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OfflineWhiteBunny
How deep doesthe rabbit hole go?
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Registered: 07/29/05
Posts: 1,351
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
    #5025923 - 12/06/05 09:24 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

what's the difference between a black pussy and a bowling ball...

























If you had to you would eat the bowling ball.

WB



--------------------


Edited by WhiteBunny (12/06/05 09:25 PM)


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Invisibleblissedout
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Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder Flag
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: deryl]
    #5025941 - 12/06/05 09:28 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

deryl said:

thats probobly going to get me in trouble.



:lol::rotfl:


--------------------



:murray:


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Invisibleblissedout
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder Flag
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: WhiteBunny]
    #5025949 - 12/06/05 09:30 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

:lol:

What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?







The both like to put their meat between 9 year old buns.


--------------------



:murray:


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Offlinejanelle1502
RecoveringPessimist
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Registered: 10/30/04
Posts: 163
Last seen: 16 years, 5 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
    #5025973 - 12/06/05 09:34 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You fuck her.


If anyone can come up with a worse joke than that I'll eat a pair of crusty underwear. :fart:


--------------------
All statements in this post are fictitious.


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InvisibleSrirachi
Mold Hand
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Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: janelle1502]
    #5026181 - 12/06/05 10:13 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

A doe comes stumbling out of the woods obviously having been sexually mauled and says "I'll never do anything like that again for two bucks!"


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
Male User Gallery
Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Srirachi]
    #5026234 - 12/06/05 10:22 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

What do Dale Earnheart and Pink Floyd have in common?  Their last hit was the wall!!!!


MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Thank you, I'll be here all week.


McKennaDMT :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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InvisibleJonnyOnTheSpot
Sober Surfer
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Registered: 01/27/02
Posts: 11,527
Loc: North Carolina
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #6451631 - 01/12/07 09:20 AM (17 years, 19 days ago)

Three men went to hell.

The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"

He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.

The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."


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OfflineApJunkie
part-time Ninja
Male

Registered: 08/17/06
Posts: 2,735
Loc: Loc:Loc:Loc:Loc:Loc:
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: janelle1502]
    #6451725 - 01/12/07 10:09 AM (17 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

janelle1502 said:
How do you get a nun pregnant?

You fuck her.


If anyone can come up with a worse joke than that I'll eat a pair of crusty underwear. :fart:




What's black and Blue and hates sex?


The little boy in my trunk.



Do I win the prize?


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InvisibleKrishna
कृष्ण,LOL
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Registered: 05/08/03
Posts: 23,285
Loc: oakland
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: ApJunkie]
    #6452440 - 01/12/07 02:43 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

one of the few jokes i've had memorized for years...

a guy and his wife are playing golf on one of those posh courses that backs up to some suburban homes. On the 15th hole, the wife slices the shit out of her drive and ends up shattering a huge window on the back porch of a neighboring house. she and her husband walk up to the front door to go apologize and offer to pay for the damages, and when they ring the bell, this middle-eastern guy answers. before they can even explain what happened, he interrupts them, "NO! don't be sorry. i'm a genie, i've been trapped in this house for the past 30 years and by breaking that window you've finally released me. for this, i'll grant you three wishes." the man thinks for a second, and says "i'd like a ferarri". the genie claps his hands, and says, "it is done. there's a cherry-red one waiting in your garage." the wife, then, quickly blurts out, "i'd like a million dollars!" Again the genie claps his hands, and says, "check your bank-account, it is done." the husband and wife are elated now, and trying to think about the third wish, when the genie interrupts.  "Well, guys, since I gave you a ferarri and a million dollars, do you think I could have the third wish?" They quickly agree, and the genie says, "I'd like to have sex with your wife." At first, she is shocked, but both the genie and her husband start cajoling her ("he did give us a million dollars..." "it has been 30 years since i've layed with a woman.." etc), and eventually she gives in. so she and the genie go upstairs where they proceed to boink one-another for a good hour.  eventually the genie comes back downstairs, smoking a cigar and looking most refreshed.  He looks to the husband, and says, "You know, that's a great wife you've got there. It's funny that she still believes in genies, though"

:lol:


--------------------




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InvisibleAroundtheSon
Learning to See
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Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 4,427
Loc: Midwest.
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Krishna]
    #6452554 - 01/12/07 03:08 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

A bike is leaned up against the wall.

