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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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Love [Re: Rhizoid]
    #1664035 -

We have spoken about it in great length, yes.

I will not ask her to reserve herself for me, because I feel from my observations of her that making such a request will be what drives her away from me. She comes from a broken home, and from what I can see she has some deep-rooted acceptance/rejection issues. Her father, from the background she's given me, discarded his wife and his children to pursue a bachelor lifestyle, sleeping with as many women as possible and drinking lots of alcohol. He had the money to do so, and viewed his children as weights that tied him down from having all kinds of fun.

I've met the man, and I can say without hesitation that he is the most insincere person I've ever encountered. He, I believe, is the source of many of her commitment fears, alongside some other emotional issues that demand a lot of attentiveness on my part.

But, I care about this person very deeply. It's easy to lose sight of things, but I feel that I should hold out, hoping that I can help her. She helps me in enormous ways as well: her confidence and strong will drag me out of my reclusive shell.

Since we've been together, I've noticed some extraordinary changes in her, and in myself. I'm more than thrilled at these things. It warms my heart to see her smile in that gentle way I'd not seen in her do in the two years I've known her.

But I'll stop there, before I bleed out all my observations of this woman whom to you all, exists only in this text.

Thanks for the thought-food, though.


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:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace

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Re: SEX [Re: Boppity604]
    #1664038 -

I partly agree with most of the things said here. Consentual sex is fine, as it is a very natural thing, that is the thing. This one girl I met at a psych ward wanted action and probably even would have had sex, she was kind of delusional almost. She told me all these stories about how many guys she was with, and she didn't care about what guy she was with really. The problem is, I wouldn't have felt comfortable having sex with her. She was even kind of hot, but she built too much emphasis on sex and it was everything but natural.

o maybe I should say that when having natural sex shouldn't the feeling of love come naturally. At least that would seem to me like the sex would feel more pure and enjoyable.

Edited by Earth_Droid (06/26/03 09:02 AM)

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Re: SEX [Re: Swami]
    #1664040 -

Swami said:
what if you only have a 1 foot drill bit?

LOL! *hitches pants* Well babee, I ain't-a-braggin', but...

Hey wait a minute! I don't know any women with a 100 foot deep "well".   



you haven't been to Bogalusa  :rolleyes:


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The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader


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Re: SEX [Re: Ped]
    #1664049 -

You are very honest I like that.
Your dilemma is something that is and was a dilemma in my relations, I feel I know the way but not sure I can walk that path yet (still have a lot of monkey in me)

Quote:
My girlfriend and I are crazy in love. We sleep together, of course, and I could not fathom enjoyment from sleeping with anybody else. She, though, does not feel much the same way. This is something that has been causing a lot of problems for us.



Some things to consider
1) maybe you are not in love but infatuated.
2) maybe you are in love and she is not, and you don?t want to accept this. (It hurts I know).

But understand, to really love some one is with out attachments, and born from our hearts, this in it self is hard to achieve.
Perhaps your heart is open but hers is close or scared to open it self (who know what emotional traumas she had).
Remember that most of us monkeys are terrified of feeling life (Love), I believe once the crucified some one for teaching this way.
The only thing you can do is deal with your self, try to love with out expecting anything, knowing that one day it will end.
What matters is that you were able to open your heart and feel and give love for some one.
If you can do that my friend you can call your self a Man.


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Re: SEX [Re: Swami]
    #1664071 -

Amen to that!

When a man has a lot of casual sex he is "cool"
When woman has a lot of casual sex she is a "slut"
This is typical male chauvinistic monkey behavior.


----but sluts ARE cool!


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enjoy the entertaining indentity i have constructed for you while you can.

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Love [Re: LOBO]
    #1664419 -

>> 1) maybe you are not in love but infatuated.

I know the difference. :smile:

>> 2) maybe you are in love and she is not, and you don?t want to accept this. (It hurts I know).

That's not the impression I get from her.  I closely guard myself against self-deceit, that's for sure.

>> But understand, to really love some one is with out attachments, and born from our hearts, this in it self is hard to achieve.

That is something I am coming to understand.  With love comes attachment; the two go hand in hand.  What is paramount is to cultivate the love whilst minimizing attachment.

>> Perhaps your heart is open but hers is close or scared to open it self (who know what emotional traumas she had).

Very likely.  She is much more hesitant than I to open up.  Though, I am a fool that way.

