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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Love
#7736480 - 12/09/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Love - its the one thing we humans all want right?
Someone to love.
Every relationship I've evr had has lasted less than a few weeks.
Every women I meet I try my hardest to be the best person I can.
So where is it going wrong?
I'm 25 years old and I've still never had a proper girlfriend and I don't know why.
I'm not the ugliest person in the world, I'm in reasonably good health, I look after myself, I have a good personality but they never want to be more than friends with me.
I have no idea why. It can seem likes its working, I'll get real close to a woman, she can have all the right body language. I'll eventually put my arms around them and thet won't object but when I ask thm out they will say no or ignore me.
A female perspective would be good. I don't think anyone here is going to be able to work it out really. If I can't.
But I'll try anyway because its the one thing thats bugs me in my life. I can have everything else but no-ones wants to love me or let me love them.
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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I'm notorious for giving bad relationship advice in this forum, so count me out on this one.:)
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MrBump
Third prize is you're fired



Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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do you come off as too clingy or dependent right away? that's the surest way to scare off someone when the relationship is in its earliest stage and the other person is hunting for red flags.
-------------------- If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all. There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn. Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Re: Love [Re: MrBump]
#7736850 - 12/09/07 02:14 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Naaa I don't even let them know I like them until we been friends a while.
I tried being blatent with girls years ago, that didn't work. So now I just be friends with them, at least I get female company.
But whenever I try to take it a bit further. They will give me bad body language so I know they don't want to do anything. If I ask them out they say no or ignore me or make a joke of it.
The few times I have got close they were displaying no good body language and then they just jumped on me! When the opposite body language happens they are just being friendly and not actually want anything!?
Its like your expected to be a fuckin mind reader lol.
The girls I have had a small relationship have all been boyfriend hopping. I mean they will use me to fill in for a week or two until they find someone better.
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elbisivni
Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 2,839
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Maybe you shouldn't try being the best person you can. Maybe they're picking up on some kind of plasticity and turning away.
Don't fuck around playing any 'games' just be yourself and really get to know the girl. Maybe date a different type of girl, if you've gone for a particular breed in the past..
A lot of the girls I've met just wanted to fuck around and it took me a while to realize it but I really like to take things slow, sometimes too slow. So at this point if I came across one of them I'd likely say No Thanks, I'm not a sophomore in college anymore and there are more important things to me.
Honesty.. If they don't like you for who you are then what's the point?
Oh and maybe tone it down on the "wookin pah nub". Just go to have some fun and get to know somebody. The best girlfriends I've ever had were the ones I found when I wasn't even looking.
Maybe none of this helps.
-------------------- From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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This kind of dates back, but still rings true.
John Lennons take on the subject: &feature=related
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Maybe its time to give up and become a monk lol.
What makes me mad is when my friends get these nice girls into bed - they just use em and abuse em then on to the next. These guys are arseholes all love means to them is fucking. Then the girls are crying afterwards that they always get the men that use them but they pick those types of men over and over.
I don't go for any type of women. I will speak to any women and see what her characters like, if she's nice then I would see her. If shes a slag then I won't.
Seems like theres some reverse effect happening here. Because I'm a nice guy - I have to be the one getting used by slags. So maybe to turn it around I gotta start acting like my m8s and use and abuse em.
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JoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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If it feels good to abuse them, i cannot tell you otherwise. Otherwise i would be telling you to follow what you feel is bad.
I think you would be illusioned to believe that you could treat them like objects that you can abuse...like a drug of some sort.
I think that you make the same mistake i make on a daily basis due to the way we are taught about relationships from a young age...you see it as something you can have, you can own, something you make.
but really these things just happen, in no way different than the way it happened with your mates. You meet a person, get together again and live the experience of being with the,...but the difference in a 'relationship' than a friend, is the question...where is this relationship going? Are we serious now? Would it be alrite if i asked her out, on a date?
Then this is where the relationship starts sucking ass because we begin to play these social roles that feel empty and just dont work with how we have evolved mentally and emotionally.
Many people would consider me as having a relationship, or having a girlfriend, but the reality of it is that she is simply a friend and thats all she could ever be...any thing else is an illusion that leads to confusion and despair, because the truth behind it, doesnt coincide with our minds.
