Home | Community | Message Board


Phytoextractum
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Original Seeds Store Shop: Buy CBD, Cannabis Seeds, Compare CBD

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Would appreciate a bit of advice
    #4550897 - 08/18/05 11:09 AM (12 years, 3 days ago)

Sorry this isnt exactly a jovial post.... and making other people here a stupid story

I am 19 today, and here is the bottom line of the "problem"

I have 2 parents which are very old fashioned,and old (52 and 60) and in my opinion "pompus and very old fashioned", although they are both the most sensitive people you will ever meet, they have a very old fashioned and un liberal style of parenting 'ie they talk down to me on a completely different wavelength to how you'd talk to a friend.... and dont just talk alot of funny rubbish effectively which is what most sociable mammals do..... because its "immature" and they basically just act like teachers all the time, with that tone. On top of this, they completely disagree and hate I smoke weed and take magic mushrooms, and blame all my problems on it...... when its due to what they have done. and some decisions I took earlier in my life. I do not relate, or get on with them at all... because they seem to blame me for family stress and just about everything. I may add, they are both very depressed people in my eyes, and dont even speak to each other with much love, anyway im just pissed living in this house with theyre rules, but i dont have a choice......

I cant get into all the details because I'd be typing for a week, but this is now my life dilemma, which is stressing me out no end.

I hated high school, and was generally an immature naive "wanting to be in with the bad boys" laddie. I never did my homework or studied, and as I got older between 14 and 16, I never attended school but this was due to a huge trauma I suffered I cant go into. They knew of this, but did nothing to help me, and instead of talking to me, theyre tactics, as usual, were this teacherish style..... "YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL, OR WE'LL POUR A BUCKET OF WATER OVER YOU IN THE MORNING AND DRAG YOU OUT OF BED" (may seem funny but they were very stressed and serious and did it) .... OR, it was the "puppy dog eyes" Kieran, whats the problem, owwww, im going to start crying" type of shite... they were very old fashioned, they never were sociable with me, they had this ego alot of old, well off (middle class) people do that "my pride is my family, I am the boss of the house, ive got a big ego about "MY" family, I can tell them what to do and advise them... if they cross me it is dishonour to me and loss of face, incomprehensible" type rubbish if you understand, I mean they did nothing fun ever, like outside activities apart from work and watch TV, so theyre "fun" was the enflated ego of having such a "perfect family" it is all very fake and hard for me to put in to words so sorry if you dont uderstant what i mean.

Anwyway..... to cut a long part of the story short, I took magic mushrooms and completely stopped my antics. I (between 15-nearly 18 I was allways drinking with my "bad mates" and getting into trouble, a few times ending up in the police cells). I really understood on my mushrooms I was completely rebelling against my "tyranical" parents, or as I saw it. I kept a few close friends and that was it. Because I left school with no grades, I was a chef for the last few years, but didnt like the work, but it just seemed like a job that was at least respectable. I cant emphasise enough (i have tripped maybe 50 times, but not since the turn of the year) that magic mushrooms changed my life because of my ego loss the last few years, seeing it from a completely "neutral" side, or definitely miles more than I did.

Now to the next part.

Where I live is a very small city, more like a town. In this town, when I was a little bit younger I got involved in with nasty junior gang stuff and it isnt good people I was friends and dealing with. Most of the people I fell out with after I changed, well my "friends" there...... except they werent really my friends, or eachothers, just bad people, looking to get fucked and cause criminal things.
I often bump into some of them in the town, which makes my skin crawl, because I have changed so much, and theyre still there, drinking, without jobs, causing shite, wanting to fight people...

Now, the point is, Although I dont have anything to do with them, I have alot of bad memories from where I live, and am in a very unhappy and uneasy state going to work or socialies in town. This is because most people have known or heard of me in this little town, and I feel like I have to keep up to my billing, as the funny, bit out of control, immature person. You would think well just fucking dont act like it! and act mature! but because I am so insecure where I am, and very unhappy living at home it makes it very uneasy to act my "new completely different after shrooms, self - one loving, and all that), I'm really afraid wherever I work and get on with people who I dont know, because everyone my own age knows everyone else my own age (although there are 3 different highschools in the area, but we still do somehow) that they will obviously ask someone who knows me and get filled in on what a numpty I was in school..... its a stupid and insecure mindset yes, but it wasnt allways THAT bad, until now.... I shall go on, (sorry I know this is very long and a bit stupid to read I would think so if I read it, but its serious to me)

Now Im just back from holiday with my 3 "friends" 2 weeks in spain. While we were there I found something very interesting out, and not good either. I found all my friends, were completely arrogant, "macho" or trying to be, vastly immature not chilled out people...... they were also very selfish and a bit nasty.

Normally I would not have found this out, and I know why. I was also this type of person it dawned on me (only 2 weeks since we got back), because they were my friends, I acted exactly the same in this little city, because I obviously wanted friends...... They just wanted to have a "laugh" but it wasnt a laugh, it was constant one upmanship and I could see this was exactly how I'd been acting aswell.

I know this because in spain, without living here, or being near my parents, I felt unbelievably free and un responsible (in a good way) and thats how I should feel. I could completely act myselfe, and I;ve never felt so much love and respect for people I talked to in my life..... just how I want it to be, how I knew it had to be - as the shrooms guided and told me on a few trips were all I felt was amazing, incredible massive love and contentment feeling. The one upmanship was really getting to me, and I started going my own way on the holiday with other people and not seeing them, and when I came into contact with 2 of them, threatened to punch the living shit out of them, because I could see they were angry I was pissed off at them.... and just tried to "have a laugh" by degrading myselfe.

I know this sounds silly, but I see now that for the past 4 years or so, Ive had a massive "defensive" guard up (yet a very weird selfe confidence, not a happy one) and on holiday I felt absolutely no love or niceties towards my "friends" and realised I'm a completely different person to the one Id been acting towards them.... to be in with them

Now I have got back, and have not wanted to speak to them or see them since and have been intentionally avoiding them, and theyre friends/relatives etc because I know theyl not see this falloud as I know it happend, they are not the type of people I want to socialise with.

