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 Soularize
slanted and enchanted
 
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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 The Worst (but NOT likely the last) Trip Of My Life ; ) *DELETED* 
#4611565 - 09/02/05 03:36 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Post deleted by SoularizeReason for deletion: somewhat embarrassing at this point...
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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
Edited by Soularize (09/05/05 02:46 PM)
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 Organic
Lloyd
Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 5,774
Loc: Overlook
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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 Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4611616 - 09/02/05 05:24 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sounds like you knew your setting wasn't that great to begin with. I ONLY dose these days if I am far away from a phone, nowhere near anyone, or any noises/elements of the city that could sour my trip by knowing my condition. LSD is so powerful, every experience has the potential to be life-changing.
I'll try to write something more meaningful later, I'm pressed for time right now.
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peepeepottypants
Stranger
Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Organic]
#4611686 - 09/02/05 07:18 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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I would suggest waiting to trip again until you can find a place where your trip can fit into your reality. Seems like you need to be ok with what happened, except it as a possibility when taking LSD, and also realize that even the best have their bad trips. If you have learned anything take that away from your trip, and maybe wait until you have found a sense of normalcy until you do it again.
Take a break and go on a hike, it might really clear you up.
My advice is if you decide to trip again maybe only take one hit of good acid, although two may feel standard, if its good its good.
And perhaps have a back up plan for tripping by yourself, like have a nearby sober friend call in and if they need to come over.
I wish you the best of luck in piecing yourself back together, and hope you find home more comforting in the days ahead
Edited by peepeepottypants (09/02/05 07:21 AM)
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redtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery
Registered: 11/24/04
Posts: 559
Loc: The Old Continent
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Organic]
#4611715 - 09/02/05 07:43 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sorry to hear about your experience. Although I must confess your writing style made me laugh all through it. You probably are not laughing, ha? 
Anyway, I don't think you should never touch a psychedelic drug again. You see, the feelings of derealization and anxiety you are experiencing now were not caused by the drug itself but by the incompletely resolved (LSD) session.
"The occurrence of new forms of psychosomatic, ideational and perceptual changes constitute completely new clinical syndromes which the subject has never experienced before. The occurrence of new forms of psychopathology can be understood as a result of activation and exteriorization of the content of previously unconscious matrices. These symptoms usually disappear instantly when the underlying material is fully experienced and integrated." (Grof, LSD Psychotherapy)
You see, your troubles would probably not have happened if you allowed the LSD experience to unfold, as it was suppose to. Unfortunately, this does not help you right now and it's not your fault anyway. What you need to do now is to allow the unconscious material that was activated to complete itself and then integrate that experience. When you do that, your troubles will disappear instantly as noted above.
You can do that in more ways, but two are suggested. One is to trip again  with a lower dose of LSD in a safe environment and with a sitter you trust. The other way is to activate the underlying dynamics using methods of hyperventilation  . This is what LSD psychotherapist Stanislav Grof has to say about this (LSD Psychotherapy, p.148):
"Sometimes the integration of the [LSD] session takes days or weeks. It is important to encourage the client to keep the emotional channels open and continue the uncovering process, rather than try to shut them off prematurely by psychological means or with tranquillizers.
When the spontaneous process does not have enough dynamic strength to complete itself, the sitters should do intense activating work with the client... An interesting alternative to the approach... is use of prolonged hyperventilation? Intense breathing, continued for a period of about thirty to forty-five minutes, tends to collect the tensions in the body into a stereotyped pattern of armoring and eventually release them. This is associated with activation of important material from various levels of the unconsciousness. This is a very effective way of clearing residual problems after a psychedelic experience. The use of this technique requires certain background information and special instructions... [the technique is named Holotropic Breathwork; see www.holotropic.com for details. ]
If neither of the above techniques brings a satisfactory psychological resolution, another psychedelic session should be scheduled as soon as possible. The general principle applied here might seem paradoxical to a conventional psychiatrist. Psychedelic therapy can be discontinued at any tie after a successful session that was well integrated. If it resulted in an intensification of clinical symptoms or a prolonged reaction, continuation of therapy is indicated. The basic idea is that this is not due to some unpredictable effect of LSD, but represents an unfinished unconscious gestalt that should be completed."
Remember. You are safe.  You were safe during the entire trip and you are safe now. The experience, feelings and dynamics are all internal. Feel them. Integrate them. They may feel scary, they may feel unsafe, but they are just feelings. This is the way through.
Good luck!  
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 "Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides
Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 
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 Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4611758 - 09/02/05 08:19 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sounds bad! I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I've had the LSD paranoia too, and it's not fun, to be sure. But then again, I also had friends who were tripping too, and they supported me and calmed me down.
It's up to you as to whether or not you trip again, but if you do decide to do it again, don't go it alone and try to find a more peaceful setting to trip at. Set and setting as the old saying goes.....
