But faith (so as I have found out to be,) is so much more than that.... Now, I am not even gonna~ pretent to think that I am some expert on all of this, as I am not.... I just know how it was before.... I LIVED by the "philosophy" of:
"Hope for the best, and expect the worse, that way you can never be disappointed..."
Nothing was ever really *wrong* before, as I 100% and COMPLETELY surrendered to my surroundings -just like you had said.... LOGICALLY, I had no other choice anyways.... .... I am in my mid 30s, and I have lived with this "theory" that there could not be anything more than what I saw and what I knew about for at least 5-6 years now as it pondered thru my mind every once in a while.... (I ain't just saying that beause of my experience the other night either.... ) I submitted to life's ways a long long time ago.... I was happy before.... I was ME, and I was one of many of the BILLIONS of people that are "happy" to be them.... I am not just making it up either, you can read ANY of the post I have ever made, and you can see my tone and "character of mood" from my words.... As I would expect that not a whole lot of people read my posts, I wouldn't expect that anybody would go back and look.... SSssoooooooo, you will have to have faith that I am telling you the truth.... Or not, your not really reading this.... 
Being happy before, it has changed so much now.... I can say that I feel so alive right now that I am/feel 100% better now in "spirit".... And logically, that makes no sense at all.... I usually (unless I am fucked up -every once in a great while), am pretty good at math, I am observant, and think in *creative* ways.... Just simply put, "the way I do things".... ( the RIGHT way...!!! ) J/K.... It is not at all my intentions at pointing at myself in front of you to lift myself up above anyone, - not at all.... There are MANY people here that are so friggin clever, or know their shit about a handfull of different things -- MANY people I admire here for many different reasons, many different shades of the rainbow.... I really do love that about this place.... I always "saw myself" as a Joe Shlub with a pocketful of knowledge, shining a certain color out according to my "mood -o- the day", with life working out to about 90% of it to being pretty damn good.... I have had a few rough spots, but it has been pretty good for a few years now.... No complaints at all.... I had accepted and surrendered to life, thinking I had "figured "IT" ALLLLLLL out"....
I ain't trying to convert no one, not my intents at all, I am just speaking my words for if anyone wishes to listen.... I would need to understand all of this first before I could pretend to give advise on it, plus, I am not a pushy person in any way.... I am perfectly fine with anybody believing in whatever they choose.... As *most* people that I hang out with NEVER once pushed their beliefs at me unless I asked.... There was one person that I asked not to be so pushy when in confidence so as to not cause a ruckus.... I wanted to get to know the PERSON behind the belief that was being forced at me.... That is MUCH more interesting sometimes, plus you get to observe their charactor for a little while as you get to know them, so as you know weather or not you want to understand about their beliefs.... This particular person turned out to be no exception to that idea.... I am glad I "took the time"....
kaiowas, When I drive to work now, and when I hit a redlight, not only do I accept the fact that I have to stop and sit -as I always did, but NOW I am actually HAPPY to get the chance to sit there for a moment and look around and observe "what is happening".... Looking at the colors of the sky in the morning, the shape of the clouds, the people around me.... 100% AWARENESS to everything I can see and understand -and I do it with a freakin smile on my face, out of some sort of strong feeling of content -in every breath.... I used to HATE mornings.... I had not been to work ON TME for at least 3-4 years now, no kidding.... My boss accepted it, as did I that I was allowed to be 1/2 hour'ish late without a phone call, after that I just had to call and listen to a little grumbling.... No problemo~, they can't fire me, what they gonna~ do....? How fuggin inconsiderate of me to not even conSIDER that they DEPEND on me to do my job, and be there on time.... I was letting the "friends" I work with down, as they "lead" by example of doing the "right thing", and put up with my shit because they "had" to.... 
I was there on time last Monday for the first time.... Unfortunately, I was late yesterday because of all the snow I didn't know we were getting.... BUT, I was only 10-15mins late snow, ice and all, and that beat any of the last years start times for sure....! The crazy thing of all is that I WANT TO BE THERE ON TIME....!!??? ??? The other crazy/funny/unexpected thing is that it has not changed in intensity sinse the moment it I Experienced "FAITH".... I didn't just surrender to life, I surrendered to Faith.... Why that would make SO MUCH difference, I have no CLUE in the world.... There are no "logical" ways for me to be able to explain it....
Holy bat crap, that got long...!!!! I dunno~, I guess that I am rambling, A MUCHO~ LOTTA~....! 
I dunno~, I have always heard the phraze "Stop and smell the roses".... The thing is, you don't have to stop, ya~ just have to smell the roses.... You can do it every second of the day if you want.... in every breath you take.... I know, I know, whenever I say some happy shit like that, someone calls me a hippy....! 
ME....
-------------------- I'll be your midnight French Fry....
"The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...."
>^;;^<
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