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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > Mushroom Cultivation
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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: alexdahbomb]
    #28730940 -

theres no wrong kind of confession brother.

were in the same boat im afraid and i dont think i have any answers.  only anecdotal experiences.  i feel like heroin left my nervous system kindof stretched out or something.  like socks that are too big.  other drugs just dont really get me where i want to be.  a two year stint with ketamine was somwhow the only way ive found any peace but it nearly cost me my life and sanity. not to mention my girlfriend and friends. 

i also keep a certain level of kratom in my system.  tripping seems like a chore.  its true i usually feel better like the next day but the anxiety of it has me thinking about ketamine.


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Need a lift?

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: BeefExtreme] * 1
    #28731145 -

Sounds like you’re on the right path. Just don’t give in to temptations. Try and just slowly taper yourself down off the kratom.

Once you do get to take a big trip. Just focus on what you want. You could probably start doing some of the work for yourself.


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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: alexdahbomb]
    #28731148 -

alexdahbomb said:
Might not be the right type of confessional but I never come down from a trip without other substances. I hate the way I feel when it's over and I can't sleep. Alcohol, kratom, or recently poddy seed tea(fuck new vendors that's why I got some plants growing now). I was an IV heroin addict for 8 years and have a healthy kratom dependency at the moment. I guess I'm searching for that feeling without turning into a junkie again. Trips have been hectic lately because my mind isn't right. I go into trips asking for answers to why I can't feel content and all I get is a anxiety ridden trip. Unless I'm with other people.


Okay, I'm done lmao.

I also harvested half of a immature tub because I wanted to trip.


Thanks for sharing this here brother and you are always welcome. I used to use kratom and suboxone to stay away from the dog food and told myself it was harm reduction to justify taking like 90g a day. I understand where you´re coming from. I went to rehab with a guy who was in there for poppy seed tea; the withdrawals were pretty intense for him. I never got kratom withdrawals, but coming off the heroin and the subs was hard.


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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: fiddle_head]
    #28731387 -

Hugs 🫂 to yall and just a little 2cents from me if your trying tryptamines to break other habits I'd recommend DMT freebase smoked preferably pure not 5meoDmt. I've got some of the best 👌 resets with it and think you could also get benefits with the pure freebase DMT blast off


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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: BeefExtreme]
    #28731390 -

BeefSupremeJr said:
tripping seems like a chore.  its true i usually feel better like the next day but the anxiety of it has me thinking about ketamine.


I'm here too.  It's weed and cigarettes though.

I have a DMT vape pen but it's one of those little disposable ones. And I swear it burns the DMT and changes the trip.


--------------------
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: tree frog]
    #28731393 -

So with 5meo I've had best resets with 2foot water bong and dab rig. Huge choke cough pull and u must let bowl cool not cherry red. There's no way to miss leaving your body.
Old Vegas crew showed me the bong trick
Damnnnn it's memorable beyond intense


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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: rhizoRider] * 1
    #28731401 -

Well I just had a sub breakthrough to toke off that pen. I really don't like the way it hits.

Anyway I was able to find a little compassion for myself which was nice. And I realized I just need to start sitting down and meditating again, it's probably the best thing I can do for my mental health right now which is the best thing I can do for my physical health too.


--------------------
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: rhizoRider]
    #28731408 -

i'm really not into DMT.  There's too much pain association.  literally made all my scars turn bright red and angry. 
I think generally speaking I'm doing pretty well.  I think the pain management will always be an issue.  I get regular blood test to make sure I'm not bonking my liver.  i smoked weed for many years.  i started running long distance  20 years ago and just stopped.  cigarettes were an easy one too.  i just had a cold one time and never did it again.  heroin and ketamine were scary to quit.


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Need a lift?

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: tree frog]
    #28731412 -

Eat well rounded meals more fruits veggies is what spirits tell me often. Meditation is great also 🙏 and it sounds like you heard what you needed which is super 👌
Everyone makes mistakes and life is a Rollercoaster 🎢 we need to learn to ride it out no matter what. It's also nice on these forums to vent and get different perspectives


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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: rhizoRider] * 2
    #28731431 -

Yeah we all just got to ride the waves of birth and death eh.

I think stuff with my kid over COVID, as in not being able to see him after I got out of prison the way I wanted to, well I think I've been really angry about it. And now a lot of the angers wore itself off, so there's a lot of depression behind it.

Giving myself permission to feel this way and move through it has been very difficult. So I appreciate having the space to vent.


--------------------
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: tree frog]
    #28731448 -

I can say from similar circumstances in my past that time heals and it's best to vent it and find ur not alone and hobbies and things u did as youth can help keep mind busy. One day things will not feel so heavy and circles can again cross. Hugs to you and all who lost contact with children here.

My hobbies are part of my own drama but are one major reason I keep going. At least I'm not yet bored and too old to enjoy hobbies of my youth. I'm now doing bucket list things for myself. It was long before I treated myself to much good. It feels nice for a change.


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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: rhizoRider]
    #28731454 -

I did some writing last night and that was helpful. Or maybe it was the night before last.

Anyway I do get to see my kid but it's like 2 hours a week, I'll see him tonight. And yeah it was the mushroom growing hobby I went to prison for, so I have some mixed feelings about growing again in a prohibition state. It's hard though cuz I see how much they help my friends, and how much they help me when my head is in the right space for them.

