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InvisibleAdden
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Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with
    #1879706 - 09/04/03 01:25 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Ok, before you read on, I'm not labeling this kid or anything. He's a good friend of mine. This thread is serious. I'm not trying to make fun of him, or any types of people.

It seems whenever we trip he alludes to things of a gay nature. A lot. He'll make a joke that just sounds like he meant to be serious. I catch him out of the corner of my eye watching me sometimes, which bugs me the fuck out. When I look at him, he looks away.. any of my other friends, if I catch them looking at/near me, we either laugh or do some other stupid shit. This kid acts like he's been "caught".

But.... that's not the problem. I don't care, whatever, and our other trip friend wouldn't care if he was gay, either.

When this kid has a bad trip, he always talks about how there's "just something" he wants to tell us, or how he wants to "come clean". He constantly requests group hugs and is a big fan of the pat on the back that is more like a rub on the back that has overstayed its welcome. He "accidentally" made a physical gesture towards me in an inebriated state (tripping too hard off HBWR), but later played it off and said he "thought I was a tree"... but it was a very obvious, deliberate, flirtatious move in his weakened state of crying (possibly) over the fact he's gay. American Beauty style, you know what I'm talking about.. when that guy walks in from the rain into the garage and kisses that dude... cept it's my friend, and he's laying on the ground tripping out too hard and rubs my lower back in a super-gay tickle fashion. Normally I would have hit him or told him to back the fuck off, but he was the saddest crumpled form of a human I've seen in a long time (in the state he was in) and I was just making sure he was ok because he was very physically sick and mentally not there. I didn't wanna make things worse.

I dunno, he's a good friend of mine, and I've tried talking to him about it but have gotten nowhere. My fear of him not being gay never leads to conclusive answers. I'm not 100% that he is. I don't wanna offend the kid.

However, I don't want my friends making passes at me, especially while I'm tripping. I don't want them in a bundle of tears because they can't come out of the closet. And I certainly don't want to hear pro-gay shit everytime I trip.

I can't just tell him I don't wanna trip with him anymore. He denies everything and doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it or anything, and has broken down and cried about it before (we suspect, he's *never* clear). I can't just jump right out and ask him if he is, because if he's straight I'll lose a friend.

He knows I've had a girlfriend for the past 3 years. I'm more secure with my sexuality than anyone I know. The aforementioned group hugs and stuff, whatever it's just a hug, but he's crossing the line sometimes. Please help I need to fix this..


--------------------


Outdoor Mushroom Cultivation
"He who seeks revenge best dig two graves.."
The Official Woodlovers Thread


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OfflineshroomWorshiper
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Adden]
    #1880182 - 09/04/03 03:53 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I have great respect for mushroom trips, and I think that set and setting are crucial. With that in mind, if your friend makes you so uncomfortable while tripping, you need to stop tripping with him until you can eliminate the problem.

I know you don't want to say something your friend might not want to hear, but it sounds like you have a lot of evidence that points towards him being homosexual. I'd think about what specifically makes you think he is, write it down (or just keep it fresh in your memory) and then talk with him about it. Good friends can have serious discussions with each other. If he is gay, the sooner he comes out the better. If not, he'll have quite a bit of explaining to do.

If he gets upset when you talk to him, and won't give you a satisfactory answer, I would tell him that you're sorry, but you can't trip with him until he explains himself. Just tell him that it makes you feel really uncomfortable. He can't argue with that.

If you want to be less direct when you talk to him, you could approach it as if he was bisexual (since that's slightly more acceptable then being gay in our fucked up society) - And you could mention that in reality, no one is entirely straight or entirely gay. We all have elements of homo and heterosexuality. It's the balance of those that determines our orientation. You might be able to coax him to admit partial attraction to other males more easily.

I was good friends with a lesbian in highschool. She was what some people would call a "lipstick lesbian" - she looked straight, and she acted straight, and she fucked guys to try to convince everyone that she was. But she wasn't. When she decided to come out (at a late-night graduation party, while shit-faced drunk with everyone else in the senior class) I could see how visibly relieved she was. It's a good thing.

Help your friend out. If he is gay, he needs to admit it to himself and then everyone around him. And embrace who he is. Denying it is self-hate.

Let me know what you think. If you have any questions, I'd love to be helpful.



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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: shroomWorshiper]
    #1880190 - 09/04/03 03:56 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

What an excellant first post, Shroomworshiper.


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OfflineCleverName
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Adden]
    #1880671 - 09/04/03 11:21 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

do you notice these things only when your tripping?


--------------------
if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

this is the purpose


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Adden]
    #1880939 - 09/04/03 01:23 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I'm sure he's not coming on to you directly.

I know a guy who acted kind of like this all through high school. He's now apparently admitted to my one friend that he's gay, but has yet to completely come out of the closet.

In addition to his gay innuendo, he was also extremely homophobic, to the point where he would actually beat up some gay kids around the school.

If someone grows up in an anti-gay environment, and they grow up believing that homosexuality is evil, imagine the psychological mess that creates when you start having gay feelings.

I've been afraid to approach my friend about his homosexuality, because I'm afraid he'll take offence, even though he now knows he's gay.

I'm not entirely sure what to do myself. I know my friend has a lot of esteem problems that would likely be resolved if he could come to grips with his homosexuality.

One thing you could try, would be to try and initiate some pro-gay/anti-homophobia conversations within your group of friends. Make it clear that you think hating gays is stupid, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. It's pretty likely that he actually believes this himself. If you can make him feel more comfortable with his own sexuality, he'll be more likely to come clean.

He may not have even accepted the fact that he's gay yet, subconciously, he surely knows, but he may be in denial, and will react with a lot of anger if you confront him directly.

