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Offlineencryptor
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Registered: 05/15/03
Posts: 1,154
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
Bad ASS Jokes
    #4114076 - 04/30/05 08:56 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Please post your best jokes here!!  I love stand-up and offensive jokes especially! :syringe: :mushroom2:


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Offlinehawksapprentice
Yearns to Snowboard
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 3,195
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4114082 - 04/30/05 08:58 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

What do a christmas tree and a man whos had a vasectomy have in common?












































































They both have ornamental balls.


--------------------
"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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InvisibleSuperMario
Let me make yourave
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Registered: 04/05/05
Posts: 592
Loc: Super Mario World
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #4114086 - 04/30/05 08:58 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Yer silly.


--------------------



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Offlinehawksapprentice
Yearns to Snowboard
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 3,195
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SuperMario]
    #4114103 - 04/30/05 09:03 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

I laughed my ass off yesterday when i heard that on Bob and Tom.


--------------------
"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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InvisibleRoadkillM
Retired Shroomery Mod
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,674
Loc: Montana
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4114294 - 04/30/05 10:31 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

and offensive jokes especially!




ok..you wanted to hear it!~


What is the difference between a refrigerator and a faggot?

The frig doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!~


--------------------
Laterz, Road

Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!


Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.



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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
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Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Roadkill]
    #4114320 - 04/30/05 10:43 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

a woman gets married and has 6 kids in 6 years until her husband dies...

she re-marries and has 4 kids in 4 years and then her 2nd hubby dies...

she remarries yet again and has 7 kids in 7 years and then her 3rd husband dies...

she dies 6 months later,

at the funeral the priest is giving her eulogy:

"Thank the Lord, they're finally together..."

one of the women's children turns to her brother and says, "I wonder which husband the Father is refering to?"

her brother replies, "i think he's refering to her legs."


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 7 days, 15 hours
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4114888 - 04/30/05 02:15 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Q: Whats the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
A: Theres twenty of them!


Two guys are sitting in a bar.
One guy turns to the other and says "I can have sex with any woman in this bar if I want."
The other guy asks "Whats your secret?"
He replies "I'm a rapist!"


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


Edited by ToTheSummit (04/30/05 02:34 PM)


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Female User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan Flag
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #4114901 - 04/30/05 02:19 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Whats the difference between a baby and an old woman?
































































































The old lady doesn't die when you fuck her in the ass


--------------------




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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Roadkill]
    #4114922 - 04/30/05 02:24 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

ok so an irish guy walks into the pub...
goes to the bartender gimme a beer a shot and point out the tuffest dude in here...
bartender does it...

He goes up to the guy and layes him out cold.
goes back takes his drinks and walks out..

Comes back the next day and does the same thing, infact a whole week straight he did this


so the bartender is getting worried so he gets this gorrila and locks it in the bathroom.

The guy walks in asks for his beer and his shot and asks for the bartender to point out the tuff guy.

The bartender says" ahhh he just walked into the bathroom, let me unlock the door so you can go in and kick his ass."

So he lets the guy in and shuts the door. He heard all this banging and shouting, shit breaking and all the snareling and spitting. He thinks to himself that this guy is a total gonner.

So then all the suden it gets quiet. The man walks out carrying something under his arm, goes up to the bartender downs his drinks then tells the bartender to tell the nigger that he is keeping his coat....


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Offlinechupucabras
Stranger
Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 31
Loc: South Wales
Last seen: 18 years, 6 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4115203 - 04/30/05 03:40 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

What's blue and fucks old ladies?

















Me in my lucky blue coat


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115390 - 04/30/05 04:34 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Whats the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.


---

Little Tyrone Johnson comes home from 2nd grade and says "momma, today at school we studied English. why can't i be readin like the other kids?" She said "well tyrone, it's because you are black."

The next day he comes home and he says "momma momma, today at school we learned math. Why can't I do it as well as the other kids?". She said "well tyrone, it's because you are black."

The next day little tyrone comes home and says "momma momma, today at school we had gym class and we had to shower afterwards. Why is my dick so much bigger than the other kids in my class, is it because I'm black"






she said "no tyrone, it's because you are 17"


hahaha

-


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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Offlinenonoman
ambassador
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: the wood
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115404 - 04/30/05 04:38 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Why don't niggers and Mexicans marry?

























































































































































Because the kids would be too lazy to steal.


