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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Ex-Girlfriend back in my life...
    #2060803 - 10/31/03 03:56 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

So I went out with this amazing chick last year. We went out for about nine months (best 9 months of my life), but I broke up with her when we started college. We went to the same college and everything, but I just felt like it was getting to serious at the time...I pretty much wanted to see if there was anything "better" for me out there.

We had lots of problems after the break up. We continued to have sex, and during this time she fucked other people (one of which was one of my best friends). She told me she had sex with these people about a month into our continuing of having sex with eachother. This insanity continued for the duration of the school year (on and off..). I then decided to transfer to my original school of choice for the next 3 years - and she also now goes there.

I've been "involved" with a couple chicks since then. I've also had sex with a couple different girls too. None of them felt right. Nothing compared to her.

I had cut off contact with her for about 5 or 6 months until about 2 months ago. She has a boyfriend now (who she doesn't really like and is on a "break" with). I've been hanging out with her more and more recently (no sex or anything). All my friends simply despise her - they don't know I hang out with her, and I don't bring her around them.

She said that she still loves me. She wants to get back together with me. I can't seem to get her out my head or out of my life. I still love her as well.

I'm not sure what to do.......

I'm not looking for "the solid answer" or anything. I just needed to get this off of my chest...any similar experiences or advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read
-Psilozero


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http://myspace.com/thevoid


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InvisibleSuffer
puter dork
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Registered: 03/06/99
Posts: 1,090
Loc: MA
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2060950 - 10/31/03 04:52 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Dude
all i can tell you is to follow your heart.

Im in the process of trying to follow mine at the monent, and its leading me somewhere i didnt think i wanted to go. However, the more i accept what I feel, the more I am willing to take ANY path for the one in my heart, and the more I want it. The only problem is that I cannot know what will happen. I guess thats not really a problem, because things could end up SOO GOOD! But a part of me knows that they could not as well. I guess its all about taking that chance, and making the best of the short time that we do have in this life.

Its good you arnt looking for an easy answer, because there arnt any. The only thing that you can know for sure is what is in your heart, and I STRONGLY recomend you follow it.


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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Suffer]
    #2063355 - 11/01/03 08:04 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Last night she had an argument with her boyfriend about talking to me. He is furious about it and does not want her to talk to me.

I came by her house today with some flowers and a little card....just as a friend. I'm not sure where life will take me or what will happen next.

Following the heart is truly all that matters.


Thanks for the advice Suffer (and Psilopleix), I appreciate it.


--------------------
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InvisibleSuffer
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Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2063756 - 11/01/03 10:51 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Any time, thats what Im here for.

Sounds like she needs to dump that asshole... one thing i cant stand is when a significant other tells you who you can and cant talk to/be friends with.

If bringing her flowers and a card doesnt help her see that you do care for her, then she isnt good enough for you.

Be strong


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2078945 - 11/07/03 12:36 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

To quote "Corrupt" off of Snoop Dogg's first album:

"I have no love for ho's"

And the infamous Snoop Dogg himself:

"Silly of me to fall in love with a bitch.."

Don't ever let your guard down to a girl because they will take
advantage of you. They are fickle and needy. She will fuck you
for a month(all the while probably fucking at least two other guys),
and the better you treat her, the more she will treat you like shit.
I implore you, don't trust the female sex!


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Invisibledjfrog
omgws!!!1!

Registered: 10/23/00
Posts: 3,710
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2079144 - 11/07/03 01:47 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

dude its hard to be smart when you're young so some things should be mistakes without changing what you think of the person. But shields up, and realize as much as she may have changed, she will change again before too long so don't take any shit.


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InvisibleSuffer
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Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: djfrog]
    #2079540 - 11/07/03 03:44 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

good reminder djfrog. we all change... and how! expecialy when your young... and we all are... even you old farts. Change is just another part of who we are and how we evolve our selves

I hope when im as old as djfrog and im HALF as cool as he is  :grin:


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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: djfrog]
    #2088103 - 11/10/03 01:49 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

djfrog said:
dude its hard to be smart when you're young so some things should be mistakes without changing what you think of the person. But shields up, and realize as much as she may have changed, she will change again before too long so don't take any shit.




This is what she is doing to me right now. Her "shields" are up, and she doesn't seem to be letting me in. (I've broken off contact with her before when she was madly in love with me). I can understand why she is doing what she is, but it is very frustrating.