-------------------- The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution. And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change. Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems. Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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elbisivni
Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 2,839
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Quote:
Ego Death said:So maybe to turn it around I gotta start acting like my m8s and use and abuse em.
No, don't be a jackass. The only thing acting will do for you is make you look like a fool.
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JoseLibrado said: but really these things just happen, in no way different than the way it happened with your mates. You meet a person, get together again and live the experience of being with the,...but the difference in a 'relationship' than a friend, is the question...where is this relationship going? Are we serious now? Would it be alrite if i asked her out, on a date?
Then this is where the relationship starts sucking ass because we begin to play these social roles that feel empty and just dont work with how we have evolved mentally and emotionally.
Yes, I second this all.
Don't expect to figure it all out so quickly, there's no easy and 'right' solution. Everyone you deal with is bound to be different and you're likely constantly changing yourself so you're not going to be working with constant variables, which would make things easier but probably boring.
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soulcircus said: for me personally, the idea of having "someone" else to "be" with as like a girlfriend, sort of repulses me.
After a couple months max I usually get a similar feeling, like I need my freedom again. But then when I'm without a girlfriend I remember all the things I miss. As thus it is.
-------------------- From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.
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SurReality
PsychAdemic

Registered: 12/21/06
Posts: 11,808
Loc: Colorado, USA
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
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i feel like im in the exact situation... only i have been in love(lust) once for almost a year (other than that was all several week long schoolationships) and by the end of the relationship i realized the only thing i was interested in her about was sex. She acted like a mother, getting mad when i'd talk about tripping (i first did acid when i was with her and she cryed when i told her about the amazing first time).
its been nearly 2 years since and i just can't find anyone interesting (my ex tells me about how she does acid now btw, it seems shes playing games with me cuz i cant see her having a good time on acid), seems like everyone has to say something dumb when im flirting like how they like 'bad guys.'
o well im goin to college soon and hoping to meet some more maturity and someone who i can share interests with, id love to meet a girl whose like "ya im goin out to the mountains with some friends this weekend" but my hang out is the local skatepark, and i wish i could find somewhere else to meet ppl... the only people that appreciate nature i know seem to be guys (get us a bag of weed, some Jack, and shrooms and we're drivin out to no mans land hiking a few miles and building a fire somewhere) what pisses me off is girls can be so fucking judgemental (ive been called a druggie by a fuckin 15 yr tweaker who has gotten arrested for breaking into a house) idk why but the only girls i can sense like me are tweakers- the one time i actually tweaked was with a girl...
-------------------- ProDOPEFiend Diary: (my public diary) PodCast
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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I wouldn't exactly consider someone who had all those issues as being intelligent. 

Hmmm
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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What issues'? The only issue is lack of social and emotional development. Something which is clearly as natural in women as intelligence is in men. Don't forget that intelligence means gaining information - not being born emotionally driven.
The friend I know who is amazing with women is extremely emotional and guess what people are always calling him a women because he acts like one. Not surprising then that he is also a master of connecting with them and manipulating them.
What I have realized about women is that they are emotionally driven rather than logically.
If the right man catches the women in right moment with the right words and body language he will have her cheat on her partner.
The women being emotionally driven will rationalize her actions afterwards.
Mushroom trip - Can you actually make a post explaining what you mean? Or do you just make short and apparently condescending statements?
Edited by Ego Death (12/12/07 11:02 AM)
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
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Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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They had most of that stuff spot on.
Seems true enough to me.
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
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I only skimmed that bullz-eye article because it seemed like absolute bs. I would expect to find that in an FHM or Maxim magazine.
If anything, smart guys should have the advantage over the dumb ones. There are plenty of intelligent men in history who have managed to score a wife.
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Ego,
I do believe that women are more emotionally driven and they will pick up on emotional cues perhaps better than men would. Women happen to be people too, not graph charts. Being comfortable with yourself and making sure the both of you are having a good-time is what is most important imo.
If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Quote:
oliveplume said: I only skimmed that bullz-eye article because it seemed like absolute bs. I would expect to find that in an FHM or Maxim magazine.
