in my counrty we have so much sand to make glass we never have to drink out of the same glass twice." The Canadian slowly drinks his beer, puts his glass down and pulls out two guns, shots both the Asian and Pakastani and says "in my counrty we have so many Paki's and Asians we never have to drink with the same ones twice."


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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InvisibleCowgold
Bullshit

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Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 12,486
Loc: .
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: blink]
    #4553359 - 08/18/05 10:32 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

What's the difference between a midget and a venereal disease?











Well, One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt.


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OfflineHeinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Gillette]
    #4553362 - 08/18/05 10:33 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Q: Whats Black and Blue, and hates sex?
A: The 5-year-old in my trunk.

Q: How do you make a 5-year-old girl cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

Damn, I'm good!


--------------------


I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde


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OfflineSpooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 5 years, 17 days
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4553372 - 08/18/05 10:36 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Heinous_Anus said:
Q: Whats Black and Blue, and hates sex?
A: The 5-year-old in my trunk.

Q: How do you make a 5-year-old girl cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

Damn, I'm good!




hehe I know those!  hehe funny!  :grin:

Anyway, I'm signing off for awhile. later


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OfflinewIcKeDgRiNz
This fool istriiipin'
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Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 105
Loc: MiAmi, FLoridA
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553374 - 08/18/05 10:36 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

The students of an all boys catholic school go on ther annual riverboat field trip, chaperoned by two priests. Something happens and tha boat begins 2 sink. Scrambling for life jackets tha priests find only 2. "Lets get out of here" says one, "What about tha kids??","Fuk em'", "You think we got time??"


--------------------
I can shoulder lean, iono how to dance tho...


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OfflineHeinous_Anus
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Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: wIcKeDgRiNz]
    #4553412 - 08/18/05 10:44 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Q: Why don't lobsters share?
A: Cause they're Shellfish!


AHAHHAHAHA

I just pissed myself.


--------------------


I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde


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OfflineSerioOria
?!one#!>?

Registered: 07/23/05
Posts: 566
Loc: upstate, SC
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: Spooge]
    #4553481 - 08/18/05 11:02 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Q. What do you get when you mix a black guy with an octopus?
A. hehe hell I dunno, but you should see the thing pick cotton!




im sorry, that one just tickled my funny bone, and im not racist, and if i sound like im tryyin to not get accused its cus i am, because i always get blamed of bein racist on other forums

i just make fun of people, i dont give a fuck


--------------------
Live every day like it is your first
or
Live every day like it is your last
My ArT!!


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OfflinePreparationH
apply daily
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Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 16,095
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 16 minutes, 24 seconds
Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: SerioOria]
    #4553644 - 08/18/05 11:48 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

i have a lot of racist jokes, but im not racist.
Q.How do you keep a black out of your back yard?
A. hang one in the front.

Q.What do apples and black people have in commin?
A.They both like great hanging from trees.

Q.Where are all the white people during the million man march?
A.back in the projects stealing all their stuff back.

Q. theres 2 black people in a cat, whos driving?
A. the cops

but i really don't like telling black jokes because my old best friend was black but then... my dad sold him.


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Re: Post your jokes(warning:may be offensive) [Re: PreparationH]
    #4553993 - 08/19/05 01:29 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Q. How do you castrate a redneck??

A. Kick his aunt in the jaw.


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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