Once things are clear, it'll be a lot easier to explain to him that you don't want any sort of sexual relationship with him.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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OfflineshroomWorshiper
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Phluck]
    #1881121 - 09/04/03 02:36 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I think that Phluck's suggestion about pro-gay/anti-homophobia conversations is brilliant. I wish I would have thought of it myself. The more you can subtly interject these comments, the better. Heck, even if you weren't in this situation, anti-homophobia conversations are a great thing. If everyone could change a few friend's minds...

And, EllemyshShade - Thanks!  :smile: 


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Invisiblepoke smot!
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with *DELETED* [Re: shroomWorshiper]
    #1881396 - 09/04/03 04:06 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x



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OfflineSolitude
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: poke smot!]
    #1881566 - 09/04/03 05:11 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

ask him dead up sounds like ur right about him being gay. besides if hes not he wont bug out cuz then thats jus uncool. and u get that out of the way. a friend of mine used to have the same problem , i always said "i always thought george was gay" and they are like "nah hes hooked up with this one girl once" then we went to a party and saw him kiss some dude. then they realized why he kept acting so strange whenever the copped herb or were trippin or were really drunk, lol. and since they havent heard from george. im sure if he called us we'd chill but hes jus chillin with an all gay crowd, which may happen to ur friend when he becomes comfortable admitting it. either way good luck bro.


--------------------
More lucid now the dreams become in which the forest dark and cold await me to engulf my soul within the flames of eternal sleep.

"I await this day with no fear ,but the knowlege that that most rewarding and enlightening experiance of life is death." - Chinacat


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Solitude]
    #1883146 - 09/04/03 11:44 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Thank you all for the advice.

Ever since "the incident", and certainly ever since I tried talking to him about it, we've become less and less of friends. We don't really hang out, tripping isn't even an issue because you can't trip if you're not hanging out...

But I dunno, I wanna talk to him and be like "Dude, if you were serious about that thing you did when you were tripping, I'm not gonna hate you for it or make fun of you. If you're gay it's cool, if you're straight its cool. It really doesn't matter to me".

If he just keeps drifting away tho at least I'll know I was right about him being gay. The only explanation, I think, is now he's embarassed and would rather have nothing to do with me than to sort this out (or come out). So should I talk to him, or let him decide what happens to our friendship?


--------------------


Outdoor Mushroom Cultivation
"He who seeks revenge best dig two graves.."
The Official Woodlovers Thread


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Adden]
    #1883853 - 09/05/03 03:49 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

id go ahead and try to talk to him about it. like you said, hes probably way embarresed about it now. if he is a close friend of yours, and you want to keep him around this is something you need to straighten out. just make sure he understands you dont really care one way or another about his sexuallity....if he flips out and gets upset and defensive then oh well, at least you tried. good luck


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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InvisibleTremor1127
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Post deleted by Administrator [Re: wrestler_az]
    #1883968 - 09/05/03 04:58 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)



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Invisibletheshiftingwalls
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Tremor1127]
    #1884252 - 09/05/03 09:42 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

He will never tell you because he is still in the "closet".

He even cant tell him self.


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OfflineSolitude
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: theshiftingwalls]
    #1889103 - 09/06/03 08:16 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

let him do his thing its probably better that way.


--------------------
More lucid now the dreams become in which the forest dark and cold await me to engulf my soul within the flames of eternal sleep.

"I await this day with no fear ,but the knowlege that that most rewarding and enlightening experiance of life is death." - Chinacat


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InvisibleCracka_X
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Adden]
    #1892572 - 09/08/03 01:27 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Maybe next time ya'll trip. Ya'll should be like, "hey *name of gay kid* we've got something to tell you... Well me and *your other friend's name* are gay... We just thought we'd relieve our tension and get it out"

ya know say it after he's done one of his group hugs or something. HE should then, most likely, feel comfortable and come out. And then tell him after the trip is over that ya'll aren't gay and you just did that for his own good so he'd come out.

It sounds mean but hey... The end justifies the means.


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing


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OfflineshroomWorshiper
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Cracka_X]
    #1894385 - 09/08/03 03:28 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Ahh, while Cracka's suggestion might get him to admit that he (might be) gay, I don't think I'd do that. I mean, that's just about the biggest violation of his trust that you can possibly commit. And just think what might happen if he isn't gay.... ? It isn't what I would suggest, that's for sure. Just because he might admit that he is gay, dosn't mean it's alright to knowlingly decieve him - to him to make that happen.

But hey, what do I know?


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Invisibletheshiftingwalls
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: shroomWorshiper]
    #1894560 - 09/08/03 04:11 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Cracka knows where its at..


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InvisibleOctopusDr
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: theshiftingwalls]
    #1894595 - 09/08/03 04:17 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

well yeah you would find out for sure that way But you would loose the friend.


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InvisibleCracka_X
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: OctopusDr]
    #1895840 - 09/08/03 10:26 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I think you could talk it over with him.

He'd come out and say it already and there's nothing he could do. Yea he was "tricked" but just comfort him that you don't care if he's gay or not and that you'll be friends with him either way.

Gay people only want to be treated like a normal person just like anybody. Give him respect and show him nothing has changed as a result of his coming out and it should be fine.


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing


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Offlineresin
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: Cracka_X]
    #1895859 - 09/08/03 10:33 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I once tripped with a guy and we were listening to music. The music turned off and a minute later he was like"Shutup! Turnm the music off!" Were like"Nigger, the musics off.There is a long pause he then says "Shutup, im not gay", weird shit man


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InvisibleCracka_X
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Re: Possibly gay friend is impossible to trip with [Re: resin]
    #1895987 - 09/08/03 11:13 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

he jus might be gay


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing


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