elbisivni said:

Sorry to hear your caught up in such a shit storm.

One point you've brought into the foreground throughout your post is the level of interconnectedness and cylicity (if I may coin a term) of it all.

I remember when I was 15 or 16 I was talking with my girlfriend about how there was a decision on the horizon that we would soon have to make, and that our decision may very well determine the paths we are able to walk for the rest of our lives.

I think the decision was, at the time, whether we became part of the system or somehow tried to escape it.  Lol, we were young, what do you expect.  But the argument was that when we were 17 we'd be getting our licenses and a whole series of events would ensue that would be inescapable.  We would get jobs to buy cars, keep jobs to pay for fuel and repairs, keep cars to go to jobs and on occasion social events.  Step by step we'd be getting a small home, a better job, a better car, a better home, and so on and so forth ad infinitum.  I had been working since I was 12, God only knows why so that wasn't the big deal - getting stuck in this cycle was.

And here I am, in a cycle that to too much of a degree corresponds with what we had predicted.  Someone around the forum in the last week or two mentioned that insanity was defined as 'doing the same thing and expecting different results'.  We are strung along, as you say, with small payoffs dangling within our view, in a perpetual cycle of work to get by hoping we might one day catch our break.  But not many people seem to get that break, more drastic measures need to be taken.

I used to love alcohol as much as every college student.  Then one day I just stopped, and the same bottle I had then is still in my fridge at the same level.  I haven't got an extreme disdain towards alcohol or anything but make sure you aren't just medicating yourself, that's my main concern.  I've done it, my brother's done it, countless people do it.  It is a depressant, even if you feel like you're having fun.  There's lots of different views on alcohol, but mine is this way because where I come from 99% of the people are working dead end jobs living paycheck to paycheck and doing nothing but working and drinking.  So in my head it all clicked together and I didn't like what I saw.

A good motivational idea is to stop letting yourself be victimized, even if you really don't think you are, try.  I know too many people that say 'I can't do this/that' just because somebody somewhere or some form of logic dictates that they can't.  If you want something, go for it, be aware, but don't be afraid, ask yourself what's the worst that can happen.  Cops kick me out of parks all the time, stop me and ask me where I'm going walking around alone at three in the morning in the business district.  Big deal, I have my rights and I'm doing nothing wrong, or if I am it isn't wrong enough to land me in jail and I say sorry and walk away.

We work the week looking forward to the celebratory weekend.  Every week, every month, every year.  It's no way to live, it's good to set other goals, have constructive hobbies that interest you, that challenge you and that provide you with advancement of some sort.  We all work towards the goals we set for ourselves but they are seldom as enjoyable as we expect and are often short lived as well.  We can't entirely remove ourselves from this scenario, like that of the never-ending lines, but we can occasionally free ourselves if we just simply look at things differently, try things and execute processes differently, set aside concern, be true to ourselves, lose control and let things flow their own way.

You sound like you ain't exactly feelin healthy.  I'm not about to tell you how to live, apart from the alcohol suggestions above.  Get yourself some good food..I mean food that's good for you.  Surprisingly most fruits and vegetables are cheaper than TV dinners and frozen pizzas - I never would have guessed.  Try to see the pointlessness in all of the rush, slow down.  Play a game instead of watching one.  Take care of yourself physically and mentally, etc, etc.

I think I'm finally out of things to say for now lol..

Edit: Yes, we are that retarded   

---

Great post!

A lot of this is fueled by me struggling with the flu for 2-3 straight months now, so its definately health-related moodswings. And I do try to eat healthy and take care of myself. But what about the other 6 billion idiots roaming the planet? They will still go out of their way to fuck it up - in good intention, I might add.

There aren't many people that *want* to do evil, yet they do and blame circumstances. Me included.

I can really relate to your story, I remember when I was 13-16, I always exclaimed that I would NEVER work. I promptly stated that I would never ever be as stupid as my dad, and waste all my life on doing crap I didn't want to do. And he was an alcoholic retired car salesman.

I broke the alcohol habit too, a few years back, but last summer it bursted into flames like all hell. I started drinking all day every day. And now its such an imprinted habit, that every fucking day is a hassle - but I'm on my way realizing how incredibly crappy and loser-like it is to have to be numbed out of your fucking mind to be able to enjoy a good party. Parties are just that, a lot of numb stupid people behaving like apes. But thats also the fun of it.

Being a retard, and proving it to the world in a proud and happy-go-lucky kind of way.