The problem is now, I'm back without a job because I left it before I went on holiday, and one "friend"... who sees me as a close friend, but now I dont want anything to do with him, because hes exactly the same type as these other guys (the ones that think theyre all the alpha male, and try to show it in a "im better than you" not a jovial piss taking way. and think life is all about being looked up to as much as you can, by people who think the same as them)... (i actually used to tell myselfe this was who I was)

So now, I'm waiting to hear back if the army will accept me, and not knowing what to do in the meantime.
I am very paranoid and feeling very unhappy right now to go and look for a job in this tiny enclosed community, I would really be unhappy trying to tell people why I didnt now go out in stirling and about my predicament I have, and feel like they would all find it competely weird I didnt have friends when I am such a nice spoken person, and it wouldnt come out like that either, because I would have the guard up here due to reasons i said earler, which I cannot get down even though I excersise hard every day and am in superb physical shape - I should be very confident (not meaning to sound bigheaded).... if I can post a pic I will later when I find out.
I know if I was out of here, like in spain, I would feel like I was away from my "opressors" and make lots of new friends easily. but here in this little place, where all I have is bad memories, and now lost friends who are not really bad people, but who have pissed me off immensely and I really dont want to be friends with. Im meant to have an interview for woolworths in 1 hour, but I'm not going to go, because I am feeling so low and wouldnt even be able to fake a happy nice boy and liable to snap even though I wish i wouldnt feel like it.

What can I do about this predicament I'm in if youve got this bloody far (50 minutes worth of typing) Now my mum and dad are going to get back and be pissed off I never went in to the interview and complain, because im here, in theyre very pissed off how dare you dishonour us tone..... not wanting to know about how unhappy I am, or talk about it as a friend, and know what I am feeling..... because they dont know how, but wont admit it and would rather just act like im a "silly immature boy" (even tho i have tried and told them I'm very unhappy in the last week, but they dont relate WHATSOEVER)

god sorry about this, but I would like advice from the introspective confident people I think a mushie messageboard would have on it.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinefrostynostrils
Human

Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4551324 - 08/18/05 01:23 PM (12 years, 3 days ago)

You know, I have been through most of the same things that you have, and completely understand where you are coming from. You're 19, and I'm 21, so I was there very recently. Unfortunately, the actions of your teen years do have the consequenses in the town that you live in. I am not saying that in a holier-than-thou way, but from experience. I still hate to go visit with my mom in my home town because I am always afraid wherever we go that I'll run into someone I used to sell or buy drugs from, or the kid whose jaw we broke for owing me money.
Those consequenses can't be changed. What you have to do is set a goal and consciously work toward it. I mean, maybe you can get a job, even one you hate, and save a little money. Then you can make a fresh start on your own, somewhere new. It certainly isn't something that happens over night, you know?
I am wondering if maybe, since you have these clashes with your parents, that maybe you should change your approach. Not necessarily because you're doing anything wrong, but because obviously there's a breakdown somewhere along the line, and they haven't changed in nineteen years, and probably won't anytime soon.
Personally, when I have talked to my parents as fellow human beings, it has always, always worked out that it helps our relationship together. Now that you're an adult, and legally so, maybe they will understand and appreciate you coming to them and laying down the facts of how you want to be treated. Of course, I don't know them or you, so this may not be your style.
Feel free to PM me if I wasn't clear on anything.


--------------------
"Smear the paint till the colors run,
It's nearly time, I'm nearly done
Flaming, orange, open sky!"
- Cherry Poppin' Daddies


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: frostynostrils]
    #4551504 - 08/18/05 02:17 PM (12 years, 3 days ago)

"So now, I'm waiting to hear back if the army will accept me, and not knowing what to do in the meantime. "

You can start BY NOT JOINING THE ARMY ON FUCKING IMPULSE DECISIONS? Will becoming a murderer make you feel better? Fuck that bullshit they tell you, the bottom of the line is you will be either MURDERED, or will become MURDERER, or if you're real lucky nothing will happen to you.

Don't join the army, there are better ways to live your life than letting other people completely take all your freedoms away, possibly forever.

Man, don't do it... for real, whatever your political ideas are.... people in the army can be fucking pricks, my friend is in the army and he just flat out joined because he was a multiple felon (never caught) at the end of his rope, trying to get a job, and he just said FUCK IT I WANT TO LEGALLY KILL PEOPLE and signed up on a whim for combat and i know there are thousands more like him.

don't join the fucking army, you're not going to get away from macho pricks by doing that..... it's the last place you want to go.

as for the rest of it I kind of understand you.... I lived in a small town and I don't like going back and being in public because I'm kind of afraid I'll run into people I know. You're 19 and I think it's time you got on with your life away from your parents more... but the army I think is way too drastic of a choice for someone of your age to be making when you've got all these fucking problems that you'd just run away for.

I guarantee you this war will fall apart and our soldiers will (unfortunately) suffer REALLY bad psychological problems when they come back as they question why they had to go through all this only to have no one supporting them back home.

The comradery would be great, but do you want to be in the company of violent criminals and angry rednecks? So very many of them are man.... the rest are probably decent people like yourself, but there's no telling what's going to happen if you sell your soul away.

You don't sound like a person that wants to live a violent criminal life based upon how you said you changed. The army sounds like the worst possible place you could ever be. If you want to get really close to people, it can happen. It doesn't have to happen like that. They will try and force you into combat even if you don't wnat to go. My friends says if you can't pass your physical fitness tests they just get sick of you and ship you off either way. He's been through psych evaluations for carving anacrhy symbols on his arms and all sorts of crazy shit that he does while flipping out on medications and they're still going to send him to Iraq.
and i say this at some risk to my personal safety if he were to ever read it and figure out that I was saying it.... I like him, we go way back, but he's completely thrown his life away with some decisions he's made... and the army is either going to totally destroy him or hopefully sober his life view up. But it's not a great place to be and it's full of corruption and mindless brainwashing which even he finds to be bullshit.

