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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs. the bartender looks at him and asks "why do you have that thing between your legs?" the pirate replies "aarrrr!! it's driving me nuts!!"
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BitterPill


Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 551
Loc: PNW
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3472936 - 12/09/04 08:15 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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What's better than roses on a piano?
-Tulips on an organ (think about it )
A guy walks into a gay bar, the bartender says to him, "can I push your stool in for you?"
-BP
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Adamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У


Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3473123 - 12/09/04 08:49 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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A guy is hiking up a mountain when he sees a girl standing at the edge of a cliff, crying. "Hey," he says, "if you're going to jump, how about giving me a blow job before you do it?" "My life's been nothing but crap," says the girl. "So I might as well." After the girl's done, the guy says, "Wow, that was great! Why are you so depressed, anyway?" The girl replies, "My family disowned me for dressing like a woman."
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{ { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } }
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JettaJay
PsychedelicStranger


Registered: 10/14/04
Posts: 2,829
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Adamist]
#3473208 - 12/09/04 09:00 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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A woman goes to her priest and says
"My husband is always drinking and comming home late and drunk, Is there anything I can do about this?" "Well maybe a good hit in the head would do him some good" Said the priest
Come Friday night the man comes home carrying a duck the wide answers the door with a rolling pin.
"Look at you harold ..... Why ......" The woman obviously confused "How do you like my pig" says the Husband "Harold your so drunk you don't know the difference between a pig and a duck" "Thats what you think. I was asking the question to my duck here"
-------------------- I saw a little green light buzzing around in a tree, and it dawned on me that "they" were here ~~~LouiseLouise
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Adamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У


Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: JettaJay]
#3473266 - 12/09/04 09:10 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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{ { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } }
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Adamist]
#3474006 - 12/09/04 11:29 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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a woman is having an affair on her husband. when the hubbie goes to work, the lover comes over and they get their groove on. well she also has a son that is 5 and totally knows what's going on. the mom makes the boy hide in the closet while her lover is there to keep him from wandering in on them in the act. one day, while they are getting in on, they hear a car pull into the driveway. frantically, mom pushes lover into the closet with her son. while in the closet the boy says to the lover "it's dark in here" the lover says"yes it is, you are very brave" at which the boy replies "do you wanna buy a baseball bat?" " no thanks" replies the lover." no i don't think you understand.DO YOU WANNA BUY A BASEBALL BAT?" the boy replies a little louder. realizing his predicament, the lover asks,"how much?" the boy told him "25 dollars" abashed, the lover forks over the money lest the boy get him in trouble. a week later the same thing happens. a car pulls into the driveway while their grooving and the mom once again shoves her lover into the closet with her little boy. inside the closet the boy says "it's dark in here isn't it?" " yes it is" the lover tenuously whispers."do you wanna buy a ball and glove" "how much?" says the lover. "50 dollars" promptly replies the little boy. the lover forks over the money and the boy gives him the ball and glove. that weekend the boy and his dad are hanging out and the dad says to his son "son, go get your baseball stuff, and we'll play ball." "i can't, dad, i sold it all." for how much son" thinking it was going to be in lizard tail and scab denominations. "75 bucks" proudly replies the boy. "75 bucks?! that's robbery! i'm taking you to church to repent your sins!" they pull up to the church, the boy goes into the confessional, sits down. the window slides open and the boy says"it's dark in here" to which the priest replies "don't you start that shit in here!"
bump
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Jim


Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 20,922
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3474099 - 12/09/04 11:46 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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-------------------- Use the Fucking Reply To Feature You Lazy Pieces of Shit! afoaf said: Jim, if you were in my city, I would let you fuck my wife.
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Loosifa
none


Registered: 05/26/04
Posts: 506
Loc: England (South)
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Jim]
#3474820 - 12/10/04 03:56 AM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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Blonde walks into a petshop, and asks the shopkeeper if she can buy a wasp. "What are you on about? We don't sell wasps," he replies. The blonde frowns, and says "But you've got one in the window!"
-------------------- LURK
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grphish
the Modern dayPacman

