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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited

Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 612
Last seen: 11 years, 3 days
Problem...Relationship Problems....
    #3016877 - 08/18/04 04:17 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

The problem is precisely this...

I am polyamorous.Which is defined as: participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.I am currently in two very serious relationships.Both going very very well.( And yes for those of you wondering they both know about each other and are perfectly fine with the situation.They have always known about each other even before I pursued the second relationship.I told my gf about my currently 2nd gf when I had just met her and was friends and I told her we had developed feelings for each other and that I wanted to pursue it further.)I have always been poly.Ive never questioned or doubted that I was poly.Not once.Both relationships are on a very serious level.BUT the problem comes in with family and friends.None of our three families know and none of our friends know.

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how I should approach this subject gently with the families and with the friends.Of course Im sure Im going to be met with great hate or great misunderstanding since it goes against the christian idea of relationships and this area is very predominantly christian.And people here are very religious.So naturally this is going to upset them but Im trying to minimize the damage and the level of them getting upset.

Of course one of my gf's parents are likely to try to kill me.Im semi-serious about the being killed part.

Some of the other families will likely be accepting or at least be "its your life...whatever".But the majority is going to be upset.


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Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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Offlinerogue_pixie
faerydae
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,793
Loc: ye olde england
Last seen: 7 hours, 33 minutes
Re: Problem...Relationship Problems.... [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3017227 - 08/18/04 09:07 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

There is no easy way of telling them. Some of the people you are about to break the news to are going to take it badly, regardless of the way that you approach them. Just be honest.


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'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.' ~ J. Krishnamurti


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OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
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Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Problem...Relationship Problems.... [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3018584 - 08/18/04 03:37 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

EEK.  I would suggest that the 3 of you move somewhere like NYC or San Fran where you won't have to be always worrying about what other people think of you.  There are lots of people like you in the world, just not in a little Christian po-dunk town.  Good luck, because her family is going to hate you even more. :frown:


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
Re: Problem...Relationship Problems.... [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3019821 - 08/18/04 08:31 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

You can only please some of the people some of the time. In other words don't worry what others think live you life like you want to.


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Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart


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OfflinePuZuZu
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Registered: 05/27/04
Posts: 671
Loc: Idaho (USA)
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: Problem...Relationship Problems.... [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3019901 - 08/18/04 08:51 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

dude. you already are going against the grain. why the fuck stop now? they don't run your life unless your a bunch of crazy bored teenagers. who cares what they think. just don't hang around them if they start bible thumping you.

open-minded people will shine through the dark but you just gotta find them. ask your gfs if anyone in their families are coolio about shit like that. every family at least has a couple hippies in it.


--------------------
"If you worried about falling off the bike, you would never get on."
Lance Armstrong



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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited

Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 612
Last seen: 11 years, 3 days
Re: Problem...Relationship Problems.... [Re: PuZuZu]
    #3021255 - 08/19/04 01:25 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

"There is no easy way of telling them. Some of the people you are about to break the news to are going to take it badly, regardless of the way that you approach them. Just be honest. "

(nods) I kind of figured there wasn't going to be an easy way to approach this.Im always honest.I just figured I would wait ahile to tell people.

"EEK. I would suggest that the 3 of you move somewhere like NYC or San Fran where you won't have to be always worrying about what other people think of you. There are lots of people like you in the world, just not in a little Christian po-dunk town. Good luck, because her family is going to hate you even more. "

Thats not plausible.San Francisco is way too hot.None of us like the heat or do very well in heat.We are all heat-sensitive.Me being the worst.Also San Francisco and New York have high crime rates and high living expenses.In this state in most cities the crime rate is quite low.The most serious crime being doing or dealing illegal drugs usually.lmao.Murders and serious crime is very very rare.Almost non-existant.The last time a murder occured here was in the 60's.

I'm moving before too long anyway to a larger city.Things will be much better then.As far as my one gf's family hating me...Let them.Ive done nothing wrong fro them to hate me.Im as sweet as can be to them and everytime they need help or need something fixed, Im always right there to help them out.They only hate me because Im not this big christian and I dont dress their way and I dont have their strict beliefs.Alot of what I do happens to go against their beliefs.I know eventually they will come to their senses.Until then I can only continue to be my normal sweet self.

"You can only please some of the people some of the time. In other words don't worry what others think live you life like you want to."

I know.I just want all of our families to take part in our lives.Thats why I worry.When I have kids I want them to be around their grandparents and Great grandparents and aunts and uncles and such.Thats why Im concerned with how they may react to this.

"dude. you already are going against the grain. why the fuck stop now? they don't run your life unless your a bunch of crazy bored teenagers. who cares what they think. just don't hang around them if they start bible thumping you.

open-minded people will shine through the dark but you just gotta find them. ask your gfs if anyone in their families are coolio about shit like that. every family at least has a couple hippies in it."

As far as going against the grain this stuff I've posted here in support group is only the tip of the iceberg really.I am completely unique and unconventional.Almost everything I do goes aginst the grain.Not that I intended it to be that way its just how it happened to go.I am just myself and I am true to myself.We're definitely not a bunch of teenagers lol.I am 21,one of my gf's is 19 and my other gf is 24.

One of my gf's families is very christian,very "god will smite you if you blink the wrong way" kind of people.Theyre stuck in the 60's.My other gf's parents are very dysfunctional.They drink heavily.Most have been divorced many times.Most of her family doesnt speak to each other and if they do they argue and dont get along.Her family tends to all go their seperate ways for the most part.

My family is also quite dysfunctional.I never knew my real dad.My stepdad is a jackass.My mom is very liberal.A partying hippy really.lmao My family is mixed.About half of my family is very strict like the "god will smite you if you blink the wrong way" people who always say Im going to hell for the things I do and the other half are liberals and hippies.lmao.My family is divided into three factions actually and none of the factions talk to the other factions.

There is a liberal and hippie group,a very strict "you're going to hell" group and a third group comprised of redneck types from up north roflmao.Its funny.

Thank you everyone for your advice.:)


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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OfflinePuZuZu
Board Bum
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Registered: 05/27/04
Posts: 671
Loc: Idaho (USA)
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: Problem...Relationship Problems.... [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3023464 - 08/19/04 02:42 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

my family is almost the same way. on my dad's side the majority is band members, hardcore greenparty campaigners, and liberal east coast hippies. with a small normal amount up here in the northwest that have a partly republican point of view and worship god. but they still have a hippiness about them.

and my mom's side is pretty much redneck smokers, race car drivers, and circus performers. nothing crazy, nothing mild. whatever you know?

just work with the families. i think its kinda fun forcing them to adjust to you point of view. but you also have to be flexible. don't just be like "me, me, me".


--------------------
"If you worried about falling off the bike, you would never get on."
Lance Armstrong



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