The army is not the place to be man, please think about it from perspectives other than the ones they are selling you.

I sincerely urge you to not go while you still have a chance to be a relatively free person, regardless of whether this pisses people off. The recuirters can sell you their side.. I'll sell you mine. Nothing is more important than your life, are you willing to throw it away as an occupier in a foreign land? Really think very hard about it before you do this... don't let them fancy-talk you into it. This is an all volunteer army, there is no reason to feel guilty for not wanting to join it.

-----------------

My advice would be to try and go to a university.... maybe you qualify for free financial aid depending upon your parents income.... you'll get to be away from them... you *might* find people that aren't macho idiots (depends on where you live) and you'll have a lot more freedoms... AND you can study abroad once in a while for usually fairly cheap in comparison to what it would cost to travel overseas without being a student.

I can't really tell you what to do about your parents... parents are usually too old to change, the best you can do is be patient with them, love them, and try and show them their faults (from your eyes.) A mushroom trip with them would probably be fantastic but, there's really no possibility. I really want to get my parents to trip or at least smoke with me.

Also, if they know you're doing drugs there's a risk they may narc on you... I'd try to keep that on the quiet side.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (08/18/05 02:25 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: leery11]
    #4551549 - 08/18/05 02:31 PM (12 years, 3 days ago)

The trouble is not the "macho" boys I hung around with.

The problem is the whole way I've acted for 4 or 5 years supressing my nice side and everyone knowing that, and feeling like I have to keep the pretense up where I live...... I really dont give a fuck about the machoness because thats natural, I'm fucking macho myselfe!!! The problem is its not, as I said, jovial macho acts.... it is calculated "one upmanship, put down to make me feel big" acting/pisstaking which is different from jovial slagging which is universally funny.

These are the people I've associated myselfe with all the time, and have acted the same.....

As for joining the army, its not about politics or war

Its good money for me, and has lots of sporting activity, which I crave! It is also an opportunity to travel, aswell as getting away from my predicament.... but the most important thing is....

When I am away from here, I am very confident essentially - and to get a girl with the high standards ive set myselfe I need to be very confident, which is my biggest aim, to get a steady girl who is also gorgeous (its probably my biggest aim after getting out of here). Its easy to pull up the town and was in benidorm where I've just left...... but getting a connection here, with this mindset, or a real one, is virtually impossible

thanks for the advice tho, its made me feel better to hear someone really grasping what is going on in my head somewhat

thanks again


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinefrostynostrils
Human

Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4551658 - 08/18/05 03:03 PM (12 years, 3 days ago)

See, man. I think you've got yourself a plan. And if you take a little while away from your parents, I bet you anything they;ll notice the changes you've made when you get back. You know how it goes, it's hard to see the changes unless you take a step back. When I started working out more, it was always the people I hadn't seen in a while who commented.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck.


--------------------
"Smear the paint till the colors run,
It's nearly time, I'm nearly done
Flaming, orange, open sky!"
- Cherry Poppin' Daddies


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4551826 - 08/18/05 04:00 PM (12 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

scotsmushie said:
The trouble is not the "macho" boys I hung around with.

The problem is the whole way I've acted for 4 or 5 years supressing my nice side and everyone knowing that, and feeling like I have to keep the pretense up where I live...... I really dont give a fuck about the machoness because thats natural, I'm fucking macho myselfe!!! The problem is its not, as I said, jovial macho acts.... it is calculated "one upmanship, put down to make me feel big" acting/pisstaking which is different from jovial slagging which is universally funny.

These are the people I've associated myselfe with all the time, and have acted the same.....

As for joining the army, its not about politics or war

Its good money for me, and has lots of sporting activity, which I crave! It is also an opportunity to travel, aswell as getting away from my predicament.... but the most important thing is....

When I am away from here, I am very confident essentially - and to get a girl with the high standards ive set myselfe I need to be very confident, which is my biggest aim, to get a steady girl who is also gorgeous (its probably my biggest aim after getting out of here). Its easy to pull up the town and was in benidorm where I've just left...... but getting a connection here, with this mindset, or a real one, is virtually impossible

thanks for the advice tho, its made me feel better to hear someone really grasping what is going on in my head somewhat

thanks again



but man, don't you understand? You won't necesssarily get to do a single thing you want to do when you join. You become the property of your government and regardless of what they promised you, they can force you to do anything or go to jail if you don't. There's a good chance that you'd be responsible for the deaths of innocent people in addition to any "combatants" you encountered. There's a good chance you'd be around people who kill for fun, and there's a moderate chance you'd die.

There are better ways to travel the world without selling your life, and the lives of others, away. You should only join the army if you feel some sort of calling to help people, not because they offer you tons of bribery in exchange for selling your life away. I totally 100% know the feeling of "I'm far away from everyone I've known, I can finally be free." but like I said, you could just study abroad somewhere... where I go to school it's cheaper than tuition to stay in the states.... schooling as an exchange student is cheaper than schooling in America.... I mean, look for other options dude.

If you have to kill someone, it'll be with you for the rest of your life, and I doubt it's going to turn you into a better person. I do agree that in a certain light getting to go through army training without actually joining would be a lot of "fun" though.

I guess though, I define "macho" as what you call "one-upmanship" I mean... the other kind of "macho" is just jokingly macho... like "yeah look at these arms, i'm gonna go sex up some ladies." but you don't really actually believe yourself.