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dr_gonz
Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 44,654
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HeavyToilet
The Heaviest OfThem All
Registered: 08/06/03
Posts: 9,458
Loc: British Columbia
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: dr_gonz]
#4612394 - 09/02/05 12:43 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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It's probably very good that his grandparents didn't answer.
They probably would have been freaked out and called 911 anyways. Plus his whole family would probably hear about the incident.
It sounds like nothing that traumatic happened... at least they didn't pump your stomach while you were on acid. You'll get better.
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: HeavyToilet]
#4612721 - 09/02/05 02:09 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Thankyou for the comments and advice guys.
For the record, I dont plan on tripping any time soon. And i really mean that. psychedelics will always be around, there's really no rush or feeling of desperation on my part in regards to when my next trip is.
And by the way, my grandparents WERE home, just turns out their phone wasnt charged up at the moment. My family all knows about this event, and something key that i forgot to mention, is that my grandfather actually accompanied me to the hospital. My grandparents came upstairs once the medics and others had arrived. Everyone in my family has more or less accepted whats happened, and they're very lovingly working with me on this. like i said, im blessed to have such a loving and caring family. They arent the types to scold me and tell me im a horrible person. they know im a peaceful and loving person, and that i just made a poor decision/mistake.
I plan on not tripping for a good while...months, a few years, who knows. At the very least i need to remain sober while living here at my family's house...personally in this regard its become apparent that some respect is due...i feel i owe them that much. and besides, i cant stomach having to lie to any of my family members about my drug use anymore, thats been the most guilt-causing thing in my experience.
like i said, im NOT new to tripping, whatsoever. thats partly why im so disturbed and perplexed as to how i was subject to this madness. i know lsd is an incredibly powerful tool. and i know that even moreso now. Ive tripped by myself before this time, and never caught the "fear" like i did last friday.
After this lysergic quest gone awry...well, if i do trip again you can be SURE that I'll be accompanied by some fellow psychonauts.
Im just wondering if this bad trip is a possible indicator that my mental health in general isnt as healthy or sane as it once was. I hear and read plenty about psychedelics bringing out early signs of schizophrenia in people who were previously unaware of any such genetic condition...  maybe thats whats worrying me the most.
At any rate, thanks for your thoughts and advice. You can trust that I will keep meditating on this whole experience for the next good while.
{Peace}
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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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CptnGarden
fuck this site
Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 11,945
Last seen: 14 years, 11 months
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: HeavyToilet]
#4612739 - 09/02/05 02:16 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Me and some buddies ate a fresh ounce of cyanescens each out in town on a cliff overlooking the ocean. it was the most beautiful trip, but for about 30 minutes of my peak it was the trip from hell and too intense to make sense of anything. i didnt touch mushrooms for a while after that. but i got over it, you just have to accept that it happends now and then. its the same with all psychedelics.
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QuantumMeltdown
Space Monkey
Registered: 10/31/01
Posts: 4,962
Loc: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Last seen: 7 months, 26 days
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: HeavyToilet]
#4613902 - 09/02/05 08:11 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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well if he didn't have insurance he probably owes them about 10K. I once had a hospital visit while high on lsd. It cost my insurance 10K I probably had to pay a 500 deductible. I didn't call 911 on myself but I had a ten strip of gels and was wandering around the street on my bike in boxer shorts at 3:00 AM. When the paramedics came I thought I was being abducted by aliens. They did all kinds of wierd shit. MRI's Cat Scans. All kinds of wierd shit. I think they thought I had a head injury.
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-QuantumMeltdown
Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
-Mark Twain
"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett
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HeavyToilet
The Heaviest OfThem All
Registered: 08/06/03
Posts: 9,458
Loc: British Columbia
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
#4614540 - 09/02/05 10:36 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Maybe he doesn't live in the USA.
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
#4614863 - 09/02/05 11:31 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah, they did run a few scans and tests on me once we reached the hospital. my heart really was beating unusually fast...but shit, i guess thats just what youd expect from someone who is CONVINCED his house is surrounded by malicious dea agents in helicopter and on foot i remember during the minutes before calling 911, i could hear my heart beating as if it were outside of my body and amplified...it was LOUD.
to the person who asked about legal issues...there have been no repercussions. just like i kept telling the medics and fire dept. officials...Im not a drug dealer (its true im not). although i realize that me repeatedly telling them that probably seemed a bit suspicious at the time LOL. sheeesh...if at all possible, my advice to anybody who ever has a confrontation with the authorites whilst tripping...KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Hardly anything wise came out of my mouth when they were questioning me. Im generally a very honest person, especially when on a psychedelic drug! i remember the medic asking me if this was my first time on lsd, and if not how many times had i taken it. Well if Id had any sense or logic at the moment i wouldve said it was my first time...but i said something like, "uhhh, 30, 40, 50 times, i think?"... 
