So where do I begin? Recently I've gotten into shrooms and I had a few of the happiest experiences of my life on them. Then as i began to abuse them like I did with alcohol and marijuana, something strange happened. Shrooms weren't fun at all.
I remember the first time I had a "bad trip" I felt like I needed to get out of where I was at a do SOMETHING to make me feel better. When I tried doing various things, I ended up pacing around and not feeling any better(as I often do when I'm sober and 'bored')
When I realized there was nothing I could do, panic set in. It was the single most unpleasant experience of my life. I took shrooms the next time hoping it was a one time bad trip. The same thing happened. I got a strange feeling of being unsatisfied in my stomach and felt i needed to do something about it, but I didn't know what. I began to panic and nothing I could do could make me feel better. The feeling was unbearable and got to the point where I considered suicide. I had never before considered suicide and I realized that this feeling I was having was similar to a feeling I almost constantly had whilst sober, only much milder. I had translated this feeling as anger and i would yell and get mad at people and the world in general. It was very easy to deal with the feeling that way and it had never been a problem.
but after taking shrooms I was able to correctly identify the problem. It wasn't anger and it isn't the rest of the world with a problem. the problem was ME...but why had I only felt that way those two times I took shrooms. when i thought about it, it all made sense...every time I had a "good trip" I had been under then influence of alcohol or weed(mainly both) and thats why I was happy. It wasn't too different from how I am when I'm sober. Then I came to the realization that I wasn't smoking pot because i was "bored" like I had always thought. I was smoking pot and drinking to rid myself of the anxiety and depression- to feel normal.
I realize that this is a problem and its not healthy to smoke and drink to feel normal and its not healthy at all to get angry and upset with people when the problem is ME.
my question now is how do i deal with anxiety? what causes it? what can I do to keep it under control? should I see a psychologist? should I take anti-depressants(preferably i want to permanently fix the problem by sorting things out in my head)
I think its possible that the anxiety stems from problems with my family as a child(mainly being neglected and Left alone constantly at ages 10-13ish(wasn't even going to school)
I just want to know how I should deal with this and if anyone else has had the same realization when they started taking psycho actives?
should I keep taking shrooms? is it healthy? whilst i didn't want to deal with my problems Adan it could be considered a "bad" trip, i think its a good thing that the shrooms brought all my problems out in the open and now I can focus on dealing with them instead of denying them...but is it a good idea to continue taking them? has anyone else used them for psychological therapy?
I never full understood anxiety in the past and now its like its clear as day. the only thing i don't know now is how to deal with it and maybe eventually rid myself of it and be a normal person.
can someone with experience in this subject please help me? My mind is now full of questions that I so desperately am looking for answers to and so far I have nothing.
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