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Anonymous #1

problem with one's self
    #2005395 - 10/13/03 03:34 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Ok I am doing great in my life. I just got a great girlfriend now.  She enjoys all the things I do. we get along more than anyone I have ever met. I have recently been feeling like I am going to mees this relationship up.  Its the best one I have ever had and the thing is I have only dated her for a month now.  I am not one to use the love word offend but I do love her.  I have really only loved one other person in my life and that was me ex-girlfriend of 3 years... we separated because of issues with my smoking(pot).(we broke up in april)

I am over my ex-girlfriend now, its just I lost alot of joy to live with that relationship. I lost all my confidence too. I can't make any decisions without asking other people first... like I don't think my opionons is right or good enough. its happening at work now and in my personal life.  I want to seek professional help, but I don't believe it will help.  I can't open up to people I don't know( I tried and I just kept up a wall there the entire time). 

My 2 main problems are that:

I don't feel what I say is right. like I always needing a second opionon on everything.

I really like this new girlfriend alot... I didn't belive in love at first site until now.. I just looked at her and new that we were going to be together.  She has very strong feelings for me too.  we have a great line of communitcation but I can't seem to tell her I love her... I am scared I will be rejected.  I am so scared to use that word.

I just don't really want to lose this girl over all my problems.. I don't really want to tell her them either because I believe they can be fixed.  I don't want to think she is dating a guy with baggage.
she has baggage too, from past relationships and we talked about it but no into detail.


another question out there... I am having a hard time with this:

If you are to meet someone and all you did was smoke pot most of the time while you hung out. would you feel like you got to know the real person? or would you feel that pot makes them a different person?

I feel like that is bothering me too.  We both smoke but I feel like we don't spend enough time sober. my best friend said, that you are getting to know that person. pot is a meduim for different ideas but from the same person... I agree with him but I need more opionons. <------ :smirk: this is what I seem to do all day long... asking for advice when I can probably think of my own opionon. :frown:  :sad:

if you want, please post.... I just really need to talk about this... it driving me crazy right now...


peace

zerohero

P.S. if it doesn't make sense just ignore the thread. 


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: El Emigrante

Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2005719 - 10/13/03 05:31 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

my suggestion would be to ease up on all the pot smoking with her and just in general. Its fun and all, but once you end up getting stoned all day everyday everything just becomes boring and you spend all your money on food. Trust me i know. my suggestion would be to take some mescaline with her, tripping with someone will make you closer then ever.


--------------------
When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: Infrared]
    #2005732 - 10/13/03 05:43 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I agree... lol.. I can't belive you said mescaline too. I know that is the best tool for talking and getting to bond.

she is a pot head though.. she usually smokes everyday.. I don't smoke all the time... I smoke only when I am around her.. I would be a stoned but I don't want to spend money on it.

so when I see her its like a binge.. but we are going to trip in 2 weeks together... I just don't want my feelings to be passed off through a drug... my feelings are real.

I have a hard time believing that I can get to know someone while being stoned... I feel like I am talking to someone else.... its weird...


deep24blue - you really cheered me up with that mescaline comment. thanks.. you know how much I love mescaline... I mean its the only way to fly really... :smirk:


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: El Emigrante

Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2005754 - 10/13/03 05:53 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hehe, check the name again man,  i am no longer deep24blue :smile:


--------------------
When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: Infrared]
    #2005927 - 10/13/03 07:04 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

double post....... edit*


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: Infrared]
    #2005928 - 10/13/03 07:04 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

ohh you change it....... I see the gnomes have got to you too.;) :smile:

anyone else have ony advice.... :smile:


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InvisibleOsker246
Stranger
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Registered: 07/10/03
Posts: 1,479
Loc: Washington
Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2005994 - 10/13/03 07:38 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

zerohero said:

If you are to meet someone and all you did was smoke pot most of the time while you hung out. would you feel like you got to know the real person? or would you feel that pot makes them a different person?