And I'm finally done being a victim. I am the fucking boss. I'm not admitting to anyone that anyone knows whats best for me. Of course I'll take advices from the doctor when I'm about to die from cancer, but letting anybody else run my life is out of the question. I realize that I am at work by my own free will. And thats the insane part. I do this intentionally. Some days are good, some days are crap. This happens to be something in between. Its a good day at work, but I feel ill - my throat is sore as all hell and I think I'm having a fever. I am also incredibly sleep deprived, because I had the last week off. Heheh...yeah. The irony, eh? Finally some time to sleep : OOOOOOOOOOR we can go ape-shit and drink for a week straight and sleep 2 or 3 nights, but only if we absolutely have to. Like when we collapse.

So ... I'm not feeling healthy. And this is also probarly why I keep getting sick all the time. I also think that my attitude towards the working life makes my body turn physically ill in order to get me an excuse to stay at home and sloth. But I've been sick so much lately, that if I want to keep my god damned image at work, I need to show up more. And why do I care about my fucking image? I have no idea.

Its not like I'm planning to keep working. "I just need something to fall back on" - yeah right.

I tend to state that definition of insanity, so perhaps it was I that posted it, hehe - most likely it wasn't, since its a fairly well known quote, and I'm just rambling on about myself again and the egocentrical force of nature just blows gee-wiz out of my ass as usual.

I'm hoping that what I did wont land me in jail, hehe. I was busted with 51 ecstacy pills last summer, but I still havent heard anything from the cops - knock on wood. I don't like authorities at all, they should all be hung with a 100 yard rope, in a 103 yard fall, so that their heads would get ripped off and bounced back up where I can hit them as long as I can with an aluminum bat.

Who the fuck invented the stupid idea that democracy is good? Yeah. Hello. I meet 1000000000000 retards daily, they are so incredibly naive, stupid, retarded, ignorant and biased. Who the fuck thought that the majority of people were best fit to control MY LIFE!?!?

Now lets infringe the plague of democracy to the oldest still-living civilization - iraq. Seems like a smart move. HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

This world is going to hell in a handbasket and me being healthy and happy won't do jack shit - the dominators have succeeded in killing my motivation and now I am about to subside in comatose alcohol workoholic emptiness...in the worst case.

In my ideal world, I'll take over the planet, destroy civilization and kill off as many corporate fucks I can possibly manage.

If you think Hitler was mad, you should crawl inside my head and see the plans I have for these people. Fuck the jews. Those are just scapegoats. Our real enemy is us.

elbisivni said:

Sorry to hear your caught up in such a shit storm.

One point you've brought into the foreground throughout your post is the level of interconnectedness and cylicity (if I may coin a term) of it all.

I remember when I was 15 or 16 I was talking with my girlfriend about how there was a decision on the horizon that we would soon have to make, and that our decision may very well determine the paths we are able to walk for the rest of our lives.

I think the decision was, at the time, whether we became part of the system or somehow tried to escape it.  Lol, we were young, what do you expect.  But the argument was that when we were 17 we'd be getting our licenses and a whole series of events would ensue that would be inescapable.  We would get jobs to buy cars, keep jobs to pay for fuel and repairs, keep cars to go to jobs and on occasion social events.  Step by step we'd be getting a small home, a better job, a better car, a better home, and so on and so forth ad infinitum.  I had been working since I was 12, God only knows why so that wasn't the big deal - getting stuck in this cycle was.

And here I am, in a cycle that to too much of a degree corresponds with what we had predicted.  Someone around the forum in the last week or two mentioned that insanity was defined as 'doing the same thing and expecting different results'.  We are strung along, as you say, with small payoffs dangling within our view, in a perpetual cycle of work to get by hoping we might one day catch our break.  But not many people seem to get that break, more drastic measures need to be taken.

I used to love alcohol as much as every college student.  Then one day I just stopped, and the same bottle I had then is still in my fridge at the same level.  I haven't got an extreme disdain towards alcohol or anything but make sure you aren't just medicating yourself, that's my main concern.  I've done it, my brother's done it, countless people do it.  It is a depressant, even if you feel like you're having fun.  There's lots of different views on alcohol, but mine is this way because where I come from 99% of the people are working dead end jobs living paycheck to paycheck and doing nothing but working and drinking.  So in my head it all clicked together and I didn't like what I saw.

A good motivational idea is to stop letting yourself be victimized, even if you really don't think you are, try.  I know too many people that say 'I can't do this/that' just because somebody somewhere or some form of logic dictates that they can't.  If you want something, go for it, be aware, but don't be afraid, ask yourself what's the worst that can happen.  Cops kick me out of parks all the time, stop me and ask me where I'm going walking around alone at three in the morning in the business district.  Big deal, I have my rights and I'm doing nothing wrong, or if I am it isn't wrong enough to land me in jail and I say sorry and walk away.

