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OfflinePooGrower
Mr. Hanky

Registered: 11/01/02
Posts: 542
Loc: East Side
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
need help
    #1468358 - 04/17/03 09:05 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Hey, im a 19 year old md living in maryland, my gf is 18. Our relationship started 1 year 6 months ago. I never really got as close to someone as i did with her the first 6 months we were together atleast 5 hours a day. After that i got a new small house built behind my grandfathers got a steady job and im going to college in fall and really starting to have a good outlook on life from my previous struggles. She came in to move with me and slowly but surely over the months it really went down hill. She would get mad for no reason at me yell at me sometimes real loud over dumb stuff and flip out. She never really hung with any friends but stayed with me 24 7 she always thinks i would cheat on her which i wont shes paranoid. She would see a girl down the street and accuse me of cheating with her it was getting really really crazy. She was hitting me one day a week and a half ago and wouldnt let me leave the house to get away from her so shed push me yell etc all because i changed my aol password and wouldnt give it to her so i broke up with her. packed her stuff changed the locks took my cell phone i got her. My license is suspended and she totalled my car and had the car i bought her so i didnt go to work alot and got alittle depressed during the week. I made a schedule so people could take me i would work 2 16 hour shifts in a row and a 8. As the days went by me living alone in this house 7 miles out in the country really starting eating at me. I would think what have i done i have nobody to talk to now i based my whole world around my gf. Not hanging with my friends in a year etc. I had noone to talk to and im not a open person to my family ever.id pace cry, lost interest in everything. I couldnt have fun or keep my minding from thinking what shes doing why did she do this etc. giving me a feeling of depression i never had. she works near me so when i had to work 5 days after the relationship i walked to her work and begged her to come back to me and be my gf etc. She said no im having fun now. She showed me a belly ring i didnt want her to get and said she was drunk every night (she very very rarely drinks) hanging with 2 girls from work at a bar. i had been holding back tears at my work all day and after hearing that it was a big stuggle for me to keep my tears in infront of her. i layed there for 40 minutes till my sister (who works with her) (i got them the jobs there) got off her shift. We then left. I called her in tears for the first time in front of her and could hardly get off my words but i said i need help please come please some. Ifelt that my whole world feels like its coming to a end. I puked from this feeling, I HAVE NEVER PUKED FROM AN EMOTION EVER only sickness. My heart rate went up and i had to take bigger breathes alot. She came and i hugged her we kissed etc but it didnt feel that much the same so i told her why could you do this how etc and i just started crying so hard in front of her and i never cryed that hard infront of everyone. i said why do you do this to me etc how could you and she just says she didnt mean to etc and that she loves me but doesnt wanna be with me. She says being her all winter doing nothing in the house makes her sick of living here with me etc and she said she doesnt want another guy when i asked her but that she just doesnt know if she wants to be in a relationship cause of all the fights we were in leading up to the break up that i didnt start most of the time. She was so firm on what she said and she had always been the one crying for me etc but the tables have turned she out of no where became weird to me. It hurts my heart. The next day after getting so depressed and i think what was panick attacks she said she loves me and she will be with me but i heard her on the phone a hour before she said that talking to her dad outside (she didnt know i was listening) say she doesnt wanna be with me anymore but dont wanna hurt my feelings. She left today back to her house. I realize how much i need her and how i built my whole world around her now and i feel really depressed and i wanna know how do i get out of this? WHY DO YOU THINK SHE DOESNT WANNA BE IN A RElATIONSHIP? AND do YOU THINK SHE REALLY WANTS TO BE WITH ME?



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"I WONT STOP TILL I HAVE A LIFE TIME SUPPLY" "dont be offended by anything i say, its in a joking manner"


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Offlinebaraka
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/16/00
Posts: 10,701
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 1 hour, 26 minutes
Re: need help [Re: PooGrower]
    #1468416 - 04/17/03 09:37 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

As hard as it hurts to hear it, but its probably time to move on. Try and get out in new social situations with other females. Its spring time all the girls wearing less clothes and looking good:).

You'll get thru it its just one girl and there are tons out there. Your too young also to get that serious.


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This is the only time I really feel alive.


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: need help [Re: baraka]
    #1468614 - 04/17/03 10:56 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

In a relationship where one person is really controlling and insecure, the way it sounds like your girlfriend is, it is difficult if not impossible to 'work it out' (ie stop the person being controlling and insecure). It is unlikely to change. I don't know that you can't try to connect with your friends again. I have rang people after not talking to them for a year and it has been all cool. I reckon if you just explain your girlfriend's jealousy they would understand. In my experience, social support has been really important in these sorts of difficult times. The way your girlfriend has been treating you - if its anything like may past relationships, it drives you crazy. It's easy to make excuses for the person like they do it because they love you etc. but it's about power and it's manipulative and your mental health is not worth it. You don't need her to feel happy though it seems like it now. I know you want her back... but in my experience when that sort of relationship has ended I have felt a billion times more confident, free and happy than when I was in the relationship! I'm gonna stick and paste a reply I made in another post re. what I do to help myself get over someone to save retyping it, in case it is over...

".... If someone else breaks up with me I always tell myself that in a way the person is doing me a favour by breaking up with me because I then know they are not the right person for me, because I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want me. if you have made it 'happen' once you can do it again . It only takes time and you feel good again - everyone grieves when they leave a relationship. Also there are hundreds of people out there who are 'right' for any one person. I read once that the person who does the breaking up tends to feel guilty and the one who is left behind idealises the other person. I found that kinda useful because I then deliberately didn't idealise them. Actually I find it good to think of all the things I didn't like so much about the person. Hope this helps."


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


Edited by enotake2 (04/17/03 10:59 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: need help [Re: enotake2]
    #1469682 - 04/18/03 10:10 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: need help [Re: ]
    #1472027 - 04/19/03 01:18 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Ah, thank you!  :smile:


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: need help [Re: enotake2]
    #1472312 - 04/19/03 02:44 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah, your advice is sage.


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