Today she said "You're just gonna find some other girl and stop talking to me again....". I tried to get her to hang out with me today, but she said she was too busy studying. She then called me and asked me what I was doing tomarrow - because she decided she is going to goto a movie with her b/f (who lives in Boulder, and whom she rarely sees).

This is all a very confusing and emotionally frustrating situation for me.

I can't seem to get her out of the back of my eyelids or out of my head.

Only time will tell what happens.


--------------------
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OfflineZahid
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Registered: 01/21/02
Posts: 4,779
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Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Suffer]
    #2088164 - 11/10/03 02:10 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

So very true... sometimes change can be scary, however, it is often for the better.


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
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Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,389
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Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2088635 - 11/10/03 07:18 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

she fucked your best friend, which obviously means she has no respect for you as a person. i would let her slip out of your life. she isnt the one for you. ive dealt with her kind before.


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
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Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #2088651 - 11/10/03 07:36 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I don't reckon it should matter what she did while she wasn't going out with you. It matters where her feelings are, and that she is loyal while you are together. I think she just needs reassurance that she can trust you not to run away.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlinechillywilly
Eat well - Diethome
Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 104
Loc: 49 th State
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: enotake2]
    #2105944 - 11/14/03 01:05 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I was watching this show on one of the music channels called friends and benefits maybe the better name might be friends and f*ck buddys, maybe this is the time of your life to be friends with her and keep you eyes open and your feelers out for meeting some new people.


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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: chillywilly]
    #2106513 - 11/14/03 03:36 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

chillywilly said:
I was  watching this show on one of the music channels  called friends and benefits  maybe the better name might be friends and f*ck buddys, maybe  this is the time of your life to be friends with her  and keep you eyes open and your feelers out for meeting some new people. 




I've done this with her before...that's where everything went to hell.  We were not going out, and just having sex.  This is when she had sex with about 4 total other people - it really destroyed me at the time - and her.

I've basically come to the conclusion that I don't think I'll ever be winning her back to my arms.  I've been in a weird depression randomly and can sometimes feel my brain getting crazier from this void within - anyone know what I'm talking about?  :shake:

Oh well, that's how the shit hits the fan.  I'm talking to some other chicks at my campus.  It's just that every girl I've ever found has never compared to my ex. :heart: :heart:



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Offlinedomite
Puppet
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Registered: 04/12/03
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Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2106597 - 11/14/03 04:02 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

what is that supposed to be a picture of?


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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: domite]
    #2111190 - 11/16/03 12:09 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

that would be me and my ex over a year ago. maybe I shouldn't have posted it.


--------------------
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Offlinejong21
Mycologist/CSMajor

Registered: 05/28/03
Posts: 576
Loc: Berkeley, CA
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2111292 - 11/16/03 01:10 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Dawg! Such similar situations we are in! Well a little different...my x-girlfriend, who I was in love with so fucking much, and who loved me so fuckign much, was the x-girlfriend of a friend of mine.

Thus, "following my heart" had two consequences for me. I lost that friendship, and I had to keep my girlfriend life and friend life completely separate. I am a member of a fraternity, so out of respect for the situation I coudl never mingle my two lives.

Now I know you want to follow your heart but you have to be careful. Regardless of whether or not you guys were together, if she fucked your friend it means one of two things: she didn't care about you (even if just at the time), or it was a deliberate "fuck you" to you. Neither sounds very good.

And beware of having the problem with your friends. You might shrug it off, as I did, saying she is wonderful and worth it and it doesn't matter when you are around her. That lasted me...10 months, before it really started eating away at me. And if she hadn't been gone in europe for 4 months in the middle I'm sure I wouldn't have lasted nearly that long. And it will eat away at you too. Don't underestimate how incredibly important it is to mix your relationship and friendship lives. God, everything is so much better when you can have your private time with her, and also hang out with her and your friends and the same time and have a good time doing so. It adds so much to all your relationships, and most of all, KEEPS YOUR LIFE BALANCED. I ended up going to my girlfriend's every night while I watched my friendships turn to shit...don't let that happen, love is NOT worth losing your friends at this age (and don't worry I thought it was when I was madly in love, hehe)...love will come again. I believe that even though love has not yet come again for me.

