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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Ajwuzhere0914]
    #25101039 -

has anyone ever told you you have extremely poor emotional control?  Are you on drugs?



that woman is a lot nicer than I would be.  If you yelled at me I would pull your tongue out of your head.  You need to learn self control and having better control over your emotions before you bring this child into the world.  You cant go around yelling and intimidating people, certainly not people you claim to love.  Dont be quick to anger.  Learn how to let shit roll off your back and pick your battles..  Most of all learn how to be calm.


btw I called you a liar because UPS has probably never told anyone "your package was destroyed" so tell us again how this is your life and how this isnt just a bunch of fucking bullshit cause I call false claims.


--------------------
When telling the truth becomes an act of treason, and society chooses delusion and deception over fundamental reality, you've been invaded and infiltrated by other beings that have now integrated into your country and community.  Bless our reptile overlords who control, harvest, and eat us.

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25101261 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
Stay with us man. I understand what it can be like to have everything turn upside down like that.

If you're satisfied you've fully cleaned house, I'd settle down, pour yourself a strong drink, get some sleep, and re-asses all this in the morning.


Good advice.

Relax. Focus on tomorrow. Go to work, even if you have to wake up three hours early and bike/walk it. Give yourself some stability. Take a vitamin.

Once you're stable, you can start to fix the issues between you and your significant other.

Personally, I wouldn't contact her parents in any way. Parents will side with the child, guaranteed. That's why having a parent send a letter of recommendation/character reference is pretty much useless. Especially if they called the cops on your already. They have a solid idea of who you are, and even if it's wrong, they aren't about to change it.

What you should do, is focus on stability. Stabilize your life. Especially with a child on the way. Do not worry about anything, except making the next five months count. Work, save money, eat, sleep, and be ready to provide. What other people do is out of your control. Your job right now is to become a model citizen, because that will (a) give you a base to work from, whether you end up with rights to the child, together, separated, whatever, and (b) when, likely not if, the cops show up again to bust you for the shrooms, it will play well in court. Be the reformed guy. Be a good citizen. They may play you as a monster, but the DA is gonna have a lot of trouble doing that if you piss clean, have a job, have a house, aren't in debt, and have a child.

Most of all, your job right now is to become a rock. An anchor. Don't worry about your SO and what she does right now. If you become the rock who can provide, that will solve itself right quick, especially since it seems she isn't stable, and likely somewhat reliant on you. Don't worry about what's in her head, worry about what you can do to make it better. Don't even factor her into the equation. Pretend you're a single dad, making ends meet. Save money.

If you do all of the above, then worst case is that she leaves, you lose rights to the kid, and goddamn does that suck, but you have your life together. You have a solid foundation to build upon for the future. That should be your focus. Best case, you have your shit together, she sees it, her parents see it, the law sees it, and you're golden.

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Kryptos]
    #25101278 -

Side with the child?
There are no opposing sides and you would have to be stupid not to make that clear.

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #25101306 -

Dickweeds use kids as ammo all the time. Just look at the Maury show. Or any daytime non-cable TV, for that matter.

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Ajwuzhere0914]
    #25101475 -

You're really lucky. I went through a similar situation but far worse and hinkier circumstances, and I'm still serving probation for that shit.

You should be thankful the cops let you off so easy, and bail for a new town as soon as you legally can. Don't be sentimental about sticking around in a place where you have a troublesome ex and are a known cultivator.

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Kryptos]
    #25101484 -

True, but what does that have to do with the situation here?

Youre not gonna start a full scale post-romantic war because your partner shouted at you to think of the kid and not go out.

OP needs to refuse taking part in a drama that never even happened.

Thats why I said, contact the parents, calmly and friendly explain the situation (nothing happended and you were just worried)  and your positive attitude, that you have a new job now and that all you want is the best for this child, which is a family, including them as grandparents and yourself as a father.
Explain that you will do everything for them to see the good, caring person their daughter fell in love with, too.