--------------------


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115416 - 04/30/05 04:41 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Whats the biggest shame about the million man march?











three people had to miss work


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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Offlinenonoman
ambassador
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Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4115424 - 04/30/05 04:44 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

:rotfl:


--------------------


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Offlineemptywisdom
simple being oflight
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Registered: 03/29/05
Posts: 2,107
Loc: Lemuria
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: nonoman]
    #4115623 - 04/30/05 05:38 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

I just heard this on the movie "boondock saints" last night, I'm not really into racist jokes but this one did make me gigle, I'll try to re-tell it the best I can.



A white man, a mexican, and a black man where walking around in a desert, when they stumbled upon a lamp, It struck them all as the kind of lamp you see in movies that has a magic genie in it, so they said what the hell, the mexican picks it up and gives it a rub, sure enough, out comes a genie, who tells them he is going to grant them all one wish.

so the mexican goes first

He says "I wish that all the mexican people living in america would be able to return home to mexico, and live happy prosperous live's" The genie has no problem with granting this wish, so 'poof' the wish is granted, and all mexican people in america return to mexico and live happy, prosporous lives. The black man thought this was a great wish, and decideds to go for the same idea, he says "I wish all the black people liveing in america would be able to go back to africa, and live happy, prosporous lives" and the genie grants his wish, 'poof' like that, all the black people in america are transported to africa, where they live happy, prosporous lives. Now it is the white mans turn to make a whish, so he looks at the genie and says "let me get this straight, all the niggers and spics in america are now gone, liveing in mexico and africa happily?" The genie responds "yes, that is correct" so the white man say's

"shit, I'll have a coke"


--------------------


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Offlinei_rage_against
Mwaa ha ha
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Registered: 09/04/03
Posts: 798
Loc: a shithole in the northwe...
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: emptywisdom]
    #4115765 - 04/30/05 06:11 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

A pirate walks into a bar with the whell of a ship sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks the pirate "what's that whell for?" The pirate then replies "ARGH it drives me nuts."


--------------------
whoever told you that is your enemy.


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: i_rage_against]
    #4115834 - 04/30/05 06:28 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

did you hear about the new pirate movie?

Its ARRRRRRR rated ahrrrr harrrr harrrr :pirate:


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Offlinei_rage_against
Mwaa ha ha
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Posts: 798
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Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4115909 - 04/30/05 06:42 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

so this guys driving down the highway and decides he really needs to take a shit.

He pulls of on the next exit and its like a ghost town, he finds a old run down, no longer in operation, gas station and decided to see if he can use the bathroom.

He walks in and there's a sign on the wall that says, "feel free to use the toilet, but be forewarned there is no toilet paper. If you need to shit use your fingers to wipe and then stick them out the hole in the wall and they will be cleaned."

So the man thinks to himself, and decides he really needs to use that bathroom so he's going to do it. He finishes his buisness, wipes with his fingers and then sticks them out the hole.

suddenly BAM somebody hits his fingers with brick.

Instinctually the man puts his fingers in his mouth.

Hey they didn't say how his fingers would get clean.


--------------------
whoever told you that is your enemy.


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Invisiblereflectedlight
in town untilthe blood flows
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/22/03
Posts: 926
Loc: aether
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115912 - 04/30/05 06:42 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

err... what begins with a c, ends with a t, has a u and an n in the middle, is hard and hairy on the outside and warm and wet on the inside?



















































a coconut.. :rolleyes:


--------------------
at this point i think we can be relatively certain seperation exists as a fallacy of finite perception, and the only barrier to infinite creativity is a preimposed notion of certainty and artificial conditioning. nothing is without origin


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OfflinePrisonSong
Stranger

Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 502
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4115971 - 04/30/05 06:59 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

theres a mexican and a black man in a car,

who's driving?

the police is driving.

:smile:

-ps.


Edited by PrisonSong (04/30/05 06:59 PM)


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InvisibleKackleDude
transmundaneother

Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 863
Loc: Close to the Edge, Down b...
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4115986 - 04/30/05 07:01 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

where do black widows come from?










Oakland.


--------------------
yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4117896 - 05/01/05 06:47 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Whats the difference between a bucket of placenta and a bucket of gravel?


You can't do shots of gravel.






Whats the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls?


You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4117898 - 05/01/05 06:48 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

heh


What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?



an erection.


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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Invisiblemyndreach
philosopher
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 2,368
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4118139 - 05/01/05 09:05 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Some of these are horrible...

The racist ones really dissapoint me :-(


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InvisibleRoadkillM
Retired Shroomery Mod
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,674
Loc: Montana
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4118191 - 05/01/05 09:40 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Why is there no Mexican Olympic Team?