You wanted to hear similar experiences, here are mine...I've had a lot of traumatic experiences with this one girl, and I kept going back, time and time again, because we were in love. And we were in love, we still love each other, but enough is enough, I can't take any more pain. I don't blame her for it, she is severely depressed and suicidal (more of a recent development), and I think that had a lot to do with me going back to her time and time again, but I learned there is nothing I can do. After months of taking her to the hospital, keeping her away from razor blades, drugs, large quantities of alcohol, dealing with the last month of our relationship being her constantly depressed, and then to have her break up with me when her ex-bf who is 33 yrs old and her former german TA (she's 22), who I just then found out she had cheated on me with him during the first 2 months of our relationship...and can you believe I was so emotionally attached to her that I still wanted to be with her...and she told me she was sorry and loved me and I was willing to take it up the ass. She would tell me she was confused, and wanted this guy to go away so she could be with me, then time and time again hang out with him, tell me they weren't doing anything he was just making sure she's ok, and then finding emails on her computer saying "i love you" etc and hearing the opposite from her, from someone I was madly in love with. These are my personal experiences dealing with my own personal attachments, the most painful experiences I've ever gone though. Emotional attachments are fucking dangerous. I'm sure that's not how your situation is, but from your description she doesn't exactly sound stable to me, considering what she's done. And I'm worried for you because you are at the point where you are saying you love her and that's all that matters...I was a firm believer that love conquers all, until it was unable to conquer all for me. Don't set yourself up for likely severe emotional trauma. Your friends hate her. If you get involved with her, things may be great for a while but I can almost guarantee you it won't work out. Especially since you are in college, when friends are a super important part of your life. In college you don't have time to lead two lives and this will conquer part of you, whether it is your relationship with her or your friends.

Also, the nature of your sexual relationship after you broke up...for a month after my girlfriend and I broke up it was the same thing. And it was the worst thing I could have done adn it completely changed the nature of our relationship after our breakup, in the most negative way possible. And I don't know you or her but think about how it might have changed your relationship and the future possibilities of it. It may have, it may not have. Remember how you told yourself that it didn't matter, you were just fucking for fun, then when you found out about the other guys? haha once again dude you and I went/are going through the same thing. Once you are in love man, you can't go back to just fucking...

So I just wanted to write this out because I can relate to what you are saying. Be careful with your emotions, and despite what people say about following your heart, don't ignore your head. At this point in our lives man, our heads are far more important.


--------------------
I either talk about my friends in the first or third person, but I never, ever talk about myself on this website. Except that last sentence.


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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: jong21]
    #2112336 - 11/16/03 08:00 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks for the reply...it really helped me out knowing someone is in the same boat as me. Our situations are VERY similar, indeed - and I should really follow my head rather than my heart...but that is almost impossible sometimes.

One of my friends recently told me that he didn't care if I "got back together" with her. The whole friends thing is not a huge deal...I have a lot of new friends that don't even know who she is, and I think I would have no trouble integrating her in my group of friends.

Anyway, just last night she said "I'm sick of relationships. I'm not going to get involved again after this. I'm done with this" (concerning her relationship with her current boyfriend. She also said "this guy deserves a chance though. He's a nice guy, and treats me well. I'm just looking for any excuse to break it off.". This is all very confusing. She also told me that I'll always be "#1" and that she loves me.

She told me that I should not be looking for any romantic relationship with her.

I'm basically stuck in this emotional purgatory. I'm deeply in love with this girl and I can't do ANYTHING about it. It's very frustrating.


Anyway, I guess I'm gonna go smoke a bowl. Thanks for the advice/story,
peace


--------------------
http://myspace.com/thevoid


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Offlinejong21
Mycologist/CSMajor

Registered: 05/28/03
Posts: 576
Loc: Berkeley, CA
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2112584 - 11/16/03 09:12 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Well, the way I see it, according to what you just said, your solution is simple. You are deeply in love with her, yet she said you should not be looking for any romantic relationship.

