Quote:

Constant struggle within myself.



I spent most of a life doing the above. It's hard to let go of what doesn't work.

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Ped said:

Hey guys!  I was faking it the whole time!  Me, a devoted Buddhist on the road to ordination and monastic living?  Ha!  What a joke!  Gimme tits, beer, and vicodin.  Read through my all-star ratings:  I had a bunch of you fooled!  So, who was on to me?  C'mon, I wanna know who caught on to my shinanigans before I finally did.

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I certainly didn't, and I am equipped with more than most.

Perception is an amazing thing, and this forum has time and time again given a lot of insight into the nature of our perceptions, especially in the way we form them - the nature of identity - all of that jazz.

The way I see it is this: intelligence is intelligence and awareness is awareness, and all is reality being real. One subtle variation in the projection of the illusion will relate to other aspects of reality and identity shifts in the process. You've certainly influenced this nexus point of reality with the touch of a master, which indicates quite the reflection of reality.

This identity phenomenon has been mind-blowing. I'm more than willing to educate anyone who may have been tinged.

fireworks_god said:

Did P&S just grow up?

Explain.

Quote:

Ped said:
Hey guys! I was faking it the whole time! Me, a devoted Buddhist on the road to ordination and monastic living? Ha! What a joke! Gimme tits, beer, and vicodin. Read through my all-star ratings: I had a bunch of you fooled! So, who was on to me? C'mon, I wanna know who caught on to my shinanigans before I finally did.

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What made you think that just because you have said all of the wise and loving things you have in the past, that none of us expected you to also enjoy tits, the relaxing buzz of a beer, or prolonged sex?

Remember this is S&P, where we all share the philosophical and spiritual aspects of our lives. There is much more to all of us that doesn't usually get presented here because it would be off topic or dissonant.

Where were you when I was calling all Florida Contractors retards over granite counter tops?????? That doesn't fit with the bulk of my ratings either.

I posted that nightmare live while it was occurring to show everyone here that no matter what I say on a good hair day, I have bad ones too, get caught up into material matters, get negative, and to low on energy to see the best in things, but rather the worst. It was my way of bursting my own bubble if anyone had me in one, and kicking the pedestal out from under myself if anyone had me up on one.

Ratings can be pressure. You feel like people expect every post you make to live up to them. You read through them and its easy to feel like all these people have expectations of you and are counting on you to deliver the goods. Thats what is bullshit. Not if they are expecting it, but if or when, we ever feel like we have to live up to it 24/7. That's when we are fooling ourselves because I don't think the bulk of people here expect us too.

I've noticed people change ratings on others saying things like, "Your material is slipping lately so I dropped your rating. It'll go up again when your posts get better". What is that? Expectation pressure BS. Since when are any of us obligated or expected to post anything other then what we do, or be anything other then what we are in the moment, from moment to moment.

When something is put under pressure, including the expectations you have put on your own self, its bound to crack under the weight of it.

I for one am glad to see you have cracked...... hard You'll feel like heaven tomorrow and a huge relief. The jig is up and the cat is out of the bag. Everyone knows now without a doubt that Ped is actually a human being just like they are and not reporting to us as a spark of light from Nirvana-ville.

You freed yourself Ped from the false expectations you had of yourself or thought others had of you and that was the only phony thing ever going on-the false expectations. The wisdom you have posted here over the years was always real and it really came from you. That can't be denied.

Get use to this for as long as you keep trying to define yourself as only things like ordained Monk in training, Buddhist Boy, ect. It's too limiting and you are bound to keep cracking under the pressure of it's restrictions.  You can be ordained monk, Buddhist boy, AND guy who likes tits beer and Viagra sex sessions.

It's okay, we are making up the rules for ourselves as we go along. Don't let others make you up to be who they say you should be, including Buddha. Make yourself up for yourself. That's what Buddha freed himself to do and the world got a genuine Buddha. He did what felt right for him to do.

You aren't him and trying to be him is bound to lead to failure because you are you and you always will be no matter what you say or do. When you free yourself from the expectations, the world will get a Ped with a Buddhist influence, but a genuine Ped none the less who will feel more or less happy again with himself and life.