To me I think if the person knows what you are into then they would totaly know the real you.. Trust me, I've made the mistake of hiding the fact I do drugs from new people that I meet and when they had found out, everything had just turned weird. We didnt talk as much as we did as before but we still said hi to eachother and talked for a few it just wasnt the same as before they knew of my choices I made.


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
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Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2006196 - 10/13/03 08:51 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I would definitely slow down on smokin weed with her so much, and in general like DeepBlue said. Do things together while you are both sober. Getting to know someone while you are in any kind of drug induced mindframe is not a good idea. Things may be, even slightly different when you are sober and you may not like it.

As for you seeking a second opinion on your opinions, what kind of opinions are you talking about? What you should eat? What clothes you like? Or is it more along the lines of what you should believe? Or what you should do in the future? Try debating more with people. That will help you make your own more rounded, defined. Get a view of what a few people think and base your opinion on what YOU believe to be correct after reviewing all the information given.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
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To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
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Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2006919 - 10/14/03 12:39 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I don't feel what I say is right. like I always needing a second opionon on everything.




Nothing wrong with that. In fact, thats a sign of leadership, using your resources around you to make an informed decision.


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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OfflineStrongBad
pharm lover
Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 335
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: problem with one's self [Re: pattern]
    #2007992 - 10/14/03 11:57 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Just grow your own zerohero, or have a foaf grow shrooms and trade them for weed.

Anyway, don't tell her you love her til like 2 months in at least. Don't scare her off.

Seeking professional help will only land you a 30ct of 20mg prozac with 3 refills. Not worth it man. If you want to talk, post here, or talk to a friend. Don't pay someone to listen to you unless it's paid for by your college or insurance.


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: pattern]
    #2008003 - 10/14/03 12:04 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I am going to cut down on the smoking with her... its just she is used to wake and bake, then a mid day smoke and then a night smoke..

I don't think smoking will affect our relationship, but I am thinking I it will... so I am freaking out over it...

by freaking out I mean loss of sleep and constant worring even though I don't correct it.. I can't figure out how to correct it.

pattern - I mean by getting other opinions is if I take a picture at my job I will start to ask my boss if this pictures looks good.. and I will do it the entire time... I am a professional I shouldn't have to ask everytime... I should be able to take a picture by myself and hand him the final picture with confidence in my ability to complete the job by myself. this is annoying for me. It so annoying becasue I know that I am doing it btu I can't seem to stop it before it happens.





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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: StrongBad]
    #2008036 - 10/14/03 12:22 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Strongbad,

thats why I am trying to wait.. I don't want to tell her so soon. but I don't think I can last a month like this...

I have never felt like this before about someone. Its something that is new to me... she sez she feels the same way.

I don't want my ego to get into the way.. if I love her I should say it... my ego has been protecting me for so long, it avoid so any thing in my life just to not get hurt... like "I can't face the facts" feeling.

I already have the shrooms too. its set in stone that we are tripping on the oct. 25 too. I think it will help me though... I will feel we will be more open and I can be comfortable with not thinking of what the she is thinking...


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OfflineStrongBad
pharm lover
Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 335
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2008277 - 10/14/03 02:41 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Well, if you tell her you love her, and she rejects the idea, then blame it on the shrooms! haha.

I know it's hard to keep the feeling of love supressed. After a while those feelings will go away and you won't feel like telling her you love her anymore. It's a strange and unpredictable subject.

Looks like you need someone in your life to boost your self esteem. I just had a talk w/ my g/f recently b/c she never compliments me b/c she doesn't know how. She's been doing it more and more often about small stuff and it makes me happier overall. Can't beat that.


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: StrongBad]
    #2008304 - 10/14/03 02:52 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

i agree.. I need a ego shatter trip.. then everything will be easier.

I have only loved one other girl and that was my ex girlfriend.  I always said I loved her for 3 years. told her every chance I got. and she did the same to me.