Your emotional future is up to you. The way I see it, suffer a little now, and that'll be nothing compared to how much you would suffer if you were to get involved with her again. I've become a little cynical about women after my last relationship. They really do lie a lot. A LOT. And the worst part is, when you catch them, they rationalize it like it was your fault, like when I caught my x in a lie about that other guy, she got all upset and said I was putting too much pressure on her and that's why she lied. Funny stuff eh? lol anyway my point is the she might say you are "#1" to her because she likes being in control. Then followed by her comment about how you shouldn't be looking for a romantic relationship with her...well, she's saying that because she knows if she wants a romantic relationship she'll likely get it, so she can just play it safe for now and decide later. I might just be super cynical but think about it. Girls use guys who are emotionally attached to them, I got used, friends of mine have gotten used, all because they are too attached to say "fuck off bitch." I'm not saying you should say that to her, but think about it, after putting myself what I put myself through I hate to see guys making the same mistakes.

And the whole "I'm sick of relationships" is so fucking familiar it is scary. My x has had some fucked up relationships, really fucked up, REALLY fucked up, and I came along, super nice guy, she had been telling me she was through with relationships and she just wanted to be a prostitute (seriously), but then we got together and everything was peachy and nice and she would tell me how wonderful I was and that she'd never had someone like me...but you know what the damage was done, and after a few months of absolute bliss, it seemed like she was craving to be back in a relationship where she was treated like shit, because that's what she thought relationships were all about. It wasn't rational, it had been programmed into her since she was 14, one relationship after another. Now I know this doesn't directly relate to you but my point is girls who are "sick of relationships" are just huge flashing warning signs, stay the fuck away in my opinion.

But man, I know how impossible it is to follow your head over heart...it has taken me 1 year and 3 weeks to really realize that's what I have to do with this girl. Can you believe I let a girl take away a year of my life?

You are in college man, don't let her do to you what my x did to me. There are so many opportunities to have fun and meet new people, and despite what a lot of people do, I don't think it is necessary to have a relationship...at least not constantly. I'm sure within a few months I'll want that back but for now I'm enjoying the utter lack of stress of being single...it doesn't even have to do with dating other girls, I don't give a fuck right now, I'm just enjoying being able to chill and smoke with my frat bros without worrying if I'm missing a phone call.

A few days ago, when I was having an especially hard time with this (all these developments I've told you about are actually very recent, in fact last night she attempted suicide), and I happened to get accosted by some person on the street trying to get votes for the LaRouche presidential campaign, anyway I forget why she said this but she said "The reason we don't have people like leonardo da vinci or whatever today is because our society places so much emphases on emotions and not enough emphasis on the mind." I didn't give a fuck about hte political campaign but that line stuck out...I've given up so much academic potential because of this girl, and my emotions. Stay focused, do well in school, develop your mind, and don't let your emotions hinder your future. Don't see yourself as stuck in emotional purgatory, when you haev so many years ahead of you, and such a specific goal in the immediate future: to do well in school and start the rest of your life. Don't fuck it up because of your emotions.

My other 2 cents....best of luck.


--------------------
I either talk about my friends in the first or third person, but I never, ever talk about myself on this website. Except that last sentence.


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OfflinePsilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: jong21]
    #2112864 - 11/16/03 10:11 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks for the awesome advice once again. The thing about her knowing she can get a romantic relationship with me pretty much anytime is quite insightfull.

I hate how bitches always have to fucking lie though....it makes me really paranoid.

I will hopefully try not to let my emotions get the best of me - but it's kind of a tricky thing to do sometimes when love is the factor.


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Offlineenergy_ball_within
All thatis....Our mind
Registered: 10/27/03
Posts: 74
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
Re: Ex-Girlfriend back in my life... [Re: Psilozero]
    #2139883 - 11/27/03 10:29 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

my best bud is going through this same bs. i have tried to put some sense into his head, but he claims to "love" this girl too. this chick has controlled him and made him into a totally different person over the last year. he is so frail now, cause she has broken him down and made him the mess he is today. he thinks this so called "love" is something that he needs and he tries his hardest to find this "love" that is practically not there from the other side. its sad to see so many people manipulated by thier other halfs. screw that i say and tell her "fuck off bitch!" as stated above. this is exactly what my friend needs to do too.

chicks are crazy and if you let them be crazy and you surround yourself within the craziness you too will become crazy. get out of such a stressful situation and move on to better and bigger things that life brings to you. women arent everything in life. find out who you are first and dont let no woman control your thoughts and actions.

i got no woman in my life right now and sometimes i ponder the thought of a relationship from time to time, but after the crazy chick i was sorta with before i actually think how awesome it is not to be commited to such a psycho nut any longer. have your fun and move on. man i wish my friend would wake up out of his stupid ass "love" nightmare.


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