But seriously, think very carefully about the army.... your giving complete and total control of your life and destiny to people who don't give a damn about you. It could change you for the better... or for the worse, and you're not going to be able to pick which.

at the very least, pick a branch of the military that is the least likely to get you killed... air force reserve or navy reserve or something where you can maybe have the fortunes of traveling the world without actually having to go to battle... unless you want to.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (08/18/05 04:03 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: leery11]
    #4552520 - 08/18/05 07:06 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Just to let you know, I tried telling this all to my mum and dad.... and they were a little tiny bit better because its my birthday, and I know my mum tried hard but they just cant seem to relate to what I'm saying. I dont think old (between 40-60) people have the same amount of emotions people nowadays do, because it seems as if theyre on a different planet.

One good thing to come out of it is they said theres no pressure on me to get a job now, which in a small way, has made me determined to get one strangely enough.

My mum and dad did theyre usual, made me feel awkward and be all serious about it, and not talk about it "normally" which I would feel alot more at ease and comfortable with.... But I suppose I dont ever think they speak normally anyway so I cant blame them.

However, they did what I thought theyd do... completely disagree with my reasoning, and in my fathers case "I DONT UNDERSTAND" in a "what? how can u feel like that?" type way - AS IF IM MAKING IT UP??!! but hes serious... its very frustrating

also, they say you cant judge you're friends on 2 weeks when youve been good friends for a long time, but thats just it, Ive not been really, I've been using them bar 1 and its time to stop (not that there are many).... and he dosnt know the relationship outside the house

One thing which angered me and pissed me off greatly, was them allways having a reason for every "dissapointment in my current state" I had... which would not "blame" me, as they put it, but it put an onus on me.

For example, I am not remotely naive now, very switched on, very sensitive and very loving and generous..... when im happy. They say I have trouble with relationships (its why i dont want to work in stirling in a crap job yet will join the army when Im not even commited to that and get tied down for 4 years atleast?? ha!) RUBBISH! I can connect to almost anyone when I'm in the mood, and thats all I want out of life, really good relationships with people (believe it or not), I just am simply not in the mood because im opressed and cocooned here, and feel deeply saddened by the state Ive got into in terms of career and friends, and feel its a vicious circle.

I believe they questioned my "normal mental health" and "struggle in relationships" because its easy for them to do that. IT TAKES ALL THE FUCKING BLAME AWAY FROM THEM! ITS NOT THEM! ITS JUST MY "PHYCOLOGICAL DIFFICULTIES! sorry, but as you can see I have alot of anger towards my ignorant parents who want to believe, and have made theyreselves believe it, so it shifts any "bad parenting/blame/reasons" on theyre onus.

god im a bit pissed off now after our conversation tonight, but also a little bit relieved theyre not putting as much pressure on me.

Thanks alot to you 2 for coming and taking time to help me have a different angle on the drama here.......

If I dont get into the army, which I'm half hoping, do you guys have any ideas how I can just get out right away with a few hundred ? and start up, anyway and this post has just seem me spit the dummy bigstyle but its very frustrating knowing im just as switched on, confident, aware than anyone I know..... and the only reason Im not acting it now, is because of this predicament Ive been talking of which is really getting me down

respect,


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4552551 - 08/18/05 07:15 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Oh, and about asking them to treat me how I want to be mate....

Well, I did that one, and they told me frankly

Its theyre house, there rules, I can do what I want outside as long as they dont hear about it, and wont treat me how I'd like, its on there terms because its there house and they decide all the rules, weather im an adult or not

basically, I have to fake and suck up there arses or theyre not chuffed to bits really.... oh and any dirty language is dissaproved strongly, even when I was a bit angry at one point explaining to them tonight, they had to reprimand me for using a swearword and the term "licking there arse" ... as dad says "under his roof"

yes, i am starting to think what you're thinking now,

sadam hussain got a face transplant to look like my father


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4552837 - 08/18/05 08:40 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

First. You need to realize that in resolving these issues with yourself, you're going to find you are deceiving yourself a lot. If you do not want to deal with the ways you are lying to yourself, you won't be able to resolve your issues.

Your conflict with your parents is called co-dependence. They depend on you to have someone to feel in charge of, and you depend on them to yell at you all the time. Because some part of you feels they are right, you will continually, subconsciously, try to draw out this behavior. Like with this job interview. You are lying when you say you aren't going to go because you don't feel up to it. That's bullshit. You are fucking up the job interview because you have no sense of self, so the only way you have to define yourself is by having your parents bitch at you. The minute you stop doing things that make your parents yell at you, you have no identity. Look. I heard you write a lot of bullshit about ego-loss and mushrooms. That's a bunch of shit. You have to have af sense of self before you can experience ego loss, and you've never had a sense of self. The way your parents raised you prevented you from ever developing one. In freudian terms, you claim to have experienced ego loss, but you really experienced super-ego loss. Because your parents raised you so arrogantly, you have an over-developed super-ego, are repressed (certainly, you are going to find you are emotionally stunted because emotions were discouraged in favor of rules). You claim to have had ego loss. No. You had super-ego loss. You probably were so conditioned by your parents that you hear the voices that they put there (the ones that say things like "don't express..." or "follow rule..." or the ones that cause a little anxiety in the pit of your stomach when worried they might catch you somehow.) and think this is your ego. It's not. That conditioning is super-ego, not ego. That is what you lost when you say you experienced ego loss, but it's different. You need to realize that you have this sort of psychological deficiancy.

What you need to do is get away from your parents, ASAP. Leave tonight, by this weekend for sure. Tell your parents that their emphasis on rules has prevented you from developing a sense of self and that further contact with you is off the table until you have had the time to develop your own sense of self. Tell them you understand that they did their best, to raise you, but that you do not feel love. You can say that this isn't because they don't love you, but because the way they show you love (money, a place to live) isn't the way you feel love (emotional support, acceptence). If you think they are serious about thinking you have psychological difficulties, suggest that you find a therapist and go to sessions together. This validates their views and will expose how afraid they are of blame. The problem with this is that there are a lot of therapists who are just tools of the establishment. You don't want a therapist from their church or golf club. I would suggest finding a therapist that is far enough outside the mainstream they wouldn't automatically support your parents. For example, kink-aware professionals are business listings of services (including therapy) for those in the BDSM scene. Even though you have nothing to do with that, this list would be a good place to find someone liberal leaning who wouldn't automatically take your parents side. Then, you could work through your issues with your parents. Barring professional intervention, you need to take a serious look at your parents relationship (throughout their/your life) with thier parents. This way, you can see where patterns are repeating themselves. This will suggest additional considerations.