I really want to tell her because its killing me inside.  I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. I actually tried not to have a girlfriend and enjoy live by itself after my breakup in april.  I know that I am supposed to be with her... its fate..(yes I believe in fate) its not a scary stalker be with her love either :smirk:... I just know in my heart and mind that she is someone that will help me in my progess of life as I will help her in her progess in life.

I really know that I can't do alot to stop it. it will happen where I like it or not.  our relationship is great. she doesn't know that I am crazy like this though. :smirk: we will be fine... it just I don't understand why I feel this way....






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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
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Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2009741 - 10/14/03 11:20 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I reckon if you are scared about the pot affecting your getting to know each other you should trust your feeling and tell her you want to change the pattern maybe just for a bit and why. I used to have the same problem with needing assurance from other people about lots of stuff and the first step for me was trusting my feelings. Other people have feelings about things but you do too and yours are just as important. It really helps your self esteem to do it.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: enotake2]
    #2010267 - 10/15/03 02:03 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

thanks enotake2,

I do need to trust my feelings more... I think I am consinsuss about it now.  I can stop myself before I say I need an opinion now.. I am slip even now and then but today I stopped before I said it and made my decision on my own.  If felt good, I felt in control of my actions.


I think a big part of me was lost and thats why I did that.  Now I can try to fix it and it seems to be helping my life in other problems I have. So I think this was a big breakthrough for me. It was a source of alot of problem in my life. It will take al long time to implentment this but it will work.


anymore opinions. :smile:


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2011586 - 10/15/03 04:41 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

ok,, I talked to her today over the net....

during the conversation some truth came out.. the conversation has been edited in some messages.. but the lines haven't been edited at all. so this is the what happened.

iufrog420: you're too sweet
djfatfinger: am I too sweet though...... u want me to tone down
the sweetness. :-)
iufrog420: maybe a little :-\
djfatfinger: ok. :-\
djfatfinger: I am glad I asked then.... :-)
djfatfinger: the doors of communication are opening. :-)
iufrog420: I don't want you to feel bad
iufrog420: but I'm not used to it
djfatfinger: I don't feel bad... I do it so you like me...
djfatfinger: I am always afraid that you will stop liking me.... it a
personal thing. but I am glad I asked... I was getting sick of me being to cute. ;-)
iufrog420: lol


I passed it off as being a joke.. I am good at cheapening my feelings... it lightens the mood and doesn't make it as serious as it is...

It was nice of her to say that.. I felt like a wave of relieve once it happened.. she said I was "being too sweet". that is true... I am alway like this to her... I have lots of fears over this... I feel like I can be more like myself around her though... not just around to try to impress her... it feels good but it still hurts that I would go to that length to impress someone... I mean she really can't respect me if I always acted like this... it pisses me off that I act this way... it hurts me to know that I over did it...WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL!!!!!!! fuck I am fed up with myself.. I ramble on only to stop thinking for a min... I mean I don't even know if anyone will read this but its for me to help me....I just need to calm down. I am to serious over this...... its to much happiness for a man like me. I can't take it all in and enjoy what I have. instead I have to ruin it. I suck.


bye,

zerohero


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Anonymous #1

Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2012804 - 10/15/03 10:46 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I feel the wave of depression coming back in my life.... I am trying to run but I keep stumbling trying to run away...

I wish it would just go away but I seem to have it for the rest of my life.. there is no escaping it... its apart of me....I refuse to smoke my problems away but I am thinking that what I need to calm down. I am lost again after so many good months of me being happy it comes... and I am lost.


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: problem with one's self [Re: ]
    #2014094 - 10/16/03 11:23 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

zero...I don't see why you'd be depressed if you've got a girlfriend that you like so much! :smile: It seems that she cares about you too, so even though she may not be ready to fall in love with you, you should enjoy your time with her now instead of worrying too much about what will happen in the future.


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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

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Posts: 5,231
Re: problem with one's self *DELETED* [Re: adrug]
    #2014117 - 10/16/03 11:35 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x



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