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Offlineencryptor
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Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 966
Last seen: 1 day, 13 hours
Bad ASS Jokes
    #4114076 - 04/30/05 10:56 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Please post your best jokes here!!  I love stand-up and offensive jokes especially! :syringe: :mushroom2:


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Offlinehawksapprentice
Yearns to Snowboard
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 3,193
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 3 months, 6 hours
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4114082 - 04/30/05 10:58 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

What do a christmas tree and a man whos had a vasectomy have in common?












































































They both have ornamental balls.


--------------------
"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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InvisibleSuperMario
Let me make yourave
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Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 592
Loc: Super Mario World
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #4114086 - 04/30/05 10:58 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Yer silly.


--------------------



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Offlinehawksapprentice
Yearns to Snowboard
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 3,193
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 3 months, 6 hours
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SuperMario]
    #4114103 - 04/30/05 11:03 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I laughed my ass off yesterday when i heard that on Bob and Tom.


--------------------
"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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InvisibleRoadkill
Retired Shroomery Mod
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,598
Loc: Snoqualmie, Wa.
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4114294 - 04/30/05 12:31 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

and offensive jokes especially!




ok..you wanted to hear it!~


What is the difference between a refrigerator and a faggot?

The frig doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!~


--------------------
Laterz, Road

Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!


Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.



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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
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Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,254
Loc: Where Art Meets Crime
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Roadkill]
    #4114320 - 04/30/05 12:43 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

a woman gets married and has 6 kids in 6 years until her husband dies...

she re-marries and has 4 kids in 4 years and then her 2nd hubby dies...

she remarries yet again and has 7 kids in 7 years and then her 3rd husband dies...

she dies 6 months later,

at the funeral the priest is giving her eulogy:

"Thank the Lord, they're finally together..."

one of the women's children turns to her brother and says, "I wonder which husband the Father is refering to?"

her brother replies, "i think he's refering to her legs."


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/23/99
Posts: 9,065
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 5 hours, 21 minutes
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4114888 - 04/30/05 04:15 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Q: Whats the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
A: Theres twenty of them!


Two guys are sitting in a bar.
One guy turns to the other and says "I can have sex with any woman in this bar if I want."
The other guy asks "Whats your secret?"
He replies "I'm a rapist!"


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


Edited by ToTheSummit (04/30/05 04:34 PM)


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Female User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 84,350
Loc: Afghanistan
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #4114901 - 04/30/05 04:19 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Whats the difference between a baby and an old woman?
































































































The old lady doesn't die when you fuck her in the ass


--------------------




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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,029
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Roadkill]
    #4114922 - 04/30/05 04:24 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

ok so an irish guy walks into the pub...
goes to the bartender gimme a beer a shot and point out the tuffest dude in here...
bartender does it...

He goes up to the guy and layes him out cold.
goes back takes his drinks and walks out..

Comes back the next day and does the same thing, infact a whole week straight he did this


so the bartender is getting worried so he gets this gorrila and locks it in the bathroom.

The guy walks in asks for his beer and his shot and asks for the bartender to point out the tuff guy.

The bartender says" ahhh he just walked into the bathroom, let me unlock the door so you can go in and kick his ass."

So he lets the guy in and shuts the door. He heard all this banging and shouting, shit breaking and all the snareling and spitting. He thinks to himself that this guy is a total gonner.

So then all the suden it gets quiet. The man walks out carrying something under his arm, goes up to the bartender downs his drinks then tells the bartender to tell the nigger that he is keeping his coat....


--------------------




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Offlinechupucabras
Stranger
Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 31
Loc: South Wales
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4115203 - 04/30/05 05:40 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

What's blue and fucks old ladies?

















Me in my lucky blue coat


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/13/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115390 - 04/30/05 06:34 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Whats the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.


---

Little Tyrone Johnson comes home from 2nd grade and says "momma, today at school we studied English. why can't i be readin like the other kids?" She said "well tyrone, it's because you are black."

The next day he comes home and he says "momma momma, today at school we learned math. Why can't I do it as well as the other kids?". She said "well tyrone, it's because you are black."

