Home | Community | Message Board


High Mountain Compost
Please support our sponsors.

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
OfflineYoschie99
nomad
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/25/99
Posts: 3,143
Loc: center of earth
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
a question of love...
    #666572 - 06/06/02 08:59 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

soo...

about 2yrs ago now i met this girl... a girl quite a bit younger than me... 15 and i was 19... i'll call her sarah...
we automatically hit it off and became best friends... w/out her i could never have made it throught the past couple of years. we've never had any sort of romantic relationship really, but maybe only because we live so far apart... 12 hrs for a while, and now much further. we shared a fleeting kiss once, which i think kind of scared us both, but we've remained the best of friends. now, about a year or so ago i realized that i had extreme feelings for her... not only the love that i have for my friends, but a much deeper feeling... true love was the only thing i could put it down as. any time i think of this girl, i get this feeling... and i think about her a lot. so, i kept this a secret for a while, but then it started to eat at me and i told her via a very long letter. i had no expectations at the time of the relationship that we had changing at all, mainly because of the distance... and that held true... to this day we are still best of friends. she's told me that she also loves me, but i'm not sure that it's the same way... but to me it doesn't matter... this girl is the world to me in every way.

so the problem to me starts about 9mo ago now. I moved here to CO and met a girl who i do like a lot... we've been going out ever since... 9mo this month. we'll call her monica. this is the longest relationship i've ever been involved in... and the further i get into it, the more i question it. this girl loves me w/ all her heart, and has told me as much, but i just don't have the same feeling. i've contemplated ending the relationship on several occasion, because i feel like i'm dragging her along while i wait to see if anything develops w/in myself, but for the most part nothing has changed, except she grows more attached.

i'm just not sure what to do in this situation, it's all very new ground to me. i still love sarah to death... i still talk to her all the time, and we remain the best of friends. i have this feeling in my gut like maybe something between us will work out... we talk all the time about her moving out to CO to get a new start on things, since her hometown life is very rough... and if this happened, i would be even more confused.

so... i guess the question i always go over in my head is if it's worth ending a relationship that is really very good in all aspects based on a loose hope that something will develop w/ my first and only true love to date...
or do i continue in the relationship w/ monica until something *does* develop elsewhere?

relationships are not my strong point... this is all very new ground to me... and very confusing to say the least. any thoughts are very much appreciated.

and maybe this doesn't even belong in this forum now that i think about it... but this seems to be the place w/ the most intelligence anymore...


yos-


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
teardrop on the fire
Male User Gallery

Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 2 months, 19 days
Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #666596 - 06/06/02 09:13 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

I can understand this being in this forum...

I made a post in OT just moments ago. it relates to the girl I am about to talk about.

I know this girl that I will call Claudia. I have known here for the past 4 years or so. She is about three years younger than me. She is also the sister of a girl i'll call brenda who I was engaged to but broke up with a year and a half ago. I have been a big brother to claudia, but two months ago, She and I got very close talking about her relationship with someone else who was a close personal friend of mine as well. I helped her break up with him. then about two weeks ago I realized that she was making me happy and I wanted to be in a relationship with her. I love her. Maybe not deeply madly truely, but I do love her. I talked to brenda about this and she said "Larry, don't you see... you have always loved her." This hit me hard. But yesterday I told her I wanted to try to be in a relationship with her. She was like "I don't know". but didn't freak out or anything. I think that we will end up togather, at least for a while....

I know that doesn't help really, but your not alone man.

My advice, if you could really be happy with her, go for it. tell her how you feel and ask for a chance to make her as happy as she makes you. You'll always be friends so don't worry about losing that.

larry


--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #666599 - 06/06/02 09:14 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Girl #1 was indeed love, 'First Love' a childs love, unrealised, innocent, unconsumated. Deep and encompassing, but empty. It shall forever reamin this way, like all wishes, unrealised, and unwavering. - You are lucky enough to have found a girl, a girl in reach, that has opened up enough to tell you how she feels.
Fantasy is nice, but reality is potent.

It could happen you and girl#2 get together, and it sucks...but it could also be bliss.....you'll hate yourself later if you dont find out.
-OoD


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
teardrop on the fire
Male User Gallery

Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 2 months, 19 days
Re: a question of love... [Re: Anonymous]
    #666607 - 06/06/02 09:20 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

That is true for me.

brenda was my first love. Child like and innocent we were. I will always love her. But I believe you have to lose your first love... I am not sure why. Maybe to fully value love it must be lost....