Pack this neatly into an cleanly hand-written, oldschool letter you really spent time and thoughts on and send it their way. If yoh write this correctly it might impact like a bomb. A bomb of understanding.

Think if what they see in you and prove them wrong.
A shady douchebag can't write a fine and classy letter.
If you are not good with words then just start writing and post it here and we will help you.
If your handwriting sucks, then practise or let someone else write it.
Effort pays off here!

Ive had all the letters I wrote have great positive impact. The more unusual a hand written letter gets, the more impact this will have, reminding older people of better times.

Horrible idea to just leave this be, imho. She must have lied to them to get them to react like this. When you explain your stance and apologize, you are not unlikely to have them discipline their daughter.

After all, you just cant do drugs when pregnant.

Use the parents fear of drugs to make them understand why you did what you did: out of pure caring for the child due to your deeply rooted dislike of hard drugs.
Just ket the drugs and cops thing slide and be warned, but never mention it as you might be able to hide it from them.

Edited by Murzelpfrumpft (03/30/18 06:41 AM)

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #25101548 -

DoctorJ said:
You're really lucky. I went through a similar situation but far worse and hinkier circumstances, and I'm still serving probation for that shit.

You should be thankful the cops let you off so easy, and bail for a new town as soon as you legally can. Don't be sentimental about sticking around in a place where you have a troublesome ex and are a known cultivator.


You really have trouble seeing women as people with their own emotions and motivations and goals, don't you? every time I read something you post, it's ho that, fatty this, and poor me in the middle. It doesn't sound like OP's got an ex, it sounds like OP's got a girl he loves, and they're going through a rough patch.

Murzelpfrumpft said:
True, but what does that have to do with the situation here?

Youre not gonna start a full scale post-romantic war because your partner shouted at you to think of the kid and not go out.

OP needs to refuse taking part in a drama that never even happened.

Thats why I said, contact the parents, calmly and friendly explain the situation (nothing happended and you were just worried)  and your positive attitude, that you have a new job now and that all you want is the best for this child, which is a family, including them as grandparents and yourself as a father.
Explain that you will do everything for them to see the good, caring person their daughter fell in love with, too.

Pack this neatly into an cleanly hand-written, oldschool letter you really spent time and thoughts on and send it their way. If yoh write this correctly it might impact like a bomb. A bomb of understanding.

Think if what they see in you and prove them wrong.
A shady douchebag can't write a fine and classy letter.
If you are not good with words then just start writing and post it here and we will help you.
If your handwriting sucks, then practise or let someone else write it.
Effort pays off here!

Ive had all the letters I wrote have great positive impact. The more unusual a hand written letter gets, the more impact this will have, reminding older people of better times.

Horrible idea to just leave this be, imho. She must have lied to them to get them to react like this. When you explain your stance and apologize, you are not unlikely to have them discipline their daughter.

After all, you just cant do drugs when pregnant.

Use the parents fear of drugs to make them understand why you did what you did: out of pure caring for the child due to your deeply rooted dislike of hard drugs.
Just ket the drugs and cops thing slide and be warned, but never mention it as you might be able to hide it from them.


You may be correct. I've always been of the opinion that when someone demonstrates dislike or distaste, you avoid that person. I think the letter idea isn't necessarily a bad one, but it's a very polarizing idea. If they do see your side, and "discipline", or take it out on the girl, then she's got another reason to avoid you. If they don't, they might just get even more pissed because you stuck yourself in their thoughts again.

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Re: I need advice desperately [Re: Kryptos]
    #25102011 -

You can avoid people you dont need to see ever again. This is family and the difference between family strangers is that you have to make it work because you see each other more or less regularly or simply need each other.
You do want someone to give the kid to when you vacante, the child wants grandparents and you might benefit from it financially and otherwise as well.
After all thats not just someone, its your wifes parents.

I dont see any risk here, after all OP might need someone to get wifey to be reasonable, after all her actions sound rather bonkers.

Kryptos, would you please post in my chem & pharm thread?

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