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On being a parent
    #4885736 -

Never cling to your children. Prepare them for freedom from day one. Give them responsibilities to fulfill even when they are very young. Always expect competance from them, and guide them to be competant. When the time for their freedom arrives grant it too them fully, and expect and even demand that they take it. Do not decide the path that they will walk; force them to choose their own way. When they turn 18 acknowledge them as adults and treat them like adults because that is what they are so let the fuck go.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4885804 -

You sound like Veritas. And thats a complement.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Icelander]
    #4885830 -

I will take the compliment. Clinging to anything is a bad idea. You pick something up and when it no longer serves a purpose in holding it, you put it down. Ideas and beliefs are very much like children in this respect.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4886544 -

id like to add that creating life is an action of a god.
so be prepared.
know.

compared to death, life is a burden.
burdens like choice, awareness of pain, a future of death, fear of chance.

in death there is none of these things.

im aware im leaving out the good parts of life.
but this is a warning.
some souls might not appreciate being forced into a life where the only outcome is death.
some may not appreciate the burdens of choice.

be very fucking carefulll.


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"You cannot trust in law, unless you can trust in people. If you can trust in people, you don't need law." -J. Mumma

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4887072 -

Huehuecoyotl said:
...so let the fuck go.


get the fuck out.


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You are complicit if you see or suspect on the basis of reliable evidence that harm is being done to an Other, and in the absorption of your own daily routine say nothing, do nothing, keep the silence that permits hegemonic domination.

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Re: On being a parent [Re: onceinawhile]
    #4888119 -

once, no flaming, guy.

Hue, force the freedom on them ?

No.

Ever be a save harbour for them to return and regain energy, if they struggle with life.


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Though lovers be lost love shall not  And death shall have no dominion
......................................................
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men."Martin Luther King, Jr.
'Acceptance is the absolute key - at that moment you gain freedom and you gain power and you gain courage'

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Re: On being a parent [Re: onceinawhile]
    #4888149 -

onceinawhile, I suggest you read the forum rules before making your next post here. There is a no-flame rule in effect in this forum, and telling someone to "get the fuck out" is not a discussion tactic but a flame.

Please choose your words more carefully in future posts.




Phred


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Re: On being a parent [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4888452 -

My oldest son turned 12 this spring, and I took a long walk with him so we could discuss my "game plan" for his emancipation.

I explained to him that my job was not just to protect him, but to prepare him for becoming 100% responsible for himself. I said that my intention was to give him more and more autonomy over the next 6 years. When he handled it well, he would get more. When he made a mistake, we would take a step back for more education/guidance. But always the goal would be for him to "take the reins" of his own life.

I also vowed to stay out of his way as much as possible, but be there when he needed me. I told him that my job as a parent was not to love in a clinging way, but love enough to let go a little more every year.

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Veritas]
    #4888482 -

What an awesome mother. :thumbup:



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Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

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Re: On being a parent [Re: onceinawhile]
    #4889574 -

"get the fuck out."

Sometime's that is what "let the fuck go" turns into. The child must be willing to let go...and I don't have a spare bedroom in the basement. Fortunately mine are eager....and sometimes so am I.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4889731 -

Who decided at 18 you are and adult and should be cut loose? That is fucking silly....it's just a legal age...it has nothing to do with the person. One person might be able to leave at 18 but another might need till their 20s.....

who gives a shit about what the law says...I don't understand where this 18 year figure came from...not all people are the same. I know 20 year olds that are more mature than 50 year olds. It depends on the person.

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Re: On being a parent [Re: Phred]
    #4889739 -

Phred said:
onceinawhile, I suggest you read the forum rules before making your next post here. There is a no-flame rule in effect in this forum, and telling someone to "get the fuck out" is not a discussion tactic but a flame.

Please choose your words more carefully in future posts.




Phred


I think he was paraphrasing....restating what the other statement meant to him. Give the guy a break.

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Re: On being a parent [Re: TameMe]
    #4889762 -

That is true...it depends on the person. Well, I feel that at 18 one should venture out and it is the parents job to ready them. My 18 year old daughter can't wait until school is out to head off to college. I anticipate no problems with the other 2 in the next 3 years...because I have raised tham to be self responsible. My children are the types to be more responsible than people older than they are...because I taught them how to be that way. It is merely learned behavior. Parents who do not teach independance and self reliance are not doing their job.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent *DELETED* [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4889775 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

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Re: On being a parent [Re: TameMe]
    #4889781 -

I think onceinawhile was talking about the parent-child relationship as well...and totally on topic.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent *DELETED* [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4889795 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

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Re: On being a parent [Re: dorkus]
    #4889811 -

Because an adult should be self responsible, and an 18 year old is an adult. I am not saying that I am disowning them...I am releasing them from my authority. I will still give some help and guidance for a time. Once again we are just speaking of learned behavior nothing more. The coming of age ritual (and I do have a ritual for it)is as old as man. Primitive man has recognized this transition since the beginning. I have one who IS ready by her own admission. I have two who are eager to experience life who will be ready in due time. It is a natural transformation.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent [Re: dorkus]
    #4889839 -

My children are all already quite responsible. My (just turned) 18 year old daughter has been the familly cook for 4 years now...she even makes out the grocery list. My son does all the yard work without my supervision, and my youngest daughter handle the clothes and cleaning up the dishes. Also without close supervision. They are all A B students. I expect everyone to pull their weight. I get very few complaints. My kids have intelligence, reliability, creativity, and are happy. When they are gone I'll have to do a lot of work to make up the difference.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent [Re: dorkus]
    #4889846 -

"But don't you think children are able to feel your obvious expectations in their core?"

That is part of the preparation. They see their 18th birthday as a call to adventure. I have few fears for them.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: On being a parent [Re: dorkus]
    #4889860 -

"Even if your kids resonate to your views right now, you could easily have ended up with a some who didn't. Would you still hold your values and expectations so strict and undynamic?"

It will not be an issue. I have done my work well.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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