Registered: 04/01/02
Posts: 1,687
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Loosifa]
#3475066 - 12/10/04 06:42 AM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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i dont get those jokes they're really not funny
whats the hardest part of a vegetable? the wheelchair
what do black kids get for xmas? your bike
why do niggers cry during sex? The mace
why do niggers stink? so blind people can hate them too
-------------------- BoUnCy BaLL IS All SoUrCe OF LIGhT AnD HaPPiNeSS!!~! *bEEP* *beEP*
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart


Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3475160 - 12/10/04 07:31 AM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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Little Tony's teacher wanted to teach the class about taste, so she brought in a roll of lifesavers. She had the students close their eyes while she placed a different flavor lifesaver in each of their mouths. Little Suzie says " mmm... mine's cherry" Little Tommy says " I got orange." Then she placed a honey lifesaver in little Tony's mouth.Tony didn't know what flavor he was tasting. Teacher says "I'll give you a hint, It's something your mommy calls your daddy." Little Tony spit it out with disgust " Eewwww... it's an ASSHOLE!"
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"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: grphish]
#3476946 - 12/10/04 03:19 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
grphish said: i dont get those jokes they're really not funny
whats the hardest part of a vegetable? the wheelchair
what do black kids get for xmas? your bike
why do niggers cry during sex? The mace
why do niggers stink? so blind people can hate them too
that's because they aren't meant for hate-mongers. it's so much harder to love what you don't understand than to accept it as part of life and move on with yours, but it must be done with as much grace as is possible if we are to survive in this already messed up world. i hope that you and those like you will one day figure this out, but you probably won't. ignorance is bliss.peace
ignorance=fear=hate=death
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,793
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3477188 - 12/10/04 03:52 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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A shroomtrip was planned by four people whose names were Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
Half an ounce of shrooms needed to be scored and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Asante]
#3477254 - 12/10/04 04:03 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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that was great wikkan. this thread needed some freshening up. i'll definitly keep that one in my repetoire.thank you.
umm...my mind is blank right now. i'll come back w/ another joke in a while. all that i can think about is bonarroo '05 and going to work in 20 minutes.peace
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,793
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3477278 - 12/10/04 04:08 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Asante]
#3477304 - 12/10/04 04:11 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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those postmen are pimps
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,793
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#3477820 - 12/10/04 05:42 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right!" she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
He wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances down and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head, looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or what we did, but by God, we took first and second place!"
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Supernova
Stranger

Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 3,151
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Re: THE JOKE THREAD [Re: Asante]
#3657815 - 01/21/05 09:15 AM (19 years, 10 days ago) |
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I was thinking of starting a joke thread, but this one by blissed is good so I'll just continue it. OK, don't hate me:
What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.
I know. Old and bad joke. But there must be some real comedians here. Come on- GIVE US A LAUGH!
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Anjaba
Yet to trip....


Registered: 01/12/05
Posts: 466
Loc: Tampa
Last seen: 16 years, 11 months
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Re: THE JOKE THREAD [Re: Supernova]
#3657849 - 01/21/05 09:26 AM (19 years, 10 days ago) |
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4 fags are chillin in a hot tub. All of a sudden a condom floats up. What did the one guy say to the group?
ok....who farted?
One day a gay couple are fucking in the shower when the doorbell rings. The one guy gets out to answer it, but before he leaves he tells him partner to wait till he returns. A few minutes later he gets back only to see cum splattered all over the shower. Upset, the man asks his partner why he didn't wait for him to get back. The other guy replies, "I did wait, but I had to fart..."
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: Anjaba]
#5025868 - 12/06/05 09:14 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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bump with a joke
What would you call an army of lesbians?
Militia Etheridge
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deryl
Stranger


Registered: 10/21/04
Posts: 1,220
Loc: Uncle Tom's
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: tell us a joke... [Re: blissedout]
#5025912 - 12/06/05 09:22 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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What do you call a party full of midgets?
-a little get together
What do you call a barn full of black people?
-antique farm equipment
This one is really bad but im going to say it anyway: Whats the difference beetween a jew and a pizza?
-a pizza dosent scream when you put it in the oven
thats probobly going to get me in trouble.
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