This is a horrible oversimplification, but you asked for it, so here it goes: 
First, there were Christ and the Twelve Apostles. Each of them started churches in different areas of the Knowne Worlde, and all of these churches were basically founded on Yeshua and his teachings. Of course, there were some variations based on the differences between the Apostles' teachings (no one tells the same story in exactly the same way, but generally the message was always the same), and of course differences arose based on the varying cultures of the members themselves. This wasn't considered to be a big deal at first. Some of the churches got into arguments with each other, and occasionally there were church councils to resolve these disputes, but for the most part they could live and let live. This is how you have gnostic Christian sects such as we find in the Nag Hammadi texts existing contemporary to the early Roman Christians, etc.
Then, in about 325 A.D., a horrible thing happened. Emperor Constantine declared Christianity the national religion of the Roman Empire. Although this gave the Christians legal protection (which in those days meant you wouldn't be eaten alive by lions or burned to death at the stake for entertainment in the Colliseum), it also meant that Christianity had to be standardized and given a priesthood hierarchy that could be controlled by the Emperor. Constantine called the Council of Nicea together to formulate the new statement of faith. Most of the leaders from all the various flavors of Christianity came; some didn't come in protest. The story of the Council of Nicea is actually a pretty interesting one, full of bargaining, dissent, corruption, and intrigue, but I'm trying to keep this short. The point is, Constantine decided that Yeshua's statement to Peter that "upon this rock I will build my Church" meant that Yeshua had transferred his authority to Peter, and since Peter had spent some time in Rome, and Constantine could easily claim the place near the present-day Vatican as his tomb, the Bishop of Rome would conveniently be the head of the new religion of the Roman Empire. Thus, Roman Catholicism is born. To this day, Catholicism insists that true priesthood authority descends in an unbroken chain from the first Bishop of Rome, Peter, to the modern Pope, and that the validity of all priesthood power rests on this connection. The Nicean Creed is their statement of faith. By their definition, deviating from its tenets makes your faith non-Christian. There are still some pre-Nicean forms of Christianity in existence, but they're sort of the black sheep of the family no one likes to talk about.
Then, near the end of the Middle Ages, Martin Luther and a few other revolutionaries decided the RCC was corrupt. In Luther's case, he declared the Catholic interpretation of priesthood authority was all wrong, and decided that Christian authority was actually derived from the "priesthood of all believers." In other words, there isn't a line of ordination, per se, but priesthood is based on a person's faith in God. Ministers were called and set apart by the Divine, not a line of priesthood extending back to Peter. The Church of England, or Anglican Church (called Episcopalian in the United States, because after the Revolutionary War we decided we better change the name) was started by King Henry the VIII because the Pope would not approve one of his divorces, but it was really legitimatized as its own religion under the guidance of his daughter Queen Elizabeth. The Anglican Church doesn't necessarily believe in the priesthood of all believers, instead claiming that their priesthood extends from Peter, as well, only they've got it while the current Pope does not, because of that dratted corruption. It's all very mysterious, really. The point is, thus came Protestantism. The Protestant churches are Protestant because they protest the authority of the Pope in some way. The schisms have been never-ending ever since; it seems every time a member has a quarrel with their minister or priest, they declare that person's authority null and void and proceed to start another church on their own. Generally speaking, however, all these churches do still agree with the basic tenets of the Nicean Creed, thus still qualifying them as "Christian," even though the RCC might declare them to be apostasized heretics in violation of the True Faith (which most Protestants nowadays are more than happy to shout right back at them).
This brings us to some of the more marginalized members of the Christian community. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly known as the Mormon Church, headquarted in Salt Lake City, UT), for instance, claims to be Christian, but in a very different way. They believe, like the Protestants, that the priesthood authority of the RCC was done away with due to their wickedness, but unlike many Protestant churches they also believe in a priesthood line of succession. The difference is, they believe that after the Catholics lost this power, it was "restored" to the earth by a resurrected Yeshua and his Apostles visiting and ordaining the young Joseph Smith, who then ordained others, who have continued the line of succession all the way up to the present-day Prophet and President of the Church, similar to what the Catholics claim about the Pope. However, the Latter-day Saints also have some rather heretical beliefs that are in opposition to the Nicean Creed. They claim these beliefs to be the original teachings of Christ as restored through Joseph Smith, that the original Christians believed before Constantine messed things up with his state religion, but this doesn't stop the Catholics and Protestants from claiming their beliefs aren't Christian and disowning them from the fold. Of course, there are also break-off churches from the LDS Church, which believe and practice different things (some of these are the infamous modern polygamists), which I won't go into here for brevity's sake (I know, too late ). Due to their collective beliefs about Joseph Smith, however, you could probably term these churches as Restorationist instead of Protestant or Catholic.
The Jehovah's Witnesses might exist in yet another fourth category, but quite honestly, I don't know that much about them to comment. I know that, like the Mormons, they are not considered Christians by most Catholics and Protestants, but they insist that they are, and I'm willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt on something as insanely confusing as religious affiliation. I know their beliefs are quite different from the Mormons, though, and that there is quite a bit of enimity between even those two groups.
Obviously, all these different beliefs about the nature of the priesthood and what the true teachings of Christ might be, lead to some very different perspectives regarding the question of gays in the priesthood. Personally, I think it's a bunch of silliness and hair-splitting, but then, I'm not exactly a Christian.
Amber
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