If anything, smart guys should have the advantage over the dumb ones. There are plenty of intelligent men in history who have managed to score a wife.
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Ego,
I do believe that women are more emotionally driven and they will pick up on emotional cues perhaps better than men would. Women happen to be people too, not graph charts. Being comfortable with yourself and making sure the both of you are having a good-time is what is most important imo.
If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by.
Good post
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Quote:
WhiskeyClone said: Why very intelligent men fail with women
What a joke. A ridiculous, pathetic joke. He must be smart if he can successfully sucker clueless dudes into buying this load of bullshit.
What's that now, 2 WOMEN telling you NOT TO TAKE THIS MAN'S ADVICE. It sucks.
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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For the record, I love to engage in LOGICAL CONVERSATION with men, especially men I am interested in. As an intelligent woman, it's a total turn on to be able to discuss theories and ideas with a guy, and I've lost interest in some rather cute and charming fellows just because I couldn't discuss LOGICAL IDEAS with them. I could never be interested in someone dumber than me. Yeah, there is more to it than that, and having social skills is important and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with intelligence.
Oliveplume is right on: "If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by."
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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The article makes sense to me. Introverted, highly intelligent men have trouble socially because they are used to thinking things through carefully before they act. Social interactions begin and end in an instant, which benefits men who act on impulse, and leaves a careful thinker in the dust. The result is a quiet, cautious man who finds it difficult to "just be himself." Self esteem suffers, and women are not interested. Self esteem again worsens until the man begins to believe there is something wrong with him. He expects to fail, and thus, he does.
I greatly respect the opinions of the women in this forum, but -- somewhat ironically -- they don't give the best advice on how to do well with women. Of course they know what they are looking for, but believe me, they are unable to understand the issue from a male perspective. Again, with respect, you have never dealt with this problem.
Women commonly will tell you they want a sweet, sensitive, intelligent man (and they do!) But guess what ego death, if you go out today with a woman, and behave sweetly, sensitively and intelligently, you will get nowhere.
Without self-esteem, those qualities come off as desperate. It is hard to be attracted to someone with low self-esteem, and women can pick up on it like bloodhounds. Men place less value on a woman's self-esteem, and their intuition is not always good enough to tell what a woman thinks of herself.
Quote:
NiamhNyx said:
Oliveplume is right on: "If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by."
You hear that ego death? You have to work on yourself. The answer is to get better. What you need to do is solve your problem. There is something about you women don't like, and you have to change it 
Perhaps you could be a little more vague?
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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mushroomplume
Stranger

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Quote:
You hear that ego death? You have to work on yourself. The answer is to get better. What you need to do is solve your problem. There is something about you women don't like, and you have to change it
Perhaps you could be a little more vague?
No one here knows the guy personally, so it's impossible to give him perfect feedback. The problem does lay with him though.
If you are a confident, affectionate, and sociable person, the number of people you can have a relationship is quite broad.
Ego Death did make another thread about his social anxiety; this is most likely his problem. I didn't state it because I'm not there with him to really know. If someone has a difficult time opening up to others and is generally uncomfortable and panicky around them. The relationship will suffer.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Let's try not to turn this discussion into a men-women issues because it's not the case. Low self esteem is NOT an aspect of intelligence. I happen to know a few people (both men and women) who are introvert. I myself am introvert. I think that there's a misunderstanding regarding what this means. Being introvert is when an individual prefers to spend more time alone (with their thoughts, preoccupations and interests) than with a bunch of people. They are more introspective and what might be confused with shyness is in fact a misinterpretation of their actions. For example, when I find myself in situations where I am surrounded by lots of people with who I don't really relate to, I have an uneasy feeling. I feel and act somewhat separated from the rest, and someone from the outside can interpret this as a lack of self esteem. When someone from that group tries to have a conversation with me I don't behave as enthused as the rest and try to make that conversation as short as possible. This is not because I feel shy, also it is not because I have something against those people. It is just that in that particular moment I feel like being just me with my own thoughts. Now, getting back to having a low self esteem, this is a psychological trait. It is generated of one's own inability to communicate with those around them, even if this is what they really want. They can't do that because they are in a constant state of thinking about their flaws and what others might see wrong with them. It's hard to start talking and open up when your mind in your mind, questions like "how he/she will interpret what I'm about to say?"; "does this make me look fat?", "maybe they are making fun of me" keep popping up all the time. In a situation like that, their minds become overly busy with inhibiting those insecurities, which in extent makes them totally unable to interact in a efficient manner with other people. Low self esteem is a form of paranoia. And paranoia occurs in moments in which an individual is unable to use reason and get themselves out of that clouded mind sensation. Instead of facing and analyzing their fears, they prefer to ignore them. And as long as one doesn't do all that, of course that one is incapable of finding the roots of their problems and fix what's wrong. Now, if you ask me, this is not what I would call intelligence. 