The next day little tyrone comes home and says "momma momma, today at school we had gym class and we had to shower afterwards. Why is my dick so much bigger than the other kids in my class, is it because I'm black"






she said "no tyrone, it's because you are 17"


hahaha

-


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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Offlinenonoman
ambassador
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Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: the wood
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115404 - 04/30/05 06:38 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Why don't niggers and Mexicans marry?

























































































































































Because the kids would be too lazy to steal.


--------------------


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/13/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115416 - 04/30/05 06:41 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Whats the biggest shame about the million man march?











three people had to miss work


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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Offlinenonoman
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Registered: 06/25/04
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Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4115424 - 04/30/05 06:44 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

:rotfl:


--------------------


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Offlineemptywisdom
simple being oflight
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Registered: 03/29/05
Posts: 2,107
Loc: Lemuria
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: nonoman]
    #4115623 - 04/30/05 07:38 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I just heard this on the movie "boondock saints" last night, I'm not really into racist jokes but this one did make me gigle, I'll try to re-tell it the best I can.



A white man, a mexican, and a black man where walking around in a desert, when they stumbled upon a lamp, It struck them all as the kind of lamp you see in movies that has a magic genie in it, so they said what the hell, the mexican picks it up and gives it a rub, sure enough, out comes a genie, who tells them he is going to grant them all one wish.

so the mexican goes first

He says "I wish that all the mexican people living in america would be able to return home to mexico, and live happy prosperous live's" The genie has no problem with granting this wish, so 'poof' the wish is granted, and all mexican people in america return to mexico and live happy, prosporous lives. The black man thought this was a great wish, and decideds to go for the same idea, he says "I wish all the black people liveing in america would be able to go back to africa, and live happy, prosporous lives" and the genie grants his wish, 'poof' like that, all the black people in america are transported to africa, where they live happy, prosporous lives. Now it is the white mans turn to make a whish, so he looks at the genie and says "let me get this straight, all the niggers and spics in america are now gone, liveing in mexico and africa happily?" The genie responds "yes, that is correct" so the white man say's

"shit, I'll have a coke"


--------------------


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Offlinei_rage_against
Mwaa ha ha
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/04/03
Posts: 798
Loc: a shithole in the northwe...
Last seen: 30 days, 19 hours
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: emptywisdom]
    #4115765 - 04/30/05 08:11 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

A pirate walks into a bar with the whell of a ship sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks the pirate "what's that whell for?" The pirate then replies "ARGH it drives me nuts."


--------------------
whoever told you that is your enemy.


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,029
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: i_rage_against]
    #4115834 - 04/30/05 08:28 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

did you hear about the new pirate movie?

Its ARRRRRRR rated ahrrrr harrrr harrrr :pirate:


--------------------




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Offlinei_rage_against
Mwaa ha ha
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Last seen: 30 days, 19 hours
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4115909 - 04/30/05 08:42 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

so this guys driving down the highway and decides he really needs to take a shit.

He pulls of on the next exit and its like a ghost town, he finds a old run down, no longer in operation, gas station and decided to see if he can use the bathroom.

He walks in and there's a sign on the wall that says, "feel free to use the toilet, but be forewarned there is no toilet paper. If you need to shit use your fingers to wipe and then stick them out the hole in the wall and they will be cleaned."

So the man thinks to himself, and decides he really needs to use that bathroom so he's going to do it. He finishes his buisness, wipes with his fingers and then sticks them out the hole.

suddenly BAM somebody hits his fingers with brick.

Instinctually the man puts his fingers in his mouth.

Hey they didn't say how his fingers would get clean.


--------------------
whoever told you that is your enemy.


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Invisiblereflectedlight
in town untilthe blood flows
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Registered: 08/22/03
Posts: 926
Loc: aether
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115912 - 04/30/05 08:42 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

err... what begins with a c, ends with a t, has a u and an n in the middle, is hard and hairy on the outside and warm and wet on the inside?



















































a coconut.. :rolleyes:


--------------------
at this point i think we can be relatively certain seperation exists as a fallacy of finite perception, and the only barrier to infinite creativity is a preimposed notion of certainty and artificial conditioning. nothing is without origin


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OfflinePrisonSong
Stranger

Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 502
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4115971 - 04/30/05 08:59 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

theres a mexican and a black man in a car,

who's driving?

the police is driving.

:smile:

-ps.


Edited by PrisonSong (04/30/05 08:59 PM)


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