Cause every Mexican that can run, jump or swim...is already in the United States!~

lolzz


--------------------
Laterz, Road

Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!


Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.



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InvisiblePawPaw
Picktish TexasStyle....

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 8,243
Loc: was born down in the sout...
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Roadkill]
    #4118241 - 05/01/05 10:02 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

What color is a nigger when he gets run over by a steamroller?


































Flat black


--------------------
Come to Paw Paws place there will be no sleeping tonight

Eric just wants to catch reds ..
Don?t look back, don?t look back
He?s right on your trail
Don?t look back, don?t look back
He?s just a step away from hell
WDYWFM?


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: myndreach]
    #4118265 - 05/01/05 10:12 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

:shrug: its nothing more then a joke  no mallest or hate behind it as far as i know.  SO does Dave Chappel disapoint you as well, he is a nation wide commic that basses his entire show on ethnicity.  I think it is hillarius when dave  dresses like a white dude.  Compared to black people we are a bunch of tight asses.    We are all diffferent.  Its true that black males are known for a high rate of crime, Its true mexicans take naps mid day.  Its true we are a bunch of dorkey tight asses that otherwise would have some cheesy ass jokes if it wasnt for races.  A joke is a joke and my friends and i chimed of 20  of the so called "racist " jokes.  And what was even funnier was one of my buddies is mexican and puerto riccan and i was telling him a lot of jokes about his roots, We all laughed our asses off.


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InvisibleRoadkillM
Retired Shroomery Mod
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,674
Loc: Montana
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: PawPaw]
    #4118363 - 05/01/05 10:47 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

why are aspirin white in color and not black?

you want them to work don't you!~

---

why do black people call us honkeys?

it's the last thing they hear before we run them over!~


--------------------
Laterz, Road

Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!


Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.



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InvisibleThin White Duke
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4118369 - 05/01/05 10:49 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Anything that beings with:

'I'm not racist, but...'


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #4118995 - 05/01/05 02:25 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Zeppa please take all thos ethreads and copy and past into here. Then delete em all. Mods dont like looking trew a zillion threads.


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InvisibleAdom
Totally Nude
 User Gallery
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 10,877
Loc: Way Up North
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4119000 - 05/01/05 02:26 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

These are bad ass jokes, I don't think his will work.


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
Female User Gallery

Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet Flag
Last seen: 6 months, 22 days
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Roadkill]
    #4119011 - 05/01/05 02:28 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Roadkill said:
Why is there no Mexican Olympic Team?


Cause every Mexican that can run, jump or swim...is already in the United States!~

lolzz




Ah hahahaha


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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InvisibleRavus
Not an EggshellWalker
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4119102 - 05/01/05 02:49 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Why is basketball a black man's favorite sport?

So he can steal, shoot, and run.




What do you call a black man with no women, weapons or drugs?

An Inmate.




Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea?

He thought he was melting.




What do you call a black priest?

Holy shit.



What's the difference between a black person and a snow tire?

A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.




What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

The pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Adom]
    #4119964 - 05/01/05 06:15 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Did you all hear about Evil Knevials racist cousin, Ku Klux Knevil? He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller


--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4119975 - 05/01/05 06:16 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Thats a local classic


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4120277 - 05/01/05 06:51 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

How many black college students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but he gets 6 credits for it.


Why do niggers put their garbage out in clear plastic bags?

So mexicans can window shop.


What's the difference between a nigger and a letter?

You can send a letter back to where it came from.



--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


Edited by SoopaX (05/01/05 06:59 PM)


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InvisibleSoopaX
Criminal DrugAnalyst

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 1,690
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4120566 - 05/01/05 07:41 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?


They couldn't find three wise women or a virgin.


A kid goes to his dad and says "Can I have 5$ for a guinea pig?" The father says "here is 10$, find a nice Irish girl".



--------------------


Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man


Edited by SoopaX (05/01/05 07:48 PM)


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OfflineTrainwreck
No. Really.

Registered: 12/22/04
Posts: 3,563
Loc: Southern California
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: SoopaX]
    #4120842 - 05/01/05 08:34 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

I got a fucking joke.

Zeppa.

Owned.


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InvisibleUrb
Last Man Standing
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/20/03
Posts: 42,693
Loc: WhoDat Nation
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Trainwreck]
    #4121033 - 05/01/05 09:15 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

I was standing in front of the local bar the other night. In the distance I seen what appeared to be a midget pulling something very large. As he got closer I seen he was dragging a huge chain that looked heavier than he was. I asked him , " Say Bro , why are you pulling that chain?" He said, " Have you ever tried pushing one of these motherfuckers!"


