last night was just another time when i resisted an OBE coming
did a little k through the night, not enough to pull me into a hole but enough to pull me out of the hole i was in and into, uhhhh, a place where i was just free to float around, sorta.
i was thinking about one of my buddys who just died
i am a major skeptic and it fucks with my faith and self-reliance as i can't always confirm the experiences i have been through
but anyway, i was thinking about my friend who died a few weeks ago. i am close with friends in many different ways, each depending on our relationship obviously, but my bud did some things for me that i can't really describe and that i'm not really aware of yet. he was by far the best listener i've ever had a really truly caring, considerate...his heart may not have always been open to others but it was not because of them, it was because of him. he didnt want others to feel his pain and he tried to help others forget or drop theirs, as in, he wanted them to be free whether they were trying to be free or not.
i was thinking about him pretty zoning out and i can't say this happened in direct order, because so many crazy thoughts were passing through my scope of awareness, but i began to feel a weird sort of energy on my back.
i don't like to use the word 'energy' because i feel using it leaves too much up in the air for misconception, but idk what else to say
it was metaphysical, not able to be experienced through one of the 5 senses, except perhaps touch...but it feels different..
i have seen a ton of people stretching after his death, grasping at straws and saying that he had something to do with the lights going on and off or the tv turning on...idk but to me that seems like a cry for attention, for a place in the drama, for the spotlight on the stage.
so that makes me wary of anything metaphysical, let alone my dead (whatever the fuck that means) friend influencing things on the physical plane.
so as i drifted into a sort of trance...but not a numbing trance, but a flowing trance, sort of an infusion of a 'way', an unconscious steering towards a path of truth and righteousness
i began to feel this pressure develop in my head...tranced out into it, just trying to ride the mellowest, gentlest wave i could groove down to
when i closed my eyes i felt a 'saw' a tunnel of sorts...the clarity wasn't there but i was already resisting what was coming so i think if i embraced what was going on things would've been MUCH different (here is a part of me talking, reflecting my need for some sort of measurable and accountable evidence)
i resisted transcendence and when i opened my eyes my vision was noticeably different. things were a different color, seen as if it was through the reflection of a weird sort of light
i was scared to leave my body, to astrally project.
it was a far out experience, and there's a lot i need to come back down from before i express it through this sorta medium
any advice/tips or attempts at teaching me some things are all very welcome
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