First off, thank you all very much for your responses & thoughts.


Markos, I hear what you're saying brother, and I thank you for your advice.....which I'm going to take next time, though next time won't be for a while. Moderation is key.....I've spent more than enough time being a straight druggie (and I'm not talking psychedelics alone here, as I generally use them responsibly and with the best intentions, as was the case here....but basically I've spent more than enough time in altered states of mind, mood & consiousness; more than is healthy)

These days I'm trying to focus on living a much more healthy and balanced life. One in which I avoid all hard drugs, get really spun every now and then to cleanse myself & have an epic experience such as this, and take lower doses in between to help keep my head right & keep a postive outlook on everything.  Clear the mind so to speak. As to other substances I just smoke every now and then, drink in moderation....and I plan to use MDMA at least one more time.....when the time is right. Which won't be for a while, I know what I'm looking for there...but I won't get into that. 

I didn't mean to go this indepth, but I'd like to clarify what I was thinking and what I was looking for here. I don't want to come off as a newb that ate too much with conception of what was to occur. I've been there many times and always get something out of it, hence the reason I took that much. I was actually looking for such an experience, and hold it as a benchmark. This was, in my mind, a very positive experience overall.  One of beauty that I can never express.....I don't want it to seem like this was a bad trip, merely an incredibly powerful one......an overload as you said.

It's not something I do often, however, I do feel the pull to take the plunge from time to time.  Lower doses can be very beneficial, as I've discovered lately....and for the most part that's what I stick with these days.  However, from time to time I like to experience this full-on, and while I felt the need for such an experience, and I do believe I needed it, the setting wasn't quite right.  In the future I need to plan it out a little bit better.

As far as the music dancing goes....sitar music is amazing. I have to get some Ravi Shanker...  My music chpice for this experience was simple though; JGB & the Grateful Dead touch my soul like nothing else does, and as always, Jerry got me by. Devoting myself to this music and really listening to/feeling it is really keeping my head right. Keeping me on the right path; when I get the urge to do some heroin I put on Jerry & it washes that out right quick, reminds me to keep my head clear. Not that the desire totally vanishes of course, but it keeps me strong. Fuck dope! The journey the music took me on was beautiful, and that dancing was amazing. IME dancing in this state is utterly liberating and fantastic. The trance it induced was incredible....some truly high states of existence; high points in my life.  Though, once again, I agree with you; wrong set, and I should have experienced company with me when I do this.

You mentiond psychic energy, and that hit's the nail on the head. I need to really get into meditation, and learn how to control these energies; I've meant to for years, but the motivation never lasts. That another bad habit that I need to really work on....and not half ass either. "All the things I planned to do, I only did halfway" - I really feel that, and it's time to turn over a new leaf; goes balls to the walls with life, take some chances. Taking high doses of various drugs has always been a lot easier for me than taking chances with other things, such as women & really devoting myself to one thing or another rather than fucking around with a whole bunch of shit. Screwing around with many things is good....it keeps you well rounded; however, JUST doing that, and not finding anything to really put your all into is not good at all. I don't want to die realizing that there were too many things left undone & with regrets about not taking more chances, trying to really do something. 

Which is why my drug use, which was my focus for the past 4 years is now moderate, and a continuation of my journey, NOT my focus.  Iwant to well rounded, and feel that now is the time to focus on other things.

Be Here Now; Brother, I've wanted this book for years now and never got it. Thank you for reminding me, I know I'll benefit so much from reading it, and putting it into practice.

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You asked, here are some thoughts gleaned from 35 years of tripping.

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Exactly, I sincerely hope that what I just said doesn't come off as disrespect and disregard; I respect your experience and wisdom greatly, and was very happy to see that you responded. In fact, when I posted it, you were one of the folks I was hoping would read it & add their thoughts.  I just wanted to clarify a few things, give you a better look at my mind-state. As I already said, I intend to take you advice.....and thank you for it.

daytripper05, got the PM, thank you very much....that was quite a story; we have to talk more about this.

leery11, your thoughts are also very insightful. I'd like to give you an as in-depth response as I gave Markos, but I'm losing steam here.

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Now, aren't these ideas more comforting than ideas of demons, devils, damnations, and judgements? It is easy to see how if someone didn't make it all the way to the light, and they wrote a religion about the hallucinatory parts of the bardo (and they are "real" but only if you are born into them, otherwise they are dreams, just like this reality we are in right now is a dream [that we are bound to out of ignorance]) then all sorts of fanciful deities and demons and whatnot would be part of that religion. But if they went all the way to the light and had non-dual oneness, and wrote a religion about that, then we would have more sensible teachings to follow, right?