>> Remember that most of us monkeys are terrified of feeling life (Love), I believe once the crucified some one for teaching this way.
The only thing you can do is deal with your self, try to love with out expecting anything, knowing that one day it will end.

That is very good advice.  Thank you for it.

>> What matters is that you were able to open your heart and feel and give love for some one.  If you can do that my friend you can call your self a Man.

If that is so, men are a dying breed. :frown:
 


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:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace

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Re: SEX [Re: Swami]
    #1664486 -

i think people need to figure out what works with them and go with that. like,some people are okay with having casual sex or whatever, and good for them, thats what they should do. some people need emotional connection with sex(like myself), so i would only sleep with someone if they really meant something to me. just do whats right for you.


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Re: Love [Re: Ped]
    #1664524 -

"put it that way" i say i agree Men are a dying breed. i guess this also means real women are a dying breed as well.

so much for finding stability...


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What?

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Re: SEX [Re: Swami]
    #1664605 -

it's not the 18 minutes you have to worry about, it's the 18 years.

I took a chug off of a beer that a girl with mouth herpes was drunking last night. am I going to get herpes?


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The ultimate meaning of our being can only be fulfilled in the paradoxical leap beyond the tragic-demonic frustration. It is a leap from our side, but it is the self-surrendering presence of the Ground of Being from the other side.
- Paul Tillich

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Re: SEX [Re: kristina420]
    #1664787 -

i really appreciate everyone's input on this thread, but i think you really hit the nail on the head, kristina. personally, i kinda feel the way swami does, and i really like the digging of the well analogy!


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Namaste.

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Re: SEX [Re: Sclorch]
    #1664922 -

yep, its too stigmatized

We do drugs, sex is drugs. THATS WHAT WE DO, WE DO DRUGS!

Its like the part in the matrix, when french men ( i forget his name ) explains how we fight it, but we are forever slaves to it. We are out of control, and drugs could be considered "order". (of course they never mention the word "drugs" in it)

NO, there doesn't need to be any love!


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And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!

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Re: SEX [Re: johnnyfive]
    #1665458 -

Casual sex is cool, but I think it causes lots of people to feel desensitized to love. I know to many teenagers who already have a soured opinion on love because they had bad experiences with sex. I feel lucky that I lost my virginity to someone I really loved, and even though the relationship didn't work I still feel glad for the experience. Funny thing is, my relationship had very similar problems to your's Ped. I tried being as patient as possible, tried to show eternal love and all but I guess I couldn't handle it anymore, neither could she so it just fell apart.





P.S. Sluts are cool


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"Why do women have breasts?"
......
....
...
..
.
"So you can have something to look at when you're talking to them!" -Peter Griffin

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Re: SEX [Re: Gixxer_boy]
    #1666629 -

For other people, I hold no opinion on who, what, where, how or why they choose to fuck, and I think those who do are closet fascists... For myself, subjectively, it seems to be more complicated.

In a way it's good that I have no opportunities to have casual physical sex, because it saves me from having to worry about whether I 'should' or not.

Lobo is right about the monkeys being terrified of love, I'm one of them.
I think love scares me a lot more than sex does. I know I can't handle a Serious Relationship and it truly amazes me that anyone can.

I think the only situation where I will actually have sex is with someone whom the nature of our relationship was such that it just wouldn't make any sense for us not to be having sex. True emotional love, and a comfortable enough state of friendship to not be in a constant state of panic over that love.

I don't see that scenario as realistic, at all.

I know I can survive without sex, I also know I can survive without love; in fact I may well be more mentally stable without it. I'm aware I'm missing out on a large chunk of the human experience. But compared to all the people who have to survive without limbs, or without an immune system, or without adequate nutrition, or... it's pretty minor.

It seems like the fear of the whole thing has gotten worse in the past few years, and it's only recently that I recognized it as a fear. Why should I be scared to even flirt or fool around? I guess for the same reason I don't want to experiment with heroin- that I might really like it. So much that I would no longer be able to be OK without it.
Is that valid? Or just a rationalization for something else?


This maybe sounds like it should be in the Support Group, but it's a non-issue in my life; and just as good a topic for rambling speculation/ hot air/ mental masturbation as anything else in this forum...



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Re: SEX [Re: Xibalba]
    #1666715 -

ok, 1st of all, i will say that i love sex! sex is fun, not only for cumming, but all the 1st play before, the touching, the kisses, the hugs, i love all that!