Barring therapy, you need to move. Today! It doesn't matter where to. Get a job, save some money. Work on developing yourself psychologically, so you can develop a sense of self. Get away.

The way you are going about solving your problem only feeds the co-dependence between your antics and your emotionally distant parents. Until you start facing some truths that will shake up your world, your actions are just going to feed the cycle.


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: leery11]
    #4552852 - 08/18/05 08:45 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

You can start BY NOT JOINING THE ARMY ON FUCKING IMPULSE DECISIONS? Will becoming a murderer make you feel better? Fuck that bullshit they tell you, the bottom of the line is you will be either MURDERED, or will become MURDERER, or if you're real lucky nothing will happen to you.




Listen to this!!!! He speaks the truth. :thumbup: :thumbup: :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: leery11]
    #4552866 - 08/18/05 08:47 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

man, don't you understand? You won't necesssarily get to do a single thing you want to do when you join. You become the property of your government and regardless of what they promised you, they can force you to do anything or go to jail if you don't.




PLEASE LISTEN! :thumbup:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: tomk]
    #4552932 - 08/18/05 09:00 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

"When I am away from here, I am very confident essentially - and to get a girl with the high standards ive set myselfe I need to be very confident, which is my biggest aim, to get a steady girl who is also gorgeous (its probably my biggest aim after getting out of here). Its easy to pull up the town and was in benidorm where I've just left...... but getting a connection here, with this mindset, or a real one, is virtually impossible."

:nonono:

Look here man.  Can you see condradictions between this and other things you've wrote?  Can you see continuity between your parents problems and the way you are talking about setting up your own life?  For example, can you see that having people in your life that are supposed to be loved ones (for example, a girlfriend) but talking about that person as if they are a possession you are trying to obtain for external factors (attractiveness) is going to continue the cycle of emotionally problematic relationships your parents are caught up in?  Do you see that?  Do you see you are never going to break free of your parents as long as you are still thinking of the world in the way they imprinted on you through your upbringing? 

"I can connect to almost anyone when I'm in the mood, and thats all I want out of life, really good relationships with people."

Do you see that this condradicts saying what you really want is to get an attractive girl and get away from your parents?  You're either deceiving yourself when you say all you want is really good relationships, or you're deceiving yourself when you say all you want is a really attractive girl.  What I think is that the big problem you have is loneliness.  I think the lie is that you want an attractive girl.  Look.  If you are in an environment where you feel enormous pressure to conform, the only way to satisfy both your fear of being lonely and your need ton conform is to have an attractive mate.  But the need to conform isn't logical.  I believe what you really want is to have real relationships with people, but in order to have that, you need to realize you are lying to yourself about your other goals, and that they are actually formed in response to the conjunction of your unmet intimacy needs and the social situation you are in.  Are you touch deprived?  Do your parents, or anyone, hug you?  Does it make you nervous when someone touches you in a friendly matter?  If you needed to cry, do you have a friend who's shoulder you could cry on? 

Look man.  You need to start thinking about this from a different place.  You need to deeply realize what your needs are, and how your situation plays into how your needs are getting (or not getting) met.  Part of this will involve realizing what you are really feeling, and part of this will involve learning to understand how what you are really feeling combines with the conditioning your parents forced on you to cause you to self-deceive.  It's the only way foward.


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4555670 - 08/19/05 04:20 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

scotsmushie said:
Just to let you know, I tried telling this all to my mum and dad.... and they were a little tiny bit better because its my birthday, and I know my mum tried hard but they just cant seem to relate to what I'm saying. I dont think old (between 40-60) people have the same amount of emotions people nowadays do, because it seems as if theyre on a different planet.




Yeah, it's just that they lost touch with what it is to be concerned with the things you are concerned about. It's like when my brother gets all obsessed with the latest pre-teen crazes, and I'm like "yeah, sorry i just don't really like that kind of stuff" but... I fail to realize just how invested he may be in what he likes when he tries to share it with me. (i do try to find common things we both like... but like for example he really likes evanescence and i just want to slap him upside the head [metaphorically] and find him a band with female vocals that posesses actual talent, but ... i don't ... because i know i used to like them briefly, too)

Your parents seem like they don't care because they don't understand so they might say "ah he's just going through a phase, it doesn't matter."

What we have to realize is human emotions are human emotions, children feel more pain from losing their favorite blanket than someone might feel from having their cell phone stomped to pieces. But it's not the TYPE of loss, it's the experience of LOSS itself.

So your parents need to understand that. Dosing with them on some good psychedelics would probably do the trick, but.... right now it looks like you're just going to have to do most of the work and try and figure out whats going on in their heads.

Quote:


However, they did what I thought theyd do... completely disagree with my reasoning, and in my fathers case "I DONT UNDERSTAND" in a "what? how can u feel like that?" type way - AS IF IM MAKING IT UP??!! but hes serious... its very frustrating



yeah, do you have any younger people you could interact with? I think they actually don't literally understand because it seems stupid to them and they think you're being weird.... because they're real out of touch and when they were younger they had different circumstances to go through. They need to try and reconnect to their inner them when they were your age.