Quote:
You hear that ego death? You have to work on yourself. The answer is to get better. What you need to do is solve your problem. There is something about you women don't like, and you have to change it
Perhaps you could be a little more vague?
Of course he has to work on himself. All of us have to do that. Thinking that whatever problem (such as loneliness, frustration, sadness, apathy and the like) is being inflicted (by somewhere outside of ourselves) to us is deluded and a form of escapism. We feel lonely because we can't feel good about who we are, and then we look for answers in other people. We need others to occupy our time and thoughts because we want to escape that inner dialogue that takes place in our mind when we're alone. Every person that makes us feel the least discomfort is merely a reflection of our issues, and if we're wise enough to get over ourselves, we can use all that as a pointer towards what we need to work with ourselves.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Quote:
Mushroom trip - Can you actually make a post explaining what you mean? Or do you just make short and apparently condescending statements?
I just did. I just saw this edit.
And BTW, tranquil. THIS attitude only proves my previous post.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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I didn't say low self esteem is an aspect of intelligence. Nor did I say introverts necessarily have low self-esteem. I believe it is common for people who identify with their intelligence as their primary strength to suffer socially. A child prodigy is used to being told he's right his whole life, which makes it more difficult to overcome self-limiting beliefs than it would be for somebody who is used to being corrected.
When we're discussing attraction between men and women, I don't think we can avoid generalizing about the sexes. Difficulties men face in trying to attract women are not the same difficulties women face in trying to attract men. The sexes tend to value different qualities in prospective mates, and these differences create different problems for men than they do for women. That's where I'm coming from here.
Quote:
Low self esteem is a form of paranoia. And paranoia occurs in moments in which an individual is unable to use reason and get themselves out of that clouded mind sensation. Instead of facing and analyzing their fears, they prefer to ignore them. And as long as one doesn't do all that, of course that one is incapable of finding the roots of their problems and fix what's wrong. Now, if you ask me, this is not what I would call intelligence.
I agree that low self esteem is a form of paranoia.
I do not agree with you implication that paranoia or other irrational thinking is unintelligent. Some of the most brilliant minds have been unbalanced and self-destructive. Studies have shown highly intelligent people have higher rates of neuroses, phobia and more serious mental illnesses. The inability (or unwillingness) to face fears is an emotional issue that has nothing to do with the amount of analysis applied to a mental hangup, or the neural horsepower that person has at their disposal.
Solving the problems of social anxiety and self esteem comes not from intelligence, but from wisdom, experience and knowledge of how one's own mind operates, qualities that are independent of intelligence.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Quote:
Difficulties men face in trying to attract women are not the same difficulties women face in trying to attract men.
Theres no doubt this is true.
Men have the testosterone, we are the chasers. In most situations I see there will be 3+ men all attempting to 'woo' one female. All the female has to do is take their pick. This only happens for men in the situation where women out number the men. I've never seen a social situation where women outnumber men. Also the women all seem to flock towards one man in particular and will compete only for that one man.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Experience and knowledge of how one's own mind operates IS intelligence.
http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20Types%20of%20Intelligence.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligence#Multiple_intelligences
A resume from the first link (I'll give the definition only for those who relate to what we call wisdom):
Quote:
1. Naturalist Intelligence (“Nature Smart”)
2. Musical Intelligence (“Musical Smart”)
3. Logical-Mathematical Intelligence (Number/Reasoning Smart)
4. Existential Intelligence Sensitivity and capacity to tackle deep questions about human existence, such as the meaning of life, why do we die, and how did we get here.