I saved my virginity till i had my 1st serious bf, who was also my very 1st love, and after i felt intimicaly close to him, it felt right to sleep with him. durring this relation, ive learned to enjoy and to love sex, ive learned more about my body, and what makes me feel good.. 
after we broke up, i was all messed up and emotionaly hurt, so i didnt want to get attached to anyone new, but i did want to experience sex with new different partners. and thats what i did.. i slept with 2 male friends of mine, and after a while i was involved with another guy, in a relation that  was only based on sex.. i mean, we both knew that we dont want to get emotionally involve, so we used to meet up once in a while, and to spend all the day in bed.. :laugh:
it was awsome!! so it showed me that i can enjoy sex with some1, although we dont have that strong feelings towards each other.

my last relation, started as a phisical attraction, its some special guy in which his behavior and way of thinking really attracts me, he just doesnt think like other people i know.. hard to explain, but anyhow, this time, i kinda fell for this guy, while it wasnt mutual and he was only meeting me for the sex, i guess.. or just cuz he enjoyed being with me, but after a while when we finally talked about "what r we for each other", he said he likes me alot, but hes not looking for a partner.
:frown:
this time, it sucked, cuz i did feel something for the 1st time since my 1st bf, i did feel that i want more than sex with him.. i think i fell inlove with him..

anyhow , my point is that i didnt sleep with any1 after him, although i was really horny and had lots of chances, even with guyz who attract me, but i just cant see myself sleeping with some1 if i have feeling for some1 else.. thats why i dont think i'll ever cheat my partner. just because if u love some1, u dont need to look for sex in other places, or even want it.. this love should satisfy you..

 

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Re: SEX [Re: Loriiii]
    #1668126 -

I am OK with casual sex as long as I feel I am respected by that person. It can cause complications though - like if one person wants a relationship and the other doesn't, STDs, risk of assault. I agree that casual sex has nothing on having sex with someone you love.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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Re: SEX [Re: enotake2]
    #1668156 -

Anything is OK if you do it through the a hole in a sheet!

Seriously though, this thread kicks ass, good read.


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Re: SEX [Re: chunder]
    #1670283 -

Xibalba, I know alot of people who have feelings similar to you. I used to feel like that in my early teens but I sort of grew out of it and my perspectives on life changed (and haven't really stopped changing). It sounds to me like your afraid to live life because you're afraid of the bad shit that comes with the good. This is really not a good thing, and trying to rationalize it will only make it worse. It's like with alcoholics. Alot of them say "I drink because bad stuff always happens to me". They don't realize that bad stuff always happens to everyone, but they find ways to rationalize unhealthy behaviour which will probably make them have an unfulfilling and sad life. Love is a great thing, in my opinion the greatest thing (well, that and motorcycles), and you're really selling your life short if you choose to live without it.

Of course, this is just my opinion, feel free to ignore me and/or call me a dusch bag if you disagree.


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"Why do women have breasts?"
......
....
...
..
.
"So you can have something to look at when you're talking to them!" -Peter Griffin

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Re: SEX [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1670784 -

just make sure you're not "being used" if you don't want to be..


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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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Re: SEX [Re: Xibalba]
    #1671770 -

Xibalba said:
I think the only situation where I will actually have sex is with someone whom the nature of our relationship was such that it just wouldn't make any sense for us not to be having sex. True emotional love, and a comfortable enough state of friendship to not be in a constant state of panic over that love.
I don't see that scenario as realistic, at all.

Well, that's what I would have thought before, except I've found exactly that kind of relationship: love and close friendship united in one and the same person. To such an extent that I'm getting married in a few months (we've been living together for some 6 years), something I would never have expected, and people who know me even less.

About the casual sex question, this is a really tough one for me. I'm bisexual, and it seems I need male sex once in a while (not very often, it's been almost a year now, but the need is definitely there). My GF doesn't care too much, as long as it remains casual ans occasional. I've never had a real BF, I wonder how that would turn out.
So, when it comes to casual sex, I prefer to do it with someone I know, and preferably a very close friend. That's also one of the reasons it doesn't happen very often. The best casual sex I've had was with a couple of very 'close' friends (M/F) who live a thousand km. away. May be the ideal situation: good friends who live far away so you don't get to see them very often.

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