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Love
    #7736480 -

Love - its the one thing we humans all want right?

Someone to love.

Every relationship I've evr had has lasted less than a few weeks.

Every women I meet I try my hardest to be the best person I can.

So where is it going wrong?

I'm 25 years old and I've still never had a proper girlfriend and I don't know why.

I'm not the ugliest person in the world, I'm in reasonably good health, I look after myself, I have a good personality but they never want to be more than friends with me.

I have no idea why.  It can seem likes its working, I'll get real close to a woman, she can have all the right body language.  I'll eventually put my arms around them and thet won't object but when I ask thm out they will say no or ignore me.

A female perspective would be good.  I don't think anyone here is going to be able to work it out really.  If I can't.

But I'll try anyway because its the one thing thats bugs me in my life.  I can have everything else but no-ones wants to love me or let me love them.
:confused:

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7736501 -

I'm notorious for giving bad relationship advice in this forum, so count me out on this one.:)

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7736573 -

do you come off as too clingy or dependent right away? that's the surest way to scare off someone when the relationship is in its earliest stage and the other person is hunting for red flags.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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Re: Love [Re: MrBump]
    #7736850 -

Naaa
I don't even let them know I like them until we been friends a while.

I tried being blatent with girls years ago, that didn't work. So now I just be friends with them, at least I get female company.

But whenever I try to take it a bit further. They will give me bad body language so I know they don't want to do anything. If I ask them out they say no or ignore me or make a joke of it.

The few times I have got close they were displaying no good body language and then they just jumped on me! When the opposite body language happens they are just being friendly and not actually want anything!?

Its like your expected to be a fuckin mind reader lol.

The girls I have had a small relationship have all been boyfriend hopping. I mean they will use me to fill in for a week or two until they find someone better.

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7737859 -

Maybe you shouldn't try being the best person you can. Maybe they're picking up on some kind of plasticity and turning away.

Don't fuck around playing any 'games' just be yourself and really get to know the girl. Maybe date a different type of girl, if you've gone for a particular breed in the past..

A lot of the girls I've met just wanted to fuck around and it took me a while to realize it but I really like to take things slow, sometimes too slow. So at this point if I came across one of them I'd likely say No Thanks, I'm not a sophomore in college anymore and there are more important things to me.

Honesty.. If they don't like you for who you are then what's the point?

Oh and maybe tone it down on the "wookin pah nub". Just go to have some fun and get to know somebody. The best girlfriends I've ever had were the ones I found when I wasn't even looking.

Maybe none of this helps.


--------------------
From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7738000 -

This kind of dates back, but still rings true.

John Lennons take on the subject:
&feature=related

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Re: Love [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7739263 -

Maybe its time to give up and become a monk lol.

What makes me mad is when my friends get these nice girls into bed - they just use em and abuse em then on to the next.
These guys are arseholes all love means to them is fucking.
Then the girls are crying afterwards that they always get the men that use them but they pick those types of men over and over.

I don't go for any type of women. I will speak to any women and see what her characters like, if she's nice then I would see her. If shes a slag then I won't.

Seems like theres some reverse effect happening here. Because I'm a nice guy - I have to be the one getting used by slags. So maybe to turn it around I gotta start acting like my m8s and use and abuse em.

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death] * 1
    #7739558 -

If it feels good to abuse them, i cannot tell you otherwise.
Otherwise i would be telling you to follow what you feel is bad.

I think you would be illusioned to believe that you could treat them like objects that you can abuse...like a drug of some sort.

I think that you make the same mistake i make on a daily basis due to the way we are taught about relationships from a young age...you see it as something you can have, you can own, something you make.

but really these things just happen, in no way different than the way it happened with your mates. You meet a person, get together again and live the experience of being with the,...but the difference in a 'relationship' than a friend, is the question...where is this relationship going? Are we serious now? Would it be alrite if i asked her out, on a date?

Then this is where the relationship starts sucking ass because we begin to play these social roles that feel empty and just dont work with how we have evolved mentally and emotionally.


Many people would consider me as having a relationship, or having a girlfriend, but the reality of it is that she is simply a friend and thats all she could ever be...any thing else is an illusion that leads to confusion and despair, because the truth behind it, doesnt coincide with our minds.


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7739854 -

Ego Death said:So maybe to turn it around I gotta start acting like my m8s and use and abuse em.


No, don't be a jackass. The only thing acting will do for you is make you look like a fool.

Quote:
JoseLibrado said:
but really these things just happen, in no way different than the way it happened with your mates. You meet a person, get together again and live the experience of being with the,...but the difference in a 'relationship' than a friend, is the question...where is this relationship going? Are we serious now? Would it be alrite if i asked her out, on a date?

Then this is where the relationship starts sucking ass because we begin to play these social roles that feel empty and just dont work with how we have evolved mentally and emotionally.


Yes, I second this all.


Don't expect to figure it all out so quickly, there's no easy and 'right' solution. Everyone you deal with is bound to be different and you're likely constantly changing yourself so you're not going to be working with constant variables, which would make things easier but probably boring.

soulcircus said:
for me personally, the idea of having "someone" else to "be" with as like a girlfriend, sort of repulses me.


After a couple months max I usually get a similar feeling, like I need my freedom again. But then when I'm without a girlfriend I remember all the things I miss. As thus it is.


--------------------
From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.