Quote:


I just am simply not in the mood because im opressed and cocooned here,



How is having angry control freaks yelling at you and forcing you to do things in the army going to make you feel less oppressed? I don't think submitting to total mind control is a good cure for oppression unless you want to completely conform to being spineless. I'm serious, you don't sound like you belong there. The army doesn't care about sensitivity, the army is in the BUSINESS of destroying relationships if you had a girlfriend she may very well cheat on you while you're away, you may never see your family again because you'd wind up dead. The only relationships you'd have would be with your fellow troops, now granted you would get very close to them, but only because you HAVE to because you have no other emotional outlets.

The army is about fostering killing and hatred with blind prejudice, you will not become a sensitive in tune person with good relationship skills when you leave it.

Quote:


I believe they questioned my "normal mental health" and "struggle in relationships" because its easy for them to do that. IT TAKES ALL THE FUCKING BLAME AWAY FROM THEM! ITS NOT THEM! ITS JUST MY "PHYCOLOGICAL DIFFICULTIES! sorry, but as you can see I have alot of anger towards my ignorant parents who want to believe, and have made theyreselves believe it, so it shifts any "bad parenting/blame/reasons" on theyre onus.




I agree. Psychological problems have to stem from something, their parenting could be to blame here. But I know that I went through a long cycle of feeling oppressed by my parents (because of wanting to do drugs and them not understanding, and trying to pressure me into going to church) ... and though I could (and did... and do) blame them... it's partly my fault for not expressing just how serious I am about what I want... and how they're hurting me and not helping me achieve what I want.

It's good that you took the initiative to talk to them, keep that up.

Quote:


If I dont get into the army, which I'm half hoping,



see.... half hoping can turn into "why the fuck did i do this!" if you join.... continued
Quote:

do you guys have any ideas how I can just get out right away with a few hundred ? and start up, anyway and this post has just seem me spit the dummy bigstyle but its very frustrating knowing im just as switched on, confident, aware than anyone I know..... and the only reason Im not acting it now, is because of this predicament Ive been talking of which is really getting me down




well... you can travel europe with youth hostels for a few grand, probably closer to 1 grand.... you'd either have to take out a loan or work for a little bit. But the plus side is if you worked up and saved for a vacation, you'd KNOW that you're going to do WHAT YOU want to do, there's no guarantees you'll ever see any country aside from Iraq if you're in the army, and you won't be there to sun-tan.

Go to your localest university, talk to them about how you want to travel europe, and ask what their exchange programs are like. Get as much scholarship information as you can. If you have to do this on your own without parental support you could find your way into getting some free money.......... see if your parents won't help you finance some sort of education.

You'd have the perks of traveling without the burdens of being screwed by Uncle Sam...

BUT

I think you're going to find that if you went somewhere like Spain and stayed there forever, you'd stop feeling like a new person eventually.... you can't hide from your "old self" ... I know..... I thought moving out would change me, that I'd go to parties, that I'd socialize, that I'd be one of the "guys" and i'd find people to do acid with and smoke back tons of weed and have great times.

I've largely done absolutely nothing but meet 2 people which I sometimes hang out with..... and haven't been able to arrange tripping with.... and... just sitting around in my dirty unclean apartment being lazy not socializing with a damn person. I felt like a new person when I moved out. But the old me came back. The best solution is to make amends with your self, your family, and your town... to not shun your negative feelings, but to coax them into growing positive/neutral to the point that you can be who you "want" to be anywhere you go around anyone.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (08/19/05 04:21 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: leery11]
    #4556230 - 08/19/05 07:35 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

First of all. Thanks for everyone trying to help

Second, tomk has hit the nail on the head (I am very embarrassed to admit) But I never thought about it in this sense.

I have never heard of "codependancy" before, but after researching its saddens me this is exactly whats wrong.

For you people who dont know what it means either up till now, in a nutshell... it is...
Being brought up in a very strict family. All the onus being on rules and "ways of perfect behaviour". Not communicating by love and happyness and general normal social ways, but through ideas/opinions/ways-to-conduct-yourselfe. I have allways commented, especially to my father, he does not "have a laugh" he is never "sociable" and to be frank the only time he speaks to me is an opinion of say... EG-Bad defense, watching sport on the TV - EG-an opinion on world affairs. It is not nice happy way "sociable" talk, which he is incapable of.

Also, sticking out, it says codependant people allways speak indirectly to get things done. This is EXACTLY my father, EG he says "I dont want this on" if i skipped while the ads were on (when instead of saying "put *X* on now" except thats what he'd mean, and of course id interpret it as that because its how he says things..... another one EG. "I thought ((I thought he says alot, interpreted as, "thats not what you said before")) you DID want to do *X*? - a question, which basically puts me on the path of having to justfify myselfe for something, however small) he is just very indirect and makes the situation awkward and uncomfortable..... and the very worst PUTS ME ON THE DEFENSIVE, ALMOST 24/7, with this "dialect" of his.

My father is a very proud man, and he and my mother are both teachers..... but they do not relate to anything other than "theyre perfect way of life" and the standards/proudness I have to live up to have allways been for as long as I can remember, in my opinion, COMPLETELY unreasonable and hard to live up to.

My 2 sisters are both quiet very sensitive strate A students, and even my little sister agrees with alot of what I say, but because theyre in a completely different "living the streight and narrow, without any taboos or smoking or touching drink or drugs, or staying out late" (not bad, but normal things) they dont get any of this, yet even they say they nag and get annoid moreso than other parents.

Now today, (thanks tomk) I showed my mum some codependancy webpages. I showed her exactly what the symptoms/cause/ways to change it were briefly.... though not in depth because we will look at it tomorrow.

I swear to god, EVERY paragraph, had 90% OR MORE not just similarities, but almost picture perfect EXACT examples of what I have allways told them..... all from about the rule structure with no actual emotional love (called conditional loving) through to the controlling factor (how they allways interfere and have something to say on if I had an argument for example... not sympathy but a "think about it frm theyre point of view, shitty opinion)
Codepentant features are also, as if we are allways "walking on eggshells" completely true...... even so much as the "high achiever" kid (my big sister, and little one to an extent) the "black sheep" ie me, the "i just dont know what to do with this one" kid! and the kid that seems reasonably normal on the outside but isnt on the inside (my little sister ailsa, who is fucking 15 yet chose to be religious even tho none of us in the family are!!!) Codependantss also dont talk about theyre feelings openly... uhh WELL HELLO DADDY, do we ever talk about ANYTHING? have we EVER? never mind feelings.....