--------------------
Texas Honey Badger said:
I went to boys town in Nuevo Laredo when I was in my early ‘30s
There was a bunch of trannys even way back then
I paid probably $20 but I was so drunk I couldn’t get a hard on:faded:
-Whenever you hear 5 blasts from the emergency horn that’s the signal for a 30 minute buttfucking break-      Fiery said:
I wish I was a young sexy woman so I could have awesome sexy adventures all the time[/quote]
split_by_nine said:
i did the man bun.[/quote]
1234go said:
I don't have a dog. I can't stand em...They're needy animals for needy people.


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InvisibleUrb
Last Man Standing
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/20/03
Posts: 42,693
Loc: WhoDat Nation
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Urb]
    #4121101 - 05/01/05 09:32 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Johnnies older sister sister wanted to go out on a date one night. She asked her Father , " Paw , Can I go out tonight?" He said," I guess so , but you had best be home before midnight. If your not you know the consequences. You either have to suck my dick , or let me fuck you in the ass." She said , " Oh Paw , I promise I'll be home before midnight!" " OK." He said.

So she is out having a good time , drinking & dancing it up. She notices it's almost midnight so she tells her date to hurry up & get her home.
The are racing to the house & its 30 minutes past midnight, all the lights are off & she decides to try & sneak in the house.
As she is tip toeing through the living room , the lights come on & its her father. "Damnit girl , I told you to be home before midnight!", He said. " Oh Paw , its only 12:30!"
"I don't care girl , you know the deal. Whats it gonna be?" Reluctantly she said, " I guess I'll just give you a blowjob daddy."
So she unzips his pants & starts sucking his dick , when a strange look came over her face. She spit out his dick & said , " Daddy , your dick taste like shit!"

He just smiles & said , " Yup , your little brother Johnnie got in late too."


--------------------
Texas Honey Badger said:
I went to boys town in Nuevo Laredo when I was in my early ‘30s
There was a bunch of trannys even way back then
I paid probably $20 but I was so drunk I couldn’t get a hard on:faded:
-Whenever you hear 5 blasts from the emergency horn that’s the signal for a 30 minute buttfucking break-      Fiery said:
I wish I was a young sexy woman so I could have awesome sexy adventures all the time[/quote]
split_by_nine said:
i did the man bun.[/quote]
1234go said:
I don't have a dog. I can't stand em...They're needy animals for needy people.


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InvisibleRavus
Not an EggshellWalker
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Urb]
    #4121112 - 05/01/05 09:36 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Wow, that makes me wish I had kids  :frown:


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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.


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OfflineLongshanx
Lazy Lightning

Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 299
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #4121178 - 05/01/05 09:54 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Little Jimmy comes home from school and says to his dad, "dad there were some kids on the playground today talking about vaginas.... What does a vagina look like?"

Jimmy's dad replies, "Well son, before sex, a vagina looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

Jimmy then says, "What does a vagina look like after sex dad?"

Jimmy's dad answers, " Well Jimmy, have you ever seen a bull-dog eating mayonaise."


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Just a guy in the world doin' the best I can


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InvisibleStonerguy
I smoke penis
Male

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 5,538
Loc: Lost
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Ravus]
    #4121222 - 05/01/05 10:08 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Why do they put cotton over the pills in pill bottles?
To remind the nigers befor they were drug dealers they had to pick cotton.

Whats the most confusing day in Harlem?
Fathers Day.

A alchoholic and a stoner both got sent to hell. The devil walked up to the alchoholic and sayed "since you like to drink im going to put you in this room", he opens up a door and the room has everything rum, luquire, beer, vodka, anything. So he closes the door

He then walks up to the stoner and says since you like to smoke im going to put you in this room. he opens the door and there is any kind of weed you can htink of mowie wowie, purple haze, kb, ak-47, white widow, anything. so the stoner walks in and sits indian style and the devil closes the door.

A thousand years later he go to the alchohalics door and he opens it. The man with all ragged witha big ass hang over says "Man im never going to drink again." So the devil lets him go back to another life on earth. He walks over to the stoners door and opens it. The stoner still sitting indian style says with a tear in his eyes "Do you have a light??"

There are a couple of pretty long ones that are funny as fuck but i dont feel like typing them


--------------------
yawn...
SG


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OfflineFospher
Crime FightingMaster Criminal
Male

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,033
Loc: The Netherlands
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Longshanx]
    #4121243 - 05/01/05 10:15 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

What'd the mexican say when his homework flew out the window?
>> Come back essay!

