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Relationship advice needed
    #4842135 -

First some background.  I've been with this girl now for about 2 1/2 years.  First girlfriend, first relationship longer than a week.  We were a perfect match.  We dated for three months and I transferred to a different school five hours away.  I visited a few times and she didn't have the ability to do so.  We took a month and a half long break until we met again and got back together.  We stuck it out because she was now able to visit and I moved back with her, actually in with her.  We have been living together for about fourteen months now.  In the next summer, she'll be going to Cali for an internship and I'll be going to Germany to finish up school.  After that, I plan to enlist in the Army and go linguist (German major), so I'll be in BCT for 8 weeks and AIT lasts up to 12 months.  Our sex life has never been exceptional, but I've always felt we held our own.  I try to make it about the both of us, but I am feeling like I am the only one with an interest anymore.  I feel like I am sharing a bed with a friend instead of a lover.  We've got a twin bed and we each sleep on our side of the bed unless she is just plain pushing me off the bed, we never spoon anymore.  She seems to have no interest in sex, except to let me get my rocks off.  She never seems to be horny or she covers it up real well.  I mean, everything I read tells me that women want sex too.  Is that just a big lie?
She never comes onto me.  Even if we are close, she won't even initiate a make-out session let alone initiate sex.  In short, the sex is boring because I feel like its just for me and I just get her off to be the nice guy.  I like to see and hear her cum, but I'm never sure if she wants it or not. 

She's out of shape and fitness and doesn't want to change.  I was a serious athelete in my teenage years and I got lazy in college.  I've been walked one mile three times a week.  I've tried to get her to come out with me but she has no interest, she would rather just sit on the TV.  She doesn't come out at night anymore either. 

We essentially have a conflict free relationship, we have never had a fight although we have a disagreement here and there.  Even when we split, it was essentially mutually understood that the situation wasn't going to change. 

I can't deny that I have always found attractiveness in women, but in the last months I have had a real desire to get out there and meet some new women.
I don't know what to do.  I really feel like I am out growing this woman.  I guess I just want to hear from people that may have possibly felt the same way or been in the same situation.  A friend introduced me to Askmen.com, but sometimes it seems like they want to enforce my "worst case scenario".
Eh, too long to proofread, so I hope there are no confusing errors in it. 
:confused: :confused: :confused:

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: YidakiMan]
    #4842186 -

You two are going your seperate ways. It is always hard to end that first "love", but it is probably for the best. You will meet plenty of new women, maybe a nice German one, in your life, and will have several more encounters with love.

If she isn't interested in sex, she may not be interested in you.

It sounds like she is not what you are really looking for either, so that is another reason to let it go.

I have to go now, but I'll come back and lay some more in-depth thought into this later.


--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: daimyo]
    #4842297 -

your relationship has changed, this happens. sounds as if you might be ready to move on. maybe i'm wrong... you should talk to her about all of this. just be honest with her and raise the points you did here.

peace2u

cateyes

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: YidakiMan]
    #4845079 -

If you care for her you owe it to yourself to make one last effort to see if you can make things work out.

But take it from someone who has been married for 24 long years.

Without a healthy sex life, a long term relationship is doomed to failure.

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: gregorio]
    #4845106 -

If she were to exercise and get in shape she would probably have a higher sex drive for a number of reasons. Women need to feel sexy to have good sex, and if she doesn't feel sexy chances are she won't want to have sex as much. But seriously, from the way you put it sounds like your relationship is going downhill. You need to have a real sitdown, heart-to-heart talk with her. if you are both completely honest with eachother, then you will either both commit to making it work or agree that it may be time to end it.

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: YidakiMan]
    #4845133 -

Just have fun. If you find yourself addicted to the relationship and cant function normally with out a lover. You may need to work on something a bit. Make yourself happy and do what you got to do. And let the rest just fall into place.

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4845292 -

SHEIK is right. 


And I'll add the fact that you should never put someone above yourself.  If you aren't happy in the relationship, get out of it, because if you're not happy, how in the hell can you make someone else happy.  And sorry to break it to ya, but if your girl isn't interested in sex, that means she's not interested in you.

You feel like you're out-growing her?  Thats becasue you are.  You learned and experienced what you needed to and now you need to move on.  And you know that you probably won't maintain a relationship with her when you move off to Germany.  So sit down and talk with her.  Honesty really is the best policy, even if the other person doesn't see it that way.  At least you were honest with her, you can be at peace with yourself.

Its good that you ask for advice, but how often to people take the advice of others to heart and actually go with it?

Thats all I got.  Hopefully it will help, even if only a little bit.


McKennaDMT :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


P.S.  Be careful what you read at Askmen.com, there's sometimes some good advice but most times its complete horseshit.  I would recommend staying to the message boards over there.


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

Edited by McKennaDMT (10/24/05 01:12 PM)

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #4846335 -

Thank you for the advice. You have given me the words I knew I'd hear. That I have to grow some balls and talk to her about this.

Addressing chino, I've told her she'd feel better and look better if she got active. I also pointed out to her that new study that just hit the newstands, it claimed, "active couples have better sex lives". I bought her a Victoria's Secret gift card for her bday, went shopping with her and had her model them for me. I dont know how else to change her thoughts - if they need changing - besides being brutally blunt.

I'm gonna keep trying to get her to be active with me. I'll try to pick a time when she's available. If she won't go, I'll make it sure she knows I have a problem with her disinterest. Perhaps I'll get us a couples' gym membership. I'll tell her about the future, that I realized we'll be spending 2-3, perhaps even 4 years apart. Maybe she'll agree that we ought to start heading our seperate ways before we ruin a friendship as well over a doomed long distance relationship. Meanwhile, I'm not holding back anymore. Gonna try to make some new friends and get back acquainted with old friends, perhaps make a few female "platonic" friends. Maybe a little harmless jealousy will spark her back up.

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: YidakiMan]
    #4846363 -

That reminds me so much of my first love. I think it started going that way because I betrayed her trust (about drug use) and she eventually decided I wasn't the one...just didn't have the balls to end it.

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: TameMe]
    #4846785 -

So how was it ended?

Is there any other advice out there besides just "bite the bullet and grow some balls? We've been conflict free.... forever it seems, well that is as far as the heart-to-heart stuff goes (conflict free because the ground hasnt been pounded before). We also have a mostly mutual circle of friends and we are known as I said above, conflict free, teh perfect couple. God, I feel like all my friends will ditch me if they find out the real reasons of a breakup- if that happens.

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Re: Relationship advice needed [Re: YidakiMan]
    #4848657 -

If they ditch you, they aren't true friends in the first place.  To hell with them then.  And if you were the perfect couple you wouldn't have posted this thread topic. :smile: 

Talk to her, find out whats on her mind, and walk away if need be.  Easier said then done though.  :wink:

There's plenty of fish in the sea, and they all stink. :grin:


McKennaDMT :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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