There was a man with the fire dept. who was writing all of this nonsense down. ughh. once again this is ANOTHER source of fear for me...that this visit to my house and those comments i made to them are actually on record. im not exactly too keen on the thought of being on any type of watch list.
OK. I will stop ranting now. I think Ive mentioned everything i wanted to get off my chest...and youre all probably either laughing or rolling your eyes at the real level of "trauma" which i experienced. This all makes for an amusing story to those who hear it, but i promise you, it really WAS A TRAUMATIC SEVERAL HOURS FOR ME. if not physically then most certainly it was traumatic mentally.
Anyways, yeah, stick a fork in me...im done with this recollective rant.
{Peace}
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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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VirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 1,131
Loc: lowdown
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4615390 - 09/03/05 03:22 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Doesn't sound funny to me.
As soon as I read that you called your GP's, I said "uhg". When I read that you called 911 I said "Ooh God"...sorry you had to go through that. I can't even imagine what it felt like for you waking up the next day.
And I understand the lingering worry.
Only time, only time...
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Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...
"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
Carl G. Jung
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna
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QuantumMeltdown
Space Monkey
Registered: 10/31/01
Posts: 4,962
Loc: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Last seen: 7 months, 26 days
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: VirgilKane]
#4615818 - 09/03/05 09:21 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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I have a good friend who went crazy at bonaroo after taking 5 white unperfs. He thought that he was stuck in some cult or something. He got naked and tried climbing some fence that seperated and employee only section from the public. The police subdued him after a struggle and he came to in the county lock up. These storys show how much lsd should be respected. It really has the power to do some crazy shit. As I have gotten a little bit older I find that I don't feel like doing it nearly as ofter as I used too. Doesn't mean I love the hell out of it though.
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-QuantumMeltdown
Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
-Mark Twain
"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett
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Adden
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4616223 - 09/03/05 12:06 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Time heals all wounds.
Collect yourself and don't worry about using psychedelics. One day you'll want to venture deep within your mind and soul, and maybe not.
Shit happens, man. You were on a good streak. Five years is a long time to NOT have a bad trip so obviously you have inner strength and mental stability.
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Adden]
#4616698 - 09/03/05 02:44 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shit happens, man. You were on a good streak. Five years is a long time to NOT have a bad trip so obviously you have inner strength and mental stability.
Thankyou...I really hadnt looked at it from that perspective before. But i think youre right...
as The Dude would say, "Up's and Down's, Strikes and Gutters"...such is life eh? I'll chalk this one up as a loss...not a total loss, as like all of my trips this one too will be extremely beneficial, in its own unique way...but a loss as in a failed attempt to reach that sublime state of inner peace and serenity which i was aiming for.
I'll plan to take a hefty break from all substances for awhile.
Heh, with the upcoming Cyan season just weeks away...well, some self-restraint is really going to be required! I love that particular psilocybe mushroom so much, it'll be tough to not even so much as take a peep on how a few of my patches are doing
Aye Carumba!
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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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Wysefool
I AM SKELETON JELLY
Registered: 12/26/02
Posts: 6,643
Last seen: 25 days, 23 hours
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4617758 - 09/03/05 09:45 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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You could always just start low and work back up again, test the waters before you dive back in....
I know I sure wouldn't want to miss Cyan season 
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker
Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4617844 - 09/03/05 10:04 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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That must've been a traumatic experience. I wonder how many Shroomery members have actually gone to the hospital because of drugs? I know quite a few of us have.
Not a good impression on society and others at all. 
It's extremely helpful that you're family's supportive though; it could be a lot worse. Next time you trip, perhaps you should unplug the phone or go out into nature, far away from everyone.
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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Ravus]
#4617876 - 09/03/05 10:13 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Not a good impression on society?...well i cant be worried about that in regards to what happened. i dont need anymore guilt on my already guilt laden mind. but youre right, trips like that give lsd a bad name, i suppose. if i could relive that moment I certainly wouldnt have dosed when and where i did...let alone call 911! but whats done is done. i learned a few lessons here that i wont be forgetting about anytime soon.
And yeah, as of now i dont feel like EVER tripping in the city again. it just promotes wayyyy too much anxiety, nervousness, and paranoia. at least for me it does.
{Peace}
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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker
Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: The Worst (and possibly last?) Trip Of My Life [Re: Soularize]
#4617941 - 09/03/05 10:31 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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I wasn't really talking about you specifically; I've fucked up before too, years ago. But sadly, all people hear about LSD is the hospitalizations and the mental problems, never the insights and the beauty.
You can have hundreds of good trips, but it's almost always the lone bad trip people will judge the drug and you on.
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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
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