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Offlinebeneath
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shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man.
    #7632532 - 11/13/07 08:29 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I was out at some friends house and when i was walking back home i walked past a bridge.

As soon as i saw it a voice in my head said "JUMP!" and i was like, wow , what the fuck!? and i had a very strong compulsion to jump, and i kept walking on.

I was arguing in my head saying "no I'm not committing suicide ,fuck you" while i was thinking "jump, do it just fucking jump"

I started thinking how my life has become almost complete darkness and it felt like something seriously evil was inside me.
I was thinking "these ain't my thoughts, i don't want to kill myself"

as soon as i thought"these aren't my thoughts" it hit me like a ton of bricks, it's like i recognized this other voice in my head that I've been hearing for a while and realized it wasn't mine and i remembered all the evil things it says.
It is destroying me, it has destroyed allot of who i am, it is killing me.
My self esteem is fucking gone, it is not there and i don't know where the fuck it went

i don't even know what to say, I'm stunned, fearful.

i can't beleive this is what hides beneath my thoughts
i can't believe i was so close to killing myself.....
i don't have control of my thoughts.

fuck


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Offlineg00ru
lit pants tit licker
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Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 21,088
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632548 - 11/13/07 08:33 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Dude go to a doctor, people on the Shroomery can only help you so much.
People have these kinds of problems and get over them, there is still plenty of hope.

Good luck.


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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OfflineSkeeblix
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Registered: 01/28/07 Happy 17th Shroomiversary!
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632551 - 11/13/07 08:35 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Was this really a voice in your head so much as a thought?

Your best bet would be a psych evaluation, if you're this scared of it, you owe it to yourself, especially since it seems to be a very impulsive kind of manifestation.

You may have some form of schizophrenia, and medications will more than likely at least make it tolerable, and a lot less of a risk to yourself.

Personally, I feel a lot of psych meds are overprescribed for stupid shit like depression in whiny teenagers, but in this case, this is a very legitimate something, so don't feel bad about needing help.


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This post approved by:


Premedman1 said:
:lol: I just shat my pants.


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632586 - 11/13/07 08:43 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I've never experienced hearing voices in my head, but other people I've known have, and usually it is a voice telling them to kill themselves. Evil things. Sounds pretty serious (the voices that is). I wish I could help you, but I have no experiences to relate to you.

Someone close to me that hears these voices says that there are medicines out there can suppress them successfully. As already stated, go and see a doctor as soon as you can.


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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Skeeblix]
    #7632590 - 11/13/07 08:45 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

yeah an actuall voice as if it was really loud, it's like i've been tryng to function with this shit for years, depression and weird thoughts, it it seems to be getting out of my controll completly now.
all of these words are hard and painful to type because it's fucking scary to face up to this sort of thing, it feels like i'm losing touch with reality and i've tried everythin to stay "straight".


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OfflineLion
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632618 - 11/13/07 08:52 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Everyone has that voice in her or his head. Eckhart Tolle calls it the "tormentor" - it is a package of conditioned negativity that you have inherited from a nihilistic, self-fearing culture.

You have more control over your thoughts than you realize. But the important thing is that you are not your thoughts at all, anyway, and that it is possible to dis-identify with the thoughts which arise, so that you recognize them for what they are - transient, insubstantial - and create space around them which takes away their negative power. Meditation is good for this.

You also might try sitting with your eyes closed and forcing yourself to speak positively to yourself, with words of encouragement. Positive self-talk is extremely powerful IME if it is consciously guided. It is hard because the conditioned mind with all its fear, its self loathing, its desire to turn your life into an object of knowledge rather than a lucid experience, has tons of momentum. You really need to assert yourself.

You're aware of your tormentor, which is more than most people can say. Flip it on its head!


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Lion]
    #7632713 - 11/13/07 09:15 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I've been dis-identifying with them for a while but they seem to be getting stronger and more serious and convincing.

I try to keep positive, like fuck this I'm not going to kill myself, I'm good at the guitar, my life is going good, I've got money blah blah"

and with a feeling of something/someone in my head that's not me, telling me that none of this matters, NOTHING MATTERS, kill yourself, your fucked.

it feels like a powerful evil tormentor.


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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Registered: 04/21/07
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632830 - 11/13/07 09:42 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

YO man, I know what your talking about. I had a voice in my head that talked alot of things that eventually turned into feelings towards them.
I had thoughts saying that i wanted to fuck everything. Even like family. I laugh now, because I remember how shitty it was man, i know what your going through. I would suggest one thing - do not debate with the voice, anything you say it will ignore and turn around on you. As for it saying "Nothing Matters", this in itself, if you believe it, doesnt matter, because if it is true that "nothing Matters" then saying "nothing matters" doesnt matter, its meaningless.
Oh i remember now that Fear is also what makes it worse. And although showing you why you should not be scared of it, wouldnt help, let me tell you from personal experience - this WILL PASS.

One thing that i have noticed is that these voices can be exacerbated by weed smoking and drugs in general. You might want to bring a stop to drugs until u feel ready again.