What'd the mexican say when his house fell on him?
>> Hey get off me homes

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
>> See you next month

A black guy sees an asian man throw rocks at a pond.
He comes up to him and asks "Hey man, what you doing?"
> "Well, you see, if you throw rocks at pond, it tells you names of your ancestors"
He throws a rock and it goes 'ching, chang, chung'.
> "Oh shit man, lemme try"
The black guy throws a rock and it goes 'chim, pan, zee'
> "Oh hell no man", says the black guy, and goes to the back of the pond and finds the biggest rock he can find. He picks it up over his head, throws it and it goes "BABOOOOOON!"


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010001100100001001000101!


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Offlinebatou
artist

Registered: 05/06/00
Posts: 398
Loc: colorado
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Stonerguy]
    #4121253 - 05/01/05 10:20 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

what do you call a middle eastern guy flying a plane?



















a pilot you racist fuck!


--------------------
The multiple troubles of man,
My brother, like slander and pain
Amaze you? Consider the heart
That holds them all in strangeness
And doesn't break.
"The Dude abides..."--jeffrey lebowski


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OfflineBeaver
Stranger
Registered: 09/26/06
Posts: 54
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: encryptor]
    #9038314 - 10/06/08 05:45 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Whats Black and comes in a little white can>????



Michael Jackson


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Offlinemisos
A wandering soul
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/23/06
Posts: 2,014
Loc: Elsewhere.
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Beaver]
    #9038334 - 10/06/08 05:48 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

What do fat white chicks and roffing shingles have in common?









They both have a 98% chance of getting nailed by a mexican.

LOL. I love that one. It warms my heart.


--------------------
"If I had a single wish, I would have every single human on this planet see this natural world the way I see it; the beauty in such simple things such as a fallen tree that is covered in moss and that has new trees growing from it. To some, fallen trees are ugly. But in reality, it is the circle of life at its finest. This is a beautiful world, its time that we recognize that before its all gone."


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InvisibleOgre812
Padawan Learner
Male


Registered: 05/25/08
Posts: 1,763
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: misos]
    #9038345 - 10/06/08 05:51 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

A baby seal walks into a club.


--------------------
Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither, and will lose both.      ~ Benjamin Franklin ~

"Let me tell you about a Porcupine's balls.  They're small, and they don't give a SHIT!"  ~Danny~


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Invisible0kehSt0nr
Bakery Fresh
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/15/06
Posts: 767
Loc: smb://slakcr
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: Ogre812]
    #9038394 - 10/06/08 06:04 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

what's the difference between a dead baby and a table?




you can't fuck a table


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Offlinemisos
A wandering soul
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/23/06
Posts: 2,014
Loc: Elsewhere.
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: 0kehSt0nr]
    #9038518 - 10/06/08 06:29 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

... Speak for yourself.


--------------------
"If I had a single wish, I would have every single human on this planet see this natural world the way I see it; the beauty in such simple things such as a fallen tree that is covered in moss and that has new trees growing from it. To some, fallen trees are ugly. But in reality, it is the circle of life at its finest. This is a beautiful world, its time that we recognize that before its all gone."


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OfflineNo Agenda
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 938
Loc: Somewhere else
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: 0kehSt0nr]
    #9038535 - 10/06/08 06:34 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

A young man in Arkansas goes home and tells his father he thinks he finally found a girl he wants to marry. His father asks him if she is good in bed. He tells his father he doesn't know and that she is still a virgin. His father tells him that he can't marry her. When he asks his father why his father tells him if she ain't good enough for her own family she ain't good enough for his.


I applied for a job at a mental hospital today. They told me that I needed at least 24 hours experience so I was wondering if you want to hang out.


For sale by owner- complete set of encyclopedias. No longer needed got married wife fucking knows everything.


Why doesn't Mexico teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? Because it wears out the donkey.


The other day I was at school and the teacher told me to sit Indian style. So I grabbed a 30 pack and layed down on the curb.


Why did they make Micheal Jackson quit the cub scouts?  He was up to a pack a day.


I black boy and a white girl played everyday after school. Everyday the girl wanted to play dolls. Finally the boy said it was his turn to pick what they play and he wanted to play construction. The girl said ok how do we play? He said you lay down and I'll blacktop you.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
Strange R
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
Re: Bad ASS Jokes [Re: No Agenda]
    #9038739 - 10/06/08 07:15 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?


























Purple.


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