It’s exhausting to finish work and run into this madness on the forum — exquisite.
I’ll make the effort and try to set the record straight.
My unfortunate post was prompted by this sentence from ChurpeeChoozle in the post right after before [edit]:
Churpee Choozle said: Please someone stand up and tell a positive story without suffering, something about the cat discovering your anal beads collection or whatever.
If you look closely — you’ll see a few things: • I’m not addressing anyone in particular; • It’s more of a soliloquy/speech/personal expression directed "in general" — like in any speech — it’s just a way of expressing oneself; • I’m speaking within the context of "grief," not trauma; • I’m not attacking or insulting anyone;
It’s like getting mad at Horace for saying "Carpe Diem" by assuming that I’m wasting my present — taking it to a personal level.
BeefExtreme said: Seems color blind. Rather, it is colorblind.
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You think thats what people are doing? You really think of this as a pissing contest of suffering? "Trauma olympics"?
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You think people arent "waking up and smiling?" Do you think everyone is just wallowing in their greif?
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That smacks of arrogance. Smacks of "everybody except for me doesnt understand loss and suffering. Everybody except me knows how to live life "with appetite". "Everybody but me is egocentric"
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Not the first time youve given unsolicited advice to people who are just trying to relate to eachother and feel understood.
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I realize youre trying to be helpful but you come off as condesceding as fuck.
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Yeah like I said. I think his heart's in the right place but he needs to read the room
Generic said: see: toxic positivity
This is your narrative. And if these aren’t judgments and aren’t condescending — then what are they?
RealityGlitch said: Saying you won't name the people you've lost because “measuring suffering against each other” isn't elegant seems to assume that people who share their losses are trying to compare them in the first place.
Nah, I just got this feeling after reading those previous posts:
DV8DUG said: I've got you all beat.
Awfullotofshrooms said: Wait a minute let me try
jwelch2017 said: jeez, going to need a pallet of plywood and some trinkets for the most terrible awards ceremony.
After reading criticism about "smiling," I said that if someone doesn't want to smile — then don't smile. Plain and simple. Realistically, it’s not something that affects me given that we don't see each other daily — obviously.
Rasmodius said:
Quote: You ever meet someone who tells you to smile?
visceral ick
BeefExtreme said: You have no idea whether or not we smile because you have no idea who we are nor do you seem to have any interest in knowing us.
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Seems you would rather make assumptions and assessments about who we are as people and thats the part that rubs everyone wrong. You think we dont know the shit youre telling us? Do you think we dont smile?
Dude, this is already an extrapolation. I’m not getting into that...
BeefExtreme said: You think we didnt study Nietzsche too? like do you really think we all havent read The Body Keeps the score? (Twice) you think we dont exercise, make art, music, and write?
You reached this conclusion because I quoted a line from Nietzsche? Because I mentioned a book I think is good? And the art thing?
BeefExtreme said: I mean to ask, do you really think youre helping? But most importanty, do you really think anyone asked for your help?
I don’t know — as long as what I write helps even a single person, I consider myself satisfied, believe me.
BeefExtreme said: Look man, like I said. Youre hearts in the right place but I think youve made a couple critical mistakes in your assessments. You dont know us. You dont understand us . You dont seem to understand the reason we all gather here and share stories of loss and relate to eachother.
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You seem more interested in evaluating everyone and inserting your opinions more than actually understanding anyone or getting to know us so your "hugs" seem disingenuous. Keep them.
And these aren’t judgments? Even my "hugs" bother you, man.
BeefExtreme said: and hear me out, you could simply find another thread that has discussions more to your liking rather than trying to police the discussion here.
Seriously?
Churpee Choozle said: "Get your ass of the couch" is a judgement, not a real assessment of a situation, let alone a helpful remark. For me, personally, I have a couch because the kids wanted one. My wife uses it, too.
No, I didn't say anything about the couch — I said:
drag your suffering ass out of bed in the morning and smile.
It’s metaphorical, motivational crap, or put whatever label on it you want. There’s no judgment about people on couches...
BeefExtreme said: Bud its insensitive. Don't worry about it. I know how hard you try. God knows how hard we all try. "get off the couch" was something that was written from a couch and "smile" is usually advice given by people who don't have a genuine belly laugh.
Not the couch. It’s not my couch. Are these not judgments?
RealityGlitch said: This. This tells us everything. This tells us who you really are.
Jesus, man. If "that" speaks to who I "really" am, what do you think I should think?
Anyway. I wrote what I wrote with the sole intention of sharing something positive. If I had known it would resonate this way — maybe I’d think twice about self-censoring (which is saying a lot).
Beef, man. Relax a bit and stop taking everything so personally — I didn't even think about you (or anyone in particular). Impulsivity is a terrible counselor, and believe me, I wish you the best, just like anyone else who has shared their personal struggles here since I started visiting the thread. It’s not like I grew up wrapped in cotton wool either.
I don't intend to continue this conversation any further; it drains my energy and I don't want to end up being rude. If anyone else felt offended — I hope this cleared things up (even if only a little).
Just in case — no sending hugs, no hearts. Even so, I’d still give you a hug without thinking twice.
Edited by Belintaf (09/17/26 10:38 AM)
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