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broken up (me & the relationship)
    #1742083 -

My girlfriend of over 4 years ended it yesterday. Said she has been unhappy for a while. This is the first that I've heard about it. I just figured we were in kind of a rut. I have been in a rut due to some bad shit that had happened to me, but am pretty much over it, until now. Obviously, my rut made me a sort of shell of my real self, which lead to her feelings for me fading.

But the thing is, that person who she has been waiting for to reemerge, has. This shock to my system was actually just what I needed. But she says she is tired of trying by herself. I now realize the error of my ways and want to be the one to try. But it doesn't look like she is going to give me the chance. She will finally have the real me back...the person she has been waiting for...the person she loved more than anything, but she is refusing the reward for all her waiting. I just can't understand why she would give the "rut" version so many chances, but not the real me that she knew and loved.

Keep in mind, this is the first time she has actually told me that there was such a problem, she is bad at communication.

Even worse, a few months ago, she was transferred to Denver. I dropped everything (great job,friends,family) to move with her. Here in Denver, I have no job yet, am broke, and don't have many friends here yet either. She didn't do this on purpose, but it is just such a bad situation. What do I do now? I think I want to stay in Denver, but I just don't have any resources.

I have loved this woman so much for four years, and she just ended it so abruptly. It's just "Hey, we have a problem and I don't want to fix it. It's over" I can't believe that she never talked to me about this before. It would have been a very insignificant problem to fix. But she let it grow into a real problem before ever talking to me. A problem she won't let me fix.

This is going to be hard. I didn't get the benefit of falling out of love like she apparently has. I was totally oblivious that she felt this way until yesterday.

This really sucks, but I'll be fine. :confused: :smirk: :confused:
Should be some good poetry and music pouring outta my soul though.


The Oblivious fool 

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: OLIO]
    #1742102 -

Maybe try sending her a version of what you just said in this post (maybe change it a little so she won't know you just posted it on a public bbs). Maybe something like you writing down your feelings about the situation.

Hope it all turns out for the best, friend.


--------------------
There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors - Morrison

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: neutralizer]
    #1747463 -

Just be yourself. I dont think you should try and sell yourself to her, but just let it go. She obviously fell in love with the real you once, let her do it again, by her free will. Be a friend to her, and remind her of who you are.


--------------------
"Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire."
Jorge Luis Borges

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: Quadrant6]
    #1749385 -

Thats exactly what has happened. We've come to a mutual understanding that I need to date around and she needs to be alone and find out who she really is. She's one of those people who has never been single and it prevented her from really discovering who she really is.
Looks like we will continue to be close, but not together. Except occasionally on lonely nights :wink: Who knows what the future holds, but I think it will only get better on every level.

Thanks for the advice. It's cool to be able to get it here. 

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: OLIO]
    #1749432 -

Best Case Scenario: She really did want to fix it, but didn't want to tell or hurt you. She thought she could do it on her own, but now she's given up in frustration. She's ready for an easy-bake relationship, and after a few one-nighters she realize how good she had it. Just don't do anything beyond mildly vicious for 3-4 months and things will work out.

Worst Case Scenario: She feels like she's wasted four years on you, no amount of reason will justify a fifth. She didn't tell you because it was a done deal she knew it couldn't be fixed. She waited so long to tell you because she had no reason to call it quits early. She has a reason to quit now, and its a lie when she says she is planning some time alone.

My advice: Don't listen to my advice. But its time to move on.

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: djfrog]
    #1750085 -

It's really hard isn't it. Especially that first year away from each other. It's going to just suck. You might even have to repeat this process again in your future. Maybe this is your life lesson you are to learn and grow from.

You've got a steep hill up ahead. Once one has given up and made the decision to move on it's hell getting them to come back.

-RR68


--------------------
"Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition."

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: OLIO]
    #1751880 -

the same exact thing just happened to me. women suck.


--------------------
ash dingy donker mo gollyhopper patty popiton rockstop bueno mayo riggedy jig bobber johnathan pattywhacker gogboob t-shirt monkey.

There is such emotion in the distortion.

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: 1stimer]
    #2879100 -

Quote:
1stimer said:
the same exact thing just happened to me. women suck.



and me.... almost the exact same thing - together for 5 years tho...

it's been over a week and i'm just horribly depressed... i can only cry so much....

Edited by billy cuts (07/11/04 06:00 PM)

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: OLIO]
    #2879168 -

Maybe she wanted to move to start all over again. you surprised her by moving with her. It's best to let her find herself before you get married. I don't know but I know that after 4 years something must be missing so let her find whatever it is.

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: UncleMike]
    #2879300 -

good perspective mike, maybe, i dunno.. women are just, trouble.lol.

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2886957 -

welp the same thing didnt happen to me i just got tired of the bitch (2) years

ran my mouth at her and walked out the door

its the way to go

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: OLIO]
    #2888369 -

I was in a similar situastion a few months ago...I was the one who "never tried", but only found that out after that fact. I ended up getting back together, but 'on/off' relationships don't really have a chance of going anywhere (un)fortunatly, and it ended for good. Women are evil (mostly)! Thats gotta be tough after having dropped everything and moved. But hey, at least your in denver...I'd give my left and maybe a few inches to be back there - its a good place.

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Re: broken up (me & the relationship) [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2892499 -

yea they are a lot of trouble but they are worth the trouble. The problem is that most women have a hard time telling a man that they want to end things. Men on the other hand just end it or disappear.

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