Another problem i found with dealing with these things, is being scared of what i would do and how it would reflect on my character towards others and whether they would reject me because of this. This was probally why i was so scared of the voice...And i think taking a quick at this, may help with your journey through this rough time.

Through it all even the worse of it, [WILL PASS] Go away, IT Will. There is a reason for this suffering too man think about this for a seck -  Bad things, make for good things. And vice versa. I mean, The only reason you do not like this is because like me at that time, you think control of mind is good and so when it seems out of control you see it as bad.
This bad will balance itself into good and back and then again to good.
This universe is balance. Live like you can, nothing you can do to anyone, including yourself, will throw anything off balance. All you are experiencing here is the universes infinite different mysteries.
The universe will balance itself out. We exist as a part of the universe. We are it, it embraces us, we embrace it. Ying and Yang.

PEace and ^.^
Glad i had the chance to cou help you, the ironic thing is that this good feeling im getting from helping, is because you are being confronted with negativity!

Much love and peace.  :smile:


Edited by JoseLibrado (11/13/07 10:11 PM)


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Offlinebeneath
One Way Street
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7634257 - 11/14/07 09:48 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

ok after a night of sleep i feel a little rested and i'm not freaking out, i'm just thinking if i should go to the doctor or not

I've got an appointment friday for something else where i could mention it and i would probably get refered to a phsychiatrist/psychologist that i've seen before for depression.

the thing is, i really don't want to go, i think i might be scared to go, its mostly because of the stigma towards things like this.
but it may be in my best interest, what if i REALLY freak out sometime.

this question is for anyone with schizophrenia or if you know someone with it:
Do you have a constant "chatter" of voices in your head that won't shut the hell up? and it feels like your brain is almost constantly going fast or a maxed out 100% CPU.
and other times like it has been switched off and isn't responding to anything you try to get it to do?

do you think i should seek some help?


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InvisibleZippoZM
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Registered: 06/17/03
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7634316 - 11/14/07 10:16 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

yes, you need to seek serious psychiatric help, immediately.

there are medications out there that can help you live a perfectly normal life, a happy one at that.

go see a doctor.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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InvisibleKrishna
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Registered: 05/08/03
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: ZippoZ]
    #7634857 - 11/14/07 12:22 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Capatalistc nomad said:
yes, you need to seek serious psychiatric help, immediately.

there are medications out there that can help you live a perfectly normal life, a happy one at that.

go see a doctor.




seriously. of course, everybody has "voices" in their head - ie, the linguistic analysis of their thoughts. but if these "voices" don't seem to be your thought process - if they aren't in your control - and most importantly, if they are telling you to kill yourself - go see a psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY. this isn't the time to fuck around with self-help and philosophizing/intellectualizing. this isn't what tolle meant by a "tormenter". this is a schizophrenic delusion set off by imbalances in brain chemistry, and is not something you should think of as normal, helpful, or a gift, nor is it something to take lightly. go see a psychiatrist immediately. wish you the best. :heart:


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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Krishna]
    #7634939 - 11/14/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

thanks everyone for the help.

I've got an appointment with the doctor on Friday, I'll be able to get refereed to a psychiatrist then, if he thinks it's appropriate that is.

One thing i wonder is why is it always something like "kill yourself" or "kill him", it's pretty weird, why can't it be other random shit like, "Pancakes!, eat some fucking pancakes you piece of shit"

although i suppose i do get those sort of thoughts often too, which seem kinda funny because they are kinda ridiculous.
especially when you start arguing with the voice saying "i don't fucking want pancakes"

The other day i had a really persistent thought that i had to go and buy a cheeseburger, but i couldn't be bothered going, but the thought was really fucking strong and persistent(for about 8 hours) so i had to go and fucking buy a cheeseburger so it would shut up, BTW the cheeseburger tasted goooood.

That's why it's hard to take this seriously because it's usually weird thoughts like that but when i get shit like voices telling me to kill myself and the feeling that people can hear my thoughts, it makes me think i should start taking it seriously and get some help or at least someone Else's perspective.

I have a weird feeling i am being incoherent in my speech in everyday life and maybe even in these posts, do these posts make any sense to you guys? it kinda of feels like i might be changing the subject of what I'm talking about and not fully realizing it.
It feels like it's getting harder to communicate my thoughts properly.


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Registered: 12/23/99
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Krishna]
    #7635003 - 11/14/07 12:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Like I said, I know someone (in my family) that has heard actual voices in his head for most of his adult life. It is no joke either. He has spent most of his adult life in and out of institutions because of these voices that tell him to acutally kill himself. He has lived a rough life. He told me that some medicines actually work to eliminate the voices. The meds can be rough on you but you really have no other choice. The last I talked with the man he was doing ok. Then, back in a institution, now, out of the hospital and my family has no way of reaching him. My dad wants to buy him a house to live in, but he hasn't had contact with us yet since he left the place. Strange thing is that he is one of the nicest most genuine people Ive ever met. He would give you the shirt off his back. When he found out I was going through a depression years back the guy would call me every day offering help and relating to what I was going through. Throughout his life and despite the madness he was experiencing, he always had women chasing after him, surprisingly he is a complete babe magnet. I think his first advice for you would be to go to a doctor as soon as possible. Obviously.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7635015 - 11/14/07 12:55 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

EDIT - it is not the position of the moderators of this forum that anyone be told they shouldn't go see a doctor. Whatever your personal opinion of them...a doctor is always the answer.