A man walks up and begins a conversation with the bike.

"Why are you leaned up against the wall?"








"Well, I'm two tired to stand" says the bike.





Two tired to stand...

zinger :dancing:


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OfflineLiquid_Dimension
Lighthousekeeper
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 4,413
Loc: Radioactive state
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: AroundtheSon]
    #6452591 - 01/12/07 03:16 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

A man thinks he's crazy so he decides to go to a psychiatrist.

Before the man goes he wraps himself completely in saran wrap.

After an hour of talking to the psychiatrist the man asks,

"Doctor, what's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies, "I'm not sure but I can clearly see your nuts."


--------------------


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Invisiblefee
Im he who is the
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Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 18,238
Loc: amsterdam
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #6452608 - 01/12/07 03:21 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

how do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower?



hand the bitch a shovel


--------------------

blankk said to fee:
btw you're a total fucking psychedelic pimp
Turtletotem said:
I want to become a sun worshipper, so next time an atheist smugly asks me where god is, I can point smugly at the sun and laugh my ass off.

Then I drive away in my solar powered piece of shit car, cool stuff man.

And then I go kill a bitch because the flaming orb in the sky told me to do so, and I don't know, oppress a few minorities here and there in the name of nuclear fusion?

Religion is fun.


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InvisibleDR. PRIME
Mental M.D.

Registered: 12/14/06
Posts: 2,293
Loc: Chicago Flag
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: AroundtheSon]
    #6452625 - 01/12/07 03:25 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

2 Gay guys making love in the shower.
The owner of the house hears his phone start to ring.
He goes to the phone while his lover dries off but before he does hes says,
      "You never finished so don't even think about cumming anywhere in my bathroom. I'll be right back!"
So he's talking on the phone to another one of his partners, etc...

He comes back to the bathroom and finds cum on the toilet and floor and his partner's face looking guilty and says,
      "I thought I told you not to jizz in my bathroom!?"
And his partner replies,
      "I'm sorry...I had to fart and I couldn't hold it in!"
:lol::rotfl:


--------------------



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OfflinePinballWizard
Naive and Gullible as usual

Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 2,804
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: DR. PRIME]
    #6453558 - 01/12/07 07:54 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

:lol:


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Offlinetheduke
Metal Mushie
Male

Registered: 12/21/05
Posts: 106
Loc: Middle of Nowhere
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: PinballWizard]
    #6453786 - 01/12/07 09:12 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

A man and his wife are sitting in a cafe together chatting idly when the man's wife suddenly asks him, "Harold, I wanted to ask you something. If, God forbid something was ever to happen to me, would you get remarried?" The man is aghast. "Of course not! I could never love another woman after being with you!" He then pauses for a moment. "Of course, I suppose you would want me to be happy, and I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life alone...so yes, I suppose I would get remarried." His wife seems a bit unsettled by this, and goes on to ask, "So if something happens to me, and you get remarried, would you live in our old house?" The man is again shocked. "Of course not! There are too many memories of us in that house, I could never live with another woman there!" The man again stops to think. "But then, it's just a house, and it's awfully close to my work, and it would be alot of money to move with real estate how it is...so yes, I suppose I'd stay in our old house." His wife is growing visibly upset. "So you're remarried, you're living in our old house...would you sleep in our old bed?" The man can hardly believe what she is saying. "Of course not! I can hardly believe you're saying that! After all the nights we've spent in that bed, I could never share it with another woman!" Once again the man stops to reconsider. "On the other hand, it's just a piece of furniture, and a comfortable one at that, and with work how it is I wouldn't have much money to spare...so yes, I guess I'd keep the bed." Traces of anger are now growing in his wife's voice. "Okay, so you're remarried, living in our old house, sleeping on our old bed...would you let her use my old golf clubs?" The man replies straightaway, "Oh no, she's a lefty."

And now for something completely tasteless:

This one's all about the delivery, and is best told after a string of dead baby jokes when you have everyone's attention and people are already laughing. Still giggling, you ask "How many babies can you fit in a barrell?" When asked how many, suddenly stop laughing, and with a deadpan stare reply, "Five."