5. Interpersonal Intelligence (People Smart”) Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand and interact effectively with others. It involves effective verbal and nonverbal communication, the ability to note distinctions among others, sensitivity to the moods and temperaments of others, and the ability to entertain multiple perspectives. Teachers, social workers, actors, and politicians all exhibit interpersonal intelligence. Young adults with this kind of intelligence are leaders among their peers, are good at communicating, and seem to understand others’ feelings and motives.
6. Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence (“Body Smart”)
7. Linguistic Intelligence (Word Smart)
8. Intra-personal Intelligence (Self Smart”) Intra-personal intelligence is the capacity to understand oneself and one’s thoughts and feelings, and to use such knowledge in planning and directioning one’s life. Intra-personal intelligence involves not only an appreciation of the self, but also of the human condition. It is evident in psychologist, spiritual leaders, and philosophers. These young adults may be shy. They are very aware of their own feelings and are self-motivated.
9. Spatial Intelligence (“Picture Smart”)
Also, it is true that both sexes might have, in some cases, different expectations from the opposite sex, it doesn't mean that I as a girl can't give an equally (or even more) valid advice to a male on how to make himself liked by girls.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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No doubt there are intelligent women, like you, out there but also no doubt that your number in terms of mass populous is limited. I'd expect to find intelligent women here on the shroomery just by the very fact you have an interest in the mind.
Heres holding out for an intelligent lady.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying I'm the clever bunny. I'm just saying I'm a man - my primary thoughts are logic and rational not emotion.
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Quote:
If you're relationships are ending so quickly, you probably need to work on yourself some. There is something about you that others are being turned away by.
Yes, I accepted that. The very making of this thread proves I'm seeking to change myself.
I'm confused as to what I need to change though.
Yes, I have anxiety issues. Issues that over the past few years I have resolved 10 fold. I didn't even used to leave my house, let alone talk to a female.
Its possible that they are picking up on me masking my anxiety. On the surface however I appear to be a confident outgoing person.
How can I be myself, someone with no confidence yet be confident (as suggested) to be attractive?
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Quote:
How can I be myself, someone with no confidence yet be confident (as suggested) to be attractive?
Face your anxieties instead of masking them.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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What doesn't help is that none of the wpmen I'm with will speak with me. They won't tell me why they don't want to be with me. They won't even tell me they don't want to be with me. They just ignore me as if trying to not hurt my feelings - I'd rather be hurt though and told what I need to change!
Sometimes I just think that it must be my looks but yet I thought women were more into personality than looks. Besides that I used to get all the women after me in high school. Dunno what went wrong.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Quote:
What doesn't help is that none of the wpmen I'm with will speak with me. They won't tell me why they don't want to be with me. They won't even tell me they don't want to be with me. They just ignore me as if trying to not hurt my feelings - I'd rather be hurt though and told what I need to change!
The reason why don't tell you what's wrong with you means that maybe they are aware that it's none of their business to change you.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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I do not agree with you implication that paranoia or other irrational thinking is unintelligent. Some of the most brilliant minds have been unbalanced and self-destructive. Studies have shown highly intelligent people have higher rates of neuroses, phobia and more serious mental illnesses. The inability (or unwillingness) to face fears is an emotional issue that has nothing to do with the amount of analysis applied to a mental hangup, or the neural horsepower that person has at their disposal.
Just because intelligent people often suffer from mental illness does not justify it in any way, shape, or form. Intelligent people are more prone to mental illness because they are more perceptive and place greater emphasis on detail.
Ego Death,
I wish you the best of luck mate. It's been in my experience, that if you can come to love yourself, others will too.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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With other words, if you don't come to love yourself, you'll most likely cum to love yourself.  Entirely off topic, I know
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Quote:
Just because intelligent people often suffer from mental illness does not justify it in any way, shape, or form. Intelligent people are more prone to mental illness because they are more perceptive and place greater emphasis on detail.
Who's trying to justify mental illness? I don't even know what that means 
I was rebutting the assertion that neurotic behavior is a sign of low intelligence.
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I wish you the best of luck mate. It's been in my experience, that if you can come to love yourself, others will too.
^^^Aye, this is the bottom line.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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