Family presents "having it together to the outside world" yet inside its a different story, WELL, thats what I say when I went on about the "proudness of having a perfect family" which i also said was fake

Now I only read about this last night by the way, and everything I say adds up, everything.....

"emotional bonding is of a negative type" errr, what did I say? he goes "owwwww puppy dog eyes... whats the prooblem poor boy" as if hes being nice, when its fucking depressing... god!


There are about a million other things which add up, which Id be here all night giving you all examples and meanings, but I hope you get some of the picture now, really do

This has made me think, I am partly to blame for the fallout with my mates, which I never did before, but at the same time, they arent the best social group for me to hang about with so im not going to go and lick theyre arses or make the first approach to get in with them again.... one of the people there was my best mate, whos credit card number I knew and took money out while he was at work, very close mate, and although I obviously may not have been perfect, I feel he was a dick so im not going to him first.

I am in a situation now, however, that I am at home, with no friends in my tiny villiage, with a bus ride that takes 10 minutes to get into stirling, so its not like I can "go and hang about" at places in town to make friends, because its not natural, to hop on a bus and just "sit about" miles away from home..... maybe if i lived there I could get away, but I dont, I live in a tiny villiage with a population of a few thousand.

So I have no money, no mates now and a family I am beginning to hate (well my father, and somewhat my mother) I am very intelligent however with no grades and am in great physical shape, if I was to leave this place (not just home, the fucking 50 mile vicinity) I would be alot happier and i NEED to or ill go insane. But they wont give me any money to travel for a year in india, and I dont know what the fuck to do now to be honest.

The reason I cannot go and get a job here is because it would be torture, I would go in, feel like I have even less to say than i already did (having lost my mates) and people, as allways, will want to talk to me and be "extra nice" because I am good looking and easy to talk to "for the start, before we delve into my actual depressing and opresed life, which gives me great anxiety and depressed thoughts".... the girls want to talk to me, as they allways do when im working, and knowing I could have them happy but knowing ill fuck up cause of my mindset and thoughts, just makes me hugely depressed and massively anxious, and makes it awkward at work and while talking to them....I completely unintentionally make them think ive rejected them I bet. even moreso now Ive not got the benefit of friends to run to and do stuff with, fuck sake! This is a real problem, I am not bigheaded and think we're all equal, but because of my "pronlems" and I live in the countryish place, I am allways out jogging, lifting weights every few days, and do situpts and pressups every day... and because I hung about with the "cool guys" i dress very smart aswell, I look like a fuckign model when I put the wax on my hair.... yet after a few days, the initial nicey nice with the birds falls apart when they realise I never talk and make a move! jesus, this is pathetic, but again, its serious and causes me mental anguish and stress

I dont know, im in the lowest ever ebb of my life since I got back from spain just over 2 weeks ago, that was meant to be the start of the revolution, of me spending time shagging and socialising every night, I thought it would change me completely.... and it did for about 1 day when I got back, but now I'm back to square one, no selfe, fuck all, no car, no money, living at home with repressed parents.... It is a huge downer

I dont know what my options are because I have none

I really hope some people here can give me some advice or suggestions, because I know what mushrooms can do to your mental capacity for understanding human problems and the way we behave, and just think this is the best place for me to get some "proper advice"

sorry I have put my problems on a messageboard, because it is also humiliating, but the reaoons I said above are why..

thanks again for readin


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4556274 - 08/19/05 07:48 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

tomk, you have got it wrong.... I want an attractive girl, who i make a "real connection" with, Ie i like/love to talk to them very much andw would like to be intimate with them

Everyone wants theyre partner to be attractive, dont emphasise that fact so much as if its abnormal and its going to unprogress me for wanting her attractive


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4556288 - 08/19/05 07:55 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

I feel very alone now, but this isnt the issue, the issue is the boundaries, and the kind of weird fear I have and anxiety I have around my mum and dad, I feel as if im walking on eggshells in this house

tomk, you are right on a number of things, but you are putting it across "NO YOURE WRONG" when Im actually not, as you put it deccieving myselfe

To sort of proove that point.... In spain, I felt free, I was doing what I wanted day in day out, I was talking to everyone and anyone (especially the 2nd week) and I made sweet love to 6 different girls (who were all good looking) could have had more if i went for mingers

now im back, and listen, as soon as the plane was over scottish countryside, I got very anxious and depressed and did not really want to be sociable anymore, because i knew i was coming back to this fake environment.....


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4556302 - 08/19/05 07:57 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

well the enviroment of feeling I am surrounded by people I do not really like, yet have no escape, which I dont, living hear....

I did not dislike the people in espanya I was meeting

but its a different setup where I live, and a small community (relatively) and feel fearful ill walk itno specific people walking the streets of my small city, constant anxiety

i do not feel that walking any other city, even rough parts of big citys


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinescotsmushie
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 51
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4556313 - 08/19/05 07:59 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

Look man. You need to start thinking about this from a different place. You need to deeply realize what your needs are, and how your situation plays into how your needs are getting (or not getting) met. Part of this will involve realizing what you are really feeling, and part of this will involve learning to understand how what you are really feeling combines with the conditioning your parents forced on you to cause you to self-deceive. It's the only way foward.

I also do not have a clue what all that means, situation playing into my needs are met (or not)? dont have a clue mate


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: scotsmushie]
    #4556316 - 08/19/05 07:59 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

"I dont know, im in the lowest ever ebb of my life since I got back from spain just over 2 weeks ago, that was meant to be the start of the revolution"

The revolution has to be fought you have ideas on how to better yourself, you have to put them into place. 2 weeks is not going to change years of habit.

