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InvisibleSwami
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Registered: 01/19/00
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Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment
    #2846918 - 07/01/04 12:31 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment (no, not mine)

1. Be a FUNdamentalist. Make sure that the fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled, a laugh track has been provided, and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day which will insure regularhilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering ~ so you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is tell-a-vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And no matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you ~ He's just not ready to make a commitment.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called "truth decay". So be sure to use mental floss twice a day.

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there will surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great Earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, there is no key to the universe. The good news is, it has been left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So you don't have to go through channels.


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The proof is in the pudding.


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OfflineTwirling
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2847001 - 07/01/04 12:46 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

The pun is not mighter than the sword. D:


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The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.



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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Twirling]
    #2847032 - 07/01/04 12:54 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Please don't squeeze the Shaman.  :grin:


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The proof is in the pudding.


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OfflineTwirling
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2847174 - 07/01/04 01:43 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I'm all out of bad puns :frown: One is my limit.


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The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.



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Offlineergot
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2847763 - 07/01/04 04:54 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, there is no key to the universe. The good news is, it has been left unlocked.

Wise words, Swami.


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"Remain a learner, never become a knower." - Osho


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2847798 - 07/01/04 05:03 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

my bad.

We walk the earth as free person beholding only to the Truth awakening in us.

Love erodes away the bars of our prison.


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Edited by SHEIKofSHIITAKE (07/01/04 05:27 PM)


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2847984 - 07/01/04 05:59 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Magnificent!



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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Invisibletekramrepus
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2848112 - 07/01/04 06:34 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Very good!


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2848890 - 07/01/04 11:22 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

"So be sure to use mental floss twice a day"
What do you suggest I use for this?


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OfflinePsiledehysp
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #2850197 - 07/02/04 05:37 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

>>>"So be sure to use mental floss twice a day"
>>>What do you suggest I use for this?

If I`m not mistaken, that`ll be meditation?


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2850316 - 07/02/04 07:48 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I agree with everything
except
Fun -da -mental
can be
mental -da -fun
2
good one, swam
have a sqweeze from me


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #2850355 - 07/02/04 08:27 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

What do you suggest I use for this?

Seems many here missed this note: (no, not mine)


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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OfflineSource
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2850712 - 07/02/04 12:25 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks Swami!


--------------------
What you're searching for is what's searching.


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OfflineViaggio
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2850739 - 07/02/04 12:39 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

This'll be embarrassing if I'm wrong...but is this entire thing a joke, Swami?  It just seems so...fluffy.

  :stonedjerk:


--------------------
"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Viaggio]
    #2850843 - 07/02/04 01:05 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

swami's fluffy mask.
maybe he's looking for a wabbit


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OfflineMAIA
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2851515 - 07/02/04 03:22 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

LOL. I bet that's what you'd write if you were Moses.

MAIA


--------------------
Spiritual being, living a human experience ... The Shroomery Mandala



Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
Voltaire


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: MAIA]
    #2851882 - 07/02/04 05:12 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Third time for the reading impaired: I did not write that.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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OfflineOddish
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2852205 - 07/02/04 07:04 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Third time for the reading impaired: I did not write that.





Reading comprehension skills...malfunctio....ing.

Did you write that Swami?  :tongue2:


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Oddish]
    #2852221 - 07/02/04 07:13 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

*Swami groans and yanks out large tuft of hair*

It is no wonder that I am going bald!  :mad:


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Invisibletekramrepus
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Re: Swami Beyondananda's Guide to Enlightenment [Re: Swami]
    #2852842 - 07/03/04 01:22 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

:crazy2:


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