If you're uncomfortable with going then don't go. Simple as that. If you want everything to turn out ok and be helped, you have to go because you really want to, because you feel that it's for your best.
And the voices that you heard, as unbelievable as it might sound, are yours. There's no such thing as an outside force to tell you what to do, control your mind and other socially imprinted terrors as such.
This is very important to keep in mind because once you realize that it is your thoughts who are creating all this situation, then you are ready to take action.
And NOBODY can control and manipulate your thoughts better than yourself. Accept that you hear whatever you hear and also keep in mind that you don't have to do it. Accepting those thoughts will stop you from fearing them, and if you stop fearing them you will be able (in time and with lucidity) to realize what's causing them.
There are so many things that we experience and we tend to forget some of them. But even if we do, they are still somewhere in our subconscious and affect the way we think, influence our decisions. This is nothing more but one of those cases, and if you are willing to pay enough attention, you will manage to see what's up with all that.
Fell free to PM me if you need more advice.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


Edited by trendal (11/14/07 01:31 PM)


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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635071 - 11/14/07 01:05 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I am wondering why people are advising him to get psychological help? is it so he can get meds? i only ask because i am wondering if any of you have taken these meds yourself and know what they do to a person - i personally have not


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InvisibleKrishna
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635147 - 11/14/07 01:19 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

i advised psychiatric help because it seems to be a serious problem involving [uncontrollable] thoughts of suicide - if it was just feeling down about oneself, or strange thoughts, then working on your internal state through meditation, intellectualization, etc, might be worthwhile for an initial shot - but when it involves serious thoughts about suicide, external help is a must.

i've never taken these meds, but my father is a shrink (and one who is really against the over-prescribing of america that is really common in his profession) and i've talked to him about them before (from time to time i suffer auditory hallucinations - sounds like a large crowd of people at a bit of a distance mumbling, so i can't make anything out, but the more i concentrate on it the louder [albeit not any clearer] it gets - to the point of being painful and deafening) & his professional opinion is that there are some meds that really work wonders at stifiling auditory delusions, which then allow the person some peace & mental quietness that they can then use to work on psychological development and approach the "core" problems.. long term meds might not be the best step - that would be a decision that he should work out with professional help - but in the short-term they might be very helpful in creating a peace of mind that allows for further work...


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635163 - 11/14/07 01:22 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I've  been wondering the same thing - why so many advice to go and seek professional help? :sherlock:
I agree that for some it can be very useful, but I still believe that the best person to help one is him or herself. :shrug:
Also this situation, in my opinion, is not as "severe" as some might imply. :confused:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Krishna]
    #7635182 - 11/14/07 01:25 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Krishna said:
i advised psychiatric help because it seems to be a serious problem involving [uncontrollable] thoughts of suicide




If those thoughts were uncontrollable, he wouldn't be posting this anymore because of more than obvious reasons, right? :tongue:
So let's take a look again at the OP's story and we shall find out that he was able to control those thoughts.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635201 - 11/14/07 01:29 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
I've  been wondering the same thing - why so many advice to go and seek professional help? :sherlock:




This advice (see a specialist) should be given to everyone who asks for help in here (ok, not for a stubbed toe...but you get what I mean).

Let me make this clear...if you are not, in fact, a doctor yourself, you have no business telling someone not to go see a doctor. The default line in this forum is "see a doctor", and it should be.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Registered: 12/23/99
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635214 - 11/14/07 01:31 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Because when you hear actual voices in your head telling you to slit your wrists it is much different than just being depressed and wanting to off yourself. Modern psychiatric medicine isn't too advanced yet as we all know, but when you hear actual voices in your head telling you to jump off a bridge than your brain needs more than just a therapy session. It is not like a voice in your head than says "gee, i need to use the bathroom now" or "gee, im hungry maybe i should eat", they are literally voices you hear as if somebody was next to you talking to you. And the voices don't say nice things like "open the door for this nice lady before I walk into a resturant" or "today do something nice for a person you love" no, they are demonic-like requests that a person has no control over hearing. The only thing on this planet that we know to do under these situations is to medicate someone until the voices dissappear. Whether it is a hallucination or not, it needs to be treated or else you wont be able to function in life and live underneath a bridge for part of your life talking back and forth with these voices like my uncle did until he finally get medicated. He started hereing voices before he was a teen, and my grandparents did not even give a sh.t, and they certainly did not have the money to send him to a doctor and get him medication. My grandparents simply did not care about their male children and only focused on taking care of the female child for some f.cked up reason. Anyways, this guys voices never stopped until he was put on the right medication. He has made literally dozens of suicide attempts in his life I have heard, every time because of the voices telling him to do it. And that is about all I know about these "voices".


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