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Offlinered1
journeyman
Registered: 08/07/01
Posts: 55
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Advice?
    #2425979 - 03/13/04 02:18 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I've made a mistake. Moved to a new city to look for work in my field.  The mistake is that I moved in with a girl who I've been head over heels for for a while and another guy who I barely know.  The two of them have started sleeping together.  The thing is that I know that he's been cheating on her with her ex's sister.  When I confronted them about this he ended up making me look like the bad guy even though I was looking out for my best freind.

So now I'm in a city with no friends except for the two of them and I have to live with this shit.  They both knew how I felt about her but didn't have the balls to tell me whats going on.  To make matters worse I have reason to believe that this had been going on since before we all moved in together.

The problem, beyond the obvious, is that I have a problem with social anxiety.  I can't even talk to new people without getting so anxious that I am barely able to speak. 

I REALLY need some new freinds but I don't know where to start. 

I'm at the end of my rope.  I've been single for about 4 years so this is the last thing I neeed.

I don't feel comfortable in my own home because of all this. 

Anyone who knows what its like to not be able to meet new people, I need some advice.  I can't go on living like this 

:frown:


--------------------
Don't Panic!


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Danger Man

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,263
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Advice? [Re: red1]
    #2426037 - 03/13/04 02:43 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

That must suck....I feel for you, dude! :frown:
I dunno, it seems to me that maybe a move to a smaller town might be the answer. Personally, I find people in big cities to be very cold and uncaring....


Hope things work out for you, friend! :laugh:


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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Advice? [Re: red1]
    #2426054 - 03/13/04 02:51 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

well first off, what city are you in?
there might be shroomerites around(more than likely :sun: ) :sun:

Other than than getting new friends and a new place what do you want to accomplish?
If you want to get rid of your social anxiety it is possible.

From the vibe I am getting I would ditch both of those losers..although it sounds like you will  stay friends with the girl, which I can understand.
Why cant u meet new people? ..is it just because of your anxiiety??


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OfflineDocPsilocybin
enthusiast

Registered: 04/23/02
Posts: 588
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: Advice? [Re: red1]
    #2426075 - 03/13/04 03:07 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Dude, I don't want to come across like I know exactly where you're coming from and to tell you one way or another.  But that sounds like some twisted shit, and those people sure as fuck wouldn't be my friends anymore.  I wish I was in your position, where I could just pack up my bags, sever my ties to those two and just move on. Move to another pad, to another town, to another country.  Just get out man, forget her, forget him.  Don't get hung up on it or you'll live in the past.  Move on, there's an awesome future and you gotta be in the mindset to fucking reap it for what it's got.  I know what it's like to have anxiety and you need to really look within yourself and confront these issues and find ways to deal with them.  I just tackled them head on, they're just mindsets and the more you get comfortable with yourself and dealing with these the sooner you'll be happy again. 

Move out.  Move out now!  Go to  bars, clubs, chat up a random chick.  Just do it, you might stutter and make an ass of yourself the first time, but WHO CARES?  Be yourself man, walk up to the hottest girl in a bar and say hi, most likely she'll chat you up, if not, fuck the bitch!  Just mingle man, you need to face it and you'll only get over it if you talk to people. 

Anyway, everything with a grain of salt.  I'm sorry to hear about your scenario, but I would honestly move on.  It's screwed now, as much as you hate it their fuckup will always haunt you if you don't move out.  I've had the same sort of thing happen to me..  I wallowed in self pity for a long, long time. Fresh start! 

Best of luck!  You'll be fine man :wink:


--------------------
You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
-- Booker T. Washington


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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Advice? [Re: DocPsilocybin]
    #2426095 - 03/13/04 03:19 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

^^^^^^^^^^ thats some good advice!

red, the way doc put it is exactly how I got rid of my social anxiety.
I actually enjoy making an ass out of myself sometimes it reminds me that I am in control, and that I dont have anything to fear  :laugh:


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OfflineShroomNewb
enthusiast
Registered: 11/09/01
Posts: 230
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: Advice? [Re: red1]
    #2428709 - 03/13/04 09:48 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I know what it's like to have social anxiety. I moved to a new town 5 years ago and have slowly dug myself deeper and deeper into isolation. I have 1 friend but I don't even like him because we are so different now. I'm so different from everyone I know because I have taken a completely different path. I have a hard time talking to people and when I do I feel like they look at me as if I'm different / dangerous. I walk down the street and feel like parents are watching their kids in my presence because I might abduct them. I have an extremely hard time talking to people in real life, or on the phone. I don't know much about your situation, but I know social anxiety. My advice is to get the fuck out; if you hang around things will only get worse. Those two are fucked up people and you don't need to be caught in there web. Just because you are alone doesn't mean you have to succumb to their mind games. Just because they are sexually active and socially accepted doesn't mean they are better than you. Ya gotta keep some confidence in yourself that you are YOU and that you will achieve your aspirations someday. It is ok for our paths to be different; just don't let others peoples expectations and prejudices affect you. Get out there and live it up for yourself. Buy a van and go on a road trip. Buy a guitar to pluck on around that campfire. Buy some books read and become articulate. Invest some energy into a career that will satisfy you. The more things you try, the more cultured you become. The more things you try the further you travel down your path in the search for your place in the world. The more you know yourself the better your confidence will become. The more confidence the less social anxiety you will have. The more confidence you have the more people will look to you as a leader; the more women will be attracted to you etc. Dude, stop following inferior people and lead! If you be the nice guy and supplicate all you're going to get is heartbreak.


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Offlinefilthysock
puresoul

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 2,080
Loc: Bergen, Norway
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Advice? [Re: red1]
    #2430847 - 03/14/04 11:55 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

All good advice here, I have the same problem, Social Anxiety, its getting better every day I get further from the time I was a heavy paranoid pot head with all bad friends...
I get really anxious around new people, which somehow seems to atract new friends because I seem strong, reserved and mystical when I make minimal contact. But when I get close to these people I let myself loose eventually and to their surprise they realize that I'm actually this crazy bouncing off the walls hyper weirdo blurting out weird comments and gets too deep at times... I see how this affects my friends and what they think of me, probably thinking all like "who the fuck are you anyway, you're not as tough as I thought you were" because people where I live go after people who are tough to make friends. Its the way it is here. So I'm dealing with issues, how to get friends without making them thinking I'm weird, my social anxiety and who the fuck I really am. Its a big loop being propelled by my social anxiety. I think this advice above here would be the best...
The bestr thing is to be yourself, magnify yourself, express yourself at all times, thats when friends who you fit with and you can really call friends will come along... the best is allways to be yourself.

Its not so easy telling yourself this, like I do often amidst my confusion... but I am telling you now, this is the best advice, to be yourself without fear.


--------------------
Magic mushrooms are not addictive, the shroomery is!


Edited by filthysock (03/14/04 11:56 AM)


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Advice? [Re: red1]
    #2433680 - 03/15/04 03:51 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

When I moved to a new city, I moved into an advertised share house with 3 other people my own age who already had established social networks. There were so many people coming ang going all the time and eventually I became friends with some of my flatmate's friends. I also took a night course and made some friends there. So, those would be my suggestions - move to a large sharehouse or take a course.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlinered1
journeyman
Registered: 08/07/01
Posts: 55
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Advice? [Re: enotake2]
    #2440883 - 03/16/04 09:43 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for the advice guys. Guess its just a matter of making myself go out and talk to people.

P.S. If anyone is living on the western edge of the GTA and wants to go for a pint drop me a PM.


--------------------
Don't Panic!


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