He'll be an adult soon enough.  So, I hope at that point him and I will be in each other's lives more.


--------------------
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Edited by tree frog (04/09/24 07:26 AM)

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: tree frog] * 3
    #28731455 -

That's why I don't grow at his stage, too many risks with my young son and his insane mother.

One day soon I hope to be divorced finally and possibly dealing with less insanity.

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: DERRAYLD] * 4
    #28731458 -

Been there, it will pass. Then fast-forward 10 years and now I get to spend the weekend with her setting up for my daughter's wedding this weekend. But this too will pass.

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: DERRAYLD] * 1
    #28731464 -

DERRAYLD said:
That's why I don't grow at his stage, too many risks with my young son and his insane mother.

One day soon I hope to be divorced finally and possibly dealing with less insanity.


It was the breakdown following the divorce that got me busted.  Thankfully my ex is fine with the mushrooms.  But I have childhood trauma that led to a lot of borderline type symptoms on my end.

Basically she doesn't trust me not to kill myself and hurt our kid in the process. Which is understandable that she feels that way but she doesn't see that I'm still here :lol:

If I was going to off myself it would have been during the 3 years I was in the joint.


--------------------
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: BeefExtreme] * 1
    #28731485 -

BeefSupremeJr said:
There's too much pain association.  literally made all my scars turn bright red and angry.


I also get quite a lot of unpleasant emotions in my trips, especially the come-up. Doesn't stop me, but it makes me wonder whether it would be different without so much trauma.


--------------------
Shrooms are always bluer on the other side...

Work hard, play harder, trip the hardest.

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: Adas] * 1
    #28731488 -

I uprooted a pretty big piece of trauma a few months ago, and yeah tripping is a lot different.

Like before it was like there was a part of myself that was missing, and when I would trip that part would come to the surface.

Now tripping has been a lot of bodyload and reminders that I need to let some substances go that are hurting me.  Which isn't something the part of me that wants to keep doing those substances wants to hear.  Leftover habit energy from living with trauma for 40 years.  It's been difficult not to be hard on myself for it.

And of course the depression just wants to stagnate.


--------------------
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
I'd be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Edited by tree frog (04/09/24 08:17 AM)

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: BeefExtreme] * 2
    #28731505 -

BeefSupremeJr said:
theres no wrong kind of confession brother.

were in the same boat im afraid and i dont think i have any answers.  only anecdotal experiences.  i feel like heroin left my nervous system kindof stretched out or something.  like socks that are too big.  other drugs just dont really get me where i want to be.  a two year stint with ketamine was somwhow the only way ive found any peace but it nearly cost me my life and sanity. not to mention my girlfriend and friends. 

i also keep a certain level of kratom in my system.  tripping seems like a chore.  its true i usually feel better like the next day but the anxiety of it has me thinking about ketamine.



Yea, it definitely feels like long the long heroin stint has restructured my brain chemistry to the point where it will be impossible for me to be content with life. I know that isn't particularly true, but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I got clean from heroin 3 years ago(and started using kratom a year later) and quit my job and went fulltime in the business last spring. Life is great compared to where I was for 10 years. Yet I'm still discontent.

It'll all workout but I want to be better for my son. He's about to turn 2.

Thanks broseph

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: fiddle_head] * 2
    #28731511 -

fiddle_head said:
alexdahbomb said:
Might not be the right type of confessional but I never come down from a trip without other substances. I hate the way I feel when it's over and I can't sleep. Alcohol, kratom, or recently poddy seed tea(fuck new vendors that's why I got some plants growing now). I was an IV heroin addict for 8 years and have a healthy kratom dependency at the moment. I guess I'm searching for that feeling without turning into a junkie again. Trips have been hectic lately because my mind isn't right. I go into trips asking for answers to why I can't feel content and all I get is a anxiety ridden trip. Unless I'm with other people.


Okay, I'm done lmao.

I also harvested half of a immature tub because I wanted to trip.


Thanks for sharing this here brother and you are always welcome. I used to use kratom and suboxone to stay away from the dog food and told myself it was harm reduction to justify taking like 90g a day. I understand where you´re coming from. I went to rehab with a guy who was in there for poppy seed tea; the withdrawals were pretty intense for him. I never got kratom withdrawals, but coming off the heroin and the subs was hard.



Yea, sub withdrawal.was the longest and drawn out shitty withdraws I have had. heroin was like lemon tek. Stronger but don't last as long lol.

I was clean from all substances and working a program for about 3 years. Then instead of full blown relapsing on the food, I did kratom. the kratom itself isn't an issue. It's legal here, and it isn't terribly expensive even with a huge extract tolerance (about the same as your 90g a day, but I can't stomach all the powder lol). I've maintained with kratom the past 2 years and have done great things in life since then, But lately the feeling of wanting to escape has come back. Strong. So I think in my mind I'm justifying getting high by using "natural" things. Like poppy seed tea. In reality it's morphine.

I'll figure it out, I just don't want to burn everything down again.

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Re: Cultivation confessional [Re: alexdahbomb] * 5
    #28731596 -

I confess that I got a wee bit paranoid and tossed all my shrooms a while ago. Now planning to start again as I feel that they help me with my depression. I would also like to grow cannabis but the risks are too large for me :undecided:

ps. It's heartwarming to see the support available here. All the best to you guys on your journey :heart:

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > Mushroom Cultivation
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