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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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the decision, friendship or love?
    #1476361 -

What if you had a friend, that has become very close to you, you spend time with this friend, laugh, share stories and ideas and you feel you can tell this person anything, except how you truly feel about them. If i have a friendship so great that i never want to lose it, should i jeapordize that friendship for the chance that we can make it something more? I feel as if i could fall for this person at any moment given myself the chance, ive been holding back because the friendship means too much to me, should i tell this person how i really feel? or hold it back like ive done many times before, the question has been sitting in the back of my mind for too long, keep the friendship, or take the chance of losing everything to have it all ? :confused:


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Live and Die in FALL RIVER

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: MANNALORD]
    #1477710 -

ok i CAN answer this perfectly....

i used to talk to this girl for say like 5 months then she went out with my best friend soooo i waited for 10 months till they broke up and ive been with her for 10 months now and on 6/16 it will be one year.

it was THE BEST thing i have EVER done but i beleive its a risk that i would take.


i keep a picture of her in my wallet and the only thing i wish is that i got to see her more often and that her parents werent so strict about letting her out... im 19 shes 17. but thats my situation...

only other thing i can suggest if u go for it is to relax, tell her how u feel but ease her into it, and dont get into sex right away cuz it can bring out fights (at least it happened to me)

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: icewall]
    #1477882 -

in all honesty, if you do go to the next level and ya'll date and if you eventually break up your friendship will most likely be over. Its not always the case, but it is the most likely outcome. That said, it really is worth the risk. My last boyfriend was my bestfriend when we started dating and we had a long relationship. but when we broke up the it wasn't good and we stopped speaking. i do miss him, i miss his friendship, but i would make the decision to risk it all again. In fact I did do it again, my present boyfriend was one of my bestfriends friends before we got toger and i feel even closer to him now. It is a wonderful feeling when a friendship like that blossoms into something more. I think that not moving forward in your relationship is much more of a risk than not. You need to sit and think how you would feel if you waited to long and this person found someone else, by hesitating you could lose someone who may just be the one for you. From experience, I know that it is defintly worth the risk.


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The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when your uncool.

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: MANNALORD]
    #1477969 -

I think you would regret missing such an oppertunity.


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?


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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: Murex]
    #1478306 -

When two people change, it's better to have a friend to friend relationship than a more close relationship. And believe me, people always change with time and many times people change in oposite directions, those differences are best solved if both parts don't depend too much on the other, friends don't get a divorce.

MAIA


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Spiritual being, living a human experience ... The Shroomery Mandala



Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
Voltaire

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: MAIA]
    #1479402 -

Taking risks is something we do all the time, its hard and youre afraid you may lose alot in some cases and then back down and never take that risk

I do things alot and think about it so much and end up not doing it (taking the risk) when its time and i end up later regretting it, so if you do not risk it now will you regret it later? i think regretting something i did not do is worse than feeling bad about something i did do, especially when its something like this, i get so mad at myself for not risking it, we all need to learn that there is always going to be something to lose and something to win..

So if you dont tell that person or take that risk will you regret it later? i think its better to know you lived life and held nothing back, you took your chances even thou you knew what was at risk, you lived to your full potential

S W A Y


--------------------
?People keep searching for happines in the outside, what they don't know is that it's in the inside?
?In an infinite universe, anything that can exist, must exist? Bear
?To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing? Eva Young

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: SWAY]
    #1479438 -

Thanks all, this is all very good advice, i know i will have to say something to her soon i just cant figure out a way to go about it, i want to tell her in person and im still nervous as fuck but hopefully i can figure it out soon enough, its been on my mind a lot and id like to get it resolved, but i dont know how i could handle rejection, it sucks and its also a reason why im afraid to do this


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Live and Die in FALL RIVER

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: MANNALORD]
    #1480048 -

do you have any idea if they might feel the same way?
sometimes waiting is the best thing...
so...are they worth the wait?


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What fun is it in Nirvana while other beings are suffering?

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: soylent_green]
    #1480789 -

like i said basically "risk it all".... i was afraid too, and sometimes even afraid to look at her too long cuz it made me wish we had a tighter bond cuz we would make fun of each other.

but i just got back from her house and just looking at her cute face, well just that reminds me how much it was worth it.... and even if it didnt work out i mean shyt happens. even friends "break up" its hard to tell what will happen.

hey even me and her broke up 3 times and once almost for good to the point that i cursed her out and wanted to hit her, but if i had a choice of going back in time id do the same thing all over again....

heck i even asked her out and 2 days later she went with my best freiend dumping me but i waited 10 months while talking to her every day for those 10 months... it was worth the wait. i just love sharing stories and what has happened in our day.



now as for how to bring it up u need to build courage (a thiing i dont have around girls) but its like jumping out of a plane.... either u do it all at once or it dont work and u panic and dont go threw with it.... i say u talk to her and when theres nothing to talk about it say "hey ive been thinking something" and basically say that uve been thinking about how mnuch u like her more then a frined... that way u havent really asked her out u leave her the option to say yes or no and think about it. so that way if she says no u can just shrug ur shoulders and say "ok thats cool" and just continue on being friends... no friendship hurt no awkward moments juist like its always been. catch my drift?????


so if u were to use my "method" u cant go wrong cuz havent really made a big leap "baby steps" (what about bob (the movie)) hehehe.

thats how i went about doing it and she rejected me time and timne again but as it turns out she just couldnt face the breakup of her and my friend.... but i got lucky and he treated her like shyt and realized i was MUCH nicer then him.


FYI - i am the type that would actually ask permission just to kiss her!!!! not many guys are like that and i think she respects that. however i think she is either manic depressive like me or bi-polar which makes the relationship hard.... but no boundry can break true love!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: icewall]
    #1480809 -

o one more thing DONT do it over the phone cuz she will get freaked out be like uhhhhhhhh..... its much easier for her to see ur body language and how serious u really are.

do it in person and dont dwell on it or u will keep it in the back oif ur head and be terrified of how she will react.... just tell her that u like her and the GREAT friendship u two have but feel more is missing, and that u are wondering if she feels the same way. see if she says no i dont wanna lose our friendship then respect that and keep waiting. thats what my girl said to me over and over again that it was her greatest fear. but she realized after months that i was REALLY serious and decided to go for it.

think about it, what could u lose if u were to just see how she feels.... NOTHING just maybe an awkward moment and the friendship continues......

i hope i explained this well enough... good luck!!!! i just wish someone could have told me this before i made a fool of myself.

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Re: the decision, friendship or love? [Re: icewall]
    #1483015 -

DO IT!!

ive been thinking so much lately about the things that i could have done, it drives me crazy all the time thinking about.. all the What If's and what i COULD have done
Do it and follow through or else you will regret it later, even if it doesnt work then ATLEAST you tried, im asking you please please do this.... your not the only one thats afraid.. i have things going on right now that have to do with taking a relationship to the next level but I'M AFRAID TOO, and everytime i hesitate to open my mouth i feel bad about it later in the day
It may be hard to not dwell on it but once you do it there will be no 'what ifs' in the back of your head

When your relaxing and reflecting on your day or something, try thinking about how you want to go about it and how you want it to go... visualize yourself doing it well, be confident and follow through nice and cool

Just trying it (regarldess of the outcome) is a victory

i strongly encourage you to follow through, your not alone

S W A Y


--------------------
?People keep searching for happines in the outside, what they don't know is that it's in the inside?
?In an infinite universe, anything that can exist, must exist? Bear
?To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing? Eva Young

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