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Love is a process, not a state of mind

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deff said:

A cyncial definition would be the biological need to reproduce. Falling in love with someone is in essence you deciding that certain factors of them are desirable enough to pass down genetically to your descendents. Basically, it is a form of internally selective evolution.

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that would be an explanation of the attractive mechanism in our brains from an evolutionary psychology POV, but I dont think it says anything about 'love'. 

'love' and 'attraction' are two different words, with two different meanings.  Telling someone you love them will have a different effect on them than telling them you are attracted to them because your genetically inherent brain chemistry has indicated to you that they would be good genetic stock for your seed.  Hmmm, maybe I should try that line sometime

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Let me ask you a question. Are you still in love with all the women you said "I love you" to? You must be. According to your definition of love, it is unconditional. No matter how they feel about you now, you must still be utterly in love with them.

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Indeed I am still in love with them, painful as that is.  I dont feel this way about  every ex-gf I've ever had, mind you, but every single one I've told that I loved got a lifetime subscription.  I don't bullshit with that word like most people do. 

These days I dont say 'I love you' anymore to girls unless I think they are capable of holding up their end of the bargain, which is almost never.  Gets me in trouble a lot   I hate it when a girl says she loves me after having known me like less than a month.  Then she expects me to parrot her lie.  Fuck that. 

anyway, if you were hoping to catch me in a self-contradiction, you have failed. 

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  There cannot be true love where there is attachment.

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Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to take abuse, and other negatives along for the ride. You can still love someone, and be like "Hey, sorry. I can't stay in this relationship.".

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Trust me, if your girlfriends would have been around long enough, sooner or later your meticulous nature would have you pointing out things about them that make them unworthy to date you.

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yes, in real life I act exactly the same as I do on this internet board.  I walk up to chix and go "j00r m0m!!!  0wn3d!!!!" 

please refrain from making assumptions about my personality based on the tiny fraction of my being which I expend to create this completely fictitious digital persona. 

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Just like anger and hate can fluctuate from day to day, moment to moment, so can love. You can love someone and not be "in love" with them. I firmly believe that you can be "in love" and down the road, still love the person, but not be in love.

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There is no need to define love

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there is obviously a need to have a universal definition of words, otherwise there will be miscommunication.  Thats the whole point of having a language in the first place, sweetheart

I think that the word love is obviously too ambiguously defined by our society, because different people mean different things when they say it.

SpringChickita said:

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Good to see I made sense to someone as well.   

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If you love these women unconditionally, you should be ECSTATIC that they are happy

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Actually, almost all of them are unhappy, and will probably never figure out why, because their priorities in life are all out of whack.  Some social influence has brainwashed them to the point where they don't even know how to make themselves happy.  They keep chasing after social conquest and material wealth because they are trying to fill this hole inside that can only be filled with love.  And yet they repeatedly turn down love in favor of petty materialism and socio-political power.  I feel very sorry for them. 

Of all my loves, there is one girl who has found happiness with a good friend of mine.  I don't have a problem with that, although it is sometimes hard for me to see them together.  But I dont have a problem with him at all.  We hang out all the time.  I'm not really pissed of with her as a person, but I do still think she shouldn't have told me she loved me unless she meant it

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Then why the anger? Why the bitterness? Who is it directed toward?

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Well, the bitterness comes from giving more of myself to another person than they have given to me.  It doesnt keep me from loving them, but it does cause the pain of feeling unappreciated, the 'Jesus pain' as I like to call it   Its not just my pain I feel, but theirs as well.  A lot of people have pain that they insulate themselves from and dont allow themselves to feel.  But I can feel it.  Its the pain of having to deal with the consequences of a stupid decision, like rejecting the love of someone who only wants the best for you.  It is the same pain of a toddler who drinks paint because his mother told him not to. 

love is so rare and fragile, the fact that someone could just throw it away over nothing...  just astounds me sometimes.  If I'm in a relationship, love is the point of no return for me.  Any hardship that comes up after that, I think "we can work through this, our love can overcome this."  I dont think: "Oh, this isnt working out, the relationship is getting hard now and I'm gonna wuss out."  That attitude is repugnant to me.  Its the same attitude of a posuer rich kid that buys a guitar and throws it away a month later because he can't shred like Hendrix right away.  Love takes patience and understanding, and something in the human psyche makes most people incapable of either.  I say we find this part of the brain, and genetically engineer it out of existence

as far as where it is directed, I would say that it is directed squarely at that intangible psychological/socio-cultural influence that effects the probability of humans acting in this foolish way.  I think that a lot of people just arent educated well enough to love correctly, and our society perpetuates this.  I mean, its not like we get an instruction manual.  WE get a lot of media telling us what love is, but most of that is pure BS.  The picket fence and the knight in shining armour are fantasies which have made people believe that their lover should be perfect, and that love should solve all of their problems.  Our society perpetuates the sterotype that all successful relationships reach a point of perfection, and everything that happens after that point cant be summed up by saying: "They lived happily ever after..."  Have you ever seen an old couple fight?  Why dont they put that at the end of Cinderella? 

Again, it comes down to people's general inability or unwillingness to integrate the dark sides of things.  The unwillingness to realize that some things just suck and thats OK.  No life without death, no honey without bee stings.  But people dont want to accept the bad with the good.  They want to have their cake and eat it to.  They want to eat food without hunting, killing, or cooking it.  They want to drive cars without knowing how they work.  They want all play and no work.  And this effects the way that we relate to eachother as well.  Nobody wants an imperfect partner, thats why confidence matters so much in dating. 

anyway, i dont judge people for having flaws which I share possesion of as a human.  All I am saying is that we should identify and try to overcome these flaws, in the name of progress.