We are always waiting for the next moment. Waiting is virtually always a painful experience. Even when we are not waiting consciously, we are waiting subconsciously.
The ultimate form of this is the waiting for our own death. Somewhere, often hidden, there is always the waiting for our death to finally happen. Then there are lesser forms of waiting, such as waiting for an eventual accident, getting ill, to become older, happier, more peaceful, and more fulfilled materially, socially, emotionally, bodily, and spiritually. Other forms of waiting are: waiting for the bus, in a traffic jam, in an elevator, for lunch, dinner, breakfast next morning... Waiting for the news on TV, for the commercial break on TV to end, for the phone to ring, for our next meeting with friends, for our next weekend, holiday or vacation. Waiting for Christmas, for Monday?s work at the office... Even when we are waiting for something pleasurable, the state of waiting itself is most often not pleasure.
What is waiting? One could say that waiting is suffering; boring, stressful or frightening. Why are we waiting?
We are waiting for the present moment to pass by. The feeling of time passing is a nervous energy field inside (and perhaps even around) the entire human body. So we are always restless. Even when we experience what we call a peaceful moment, there is no profoundly deep and total sense of peace.
We are constantly projecting a 'future me' and this projection exists within a field of fear. The future me needs to be protected at all time. The future me must not: make a fool of itself, do something stupid in the eyes of others, become physically or emotionally hurt, become rejected by society (including family and friends), lose financial, material or social possessions (such as job and reputation). And on and on... We feel that we must have constant control over this future me. In order to protect the future me we must: ... fill in the blank. What we don't see is that this future me can never be made completely secure. We will never in this way feel safe.
What to do in order to find true peace? First we must understand that this 'future me' projection will never feel safe if we believe that the projection is who we are. Then we must understand that without this identification with the projection, the present moment is fine. It is not only fine, it is completely safe. The future me is not merely a simple thought form; it is a creation of vast biological inheritance and social conditioning. A thousand years of psychotherapy would probably only scratch the surface of what this 'future me' is. Also, it seems that lingering physical pain is related to psychological suffering/suppression which in turn are related to the future me. So merely an intellectual understanding of what the future me is, will not bring true peace, for the state of unease, including waiting, is much deeper than the thinking process which is only a tip of an iceberg. It is even chanceful that suffering will increase because deep body/mind contractions are being revealed and arises to the surface in order to become burned up in the field of present-moment awareness.
Now we can understand why waiting is painful. The 'future me' and the state of waiting are directly related. The future me _is_ waiting. And since a personal identification with the future me produces a state of fear because of the felt need for protection which cannot fully be achieved, never be completed, the state of waiting is a seed of suffering. The future me is the projected image of ourselves that we want to become real and it also contains that which we don't want to happen. This makes us experience the world with narrow, limited and strongly colored glasses. In every moment, that which does not suit our agenda, that which is not accepted, not compatible with our narrow view, becomes a state of conflict/rejection. These glasses makes us treat the now as something to quickly get rid of, to pass by, so that we can experience the 'future me' because that is the only thing we see through the glasses. These are the Waiting Glasses. Throw them off - NOW!
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