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Offlineresol
Stranger
Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 10
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Change the world by changing yourself?
    #1405801 - 03/24/03 12:01 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

This is my first post as resol, but I was here a year or so ago under a different name (can't remember what it was... I think pachanoi). Not too much has happened since I stopped posting here but I'm feeling this dire need to do 'something' and, well, I don't know.

Have you ever woke up and just wanted to change yourself completely? I don't mean change in order to make others happy, but change yourself into the best you could possibly be?

When I was younger I was put in the gifted program at school. I've always sort of thought myself better than others or different in some way, and I still sort of do, but I came to the realization a while ago that there is a HUGE gap between my perceptions of myself and other peoples perceptions of me. Unfortunately, I've let certain things in my life destroy my esteem and confidence, and even for a while any sense of self that I had (I remember on my last few mushroom voyages actually feeling my presence within myself and beeing SCARED shitless of it... it seemed so alone, week, small, and threatening).

Anyways, I'm sort of at a weird position in my life right now. Getting ready to graduate from the community college I'm attending, and moving to a university (moving out for the first time) I'm starting to feel more like an adult and less like the cocky, rebellious, never-gonna-do-that, kid. Wait.. I'm still cocky and rebellious... I do feel different though, like life isn't as simple as I used to think it was, and that we are all very much alone inside ourselves.

I think there are three main 'components' that make us human: physical, emotional, and cognital. I've realized that I've neglected all three over the years, and I need to get all three back into the best shape I can possibly get them in. That's what I'm talking about when i refer to being the best you can possibly be.

Anyone else have anything to add to this? Or see any flaws in it?

Also...

Has anyone ever felt stuck? I mean, I'm going to school so I can do something with my life, but at the same time I feel that school shouldn't be my only way to make things happen. Other people are able to move and shake and change and whatnot the world around them, yet I can not. What makes those people different from me? How does one make change? Anyone know what I mean?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Change the world by changing yourself? [Re: resol]
    #1406424 - 03/24/03 04:01 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

when your mind is growing in good ways, sometimes your still stuck acting out your old shell. don't try to change overnight, if you have the attitude to become the person your soul tells you that you are, then you'll be fine. take time with yourself, and listen.

this world will collapse on you at one time or another. its a machine, and for some people its hard to accept. its hard to grow spiritually when your stuck having to fulfill earthly desires. at one point, most people opt to get a job and live the normal life, leaving spirituality behind. i have been thinking about alternate routes for a long time now, but i don't see any promising ones. good luck on your journey.



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Anonymous #1

Re: Change the world by changing yourself? [Re: resol]
    #1406521 - 03/24/03 04:39 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -


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InvisibleCaptain Jack
i [heart] you

Registered: 01/24/00
Posts: 4,113
Re: Change the world by changing yourself? [Re: resol]
    #1407735 - 03/25/03 06:54 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

judging solely but the title of the thread....

have you been listening to MJ's "Man in the Mirror" too much?


--------------------
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Captain Jack has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud, and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions.


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OfflineAlobar
A Bucket of Lard

Registered: 01/13/03
Posts: 322
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Change the world by changing yourself? [Re: resol]
    #1408003 - 03/25/03 08:52 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I don't post very often... but this one strikes home with me. The way I see it, I'm probably the same age as you, and in more or less the same situation. I just moved to a new town and acquired a space to rent by my lonesome, adjacent to the campus where I attend classes. I'm struggling to meet the right kind of folks, and in this struggle I have become forced to grapple with my own identity. The question that plagues me: Should I forfeit greatness for social satisfaction? I realize that this seems arrogant and egotistical, but hey, maybe that is who I am. Or maybe not... Out of modesty I will say that I have never thought of myself as "better" than any one else. After all, I'm "just a pimple on the ass end of creation", right? I will say that I feel DIFFERENT than other folk, and I'm still not sure if this is a blessing or a curse... Being a pimple (I think to myself sometimes in moments of despair), what the hell difference does it make what I do? What the hell is "greatness." Not sure, but I know I want some (not glamour or prestige, just good ol' greatness that comes from knowing that the deed is done, and I done it). And in that want, certain sacrifices must be made. One is confidence; mine has been shattered in the humbling powers of psychedelics, but at the same time, paradoxically, I feel "empowered." It is this "empowerment" that is changing me, and in contrast to what some might lead you to believe, change can occur in the blink of an eye. You can wake up one morning feeling different about everything, and from there, forge a path towards your conception of greatness. Forget that horseshit about not letting the world push you around; let it! And use the experience on your voyage. Eventually, it will become impossible for the world to push you simply because the belief is there that it CANNOT push you. This, my friend, is what empowerment is. It is time for you to start doing the pushing, even if it is done in a shoe-shuffling, red-in-the-cheeks sort of way.


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Offlinejarby
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 User Gallery

Registered: 03/08/03
Posts: 754
Last seen: 11 years, 17 days
Re: Change the world by changing yourself? [Re: Alobar]
    #1409208 - 03/25/03 04:47 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I've felt that wanting to change feeling, being the best I can be a couple weeks ago. I was having very bad anxiety attacks (basically I'd describe the week as one giant insomniatic anxiety attack), though at the time didn't know what they were and actually thought I was dying of cancer or something (the doctors really wound me up - he gave me a chest x-ray, heart monitor, ultrasound, blood test, urine test), and when I got home halfway through the week from spending some time in the hospital, I decided to walk my dog (as I previously discovered that doing exercise removed the what I now know as anxiety attacks). On my walk I remember thinking this powerful feeling that I felt so bad for doing everything I'd done, and that I wasn't living to my true potential. For some reason I felt this huge urge to volunteer and help people, and one thing I really wanted to do was pick up all the garbage I saw, because it really pissed me off.

Anyway, about 3 weeks later, I haven't changed at all.


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