Spacerific said: The heck? Seriously? YOu get aya in your system, have a gf and STILL you don't feel AOK about your life? Damn that's completely alien to me. Are you human at least? 
Epicurus said that for happiness you need 3 things: - friends - freedom - an analyzed life
I'd obviously add physical health, in the form of sleep exercise and decent diet, but that's about it.
How are you doing in those? Any plans for the future, medium and long term? Is your current area of study working for you? Would you still study it if money were no object? What would you do with your time if money were no object?
There has to be a logical answer to feeling crappy, it's just a matter of finding the right question/perspective.
I definitely do love the material i'm studying and am not doing it for the money. But there are times when i feel like the education system has been so standardized that it really doesn't mold to my life.
As for the ayahuasca, that helped for months on end. I'm pretty sure i was at the height of my life after the last ceremony. I should note this depression came after the flu. Realized i was getting fucked left and right on my school work simply because i was sick. Started to question what's more important to me, my health, or school. Then started to question why school dominates health. And well, shit, if school isn't here for my well-being, then who am i doing this for anyways? And i'm sure you can see how that spiraled out pretty damn quick. Not even that, but the physical symptoms of the flu itself manifested into an anxiety attack and to add to it the fact that i was sleeping around watching TV for over a week straight.
So i've got:
- poor health
- lazy routine
- anxiety over the fact that i can't do anything when stuff is expected to get done
- physical depression from the flu
- over-analysis of whether this life style is suited to me
And I've just sucked ass at recovering from it. My irritability has been extremely high. Yesterday wasn't so bad for the most part. Was actually able to pay attention to what was going on in chem class and was doing really well with all the practice. Then i realized i had forgotten to print out the instructions for lab. Hopped on the bus, realized i was locked out of my apartment, went to the computer center only to find out there was a "bring your own paper policy", called up my friend to borrow some paper, get back to the computer center, printer doesn't work, they fix it, starts printing someone elses documents with MY paper, they come back, mess with it for 15 minutes, finally let me use theirs. I'm looking at the bus route gps and the stupid fucking buses are right next to each other like they always are, meaning if i miss it and it's gone for another 40 minutes. Managed to catch the last one by a matter of seconds just in time for class though i have no time to read over the instructions.
So i feel like normally that would probably be a tad bothersome to some people, but i was fucking exploding with anger. And it's shit like this every day these past few weeks. A couple little bs things go wrong and i'm ready to break necks and smash skulls. And it just piles up so every insignificant event adds to the anger/frustration/depression of everything before it.
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