I do not know about Jesus Christ, about damnation, about salvation, about God. I would assume God is ultimate benevolence, far more than Christians make you think, and that if one sincerely repented, even if dying, dead, or at the brink of "judgement", one would be forgiven by God should they confront him rather than shirk into the remnants of their own karmic corpse.... I would assume this God is light.

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Word brother, it's really sad; a lot of folks (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc, etc....it makes no difference) are really misguided...some have bad intentions, but others have good ones and are just lost....though they do not think so.  We're all brothers and sisters, and the way to make the best of this life is to love on another and work together. Take care of each other.  Be Good Family

Hopefully some day everyone will get it.  As to the judgements and whatnot, I too believe that God will forgive all who truly repent....I beleive all will pass on to the Light someday, no matter how many trys/lives it takes.  Note, I'm not a Christian, though I do believe in Jesus.....I also believe in Buddha, Mohamaad, etc.......  They;re all folks who had religious experiences and tried to express it and help people.......all were on to the same thing; just with slightly different perspectives, which is good.

Diversity is the spice of life, part of the whole point IMHO.  I just chose not to choose a  religious tradition to follow; but, rather, walk my own path; follow my heart. Do what I feel is right. Bring as much Love & Light into this world as I possibly can. I believe all of those Prophets had something postive to say. We're all brothers and sisters.

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oh and salvia made me feel like a large number of "me's" were falling out of me. I am not sure what to think about it but I concluded it was all complete delusion and that I needed to open my third eye, though I didn't do it.

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Salvia is weird indeed...and not something I plan to do again, though I'm glad I did do it. I find it interesting that the salvia headspace as well as the DMT headspace both leaked into the LSD headspace.  Like those doors can be opened now, to a degree, now that they've been opened before.  Salvia has that really freaky feel to it...but DMT is beautiful (all of this IME).

As disconcerting as the salvia-ish mix was (and I've experienced worse....this was NOT a bad trip, not by a long shot....rather, it was a successful one. One in which I was reminded of how much I have to learn, and where I need to put some more effort. Especially where psychic energy is concerned, as Markos said.) I've been thinking of my DMT trip a lot lately, and I feel blessed that I was able to access that space (to a degree....it was NOT exactly the same) again, esp. considering that I did not smoke any. Same with the classic LSD - all time part.

This experience was easily one of the most incredible/beautiful experiences of my life......

That's all for now, once again thank you for reading this, and for your responses. 

Much Love,

DS

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Straight up beams of light. The celestial radiance of the most High.

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That means you don't really have to worry too much about this.

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It's like something satanic is griping me.....hellish for sure.

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What it is exactly, I don't know....and I tried to think about it, after I chilled and it subsided. It's obviously a recurring theme, so there's gotta be a reason. I mean, I try to be the best I can, to love as much as possible. I make mistakes, but no ones perfect, and I want to be the best I can deeply....always have. So why this would keep popping up I don't know.....especially right after I offered up love & positive vibes/prayers into the Holy Spirit.

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I like to believe that, since the connotation is that this will not last for an eternity, but will be replaced in the end with Eternal Bliss. As I said though, it's too far beyond me, I just don't know.

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I mean, I try to be the best I can, to love as much as possible. I make mistakes, but no ones perfect, and I want to be the best I can deeply....always have.

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Because when you're in eternal bliss, you don't have to "try to be the best you can", anymore. It's limitless, and so are you.

So, I'd say that you're having the most important growing pain of your entire existance. I say congratulations!

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I think you should have let yourself go into the demons.

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I'd rather stand in the shaft of light he mentioned, but to each his own. I guess it all depends on what you're seeking.

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Did you ever fall into the cosmic consciousness? It sounds like you were damned close if not tip-toeing on the treshhold.

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I think you should have let yourself go into the demons.

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  I've thought that before too......I'd need a sitter for that though, for sure.

LightningFractal.....very optimstic thoughts brother. I've also thought for a long time that it's the demonic forces giving me their worst before they let go...trying to trap me so I can't fly free. I've believed for years that I have some sort of purpose here, and those dark forces are trying to prevent me from fulfilling it.

The only thing to do is keep on loving & not give them any power.  The correlation between this and heroin withdrawl just occurred to me; the agony you go through as the drug leaves your system....the attempt for the drug to keep you trapped in it's grip & give you hell every step of the way to freedom.  Then after a few days the light at the end of the tunnel begins to show, and it just gets easier and easier after that. Next thing you know, the sun's shining again.