--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #666610 - 06/06/02 09:21 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Hmm a regular paradox..

Well, in situations like this (and with most every other situation) you need to listen to your heart. Your instincts. Or both.

From the way you wrote your post, it seems like Sarah is the one you truly care about. And she seems to feel the same about you. But this Monica girl is infatuated with you, but you don't feel the same about her correct?

I had a similar problem, where a woman was madly in love with me, and I didn't feel the same way about her. She would do anything for me, except I was pretty much oblivious to the whole thing. I didn't pay much attention to her or talk to her very much. Then one day I realized I was madly in love with her, and I told her that, and then she told me she had been in love since the day we first met. Well, three years later here we are.. still madly in love.

I don't know if that helps you any. But that's about my only realization with true love in this lifetime. There was one love before her... but it was a fleeting romance. When you are in love, you know it. It's unmistakable.

I think the best thing you could do is to talk to "Monica" and tell her how you feel. Be completely honest. Let her know that you have deep feelings for another girl, and that you don't want to drag her along on a string, but you would still like to maintain a relationship. Platatonic or not. I know for a woman it is worse than hell to be in love with a guy and they don't feel the same way or you don't know how they feel. LET HER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING/FEELING. Be open and honest, that is the best way. Keep an open friendship, and if Sarah happens to come along, and you two still feel the same for each other, the chemistry will be right, and you will know what to do. But don't burn your bridges.. I think you have to talk to both females about the situation and see what both of them think. Openness and honesty are the best tools you can use.

Basically, you're gonna have to play it as it goes. Take it a day at a time, don't worry about the future, focus on today.. the NOW. You'll know what to do.. just follow your heart.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: a question of love... [Re: Larrythescaryrex]
    #666611 - 06/06/02 09:21 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

The Gods are cruel and beautiful.
-OoD


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #666658 - 06/06/02 09:52 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Life is short. Too much time will pass and one day you will wake up and regret so much. Don't waste a single moment. You need to follow your heart. If it takes you to a place that you get hurt...get back up. Life moves rapidly and in order to keep up you have to roll with it. No one should stay in a relationship that makes them constantly question it. It's obvious that "Monica" is a great girl and loves you...but you are not being fair to her or yourself if your feelings are not equal. Some may say that at different times in all relationships there can and will be times where it is NOT equal.BUT...this relationship is too young for that. If it is starting now...don't take the chance of having her being hurt even more deeply down the road. Be fair to you and her. Talk to her and see what happens...but be honest and fair about things.....And don't do it in hopes of a "better thing" coming along. Do it because you are sure the two of you will never be equal in your feelings for one another.

My motto has always been "Honesty over diplomacy" ..but go easy on her

Good luck

~K~






Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
teardrop on the fire
Male User Gallery

Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 2 months, 19 days
Re: a question of love... [Re: ]
    #666671 - 06/06/02 09:59 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

yes yes. what she said....

I think that is part of the reason behind my theory of lost love. When you have had it and lost it, you KNOW what it is. and if you just don't feel it for some one, you don't. Yeah sometimes that sucks but don't lead some one on.

I was in a situation with this other girl i will call dawn, I saw her immediately after brenda. After a month or two, I loved her yes, like a sister. I KNEW it would never be as all consuming as what I felt for brenda, I explained it to her, and I remain her friend to this day.



--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,769
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 hours, 26 minutes
Re: a question of love... [Re: ]
    #667976 - 06/07/02 09:02 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Yes, life IS short. Don't wait for love, pursue it! Here I am at 2:00 AM - got up from the arms of my lady, who fell asleep, and was thinking about the girl I left behind in 1976 - the first time I fell in love, and the first girl to break my heart. Twenty-six years ago and I still dream about her! I was married for nine years and now divorced for ten, in between. There is nothing like the first time one falls in love.