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Re: Love [Re: elbisivni]
    #7747971 -

i feel like im in the exact situation...
only i have been in love(lust) once for almost a year (other than that was all several week long schoolationships) and by the end of the relationship i realized the only thing i was interested in her about was sex. She acted like a mother, getting mad when i'd talk about tripping (i first did acid when i was with her and she cryed when i told her about the amazing first time).

its been nearly 2 years since and i just can't find anyone interesting (my ex tells me about how she does acid now btw, it seems shes playing games with me cuz i cant see her having a good time on acid), seems like everyone has to say something dumb when im flirting like how they like 'bad guys.'

o well im goin to college soon and hoping to meet some more maturity and someone who i can share interests with, id love to meet a girl whose like "ya im goin out to the mountains with some friends this weekend" but my hang out is the local skatepark, and i wish i could find somewhere else to meet ppl... the only people that appreciate nature i know seem to be guys (get us a bag of weed, some Jack, and shrooms and we're drivin out to no mans land hiking a few miles and building a fire somewhere) what pisses me off is girls can be so fucking judgemental (ive been called a druggie by a fuckin 15 yr tweaker who has gotten arrested for breaking into a house) idk why but the only girls i can sense like me are tweakers- the one time i actually tweaked was with a girl...:confused:


--------------------
ProDOPEFiend Diary: (my public diary)

PodCast

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7748299 -

Why very intelligent men fail with women


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: Love [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7748534 -

I wouldn't exactly consider someone who had all those issues as being intelligent. :lol:



Hmmm :strokebeard:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: Love [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7748706 -

What issues'?
The only issue is lack of social and emotional development. Something which is clearly as natural in women as intelligence is in men. Don't forget that intelligence means gaining information - not being born emotionally driven.

The friend I know who is amazing with women is extremely emotional and guess what people are always calling him a women because he acts like one. Not surprising then that he is also a master of connecting with them and manipulating them.

What I have realized about women is that they are emotionally driven rather than logically.

If the right man catches the women in right moment with the right words and body language he will have her cheat on her partner.

The women being emotionally driven will rationalize her actions afterwards.

Mushroom trip - Can you actually make a post explaining what you mean? Or do you just make short and apparently condescending statements?

Edited by Ego Death (12/12/07 11:02 AM)

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7748716 -

Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!

Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.

When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Quote:
Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.

On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.


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Re: Love [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7748726 -

They had most of that stuff spot on.

Seems true enough to me.

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7748820 -

I only skimmed that bullz-eye article because it seemed like absolute bs. I would expect to find that in an FHM or Maxim magazine.

If anything, smart guys should have the advantage over the dumb ones. There are plenty of intelligent men in history who have managed to score a wife.

---

Ego,

I do believe that women are more emotionally driven and they will pick up on emotional cues perhaps better than men would. Women happen to be people too, not graph charts. Being comfortable with yourself and making sure the both of you are having a good-time is what is most important imo.

If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by.

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Re: Love [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7748853 -

oliveplume said:
I only skimmed that bullz-eye article because it seemed like absolute bs. I would expect to find that in an FHM or Maxim magazine.

If anything, smart guys should have the advantage over the dumb ones. There are plenty of intelligent men in history who have managed to score a wife.

---

Ego,

I do believe that women are more emotionally driven and they will pick up on emotional cues perhaps better than men would. Women happen to be people too, not graph charts. Being comfortable with yourself and making sure the both of you are having a good-time is what is most important imo.

If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by.


Good post :thumbup:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: Love [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7749274 -

WhiskeyClone said:
Why very intelligent men fail with women



:lol: What a joke. A ridiculous, pathetic joke. He must be smart if he can successfully sucker clueless dudes into buying this load of bullshit.

What's that now, 2 WOMEN telling you NOT TO TAKE THIS MAN'S ADVICE. It sucks.

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Re: Love [Re: Ego Death]
    #7749314 -

For the record, I love to engage in LOGICAL CONVERSATION with men, especially men I am interested in. As an intelligent woman, it's a total turn on to be able to discuss theories and ideas with a guy, and I've lost interest in some rather cute and charming fellows just because I couldn't discuss LOGICAL IDEAS with them. I could never be interested in someone dumber than me. Yeah, there is more to it than that, and having social skills is important and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with intelligence.

Oliveplume is right on: "If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by."

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Re: Love [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #7749523 -

The article makes sense to me.  Introverted, highly intelligent men have trouble socially because they are used to thinking things through carefully before they act.  Social interactions begin and end in an instant, which benefits men who act on impulse, and leaves a careful thinker in the dust.  The result is a quiet, cautious man who finds it difficult to "just be himself."  Self esteem suffers, and women are not interested.  Self esteem again worsens until the man begins to believe there is something wrong with him.  He expects to fail, and thus, he does.

I greatly respect the opinions of the women in this forum, but -- somewhat ironically -- they don't give the best advice on how to do well with women.  Of course they know what they are looking for, but believe me, they are unable to understand the issue from a male perspective.  Again, with respect, you have never dealt with this problem. 

Women commonly will tell you they want a sweet, sensitive, intelligent man (and they do!)  But guess what ego death, if you go out today with a woman, and behave sweetly, sensitively and intelligently, you will get nowhere.

Without self-esteem, those qualities come off as desperate. It is hard to be attracted to someone with low self-esteem, and women can pick up on it like bloodhounds.  Men place less value on a woman's self-esteem, and their intuition is not always good enough to tell what a woman thinks of herself.

NiamhNyx said:
Oliveplume is right on: "If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by."


You hear that ego death?  You have to work on yourself.  The answer is to get better. What you need to do is solve your problem.  There is something about you women don't like, and you have to change it :rolleyes:

Perhaps you could be a little more vague?


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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