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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Sex
#7485561 - 10/04/07 04:29 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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sexuality has, at one time or another, played a strong factor in a lot of peoples lives (probably the majority of western culture). however, i won't state that as a fact. but i also feel that this idea is reflected in the world around us through music, fashion, even social behavior. people seem so fixated on sex.
i have fallen to fetish and fantasy. you probably have too at one point. the question is, do people really draw a line? or do they explore their own sexual desires in their own privacy, but keep it hidden and secure out of shame or embaressment?
we're supposed to have the impression that sex is supposed to be between 2 lovers in love, and that it is a private act of intimacy. but something else, probably clues left all around us in society and culture, tells us that it is dirty, addictive, and exploitive.
does sex ever really ever have to involve love? of course not. sex can be more enjoyable when love is involved, but for the most part, i feel that sex, for most people living without that loving partner, is a self-stimulation tool that they can explore and exploit for their own pleasure. and when isn't sex a self-stimulation tool? do you ever have sex just to please others? very unlikely. for the most part, sex is just our way of feeling good - really good. and a lot of times, people will go through great lengths for that rush, even if it includes spending money, potentially hurting relationships, or even hurting others. (people do that with everything else too, but i'm focusing in on sex here.)
i think that people set up a barrier around themselves concerning sex. the majority of people shy away from talking about topics concerning sex or private moments. people even purposely give off the image of innocence or not sexually-driven, although it is obvious that they are. why do they do this? is it because it's uncomfortable? or is it because society has raised them in that fashion? and if it is uncomfortable, then why? maybe it's because we're ashamed that we're going to great lengths just for a cheap thrill, and we're afraid to look pathetic or desperate.
now, here are some other interesting questions. i want you to reply and clue me in or throw in your opinion just for the sake of the thread.
a) is there really such thing as "i wouldn't have sex with somebody like you, you're like a brother/sister to me?" aka, does a personal relationship (aside from family, concentrating on close friends) really affect the reasons why you wouldn't want to have sex with them? (sexual attraction, not social relationship)
b) even in relationships, do we not, at one time or another, have a sexual desire for somebody other than our own partner?
c) do looks really matter as much as people pretend they do?
d) do we single out people who we are sexually attracted to and meet them just based off of that reason, that they are sexually appealing to us? and do we allow ourselves to open up and relate with them and get along, despite having nothing in common, in order to gain their trust in a meager attempt to get closer to them, to get closer to that fantasy?
e) how many people tease themselves through obscure behaviors to exploit certain sexual desires, and what do you think is the real percentage of people living with some kind of sexual fetish?
f) and lastly, why is sex such an importance in todays world... in media, in culture, in society?
this thread is just my own personal ramblings. don't think that anything i have stated is a fact, but it's my own thought to ponder at the moment, and i want to see what you think. thanks if you've gotten this far.
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WScott
´ ɑ `▽ ᑲᓇᑕ



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Joe Rogan seems to think that sex (and how it feels the way it does) is a biological trick (made by whom?) made to speed reproduction up.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