Break off the relationship for compassion sake; make a meeting time and place with the one you truly love; show up in a sincere state of mind with two dozen red roses; and confess your love. Accept the possibility of rejection to be at peace, but hope for the best.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: a question of love... [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #668111 - 06/07/02 11:32 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

That is exactly what I must do very soon with this girl. I am in love with her, and i fear i'm losing my window of opportunity to tell her how i feel. I've never done this before...hell i've never been in love before. This girl is my soulmate though.. i know that. You really think the roses will help? I might just have to do that =)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,769
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 hours, 26 minutes
Re: a question of love... [Re: ]
    #668365 - 06/08/02 06:27 AM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Yes the roses help...and don't be a GD cheapskate on this one. Two (2) dozen, red, not pink, not yellow, not white. Flaming Eros! And one last thing - don't practice what you're gonna say on the way to see her. Listen to music, or sing, or meditate, but speak your heart, spontaneously.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #668376 - 06/08/02 06:32 AM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Break it off with the girl you dont have feelings for... Then go for the other girl you do. You only live once.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/14/00
Posts: 2,114
Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #669247 - 06/08/02 09:08 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

I know how you feel about 'Sarah'.
I don't know how she feels about you.
But it doesn't sound like she'd be hurt by you developing the thing with Monica.
Thing is, Monica will be hurt if you act like you love her and you really don't, then dump her as soon as you get a chance with Sarah.
Regardless of what happens with Sarah the Monica thing's obviously not happening so the longer you wait the worse it's going to be.

If Sarah moves to Colorado, you need to get together with her. I'm not saying it's a good idea ( you'll probably break up later and both suffer a lot ) ...just that you need to. If I understand your situation then you understand what I mean.
So let that be the deciding factor. If she stays where she is- it's just not possible or worthwhile to have a long distance romantic thing.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLarrythescaryrexS
teardrop on the fire
Male User Gallery

Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,961
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 2 months, 19 days
Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #670799 - 06/10/02 12:20 AM (14 years, 7 months ago)

let us know how it turns out man.



--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineYoschie99
nomad
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/25/99
Posts: 3,143
Loc: center of earth
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Re: a question of love... [Re: Xibalba]
    #672148 - 06/10/02 06:32 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

this is a very frustrating situation...

poop..

but.. i know what i *have* to do... it's just a matter of doing it...


yos-


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinepostalboy
I'm not myfucking khaki's!
Registered: 06/07/02
Posts: 228
Loc: My tiny corner of the pad...
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: a question of love... [Re: Yoschie99]
    #672230 - 06/10/02 07:29 PM (14 years, 7 months ago)

Hey yoshi if it helps i know exactly what you mean. I am in roughly the same stiuation except there isnt another love. I just do not love my G/f as deeply as she loves me. She is great but we are different people. We want different things out of life. I know what I have to do I just have to suck it up and do it. It sucks but life is beautiful and horribly cruel at the same time. Actually reading this posting kinda helped me out. It isnt fair to her to keep her locked into this relationship when I KNOW it will end eventually. Better to let her go and find someone who will appreciate her more than I do. Thanks to everyone who posted on here to help Yoshie. You may help others as well. postalboy


--------------------
"You people voted for Hubert Humphrey, and you killed Jesus." F and L in L.V.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Define 'love' pls, kthxbye DoctorJ 955 19 05/29/04 01:14 AM
by DoctorJ
* How many people do you literally love?
( 1 2 all )
World Spirit 2,929 22 08/01/02 06:49 PM
by MarkostheGnostic
* Man/Boy Love
( 1 2 3 4 ... 25 26 )
zahudulallah 19,314 505 05/15/05 08:03 AM
by Alan Stone
* A question about Marraige.
( 1 2 3 4 all )
JoseLibrado 4,042 77 07/26/07 05:40 PM
by Icelander
* Selfhood and Relationships Veritas 1,266 14 11/22/05 08:34 PM
by peeper
* Children Loving
( 1 2 3 all )
Ravus 2,829 42 12/11/04 11:13 PM
by kadakuda
* What do you make of love?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Chronic7 4,309 78 02/29/08 06:04 PM
by Chronic7
* Soulmates & Love... nubious 537 1 05/03/04 03:02 AM
by ParabolaChair

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, CosmicJoke, Diploid, DividedQuantum
1,113 topic views. 3 members, 9 guests and 6 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Avalon Magic Plants
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.095 seconds spending 0.003 seconds on 15 queries.