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Offlinenubious
1up on the rest

Registered: 10/20/02
Posts: 534
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
Soulmates & Love...
    #2630319 - 05/03/04 02:22 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Inspired by this post...

My girlfriend read an article today in some magazine which did a study on divorcees. It found that the majority of people who married 40 years ago (and I'm making these numbers up - I don't know the exacts), when questioned, had these reasons:

Males: Married for the sake of having a housewife.

Females: Married for the sake of having a provider.


Nowadays, I often question my own ability to support a relationship through to the end. I'm a product of divorce, and as such fear commitment to avoid reliving the violence of parents who can't communicate. This article, brought forth by my girl, reaffirmed my belief that couples in our future, will have long & healthy relationships, providing they aren't fooling themselves on why they are with the person they are with.

In summary, Love will hold true to the end - false motives will leave you with a sour taste years down the road.

(This MAY be common knowledge for some, but I found this quite interesting, so do with it as you will)

- Props to the Shroomery - 2ish years of excellent peermanship - I'll be back for more -


--------------------
No one knows the worth of innocence till he knows it is gone forever, and that money can't buy it back. Not the saint, but the sinner that repenteth, is he to whom the full length and breadth, and height and depth, of life's meaning is revealed. Good and evil loose all objective meaning and are seen as equally necessary and contrasting elements in the masterpiece that is the universe.


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OfflineParabolaChair
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Registered: 04/26/04
Posts: 29
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: Soulmates & Love... [Re: nubious] * 1
    #2630516 - 05/03/04 03:02 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

The issue of marriage and divoce and the reasons for which people get married is a very psychological one...

Back 40 years ago...(before lets say, the 1950s) marriage was much more of an instituion and a social necesity...women had less social mobility, less opportunity...men wanted sex...the institution of marriage was much more of a cultural imperative...i,e, you would grow up, get married etc. Less random sex before 50's, less one night lays...the entire culture was more conservative and this engendered a more marriage-oriented environment...the effects of wihch caused marriage as an instituion to produce sub-institutional positive reinforcement...

Instead of marrying for the intense feeling of love which is often felt at the begining of the relationship, marriages were more a product of family pressures, traditional values...sounds bad right? well mabye not.

Because marriage was less about the initial feelings between the two people and more about the institution and its growth, married couples tended to find things within the relationship to be satisifed with or disatisfied with...certain normative things such as kids education, kids manners, morals...house...social standing...job...wealth...friendships with neighbors...

Yeah, these things sound shallow on one level, you have to understand the psychology of love to evaluate that.

Love is in many ways a psychological reaction...there are two basic components to falling in love. Physiological change, and a labeling of that change. I.e, you feel something, and you label and attribute that change you feel to that person (for love, it will usually be a good, great feeling). Our modern romantic love which drives most marriage in Western culture has been driven by individualism and mobility these ideas have been spread by globalization and ?Hollywood.?

Its a good thing that people are folloiwing their love to marriage right? Well that depends...American divorce rate is now at around 50%. Looking at the socio-psychological development, you can see a huge increase in divorce rate as hollywood love/romantic love becomes more of a driving force in our society. The result of this is that men and women get married because of the feeling of love, which does decrease in intensity over time relative to the initial feeling. If the fundamental tenet of this love-relationship was the feeling, there will be problems because psycho-chemical, this sensation fades with time.

Marriage as it existed before modern romance allowed to people to develop love, instead of starting of with it, allowing for a precedent to be gradually created, instead of a precedent of love having to be met, with the result being discontent and divorce if love seems to be losing...

The best prospect for marriage working out is when the love is founded in friendship. In this sort of relationship, love develops as the bond between the two people develops, making the focus of the marriage not the varying abstract degrees of love felt between the two individuals, but the friendship and the sharing of experiences in life. This in my opinion, facilitates and creates a long-lasting, happy marriage.

So yes, a good marriage is still possible in this time of divorce, but you can't engage in marriage with somone just for the addictive sensation you felt in the early days/months/years of the relationship, but because there is a fundamental friendship that underlays and superceeeds the love.

Peace~

Parabolaloungechair


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