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Great topic.
a) see (c
b) yes
c)yes
d)yes
e)yes, 100%
f)death anxiety.
This is from a mans perspective. I suspect a couple of these answers might differ if I were female.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Quote:
Icelander said: Great topic.
a) see (c
b) yes
c)yes
d)yes
e)yes, 100%
f)death anxiety.
This is from a mans perspective. I suspect a couple of these answers might differ if I were female.
may i see your reasoning for questions a, c, d, e? not that i doubt you in the least, but i want to see your reasons why, or at least clue me in to this funky phenomenon known as sexual attraction.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Quote:
a) is there really such thing as "i wouldn't have sex with somebody like you, you're like a brother/sister to me?" aka, does a personal relationship (aside from family, concentrating on close friends) really affect the reasons why you wouldn't want to have sex with them? (sexual attraction, not social relationship)
I'd say that it is more the other way around, IOW, you are more likely to become "just friends" with someone to whom you are not sexually attracted.
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b) even in relationships, do we not, at one time or another, have a sexual desire for somebody other than our own partner?
Definitely. We are animals, after all, and all healthy animals have sexual interest in other animals. 
Quote:
c) do looks really matter as much as people pretend they do?
They matter, but not to the narrow extent that popular media portrays. We all have some idea of the "type" we find appealing, and that will have a limiting effect on whom we become sexually attracted to. However, I have also had the experience of becoming attracted to someone who was not my type because I found their personality so appealing. I've never been sexually attracted to someone overweight or ugly, though, so looks still matter to that extent.
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d) do we single out people who we are sexually attracted to and meet them just based off of that reason, that they are sexually appealing to us? and do we allow ourselves to open up and relate with them and get along, despite having nothing in common, in order to gain their trust in a meager attempt to get closer to them, to get closer to that fantasy?
Initially, yes, I single out someone for attention because I find them sexually attractive. But if they reveal that they are unappealing as a person, I will not be attracted to them anymore. I have definitely "glossed over" someone's bad behavior because I was in lust with them, though.
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e) how many people tease themselves through obscure behaviors to exploit certain sexual desires, and what do you think is the real percentage of people living with some kind of sexual fetish?
From what I've read, and what I heard from other students in my upper-division Human Sexuality course, almost everyone has some sort of fetish. They are usually pretty tame, though, such as men liking women to wear thigh-high stockings & garter belts.
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f) and lastly, why is sex such an importance in todays world... in media, in culture, in society?
Evolution is the simple answer. The silly monkeys who like sex the most, make the most babies. As to why it is emphasized in our culture, I think that Freud had it right when he described the predictable effects of sexual repression--we exhibit most flagrantly that which we possess the least. We have so little true ease and comfort with sexuality that we must include it in every ad, every TV show, every song. "If you haven't got it, flaunt it!"
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Re: Sex [Re: Veritas]
#7485705 - 10/04/07 05:21 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Veritas said:
Quote:
a) is there really such thing as "i wouldn't have sex with somebody like you, you're like a brother/sister to me?" aka, does a personal relationship (aside from family, concentrating on close friends) really affect the reasons why you wouldn't want to have sex with them? (sexual attraction, not social relationship)
I'd say that it is more the other way around, IOW, you are more likely to become "just friends" with someone to whom you are not sexually attracted.
would probably explain why i never have girlfriends.
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onlynow
transformativeinformativeenergy



Registered: 02/06/07
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there was this girl I was "just friends" with, and wasn't attracted to her. then we ate shrooms and everything changed.
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Strive to be more than a codified manifestation of a generalized technological consciousness
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onlynow
transformativeinformativeenergy



