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Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy
    #6420126 -

let me preface this with: I am not making judgement calls here, atleast, not in regards to right and wrong... so lets not chime in off topic about how wonderful your children are, i am sure they are great kids, and that it was the best choice you have made in your life.

So, I at a few mushrooms while visiting one of my best friends. He has two children, and is the same age as me: 24. His kids are 4 years old, and the other is 18 months old.

But this time, i realized a different dynamic, or atleast, justification of procreation in this overpopulated world.

1) a child gives everything you have regretted a second chance. he glory days of high school football you dreamed of, becoming a great musician... in other words, any area which you wanted to be great at, and had the potential and ability to do, yet screwed it up.

2) Along with number 1, a burden is lifted..... guilt from your regrets, because here is the epitome of potential: a brand new life, a genetic/legacy re-do.

3) with that burden lifted, comes the justification of giving up on your own goals and dreams... atleast for yourself.

Now.... with those three things in mind, conciously or not, it places quite the burden upon the offspring. I see it all the time.... parents living vicariously through their childrens accomplishments.
its like some kids never even have a chance to be who they really are, or live a life unburdened by their parents failures, all their personal potential becomes occupied by their parents regrets.

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #6420212 -

by the time/if I have a child, I hope to be living in an almost entirely different way. Of course, I will have to bring my child up the way I and it's mother are living, as does any parent in any "culture" or lifestyle. While I will teach it what I can, I will not discourage it from learning or participating in something [else] it desires to.

But then again, I have attempted at working out what would happen if half of our population decided not to have more children (not conceving or adopting) and those who did only had one. If population were reduced, I would not feel as uncertain about wanting to bring another being, a child, into this world.

But invevitably, the child will be conditioned one way or another no matter what; a manifestation of sorts/in part of the parent(s).


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: demiu5]
    #6420434 -

hey brother. Just be careful with your first post. It seems like the more we want our kids to do something the less likely they are to do it. Werent you like that as a kid? often times kids do Different things than theyre parents, or different than that of their parents desires. It sounds like you want ot live vicariously through your kid, which all in all, isnt bad, but forcing them to do something you didnt do isnt going to make them happy adults. You shouldnt focus on making them become what you didnt or couldnt become, you should focus on helping them become something they DO want to become and supporting their desicions (atleast once theyre old enough to make relatively sound ones that will shape their future). Atleast you can SHAPE their future. Say if you want them to be a musician give them a guitar when theyre young, but dont FORCE it on them, let it be a creative, spiritual, theraputic outlet for them to express themselves. Dont make your kids do what you couldnt.
I dont think the mushrooms really told you anything about justifying on giving up. They are wiser :wink:. Dont give up on your own goals. Maybe you should embrace your goals and become a healthier, more satisfied person before having a kid, so you can teach them HOW. you know?
You know all kids go through a state of rebellion? I know you did. So be careful about trying to make your kid do what you couldnt you know?
peace
edit: didnt see your last paragraph. Yea man, you have to not put pressure on the kid, let their intrests flow. What they need is a balance of guidance and their own intrests. You can shape their intrests when theyre young, atleast to a large extent, but once theyre old enough, you know they will develop their own intrests too. So dont force them, guide them and let them be free, that way you can help guide them

double edit:also, maybe since youre not in the position to have a healthy relationship your childs mom you should work with kids? Or spend time around someone who is open to letting you help shape their kids life?


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play


Edited by CerebralFlower (01/02/07 11:45 PM)

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: demiu5]
    #6420442 -

I'm not so worried about over-population nearly as much as wanting efficient resource management on this planet before really making the conscious choice of letting DNA do its thing.

:earth: :yinyang: :shineon:


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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: AlteredAgain]
    #6420844 -

I don't think that anyone should have children until they have the ability to provide their kids with the kind of education that they believe in.

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: implicitli]
    #6420911 -

implicitli said:
I don't think that anyone should have children until they have the ability to provide their kids with the kind of education that they believe in.


right if you gave up on your goals, how can you teach your kid how to achieve them? Follow through brother, you have a good heart


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play


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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #6421152 -

psilocyberin said:
Now.... with those three things in mind, conciously or not, it places quite the burden upon the offspring. I see it all the time.... parents living vicariously through their childrens accomplishments.
its like some kids never even have a chance to be who they really are, or live a life unburdened by their parents failures, all their personal potential becomes occupied by their parents regrets.


The thing seems to be that this = everyone


--------------------
read books

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #6421250 -

"If they can make them, ... then let em take them?"
~Unknown ...

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #6421252 -

"Of they can make them, ... then let em take them?"
~Unknown ...

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #6421316 -

psilocyberin said:
1) a child gives everything you have regretted a second chance. he glory days of high school football you dreamed of, becoming a great musician... in other words, any area which you wanted to be great at, and had the potential and ability to do, yet screwed it up.


Typically the opportunity is screwed up by having the child in the first place. :grin:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #6421606 -

What you've noticed is certainly one of the toxic dynamics that is being played out between parents and their children and I agree it puts an enormous stress on the child. I think that parents who are prone to this behaviour should become aware of it, realize the harmful effects it has on their child and amend their behaviour.

On the other hand not all parents have this tendency. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and it took me a long time to realize that there are parents out there who truly love their children for who they are and are allowing them to grow up to their full potential without interfering with it or promoting their own agendas along with it.


--------------------

"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."

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Re: Having Children, and perpetuating personal legacy [Re: redtailedhawk]
    #6421737 -

Do you really think that there are that many (*circumstantial* parents) conscious enough?

I don't think i do. I remember my adolescent years, becoming aware of the history of others. And whether true or not, i often found myself thinking of their circumstances and experiences: 'fuck im glad i was never that screwed up'.

And i didnt have a great childhood, broken home by 11

But i guess thats by the by, back explicitly onto topic i guess i should be grateful my parents didnt try to live vicariously through me, except perhaps my mother through my brains/schoolastic ability. But now i find myself 23 and pissed that i can't play the piano.

We are all fuck ups then probably. And i dont think there are many parent child relationships free of toxic dynamics, as you put it. That is sad.

I feel if and when i have children i would be an exceptional parent, if i remain as conscious, if i strive for consciousness still when that time may come, but who fucking knows. Its probably unlikely.


--------------------
read books

Edited by Jackenobi (01/03/07 02:50 PM)

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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