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Offlinechaospilot
Ming I

Registered: 06/29/05
Posts: 304
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
    #6453865 - 01/12/07 09:43 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

An Orthodox Jew, a Catholic Priest and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar, and they walk out with a greater understanding of each others Philosophies.

What is bad about been a Black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the Oven.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a Philosopher? An offer you cant understand

So a high school kid decides to bring his girlfriend over so they could fuck. When he gets into his room, he see's that his little brother is sleeping on the bottom bunk, so he takes his GF up to the top bunk. Not wanting to wake his brother, the kid tells his girlfriend "If you want it harder, whisper tomato, if you want it faster, whisper Bread, and if you want to change positions, say Lettuce. So they start going, and the girl friend starts to get overwhelmed and starts yelling "tomato tomato lettuce tomato bread bread bread... QUICK QUICK PULL IT OUT!!!" The little brother then yells, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches up there? you're getting Mayonnaise all over my face!"


So a girl around the age of 16 just got her licence, and asks her dad if she can borrow the car. The dad Replies "sure, but you have to suck my dick first." the girl is shocked, but after some deliberation with herself, she says OK. So she gets on her knee's and starts sucking, when she says "Eeeww, you dick tastes like shit!" the father replies "I know, your brother wanted to borrow the car earlier today"


Edited by chaospilot (01/12/07 09:46 PM)


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Offlinetheduke
Metal Mushie
Male

Registered: 12/21/05
Posts: 106
Loc: Middle of Nowhere
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: chaospilot]
    #6453908 - 01/12/07 09:59 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

chaospilot said:
What is bad about been a Black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the Oven.




Guys, seriously, have some respect. My grandfather died in the Holocaust.






























Fucking jew pushed him out of a guard tower.


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OfflineCompass
Ancient Light

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 1,149
Loc: The Border of Reality
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
    #6454082 - 01/12/07 11:11 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

One evening, some nuns at a nunnery end up getting food poisoning from a bad batch of beans. Many were sick all night, vomiting and in agony, but only four died, and they happened to be good friends.

Knowing they would go to heaven, they made the trip together to enjoy the afterlife. They chatted mindlessly and gigglied not suspecting a thing. They lined up at the pearly gates and Saint Peter came down to see them.

"Hello, ladies. Welcome to the big time. I'm sorry to tell you but we've got new regulations. There are too many people on earth and the boss can no longer keep tabs on everyone so we have to make you confess your greatest sin before we let you in."

The nuns were nervous and fidgety. They glanced at each other, knowing they would have to expose their secrets.

"But don't worry I can help purify you so that you can enter heaven with a pure soul."

The first nun reluctantly admitted, embarrassed in front of her friends, that she accently walked into the wrong bathroom one time and saw a man's penis!

Saint Peter said, "Here take this holy water and wash out your eyes. Then you may enter."

The second nun was visably relieved and proceeding to tell the story of how she was rebellious one night and actually played with a man's penis.

Saint Peter passed her the holy water and told her to wash her dirty hands and all would be forgiven. He looked a little displeased at the borderline chastity of these nuns.

Before the third nun could say a word, the last nun pushed her out of the way and was about to confess...

Saint Peter said, "If I had half a mind, I shouldn't let you into heaven for that rude behaviour."

"I don't care." said the nun, "Please, just let me gargle the holy water before you make her sit in it!"


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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 7 days, 15 hours
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: theduke]
    #6454094 - 01/12/07 11:16 PM (17 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

theduke said:
Quote:

chaospilot said:
What is bad about been a Black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the Oven.




Guys, seriously, have some respect.  My grandfather died in the Holocaust.































Fucking jew pushed him out of a guard tower.



:rofl:
Oh shit!  I split a gut!


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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Invisibleblissedout
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Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder Flag
Re: tell us a joke... [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #6454492 - 01/13/07 02:03 AM (17 years, 19 days ago)

Awesome resurrection of my long lost thread, Johnny!:heart:

An egg, a piece of toast, and a strip of bacon walk into a bar.

The bartender throws his hands up..."Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We don't serve breakfast here!"

:grin:


--------------------



:murray:


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