We work the week looking forward to the celebratory weekend.  Every week, every month, every year.  It's no way to live, it's good to set other goals, have constructive hobbies that interest you, that challenge you and that provide you with advancement of some sort.  We all work towards the goals we set for ourselves but they are seldom as enjoyable as we expect and are often short lived as well.  We can't entirely remove ourselves from this scenario, like that of the never-ending lines, but we can occasionally free ourselves if we just simply look at things differently, try things and execute processes differently, set aside concern, be true to ourselves, lose control and let things flow their own way.

You sound like you ain't exactly feelin healthy.  I'm not about to tell you how to live, apart from the alcohol suggestions above.  Get yourself some good food..I mean food that's good for you.  Surprisingly most fruits and vegetables are cheaper than TV dinners and frozen pizzas - I never would have guessed.  Try to see the pointlessness in all of the rush, slow down.  Play a game instead of watching one.  Take care of yourself physically and mentally, etc, etc.

I think I'm finally out of things to say for now lol..

Edit: Yes, we are that retarded   

---

Great post!

A lot of this is fueled by me struggling with the flu for 2-3 straight months now, so its definately health-related moodswings. And I do try to eat healthy and take care of myself. But what about the other 6 billion idiots roaming the planet? They will still go out of their way to fuck it up - in good intention, I might add.

There aren't many people that *want* to do evil, yet they do and blame circumstances. Me included.

I can really relate to your story, I remember when I was 13-16, I always exclaimed that I would NEVER work. I promptly stated that I would never ever be as stupid as my dad, and waste all my life on doing crap I didn't want to do. And he was an alcoholic retired car salesman.

I broke the alcohol habit too, a few years back, but last summer it bursted into flames like all hell. I started drinking all day every day. And now its such an imprinted habit, that every fucking day is a hassle - but I'm on my way realizing how incredibly crappy and loser-like it is to have to be numbed out of your fucking mind to be able to enjoy a good party. Parties are just that, a lot of numb stupid people behaving like apes. But thats also the fun of it.

Being a retard, and proving it to the world in a proud and happy-go-lucky kind of way.

And I'm finally done being a victim. I am the fucking boss. I'm not admitting to anyone that anyone knows whats best for me. Of course I'll take advices from the doctor when I'm about to die from cancer, but letting anybody else run my life is out of the question. I realize that I am at work by my own free will. And thats the insane part. I do this intentionally. Some days are good, some days are crap. This happens to be something in between. Its a good day at work, but I feel ill - my throat is sore as all hell and I think I'm having a fever. I am also incredibly sleep deprived, because I had the last week off. Heheh...yeah. The irony, eh? Finally some time to sleep : OOOOOOOOOOR we can go ape-shit and drink for a week straight and sleep 2 or 3 nights, but only if we absolutely have to. Like when we collapse.

So ... I'm not feeling healthy. And this is also probarly why I keep getting sick all the time. I also think that my attitude towards the working life makes my body turn physically ill in order to get me an excuse to stay at home and sloth. But I've been sick so much lately, that if I want to keep my god damned image at work, I need to show up more. And why do I care about my fucking image? I have no idea.

Its not like I'm planning to keep working. "I just need something to fall back on" - yeah right.

I tend to state that definition of insanity, so perhaps it was I that posted it, hehe - most likely it wasn't, since its a fairly well known quote, and I'm just rambling on about myself again and the egocentrical force of nature just blows gee-wiz out of my ass as usual.

I'm hoping that what I did wont land me in jail, hehe. I was busted with 51 ecstacy pills last summer, but I still havent heard anything from the cops - knock on wood. I don't like authorities at all, they should all be hung with a 100 yard rope, in a 103 yard fall, so that their heads would get ripped off and bounced back up where I can hit them as long as I can with an aluminum bat.

Who the fuck invented the stupid idea that democracy is good? Yeah. Hello. I meet 1000000000000 retards daily, they are so incredibly naive, stupid, retarded, ignorant and biased. Who the fuck thought that the majority of people were best fit to control MY LIFE!?!?

Now lets infringe the plague of democracy to the oldest still-living civilization - iraq. Seems like a smart move. HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

This world is going to hell in a handbasket and me being healthy and happy won't do jack shit - the dominators have succeeded in killing my motivation and now I am about to subside in comatose alcohol workoholic emptiness...in the worst case.

In my ideal world, I'll take over the planet, destroy civilization and kill off as many corporate fucks I can possibly manage.

If you think Hitler was mad, you should crawl inside my head and see the plans I have for these people. Fuck the jews. Those are just scapegoats. Our real enemy is us.