Work on fixing negative thoughts like "but knowing ill fuck up cause of my mindset and thoughts"

You'll get through, all you need is the desire. I mean, you're talking to your parents about important things, that's a huge huge step that I haven't brought myself to do yet.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Would appreciate a bit of advice [Re: leery11]
    #4556446 - 08/19/05 08:48 PM (12 years, 1 day ago)

First, a small note on my rhetorical style here.  My purpose in taking certain tones is partly to draw things out of you.  I could say something like "You're fat." with the intention of gaining information about you, and the way in which you respond would tell me information.  I could do this even if I didn't think you were fat, or had no way of knowing.  Likewise, I could say you lie to yourself, with no idea if it is true, because your reaction would give me information to go fowards.  In your case, I think there is a lot you are lying to yourself a lot.  Automatic negative thinking is a pattern you are obviously stuck in.  But, automatic negative thoughts are not always true.  Ergo...

What I mean when I say you lie to yourself is that you let little things about your behavior go, or don't see logical connections objectively.

For example, you say you had six women in spain.  And that as soon as you got back to scotland, you felt anxious.

OK.  We could intrepret this how you said.  Or we could intrepret this as in spain, you felt better because you had your physical needs for touch satisfied by the anonymous sex, and as soon as you returned to the place they weren't satisfied, you revert to showing the symptoms (anxiety, etc) of being touch deprived.  Even if you don't think this is the right intepretation, you should at least have enough openmindedness to consider it seriously.  Then, we could say, "Look, if TomK's interpretation is correct, then being touch-starved could be one of the reasons for my negative thinking that is causing me problems."  Then, we could make a list of solutions to the problem of being touch deprived.  At the top of our list would be massage therapy.  Then, you could formulate a plan where you go get some massages for a couple days, and see if this eliminates some of your other symptoms.  In this way, we could experimentally see what works.  Then, we could consider another explination of your trip to spain, and see if that suggests any remedies.  In this way, we would hit the nail on the head.

I'd really like you to answer these questions I asked before.  Like I told you in PM, it's hard for me to seriously help you if you only respond to parts of what I say and do not dialogue with me and answer my questions.

"Can you see condradictions between this and other things you've wrote? Can you see continuity between your parents problems and the way you are talking about setting up your own life? For example, can you see that having people in your life that are supposed to be loved ones (for example, a girlfriend) but talking about that person as if they are a possession you are trying to obtain for external factors (attractiveness) is going to continue the cycle of emotionally problematic relationships your parents are caught up in? Do you see that? Do you see you are never going to break free of your parents as long as you are still thinking of the world in the way they imprinted on you through your upbringing?
...
Do you see that this condradicts saying what you really want is to get an attractive girl and get away from your parents?
...
Are you touch deprived? Do your parents, or anyone, hug you? Does it make you nervous when someone touches you in a friendly matter? If you needed to cry, do you have a friend who's shoulder you could cry on?"

I know you partially responded by saying everyone wants an attractive mate.  But we can logically see that isn't true.  Lets make an argument.  First, most people are ugly.  Second, most people are in relationships.  Therefore, most people don't prioritize relationships with attractive people.  I know the media suggests otherwise, but look at almost all couples you see.  They are ugly, and still manage to be happy.  It's not that desiring an attractive partner makes you abnormal, it's that describing your ideal mate soley in terms of attractiveness, and then talking about that person as if they were a person to be obtained, suggests that you place an extreme emphasis on it.  It also suggests an emotional immaturity.  For example, if I were to talk about my ideal mate, I'd talk about things like having compatible goals for life, emotional compatability, ability to not be controlling, sense of humor, friendliness, cock size, etc.  Attractiveness would not be high on that list. 

In order for me to help you see the places you decieve yourself, you have to respond to my questions.  If you feel I have hit some nails on the head, and been wrong in other places, that's great.  This is a dialogue after all.  If you feel I have places where I am insightful, answering my questions directly is the surest way to get more insight out of me.  It's also a way to break out of the pattern you describe with your dad.  You say your dad cannot directly talk about things.  You show this same trait when you cannot directly respond to questions.  Do you see this?  I know it will be hard for you to work on.  Your dad has been struggling with it for a long time, it sounds like.  But, because you are working on it now, you won't be like him when you are his age.

Also, the way you describe your life, you sound pretty depressed, hopelss, and anxious.  Have you had any suicidal thoughts?

:hug:


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]

Original Seeds Store Shop: Buy CBD, Cannabis Seeds, Compare CBD

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Advice Protester 663 7 08/18/04 01:25 AM
by Just_a_Shadow
* I'am going to be homeless in about 10 days.I need advice...
( 1 2 all )
swm 4,647 38 03/24/08 03:40 AM
by ZippoZ
* introvert - extrovert relationships... advice needed Triplexiosis 984 8 03/07/06 08:28 PM
by Triplexiosis
* Asking for advice on Relationships in the Shroomery...
( 1 2 all )
DrCamacho89 2,130 26 06/12/07 08:40 AM
by Zepplin
* Relationship advice needed YidakiMan 968 10 10/25/05 03:05 AM
by Penguarky Tunguin
* Love & Light FiddlerOnTheRoof 590 3 12/08/08 10:16 AM
by FiddlerOnTheRoof
* Very Concerned for Friend, Need Advice Organic 1,350 14 08/17/05 03:13 PM
by THE KRAT BARON
* I need some advice everyone TheBulb2005 906 6 03/01/07 01:11 PM
by CerebralFlower

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, boO, Rose, yogabunny, Jokeshopbeard, CookieCrumbs, Memories
3,800 topic views. 0 members, 16 guests and 1 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Zamnesia.com
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.052 seconds spending 0.003 seconds on 19 queries.