Registered: 02/06/07
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Re: Sex [Re: onlynow]
#7485718 - 10/04/07 05:25 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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spontaneous is love
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Strive to be more than a codified manifestation of a generalized technological consciousness
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Could be. My best guess is that single people tend to attempt a relationship with someone to whom they are attracted, and to develop a friendship with those whom they like but do not find attractive.
If you have lots of "girls who are friends" rather than girlfriends, it may be because these women are not attracted to you.
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Re: Sex [Re: Veritas]
#7485732 - 10/04/07 05:29 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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my day will come eventually, i'm sure.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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You might also consider whether you are sending "just friends" messages to the women whom you meet. There is a cultural bias against women being sexually assertive, so most of us tend to watch & wait for some signals before we pursue anything further. You don't have to be a creep, just flirt & give out some looks and compliments to let them know you are interested in them for more than their mind.
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Re: Sex [Re: Veritas]
#7485787 - 10/04/07 05:46 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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i appreciate your advice. but i feel that i have a lot more to offer over other guys. i don't want to brag (i'm in no position to) but to me, it's obvious: i'm extremely funny, very adventurous, very laid back, optimistic, sweet, very caring and honest. i'm artistic and creative and i have a beautiful imagination and a wild mind, i'm always dreaming up plans or new ideas. i have a talent for empathy. i just try and find my own way to connect with people emotionally on their own level and i always try and make people feel comfortable or to get them to laugh. and to feel accepted amongst people, or to even have them put so much trust or appreciation into me, makes me feel so good about myself. i have all the friends in the world, and absolutely no enemies. i wouldnt have it any other way.
but the majority of guys that one will encounter aren't special. this statement makes me look closed minded, but remember that i'm a young mind, and in my age group, guys are almost competing for attention. most guys that i know have all the same tastes in hobbies, music, art (or lack thereof, for that matter), humor, and outlooks on life. none of them are very smart or artistic or even creative or sweet for that matter. a lot of guys, well, it just seems like they don't have anything all that special to offer... at all.
but theres one thing that they may have over me, and it seems to win over most of the girls anyway: physical attraction.
and thats just another reminder of how physical and sexual attraction plays such a big role in our society. it plays a (or the) key role for the majority of relationships.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
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Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
lysergicide said:
Quote:
Icelander said: Great topic.
a) see (c
b) yes
c)yes
d)yes
e)yes, 100%
f)death anxiety.
This is from a mans perspective. I suspect a couple of these answers might differ if I were female.
may i see your reasoning for questions a, c, d, e? not that i doubt you in the least, but i want to see your reasons why, or at least clue me in to this funky phenomenon known as sexual attraction.
See Veritas, as she is pretty close to my views. Although I will say looks are (for men) as important as they seem. That's not all there is to it but mostly we reflect our culture.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Re: Sex [Re: onlynow]
#7485862 - 10/04/07 06:03 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
onlynow said: there was this girl I was "just friends" with, and wasn't attracted to her. then we ate shrooms and everything changed.
and how did this go about occuring?
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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I would not presume to speak for ALL women, but I will say that there seems to be much more "wiggle room" for men as far as what women find acceptable.
Unless you are downright UGLY, or morbidly obese, some women will be attracted to you. However, if you are not sending sexual signals, you may end up with many female friends & no lovers.
Plus, if you really are that fantastic, women may assume that you're gay.
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onlynow
transformativeinformativeenergy



Registered: 02/06/07
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Quote:
lysergicide said:
Quote:
onlynow said: there was this girl I was "just friends" with, and wasn't attracted to her. then we ate shrooms and everything changed.
and how did this go about occuring?
well we were friends, i wasn't attracted to her in any way. no thoughts ever occurred. then we did some shrooms together and fell in love. like i said, love is spontaneous and is experienced when there is a deep connection. and i guess that trip was the beginning of a deep connection!
but then she moved 10 hours away so that story ended.
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Strive to be more than a codified manifestation of a generalized technological consciousness
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



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Re: Sex [Re: onlynow]
#7486034 - 10/04/07 06:57 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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It just goes to show ya.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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onlynow
transformativeinformativeenergy



Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 1,480
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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the power of the spontaneous
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Strive to be more than a codified manifestation of a generalized technological consciousness
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Bard
Ultrahuman


Registered: 09/10/01
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a) I don't know that feeling, but I wish I had... I only have those types of relationships with males, I wish I had deep friendships with girls, without the sexual attraction component... I had one like it I think, from my birth until we hit puberty, and from then on we became and now, are like strangers... So it's very interesting, I don't even know how it came to be, but I don't want her now, not as lover, and not as friend, but a relationship which is like that childhood friendship.
b) Never. 
c) Looks matter, but matter in what aspect? What is beautiful is beautiful, what is ugly is ugly.
d) Everybody has a lot in common with everybody else... So every sexual attraction is a chance for us to find this connection.
e) Lot of I think, maybe everybody...
f) Sex is the sacred union. Sex is God. So as humankind reached a certain point in spiritual and material advancement, we start to have more time, and more desire to pay more attention tho Sex. So we can, and we do.
-------------------- So dreaming let's you know reality exists.
I don't belive. I fear.
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leery11
I Tell You What!

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Re: Sex [Re: Bard]
#7487782 - 10/05/07 09:35 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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The only thing I know about sex is that it is a strangling force in my energy body.
Something to cut away.
The desire pollutes everything. The addictive craving. Desperate and ravenous clinging to an IDEA a mere illusion of pleasure sold to you through the media.
Tantra is the proper route to sexual liberation.
otherwise you are just craving something.
Lets invert that though, maybe you crave it because you are hungry and have a real need? Is this possible?
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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