My simple admissions of humanity are not proud proclamations. Have I had sexual play and intercourse before I was married? Yes, of course. Have I ever raped, molested, assaulted, deceived or ripped off a lady? No. I believe that you are a virgin. I remember when I was, and how self-righteously attached I was to that state. After all, it was sure proof of my self-control and superior morality to all the depraved dopers and drinkers that inhabited college life, right? I eventually became honest with myself, and came to realize that all this asceticism was a more subtle form of ego-aggrandizement, not genuine spirituality.
You not only have no real sexual experience, you are years away from integrating a normal (not by my subjective assessment, but by standards that all but an obsessed individual whom you would be in agreement with) degree of sexuality into your personality. You are speaking primarily out of projection, projective identification, rationalization, and a good deal of reaction-formation in which your conscious attitude toward sexuality matches the equally intense measure of your repressed sexual desire. Of projection and projective identification, you merely put onto others that which you have consciously rejected and therefore repressed as 'evil.' In your case - a typical case - sexuality is so unfulfilled that it has loomed into a great Shaitan. Like the witch-persecutors who projected their desires onto 'enchantingly' beautiful women, who no doubt wanted no part of such men; and who in turn blamed the women for enchanting or bewitching them; and like the Muslim men who likewise project their desires onto women, making them wear ridiculous coverings over their normal feminine beauty so as not to 'tempt' men; you have selected me as a 'screen' upon which to project your own rejected and despised sexuality. Feel free...this process is a transference phenomenon of which I am more than familiar as a therapist.
You see, there are more psychotics with 'Christ delusions,' delusions of grandeur, the messianic complex, than most any other delusion in the West. With full blown paranoia, and ego-inflation pushed conceptually as far as one can conceive of it, the 'logic' of such inflation is to be God as one's culture tends to envision Him. You are also inflated, though not to psychotic proportions. In order to express such indignation - to ASSUME such offense in the Name of Almighty God - is to take on a responsibility that far outstrips any real role that you have in life. No clergyman of any faith I have encountered, who is balanced - who knows that his role as a clergyman does not necessarily make him holier than, say, some devout grandmother in his charge, takes the self-righteous offense that you do. AS IF you are the very voice of the Prophet. I have met a few Saint Paul's in my day, and know of a fascinating case of 'The Three Christs of Ipsalanti,' about 3 psychotics in the Ipsalanti Hospital for the Mentally Ill who all had Christ delusions - who they put together in order to study the spiritual one-upmanship that ensued. Even Saint Paul identified himself as a maker of tents (probably big leather ones for the Roman legionnaires). What role other than your exalted missionary in the Name of your God have you revealed at this forum? Shared any human flaws with anyone, besides the fear that you have accidentally offended the Almighty with a wrong mental conception? God forbid! Even the flaw[s] you reveal are of an exalted type. What could be worse from a being who is so totally the utterly loyal slave of Allah? These other sins, like jacking off...now THAT is REALLY perverse!
With all of the slaves and concubines and wives that the Old Testament patriarchs had, do you mean to say that lust was not a big, big thing? Please. Your very religion supposedly originates with a sexual indiscretion between Abraham and his servant Hagar, so anxious was he to produce progeny, and so unwilling to believe that Sarah could conceive. Sexuality comprises a huge portion of Scriptural writings. Assuming of course that any of this happened at all.
Your faith may be real, only God knows, but few humans will be impressed with a faith so rigid, and so ensconsed in obsessive-compulsive concerns, and defense mechanisms that are dressed in religious language. A rebuttal and defense from you is inevitable, but frankly, this kind of dialogue is just wearisome and boring. I am open to correction, and will concede to it. I have had my positions on topics as big as capital punishment changed completely by some of the souls at this forum. I have apologized for wrongly assuming too much negativity about youthful substance users (indicting some of my own hypocrisy), and I have acquired knowledge about music, drug effects and other things here. But it is pointless to dialogue with anyone who will not learn. I am not communicating with you, I am running a descriptive monologue. If I was doing therapy with you, my patience would be greater, but I am not so it isn't. I have much to learn in life, but you have lessons to learn in simple humanity that I learned long ago, and you are simply not in any position to preach to me until those lessons have been learned. Much later.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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And I will NOT feel guilty about it either. Maybe a little sleepy...
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